It wasn’t always so

For my second masturbation Monday post I am going to reveal something of my life before kink. Not only have I lived in a semi sexless marriage for many years, but I was also late to the pleasures of masturbation.

I am not sure when I began to realise that my life was lacking, that the sex life I ‘enjoyed’ was not as it should be. I am also not sure when it was that I realised that I could give myself some of the pleasure that I didn’t receive within that relationship.

As a teenager I remember being told that touching yourself was not a good thing. Given that the relationship with my mum was pretty volatile, I wonder why I actually listened to this advice. After all, I ignored much of what she told me. My first serious relationship was with hubby, I was only 15 when we started seeing each other. We did masturbate each other long before penetrative sex took place, but in hindsight this involved me touching him and me humping his leg rather than he touching me in any significant way.

Fast forward into my 20’s and as a young married woman I began to read a little about sex, I bought the Joy of Sex and it led me to start to explore my own body as well as hubby’s. Its a shame that I didn’t explore other reading material at that time. Our lives began to diverge when, around the time of the birth of my son in 1991 he had an affair with another woman. Overnight, whatever else happened, my instinct was to turn away from him in bed. Instead, I began to explore my own body. With my fingers yes and through the writing of erotic stories, in long hand. I started to pay with my body late at night and even remember waking to find I was having an orgasm. Since there was no internet and I didn’t even know that published erotica existed outside of playboy etc and of course only men bought them, the only thing to do was to create your own reality.

Around this time I discovered Ann Summers, a UK lingerie shop which also sells sex toys. I bought a couple of vibrators – one a butterfly vibrator and another some kind of dildo. Using these toys I began to realise exactly what was missing from my life. For the first time I began to regularly bring myself to orgasm. The purchase of our first home computer was the thing though that helped me develop my knowledge, about my own body and about what I might have missed out on. I found the site clitical.com and from there started on a major voyage of discovery. Reading the experience of others and realising that masturbation wasn’t just something you did to yourself made me curious about what I really had missed out on. Often when I was alone in the house, I would strip naked and explore my body with my fingers, I used ice on myself and I used toys to bring myself off. I found my own G spot and found stimulating my own nipples aroused me.

I longed for someone to touch me in the places I touched myself, but was turned off when it was hubby who offered to do so. Something inside me prevented me from opening up to him, prevented me from wanting him in the way that I want my Master now. It was then that I realised that the marriage was something of a sham.

Over the past 2 or 3 years I have learned so much more about myself and my body than I probably had in the previous 20 or more. Encouraged first by S and now by Master I am not frightened to touch and be touched, indeed I love it. Master loves to watch me as I stroke the body that He now owns. To see the effect of the piercings on my level of arousal. And, when I am alone, and I touch that same body it is Him I think about and for him that I masturbate at all. If an orgasm happens as a result of all of that touching then it belongs to Him. I might have arrived late to this table, but given my life right now, I have no regrets.