It has been more than a week since this girl last wrote on her blog. It is funny how the urge to write comes in fits and starts; it kind of ebbs and flows. Or more likely stops and starts.
To be honest, there is an element of writers block going on here right now, so this slave is going to try to just go with the flow and to see what emerges.
The feel of the collar is ever present around this slave’s neck. Not just the feeling of the cool titanium, of the heaviness of it as she wakes in the morning, or sits at her desk in the day, but also the reality when she catches sight of herself in the mirror. The commitment though is more than a piece of jewellery (or two, since there is also the cuff). It is also about agreeing to be the slave that He expects, wants and needs. What is more, it is an admission on this slaves side that she is the person He needs. She really has given Him control of herself – her body, her mind, her limits. All of this takes time to come to terms with, it takes time to adjust to how she needs to be.
Slavehood is definitely something that has been a gradual process and it still evolves. This girl speaks to Him of her need to feel His control, just as she knows He needs to be in control. But at the same time, she realises she must comply with the agreements that were made a year ago, before more rules are set in place. In the main, these are foremost in her mind as she goes through each day, but of course, this slave is a human being and so forgets her place and role at times. That is where the metal helps – the collar, the cuff and also the plug. Last weekend Master and slave agreed that a next step would be some daytime plug wear perhaps on the journey to or from work. This girl is ready for that.
Next will be Master’s preferences over this girl’s hair style. He prefers His slave to have her head shaved, but this slave is not ready yet for that step. Master is not pushing hard, but gently towards His goal. Last time she had her hair short, with the sides up to the ears and next time will be the next stage. This girl is not sure what she fears about going to where Master wants her to be. However she does know that eventually she will comply, she will embrace His wishes without Him forcing the issue.
This slave has no idea why she needs to be the slave she is for her Master, or why she needs to move further towards the girl she knows He wants her to be. She just knows that she does.