There have been some times recently when I have gone a little off the rails. These have usually been when I have found myself alone after having been with Master for a period of time either here or at his house. Nothing serous has happened, but generally I have had a little too much wine and then got myself into an emotional place that I really don’t want to get into. The result is usually me sending him texts which in the morning I can’t remember sending. I can’t put my finger on exactly why these things have happened, but I know that he finds the texting reminiscent with his previous slave who was pretty high maintenance.
I say reminiscent, but actually I am pretty sure that a drunken lapse on 2 or 3 occasions is nothing like what he experienced previously (I have to say here that she was never drunk, but did send long messages, and then more messages if they weren’t responded to immediately). What is more I am pretty self sufficient in most of my life, and am perfectly capable of making sound decisions outside of our relationship.
This Sunday I broke the previous 2 week cycle (can 2 weeks actually be a cycle) and was neither drunk or needy. Any texts were just part of our usual conversation.
But none the less, last night he expressed his concern that he was in some way to blame for any behaviour lapses on my part.
Over the past several months Master has been suffering from a shoulder problem. Predominantly pain in his right shoulder which he has struggled to cope with. Of course being the person he is, no actual diagnosis has been obtained since he hasn’t actually sought medical help. As someone who used to work in rheumatology, I do know however that these kinds of problems often have to run their course and that any medication or physiotherapy treats the symptoms but that the actual problem sorts itself out in the fullness of time.
This shoulder problem has affected Master’s willingness and ability to take part in any impact play with me, his slave. There have been precious few times this year when the violet wand or the hitachi wand has come out and I am not sure when I was last tied up or flogged.
But we have been extremely busy this year. We have been on two wonderful holidays, we have had a number of weekends away, we have been out on numerous days and nights out. We have attended a munch regularly and are generally out more than we are home when together. I work full time and have my mum to manage / care for too. I also have an ex husband who is struggling with the final stages of our break up.
Personally I don’t believe I have been neglected in any way. I am not unhappy with our relationship in any way. I love the sex and play, but I love our time together much much more.
If I act out from time to time it is because I sometimes lack a little self restraint when I am alone. But from where I sit, I don’t think that is a massive problem.
I hope he agrees.