This post is going to ramble, but sometimes a person probably needs to do that. It is also going to feature ‘i’ since it is easier to form thoughts that way, even though i really am trying to do the whole third person thing much much more.
Since the collaring i am feeling more slave like, more like i need to please and serve Him. When you wear a ring of metal around your neck (as well as one around your wrist) there is no likelihood you are going to forget what you have agreed to be and to do. I didn’t take agreeing to be Master’s slave lightly, it feels right but it is a responsibility. Usually in the right way, but I know also that I am making mistakes and feel I need more help and guidance. I have re-read our contract and in most areas I am pretty much compliant.
Am I the slave He wants? Am I pleasing enough? Am I mindful about my actions at work? Would He be proud of the way I conduct myself at meetings? All of these things matter much more than they did. Plus what about the areas I have been seriously remiss? It is easy to wear a butt plug more frequently, but to remember to ask if I am to remove my clothes whenever I arrive at His house? To always speak in the third person; those things take some concentration on my part. Plus how much does He require me to comply?
It is proving easier to get into my slave space when we are together, but to be honest I need to know how to behave when we are apart much more than I did. I need more help and guidance than I did. Perhaps this feeling is temporary but it is definitely real.
Being Master’s slave is a responsibility and I don’t want to let Him down.