When humiliating and degrading terms just turn you on

The word ‘cunt’ is quite taboo within society. It is indeed one of the few words that will cause a TV company in the UK to use their ‘bleeper’ even after the watershed. Cunt was a word that really didn’t feature in my vocabulary until the last couple of years. If anyone had told me a couple of years ago that I would easily and willingly be referring to myself as Master’s cunt, or this cunt then I would have laughed in their face.

I have been through a massive learning process about myself, one I am only beginning to recognise. Firstly it was about learning to refer to myself in the third person as this girl. To begin with the fact that Master referred to me at all times in that way was difficult to get used to. Using that terminology when referring to myself was even more troublesome, it isn’t hard to think and write ‘this girl’ but saying it out loud in normal conversation is more challenging. But over the months I have gradually found that it can become the norm when the other person in your relationship always uses those terms. But using words that you once considered derogatory to describe yourself take some getting used to.

To begin with, once in a sex and orgasm induced place it felt ok to call myself a slut, or a bitch, or even a cunt. But generally it required Master to lead the conversation, to have me repeat who I was to him. Just recently that seems to have changed.

I feel that I am beginning to embrace my place in our relationship. I am his slave, his property. What is more, I am that slut – my behaviour with him is slutty and what is more I love being that slut. But I am not just his slut, actually I recognise that my body is his and I am his bitch. Just this morning during sex, my animal instinct took over and it was clear to us both that in that moment I was his bitch – not only did I perform in that way, but I told him without prompting that I was his bitch.

Over the last few weeks it seems too that I have begun to embrace the cunt in me. I am always ready for him, to be touched but also to be fucked. The holes that live within me but belong to me are his. I am his cunt, whether it be the mouth cunt, cunt cunt or arse cunt. That is who I am and I am proud of that fact.

This journey has been thrilling and exciting, but at times difficult. I doubt that I will ever stop learning how to be Master’s slave, but I am clear that the place I am now is as His cunt. What is more, terms that used to feel humiliating are now the norm. They are not just words they are the reality of this cunt, this slave. What is more, they turn her on.

This feels like a vicious cycle of some kind!

30 Days of Kink: Days 16 – 19

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

The most difficult thing must be the need to be quite so guarded about the way we choose to live our lives when it comes to BDSM and kink generally.

Often people ask how Master and I met. For example I was recently out with a friend who is considering online dating to find a new partner. She was curious about which website I had used to find Master. But since that website was Alt.com, I really didn’t feel able to be honest. So told her, as I have said before, that it was ‘just a chatroom’. I don’t feel comfortable telling people the kind of website it is, or the actual name since I am not sure it would be their of place. Plus there is always the chance that people might go to look and find me and of course Master there (unlikely I know).

Another challenge is when people start to talk about kinky sex and their personal understanding of it (usually relating to 50 shades of Grey). An off the cuff comment about spankings, about anal and I can almost feel the colour rising in my cheeks as I try to sound cool, uninterested and unknowledgeable. 

What I do like though is that I have friends I can discuss kink with openly and that we have the munch we attend where gradually we are getting to know people and can also be ourselves much more

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

That our lives are like the fictional characters that now seem to abound the internet. It is not obligatory for the Dom to be a billionaire who has problems forming relationships and who had a domineering mother. Or for the submissive to wander blindly into the relationship. Kink is also not just about sex and spanking, though both may be involved. For us, kink is about the power exchange dynamic on a day to day basis. 

Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

Not really. The key thing I have learned in all of this is that each relationship is different and that communication is the key. Our lives are not just about kink, rather we exist in the real world.

Any Unexpected Ways Kink Has Improved Your Life? If So, What Are They?

My life is better in so many ways. I have a wonderful, uninhibited sex life. A partner who pushes me to be the sexual being that it turns out I am. A relationship which involves being open and responsive, and where communication is key. Plus I have met some amazing people who I would never even have encountered. Finally and most importantly I have found out who I am and what I really need from my life and a man who is able to fulfil that.