It’s a bank holiday here in the UK. Wonderful, time to relax and enjoy the end of summer, lovely sunny days soon to end. For us, here in the UK it seems that summer is already ended and this morning when Master and girl woke it was dull, cool and rainy out. But every rain cloud has a silver lining, as a holiday means no work for this girl and so the chance to drift back to sleep. At some point, reasonably early in the morning, Master began to stroke his girl between her legs. “You like this don’t you slut?” He asked. Of course she likes it, who wouldn’t. The girl lay back and enjoyed the feelings wash over her, allowed herself to relax into His touch and arousal to sweep around her body. She knew her clitoris was enlarging as it became engorged and that she was becoming wet to His touch. The idea of cumming didn’t occur to her and He didn’t suggest she could or should. Instead they both drifted back to sleep. The girl was pretty sure that without Master’s touch that might not have happened.
His control over this girl is often subtle rather than overt. This girl reads the blogs and fetlife posts of other submissives and slaves and can see that often their lives involve more in the way of overt discipline and rules. The power and control Master exerts over this girl feels a little different.
Make no mistake though, He really does have total control. What is more, looking back this girl can see that just how much she has changed since she came into Master’s control. She can see how she has become the calmer person He wanted her to be, that she is no longer someone who seeks control in any part of her life in the way that she did. Work becomes a new experience when you are committed while you are there but generally you leave the office and have no desire to worry about things till the next day. Letting go to perceived responsibilities around family can be more difficult, but generally this girl can say that she is better at that part of her life these days.
This girl has however been wondering about some of the decisions she makes away from her relationship with Master and whether she is still a little too inclined to make decisions without discussion. Also whether she should be asking for permission to make some of those decisions. It is easier to know what is right and wrong when we are together, generally there are no decisions to be made then. But where Master is not involved, then what? No doubt, when Master reads this, we will have that conversation.
When we are together though, there is no doubt. He totally gets off on the power He has over this girl. But His style is pretty low key. This girl does as she knows He wants mostly without being told. Expressing her own opinion is often described as brattiness, which of course it is. Mostly though the brattiness is not serious, since there is an understanding of what the rules of engagement are. He starts conversations with words like “do you want to”, but of course they are not intended to be a question, they are a statement. The fact that this girl understands this and feels no need to challenge any part of it is an important difference from what went before.
Sometimes though instructions do not come as a question. This morning He told this girl to put in her butt plug before we had sex. Made it clear that she was to face the mirrored wardrobes when she was on top. Told her how her submission gives Him the power and control He needs.
Next week this girl if off to France with her mum who needs to have some time away from home as we approach the first anniversary of dad’s death. Time without the overt control that Master gives when we are together and a time when His control from afar will be needed. But control all the same and this girl will know it is there.
Unlike day 11, 12-15 lend themselves to a multiple post, so here goes.
Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Maybe this girl has always known she was different to other people when it comes to sex, and things that turn her on. It was always easier to ignore those feelings than face them though. In the end though, facing the reality of who you are is easier than turning your back on it.
This girl is turned on by the idea of submitting to another. What is more that submission provides a release from thoughts that would otherwise invade her mind.
This girl finds being restrained (in more ways than being bound by the wrists for example) something that is erotic but also calming.
Pain and pleasure are very closely linked
A person doesn’t need to be constrained by the ideas (she) has about what is ‘normal’. Indeed, by giving those decisions to another a person can find that those original thoughts have moved somewhat.
Just when you think you might have travelled as far as you can, BDSM sends you further on that journey of self discovery.
Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?
Day 15: Post A BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
We haven’t played at a club but that will change soon.
As a (hopefully) sane adult this girl is able to decide for herself the kind of life she wishes to live. What is more, she has spent a lot of time considering what this lifestyle means both in an individual sense and also in the wider context. What is more, this girl is educated – a Degree in nursing and a Masters in Strategic Leadership (yep, the latter is quite pretentious sounding, but was a very interesting course). The important thing about those two qualifications is that this involves a serious amount of reading around the topic(s) is required, and while doing that reading a person is also required to think about the way in which society functions and the extent to which people tend to conform to social norms.
Essentially, the norm seems to be sex between a man and a woman which takes place within the confines of the bedroom and can be enjoyed by both parties so long as it is not really discussed (apart maybe from letting the odd survey know that it is carried out at least a couple of times a week). Any kind of kink seems to be considered weird. In these days of sexual exploitation, a controlling media and the idea that there is a Paedophile around every corner, anything outside of that norm is considered weird. Of course the whole FSOG thing has opened up the idea of a bit of bondage and spanking here and there, but it is difficult to gauge just how much the average person believes it really happens outside of a book or film.
In reality kink is about what two consenting adults decide is right for them (within the realms of what is legal). The biggest thing for this girl is the knowledge that while sexual arousal may take place as part of the kink activity, it doesn’t necessarily need to be about sexual intercourse. In fact, there are times when it can’t be (at events for example). In our relationship, when we are alone together, in a private place then sex is likely to follow play, but it doesn’t have to and for many people it isn’t part of the dynamic.
So this girl and Master are outside of what is considered ‘normal’, but we have agreed to the things we do. We are adult, apparently sane and we keep most of what we do reasonably private. We don’t tend to cause difficulties to those around us who are going about their normal lives, not that many people seem to have a clue what goes on under their very noses. But then that is part of the fun of all of this!
This girl felt a
little lot hungover when she woke pretty early, the morning after the quiet night in before. She got up to pee and also took something for the headache and lay down wondering if she might be sick. Luckily as she lay remembering the harness and events, the feelings began to subside and she began to doze happily. Sleep was what she needed and then once she awoke again she would feel fine. She had not bargained on Master waking at that moment and informing her that he felt fine and in fact, was feeling horny.
Master loves to frame this girl’s tits in a harness and have her sit naked except for the leather, and of course the collar. He loves to have access to his girl’s body and to touch and to play with her while He watches a film.
For her part, this girl finds wearing this kind of harness arousing. The feel of the collar, which restricts her neck movements, and holds her head up in the correct posture. The framing of her tits as they sit proudly on display for His enjoyment.
Master believes that his slave should always be ready for use and spending time wearing the harness makes her ready and what is more, He wasted no time in making use of her. He took numerous orgasms from her slutty body, sending her deep into the slave space they both love her to inhabit. A place where His power and dominance shine through for them both to see and to feel.
For us, M/s is all about those things. It is about His control and her deep submission to that control. The harness helps this girl to find her inner slut, the exhibitionist and what is more it makes Him horny.
You may notice from this photo that Master managed to get the harness inside out this time, it can be a bit complicated after a glass of wine or three.
It has been more than a week since this girl last wrote on her blog. It is funny how the urge to write comes in fits and starts; it kind of ebbs and flows. Or more likely stops and starts.
This post is going to ramble, but sometimes a person probably needs to do that. It is also going to feature ‘i’ since it is easier to form thoughts that way, even though i really am trying to do the whole third person thing much much more.
Since the collaring i am feeling more slave like, more like i need to please and serve Him. When you wear a ring of metal around your neck (as well as one around your wrist) there is no likelihood you are going to forget what you have agreed to be and to do. I didn’t take agreeing to be Master’s slave lightly, it feels right but it is a responsibility. Usually in the right way, but I know also that I am making mistakes and feel I need more help and guidance. I have re-read our contract and in most areas I am pretty much compliant.
Am I the slave He wants? Am I pleasing enough? Am I mindful about my actions at work? Would He be proud of the way I conduct myself at meetings? All of these things matter much more than they did. Plus what about the areas I have been seriously remiss? It is easy to wear a butt plug more frequently, but to remember to ask if I am to remove my clothes whenever I arrive at His house? To always speak in the third person; those things take some concentration on my part. Plus how much does He require me to comply?
It is proving easier to get into my slave space when we are together, but to be honest I need to know how to behave when we are apart much more than I did. I need more help and guidance than I did. Perhaps this feeling is temporary but it is definitely real.
Being Master’s slave is a responsibility and I don’t want to let Him down.
Apparently about 50% of adults in the UK are unsatisfied with their sex lives, apparently also many people don’t have regular sex. The survey by Relate, puts this down people feeling that they need to perform well, that they need to have penetrative sex and that they need it to be spontaneous. Reading the comments after the article, this girl would say that those who are unhappy about their sex may well have more fundamental problems with their relationships. This girl has experience of being in the wrong relationship, one where she didn’t really find her husband attractive any more and one where sex of any kind was rare. Sex is not the only important thing in a relationship and it is fully possible to enjoy life without it. But when sex is good, then it really is integral to your wellbeing as a couple.
This girl probably has more sex now, at the age of 53 than ever before (yes this girl had a birthday this week). What is more, she is enjoying that sex in a way that she could previously only fantasise about. This girl has been considering some of the reasons for this.
First there is the power dynamic and the knowledge that Master is in control, that He calls the shots. That is not to say that this girl can’t and doesn’t initiate things. But it is satisfying to know that no one is going to suggest that you need to take more control of things and that if no sex occurs tonight it must be all your fault.
Second, that He not only owns this girl’s body, her holes and her orgasms but that he takes such pleasure in doing so. He loves to touch, stroke, to kiss. He makes her feel wanted and loved, makes her feel good about her own body since He seems to love it so much. He spends a lot of time touching that property, and making His slave aroused, taking pleasure and ultimately taking those orgasms. Sometimes that leads to penetrative sex, but often it doesn’t. Not because we don’t want to but more like because we don’t need to.
Thirdly there are other ways that we achieve sexual satisfaction. Through play, through the power exchange itself, through just talking about the things we have done and things we will do in the future, including fantasies we both have and know we will fulfil when the time is right. For Master sexual satisfaction comes through the knowledge that He calls the shots, and that in itself leads to the kind of sex we have had this morning. For this girl, satisfaction comes through the orgasms she has given, through the pain she currently feels in her used arse and through the saltiness she can still taste in her mouth from His gift to her.
Yes, it is safe to say that this girl is one very satisfied person.