There isn’t so much going on around here right now. By here, I mean the blog rather than real life, thats a place where things are pretty busy. Who knew I would go from someone who rarely went anywhere or did anything (except go to work or see family) to someone who was rarely found chilling out on her own couch. Having said that, I am here tonight and I have to say I am enjoying the novelty.
Three years ago today I wrote my first post on this blog (well the world of joolz, but this is a continuation of that place).
I was a married woman, taking her first faltering steps towards that forbidden place – the adulterous relationship. In this case a kinky one.
Back then everything I brought to the blog was new – the experiences with the man who I called Sir and sometimes Master and my feelings about this new lifestyle I was embarking upon. Over the past 3 years there have been some amazing high points – mainly the ways in which I have discovered myself and who I am. Then I was a sexual novice, an almost 50 year old with very little experience. The sexual me has emerged and I am able to enjoy sex like never before. This voyage of discovery has led me to places that I never knew existed, let alone thought I might want and enjoy.
But in BDSM terms it has been the past year where most has happened. Master saw in me a potential pain slut, a slave who needed to submit to the right man. He has trained me to meet His needs in the way He wants. He has shown me who I really am and what I really need.
In general terms He has helped me to extract myself from my marriage, to cope with the stresses which have accompanied the death of my dad and its aftermath. I in turn have helped Him manage the break-up of His own long term, long distance relationship. I have found a man who I truly love and who I believe loves me too. Right now, I think that is all we both need.
This blog continues into its 4th year.
Since getting back from holiday, life has been busy and stressful. Most of this stress has come from one particular place, or should I say person. I have never enjoyed the kind of relationship with my mum that either of us might have wanted. She always says it is because we are too similar, I sincerely hope that is not true since she is currently behaving very badly.
I know that the set back of the fractured hip was a big blow to her and has dented her confidence along with her hard fought for mobility. But it would be so nice if she could be at least pleasant about it. Instead me and my brothers are being made to feel less than useful. Despite spending so much of our time off from work running around doing things for her.
Things came to a head at the beginning of this week when the cleaner gave her the sack. No, she didn’t sack the cleaner, it happened the other way round. By text, to me. Apparently she is rude, inconsiderate and two faced. These accusations are pretty much true. But I never thought that she was like that with someone who comes in for an hour or two once a week. It would be true to say that the fact she is the friend of my brother’s girl friend might have contributed, but I really didn’t need this kind of stress this week.
Friday is now my regular day off and they stretch ahead of me as a day when I have to help mum. I should be keen to help of course, I want to be and to a certain extent I am. But at the same time, I dread it. The harsh words, the way she is only interested in herself, and the way everything I and everyone else does is just not good enough. This week was no exception, and culminated in a number of short sharp phone messages because I had bought her the kind of fish that I should know that she hates!
A few times this last week I have been a bit on the bratty side with Master. That and I have challenged things He has said and done. This is something that He doesn’t like; particularly if like me the other person is hell bent on arguing the point for far too long.
So after a great day out on Saturday – a girlie lunch, a film and dinner with Master – I ended up passing much of the journey home fuming. I was both upset and angry and still believed I was right.
In bed, He held me and told me He was sorry and that He had noticed that I have been much more stressed lately. I said sorry too and all was well, we slept.
Sunday morning arrived and as we lay in bed together there was no sign of what was to come. He suddenly jumped out of bed and told His slave to get on all fours, then He piled up some pillows for her to lie on and secured her wrists in cuffs by her ankles. A mixture of pain and pleasure then ensued. The pleasure of the hitachi and the pain of various floggers, paddles and a cane. Every time the pain seemed to be getting a little much back came the hitachi and with it an orgasm was permitted.
He instructed this girl to get on top and to ride His cock. This is a favourite position for both of us. He likes to have access to His slave’s body and to control her movements from below. Next He took her arse. Boy did He take this girl in a way He really hasn’t for a long time.
For both of us this was as much about redefining the whole Master / slave relationship as anything. It was about His power and her submission. For the first time in months this girl found herself floating into His body. She felt her mind clearing and all thoughts of anyone and anything else leave her. She was His slave and He her Master. Lastly she was allowed to finish Him off with her mouth, a perfect ending for us both.
It is so easy in any relationship for life to just take over and for couples to forget the important things. Thankfully Master recognised the signs and now His slave is centred again and remembers just who she is, what she is and indeed her place.
Of course, none of this makes me wrong, or Him right but sometimes a slave just needs to know when to shut her mouth and I definitely need practice at that!
Master would love His slave to shave all of her hair off. This, is one of His kinks and He feels that it would help this girl to embrace her slave side much more and what is more it turns Him on. Having said that, He is not insisting on this girl complying with this. First of all it would be a massive step, second it would cause some major comment if consternation amongst family, friends and work colleagues. It would also be damn cold in winter (though of course you can buy hats and scarves).
On returning from holiday, where access to the internet was often limited and intermittent, I have spent time catching up. It has been great getting up to date with everyone’s blogs, commenting and writing a little. I have also been catching up with posts on Fetlife.
I have a love hate relationship with that place. It should be a great place to meet people and to see what they are up to and discuss mutually interesting topics. But as with other social media it can be a tricky place. People aren’t always treated with respect in the way that they seem to be in our little blog world.
Anyway, the other day I did a bit of clicking from friends to photos and comments they had commented on. Through the whole 6 degrees of separation thing found myself on the profile of someone living not so far from me. This person, friend of a friend of a friend (or whatever) says she is a submissive. Not a slave but a submissive. In her profile she goes into great detail about her wants and desires and about her limits. A very very long list of limits, hard and harder.
The person in question is a submissive while I am Master’s slave. She does talk about wanting to feel controlled, but in a positive way. She talks of pain, but not as punishment and nothing too painful.
This has led me to think about my approach to this whole lifestyle and the fact that I have essentially given up control of what limits I had to another. What is more, it didn’t take me long to do so. There is more to it though, I am not sure that I ever sat down and worked out what those limits were. Part of that is not because I would do everything I was ever told to do by just anyone. But because at my advanced age I have decided it is time to explore my sexuality in a way I never even expected.
It would have been so easy to read other peoples blogs, books and fettle profiles. It would be easy to watch some pornography and look at photos and decide yuk that is not for me. Well, there are things I see and read I am not so sure about but I don’t discount anything without giving it a great deal of thought. But if I had created a long list of definitely won’t do I wouldn’t have experienced the things I have, or the things I might in the future. Instead I have decided to trust the man who is my Master.
It is after all the relationship that is the important thing here, since this isn’t about play. This is about real life and the experiences that make us what we are.
Perhaps the lady whose profile I encountered is really looking for a play partner, I don’t know. But what I do know is that if you don’t open your mind a little you will never fully know what your kinks really are or the extent of your limits. Plus you won’t understand the core of a D/s relationship – the power exchange, the trust that is necessary. For me at least that is what this is about.
On these occasions Master loves to get His girl to expose herself to Him and to take her photo. As He has here. The photo on the left was, as you can see, taken by the side of the road. We were high up in the hills having stopped to take a look at the views. These were great despite being shrouded in some mist. Shortly after the photo was taken, a group of boys enjoying a Sunday morning walk turned the corner.
It is the riskiness of these situations that gives me the most excitement, exhibitionist that I am. The photo on the right was taken an hour or so before, while we looked around the excavated ruins of a Moorish city. The place was full of tourists, even though you can’t tell from the picture and therefore the risk of being seen while a slave exposes herself to her Master is high. It is climbing steps though, when the breeze catches that I find most pleasurable. Especially when a hand is placed on your bottom in pretty much full view. Yep, it is true, this slave is a slut!
As promised, over the next couple of days I will give some insights into our holiday in Spain.
Our first hotel, had a balcony, which as you can see overlooked the bay but was not particularly overlooked by people in the nearby rooms.
I say not particularly, because, actually it was possible to see and to be seen, but you would need to have been looking across rather than out to sea. I know, because shortly before the day time shot was taken, I did look across and there were some people looking out to sea.
My only regret? That I didn’t actually stick to my diet after Christmas. Still there is nothing like some photos of your rolls of fat plus the post holiday scales to kick start you into action.
The holiday was marvellous; Two whole weeks of time together in the beautiful Spanish region of Andalusia. We explored the countryside, climbed hills and walked miles (often we walked miles, uphill on cobbles, or so it felt). We explored some wonderful landscape and beautiful towns (often up or down steep hills, often on cobbles). The food was wonderful as was the beer and wine. Experiencing the Easter festival of Samana Santa as the Spanish do was really special. There was some kink, and photos were taken. Some of these will be shared in the coming days.
But before that, and in a useful stalling way, I accept the Real Neat Blog award from Fiona
Like Fiona, I am not one for rules, so here is the logo
And here are Fiona’s questions:
1) What scares you most about TTWD, and conversely what are you most gratified about your journey through TTWD?
I don’t feel scared about TTWD, as I completely trust my Master to keep me safe and to lead me through my journey in the best way for us both. I feel gratified by just that. I have met a man who wants much out of life that I do, we are exploring our kinks together and having so much fun along the way.
2) What is your favorite tradition surrounding your birthday (or if you don’t have one – around a holiday that you like)?
All traditions around all occasions have changed over the past few years. My son has grown up, there have been breakups, death and just a change in the way we want to do things. I love to see my son on my birthday, or to enjoy it in some way with him. But last year’s birthday when Master took me out for lunch and then we spent a kinky afternoon together was probably the best for a long time.
3) If you’re home alone, is there music playing, a television on, or quite in your home?
At the moment I have the TV on, but it is really just background. I am avoiding the forthcoming general election here and the programme is about the stories surrounding family heirlooms. Later, I will probably have some music on, while I eat dinner.
4) What’s your favorite book, movie and song?
Book – these change depending on what I am doing. right now, I am reading a book about Queen Isobella of Spain. Generally my favourites would be either something historical, factual or perhaps a crime story.
Movie – I am not a real film buff, but have enjoyed some of the older films I have seen with Master over the last year. Recently we saw some Marx Brother films which were such fun. I had forgotten how great they were.
Music – I like Robbie Williams, Coldplay, Keane – anything by any of them is good.
5) If you were 18, found your blog and read it, what would your reaction be?
I would be amazed, perhaps intrigued, but probably wouldn’t recognise my future self.
6) What qualities, do you think, is your significant other is most attracted to in you?
I think he enjoys me physically, and he likes that my kinks match so well to his. But I also think he likes that I am open to new ideas, am keen to learn and to become the person he wants and needs.
7) What is your favorite toy to make you cum? What’s a fantasy of yours using that toy?
I love Master’s gadgets but actually the most amazing thing is when he rubs his cock against my clit piercing and uses that to make me cum.