We returned yesterday lunchtime from a wonderful 12 day holiday together in Spain and France. After arriving back at Master’s house from the ferry port and unloading the car, I reloaded my things into my own car and drove home. In a way it felt good to be back – there is always something special about getting back to your own home and your own belongings after time away. But in another way I felt stupidly sad and empty.
Fighting those silly feelings I got on with my chores – shopping, washing my clothes, opening mail and catching up with family members (not in that exact order). But still as I sat watching some tennis on TV in the late afternoon I found myself feeling lethargic. On the one hand loving the me time I was experiencing and on the other missing Him.
I wanted to blog about the wonderful time we had together and about the fact that our relationship, in terms of slave and Master has developed even further, if that is possible. But I was just too lazy. Or, maybe it wasn’t laziness, but rather weariness after what has been a busy couple of weeks. I went to bed quite early and slept amazingly well.
Not surprisingly, I have woken early this morning and as the day spreads ahead of me, I realise that I am fighting the feelings that on the one hand I value my independence, after all this has been a hard fought journey. But on the other I love to be with Him and to feel the constant feeling of His dominance over me. That isn’t to say that I can’t feel that dominance right now, even though He isn’t here. But it is about adjustment to the realities of life. About the knowledge that I have to think about others and not just Him or indeed us.
Today and over the weekend I have family things to do and on Monday there is that important thing called work to address. The realities of life call – the need to support my mum, check in with my son and to support myself. There are bills to pay and mundane things to sort out. There is also the matter of losing the 2 or 3 pounds in weight I have managed to put on (I know that is pretty good considering I have eaten and drunk so much).
But having been with Master constantly, arriving home without Him feels strange. I am definitely feeling the effects of withdrawal. I will of course get over it, particularly as we are going out tonight!