Have you ever?

I just love it when I find new blogs to read, especially when they are original, informative and well written. Where the people involved in the blog feel real and what’s more, it turns out I have been missing out on something. All of the above is true here, this meme is from Ami, whose blog I hadn’t visited until today, so here goes:


Have you ever, ever, ever in your long-legged life…

1  Stood on top of a very high mountain or cliff, looking down at countryside, or out to sea?


Oh yes, my favourite would be a house where I stayed in Bodega bay, Northern California. It sat way above the beach, facing the Pacific Ocean. A beautiful place where you could sit upon the deck or in the hot tub and enjoy the view. Wonderful!

2  Lay on your back on a hot summer’s night, listening to the crickets chirping, and watching the satellites as they chase each other across the heavens?


A few times when younger we went camping and that was when I can remember lying back looking at the stars and listening to the wildlife, including crickets.

3  Skinny-dipped at midnight?


During the mid 80’s ex-hubby and I took a holiday to Cyprus. For probably the only time in our marriage, we hooked up with several other couples, hanging out with them in the evenings and having amazing fun. One of the things I did (though hubby didn’t since he doesn’t swim) was to get in the pool late at night, naked. We were all in our 20’s, in new relationships having a wonderful time. We were also drunk!

4  Intentionally or inadvertently swum with sharks?


Nope. There was one holiday where it might have happened, but a freak storm arrived and we got wet on the boat without even getting into the sea!

5  Broken a bone in your body?

Luckily no

6  Driven a car at speeds in excess of 120 mph? (yes, I know it’s illegal, but the motorway was very quiet at the time)

I don’t think I have been in a car that goes that fast!

7  Played “Pooh Sticks”?

Yes, with my son and his cousins; Great fun.

8  Run in a “Pancake” race?


At my son’s primary school, yes. I wasn’t the winner!

9  Had your eyelashes dyed?


Nope!

10  Ridden a horse naked?


I have rarely ridden a horse and never naked.

11  Punted down the River Cam? (or any other river)


I have watched others punt on the river Cam, but haven’t done it myself. It may well be more fun to watch the mess other’s get into!

12  Played tennis in a short white tennis skirt whilst wearing minimal knickers?


Sadly no.

13  Helped an inebriated husband up the stairs at 2 in the morning?


Too many times yes. I also helped him up after he fell out of the car, out of a hotel bath he has fallen into while going to the toilet. He wasn’t a frequent drinker, but when he did, he never knew where to draw the line!

14  Been too scared to get out of a swimming pool whilst on holiday, due to a very large Doberman sitting on the edge watching you? (no-one was around at the time)


I don’t go to those kind of places!

15  Sat in a deckchair snoozing happily whilst the sound of leather on willow echoes distantly in your ears?


Oh yes, my dad and brothers played cricket every weekend growing up. The days when you could snooze in the heat of the sun were rare sadly. My memories are more about huddling under a blanket!

16  Taken a ride on the Maid of the Mist under the Niagara Falls?


No, but I would love to do that!

17  Climbed up something – rockface, climbing wall, rope in a sports hall, long ladder, tree – and been too scared witless to climb back down?
Yes, and sadly I was ru

Yes, and sadly I was rubbish.

18  Been too liberal with the “Eau de Cologne” which then ran down where it shouldn’t, which in turn caused you to hop madly around and rip your knickers off and throw them as far from you as you could?

Don’t think so, no

19  Made snow angels?


Yes, with my son when he was little.

20  Lost a shoe in a ploughed field on a moonlight walk home after a party?


I was chair of the PTA and remember one night where ex-hubby went off home because he hated that we had to stay behind to clear up. I walked back with some other parents across a ploughed, muddy field. I didn’t lose a shoe, but I arrived home caked in mud with my heels ruined.

21  Shrieked loudly, due to being spanked hard, and frightened away a visitor/s who turned and ran back down your drive – and now you never will know who was about to knock on your door. And you are desperately hoping they will never ask…


No, but Master is sure that I have aroused interest in the neighbours at both our houses. Not just though spanking, but as a result of sex. 

Submissive Coffee Club – Prompt set #148

Unlike much of what you find on Tumblr, the Submissive Coffee Club is a place where you can find thought provoking and interesting thoughts posted by submissives. Twice a week, a prompt is published and submissives are invited to link to them through the #sccwriting hashtag. I have used some of the prompts here and on my Tumblr blog before, and in the absence of very much going on in my life right now, here is another.
Secrets
If you were told a secret, would you keep it from your Dominant to respect the confidence?
It really would depend what the secret was and from who. Some secrets are trivial and some are serious. Some secrets can become a burden and so being able to share can be useful. You need to be able to trust the person you might tell. I don’t feel the need to tell Master everything, but he is probably the person I keep the least from. I have utmost trust in him. I know that he could be trusted to keep a secret and if he felt I would be burdened by knowing something might prefer that I told him. On the other hand, I doubt he would be upset if I kept a secret to myself if I felt that it was best to do so and it wasn’t going to cause me any kind of distress. 
Do you have secrets that you don’t share with your Dominant?
Keeping secrets from each other when you are in a serious, loving relationship is not a good thing. They can be the source of misunderstandings, of mistrust and can lead to unpleasant situations. I feel no need to keep secrets, indeed I really like to share experiences with Master. Not communicating properly caused many of the problems in my relationship with my husband and I wouldn’t choose to go there again. 
What sorts of secrets might your Dominant be okay with?
He wouldn’t worry about things that are trivial, or are to do with things or people he doesn’t know or isn’t involved with. Having said that, I can’t think of any particular thing I would need to keep from him.
“Nothing weighs on us so heavily as a secret.”  Jean de La Fontaine

post script: Thinking about things on the way to work this morning. To be frank the only things I really would keep from Master is the ‘secrets’ that need to be maintained through work. But essentially we call that confidentiality. I work in the English health service and am a nurse by profession. Sometimes, I just can’t share with anyone things that I have heard / learned. Today I received some information no in the public domain, twice. Not only is it confidential, but to be frank it is not interesting to Master. But even if it were, what is the point?

500

This is post 500 of MPB and its predecessor World of Joolz. When I started writing in April 2012, I could never have envisaged the changes that would have occured in my life, or indeed that I would still be writing nearly 3 and a half years later. But here I am, no longer a bored housewife with a full time job, son at university and husband who knew nothing of my needs as a woman. At that time, I was just discovering that I was submissive. I was more than a little bit vulnerable to some of the men I was encountering online. But I did have the sense not to entirely fall for all of their charms. My journey as a submissive has had a profound effect on my life, and having this place to journal that progress has been valuable. Reading back to the beginning today, it feels like I was a different woman back then. Someone looking for more than she had experienced before, partly that was about sex but also something deep within her to be released.

Fast forward to now and while there are loose ends to tie, I am free of many of the previous burdens I felt at the time were weighing me down. I have learned to leave behind some of the things that threatened to overcome me. The burden of a thirty year relationship, one that I was unfulfilled by. The pressures of juggling a full time job with family responsibilities. The need to be everything to everyone. The need to serve, but without knowing who or what I needed to provide that service to.

Master and I seem to be settled in our life together. The collar gives a stability that I didn’t really know I needed. Unlike a wedding ring, it doesn’t bind us to conform to the stereotypical norms of most couples. We continue to live separately, while our lives are completely intertwined. I am the slave He wants and needs and it is the power that He has over me when He sees, hears and feels my submission that makes Him the Dominant that He is. Yesterday afternoon as I knelt, naked at His feet, wearing only my collar and cuff, head in between His legs, sucking His cock, I felt as happy as it is possible to feel. There is a need in me that he is able to satisfy, that is to worship and serve Him as my Dominant. Kneeling before Him, feeling His hands on the body that He owns, pinching, squeezing but also gently caressing gives me a sexual desire that I previously only read about in books.

This blog has chronicled some incredible highs over its lifespan, but also some real lows – the difficulties of ending a long marriage, the pain of rejection and realisation that the man I thought I might love didn’t return those feelings, and the death of my father. There will of course be more difficulties to come, but I have faith that there are many many more good times to come and to be recorded here on this blog.

So, onwards to the next 500 posts – I have been a poor blogger recently, but will try to change that and post daily till the end of the month. A challenge to myself!!

Piercing realities

When we had this girl’s nipples and clitoral hood pierced the emphasis was on finding a piercer who would provide this service in the cleanest, safest and most professional way. There were some issues with the original person, not that he wasn’t clean or professional, but that he seemed unwilling to have Master present. His first role was as a tattooist and he seemed to be more at home with that role rather than the intimacy and potential embarrassment of a piercing.

One of the nipple piercings just never felt right, it was set deeper into the nipple than it should have been and caused a few problems. The little balls that screw onto the end of a bar can come loose and fall off, and one day, this happened, causing the bar to slip. within hours, one end of the piercing had healed and no end of pushing did any more than cause pain and bleeding. So at the end of last year, on a trip to Amsterdam, we had the piercing redone, in the right place, in the right way and it healed quickly. Now, this girl had the piercings we both wanted.

What has become clear though, is the difficulties involved in buying the right jewellery – size, shape and in being able to fit that jewellery. Bars are easy, so are nipple shields. It is the rings that can be tricky. Well, less the rings than the little balls that complete the circle and prevent the ring from falling out. Perhaps if you are more dexterous than this girl is and maybe if your eyes are younger then you can manage. But to be frank, this girl has struggled.
Ideally, there would be a clean and shiny friendly shop on every street corner where you could go for assistance. The reality here is that most piercings are performed in tattoo parlours, much as was our original experience. A place where the procedure took place in an upstairs room, a dark and private place hidden from the world. Finding a more open, bright place like in Amsterdam is not really available round here. So, it is difficult to find the advice you need – how wonderful it would be to be able to learn from an expert in an open and honest way. But there just isn’t that kind of place locally.
So, a compromise has been found for now. A ring that isn’t quite a ring. Something that doesn’t involve trying to push a little ball into the almost joined ends of a ring. Something like this.
This girl is very happy with this new ring. She knows that Master is keen for a chain to connect the rings, and we will get there. Meantime, loving the effect.

It’s been a week

A week since my last post and almost a week since I laid eyes on Master, even on Skype. We have chatted on the phone and there have been texts, but it isn’t the same.

I have been away in France; I took my mum who needed a break from the monotony of home and some company. As Master reminded me when she was stressing me out, I was doing something that was a good thing. She and I have never had an easy relationship, partly because of the way she wants to control everything that those around her do. I always struggled that, because, I thought I wanted to be the one in control. I am no longer sure that is really the case, I just resented the way she wanted to control me.

In general it has been a calm and relaxing time. We have managed to catch some rays of sun, which were lacking here in the UK before we left. But, her lack of mobility since her hip fracture is a real worry, and what is worse, is that she really seems to have no desire to regain it. She seems happy to have people  me and my brothers running around after her.

The trouble is we are not always around and then she seems to get bitter about the lack of help. The other problem is that there are very few other people who are involved regularly in her life, us, the grandchildren and one neighbour. She has alienated people over recent years, and somehow seems to expect more from them than she has given back. If I didn’t have the life I have with Master I fear I would give in and spend half of my life running around after her, getting ever more bitter about how my life was. Then, who knows I would wake up one day and find I had become her!

The absence from Master has been challenging. I have had enough to fill my time, and it isn’t that I have been pining or anything, it is just that I have missed him and the contact we usually have. He was a great help when I was really stressed on Thursday. I was tired, mum was tired and the weekend seemed to stretch ahead of me. Just a few texts was enough to get me back into the right frame of mind. But texts and a phone call while walking through a french village is not the same. I need to see his face now, I need to listen to his voice now. I need to touch him.

It is at times like this that I begin to doubt myself and him. Has he missed me, does he need to see, hear and touch me? Is he busy in his own world and so has little for me right now? Stupid and irrational thoughts, but sometimes it is just too easy to let your mind work over time. It isn’t the physical side of life I need him for. I am well able to care for myself (and my mum if necessary),  but I do need the emotional support.

Last night, after returning home, I had hoped we would chat. I tried calling on Skype, though I had an idea he was offline (he always shows as away). I didn’t feel the urge to beg for a chat, so just went to bed. This morning though I know I could have done with that contact. Hopefully later this evening.