Week by week

Gradually things with hubby are getting resolved. He hasn’t spent a night here since early December, doesn’t disturb me if he comes in the house early in the morning and I am now doing little in the way of washing etc. for him.

But he does still come in every morning to collect sandwiches and his coffee mug, and in the evening to shower and change after work. I do still wash his work clothes, and I continue to help him financially.

Sometimes I feel like I am allowing this whole thing to take longer than it should. I should just tell him that since this marriage is over he should move out of the house properly and then we should just sell the house and move on.

Of course, we have discussed our options regarding our separation, but I know he is stalling. I am a person who avoids confrontation if I can, and have to build up to another attempt at doing so.

I know that week by week I am making progress towards my goal and that I will get to where I need to be.

Luckily I have Master’s support and for that I am more grateful than I can say.

Happiness

Little made a comment on my last post, that I seem to be really happy. People at work have commented too on how much I smile these days. Master too observes my happiness, the way I smile and ‘look pleased’ with  myself when I have made Him feel good. Sometimes too we just look at each other and smile. Now that is happiness.

I never expected this. I didn’t think I could feel the happiness I now do. For some reason I always half expect life to be a challenge. Perhaps because whenever things are going well, there has always been something to bring you down to earth. Now though I am learning to live for now. To enjoy what I have and to believe that this is the way to live life.

The death of a parent is a profound experience in life I have discovered. It brings you face to face with your own mortality and reminds us that we are all here for quite a brief time. So, when you have the chance at 50 to pretty much start again, to live life in a different way. Perhaps you should grab those chances and not worry too much about the consequences.

Right now I have a job I enjoy. One which keeps me busy and is a challenge. But my attitude to work is not as it was. Yes, I am committed to it and to my employer when I am there, but it is not my whole life. My life outside of work is just as important, if not more so. Which perhaps is why I am happy when at work and equally so when at home or out with friends or family.

Master and I have settled into our lives together. We don’t live together and don’t plan to. We can be apart doing our own things but are there for each other if that is what is needed. But being together is really good and is something I look forward to. Whether we are playing, having reasonably straight sex, out for dinner, sitting watching a film, or as now sitting on the same sofa but engrossed in different Internet activities. Our forward planning is not years, but it is now weeks and months. This has to be healthy since neither of us know how we will feel about each other in a year or more. This life, right now is what we have and I think I can say that we are both pretty happy with that.

Finding ‘it’ again

Over the past few weeks we have either been to busy or else too lethargic to explore our M/s sides. I haven’t necessarily been unhappy with the way things have been, since there is always an undercurrent of BDSM in our relationship. But given the choice I have to admit I do like it to feel a little more obvious. What is more, over recent months Master has bought his girl a few pieces of leather wear that I haven’t had much opportunity to wear. The most recent is a harness that frames my breasts and also has a leather collar. It arrived around Christmas time, but so far I hadn’t worn it, until last night.

It was obvious He was feeling horny as soon as I arrived at His house. There was something in the way He kissed and held me. Not to mention the way He caressed me and spoke to me. He loves me to tell Him who owns me and to say out loud that I am a slut, His slut. So there were clues in our conversation from the start. For once we weren’t going out anywhere, He had prepared dinner for us.
Once we had eaten, He removed my blouse and bra and put on the harness. The soft leather framed my tits and pulled them into a more pert position, it isn’t that I am especially saggy in that department, but a little help is welcome. The collar on this harness is an added bonus, something that doesn’t allow you to forget it is being worn, especially when he attaches a leash to it! I slipped my blouse back on and we sat watching tv and drinking wine. There is something different about sitting together while one of you wears a collar and harness and the other holds the leash. Something which leaves you in no doubt about the power dynamic.
Gradually the tensions of the week slipped away, as those submissive feelings which in truth are never far away take over once again. Master and slave, doing regular things, but with a difference.
Bedtime and He demanded use of the body He owns. Taking possession, plunging inside, declaring me to be His bitch, His slut. Telling me that I was to give my self to Him, that I was to orgasm for Him. Touching me, giving pain to me – squeezing, pulling, biting the pierced nipples He owns. 
Then as the orgasms subsided, we settled down to sleep. Both happy in the knowledge that what we have is there. That whatever else we do in our lives, He is still Master and I am still girl. His slave.

The O thing

So here is the thing. Orgasms for me are very important.

Of course they are for every girl aren’t they? All of us submissive girls crave an orgasm and when we are denied, well we can’t cope. Or so it is said.
I am really lucky. My Master believes that an orgasm is important to a girl, and releasing it and giving it to her Master is vital. When that girl has spent years hardly knowing what an orgasm outside of masturbation is, then she deserves to release those orgasms to her Master. This is my situation.
Within my marital relationship, orgasms for me were the exception, rather than the rule. This is not due to any kind of orgasm denial, but rather hubby not understanding how a woman’s body ticks.
Over the past 5  years or so, I have learned more about my body and what it is capable of than during the previous 30. While this is a fact, it is also something that Master struggles to deal with.
Girl on the net asks in her most recent post, what is your number? How many men have you slept with? Because I met my husband at a young age and slept only with him before my marriage, my actual number is 3.
But there were a couple of other men on top of this who helped  me understand what an orgasm was about, even if i didn’t actually have sex with them. So I can’t count them as a number.
Do I feel sad that I have had 3 sexual partners and at most 6 people who have enabled me to orgasm?
Hell NO!!
It is not about quantity, but about quality. What I can say is that any lack of previous knowledge and experience has recently been replaced with an understanding of what can be achieved. If I died tomorrow, I could do so knowing that I had been fulfilled.
Good sex is important. There were a couple of men, with whom penetration was not part of the sexual act but we still had sex. Those men helped me understand my needs in receiving an orgasm. They also helped me understand how to give pleasure to a man. One of them helped me realise that I was not frigid as my husband implied, but a very sexual person capable of multiple orgasms. Those men helped to pave the way for me to explore the person I am today.
I am a submissive, that I know.
I am slave to my Master.
Most important of all, the orgasms I enjoy today belong to Him and that fulfils me much more than the knowledge that I can orgasm at all. It has been quite sometime since I did so when He wasn’t in the room. But maybe the knowledge that I can do so is enough?

TMI Tuesday – Old Man Winter

1. Where you live what is the current season?
Old man winter is apparently making an appearance tonight
2. Do you measure/report the weather temperature in Celsius or Fahrenheit?
We have celsius here, I like to use it in winter as 0 or minus 5 or whatever sounds good. In summer, I like the sound of 70 or 75 rather than 18 or 23 or whatever it is!
3. Describe your ideal day of weather?
In summer it would be around the 73 mark. In winter, cool but dry.
4. When it is cold outside I want to:
a. Run outside naked because it is exhilarating.
b. Bundle up in warm clothes and take a winter walk – so long as it isn’t too cold and there is neither rain nor snow!
c. Turn the heat up, stay indoors, hibernate until warm weather returns.
d. I do not pay attention to the weather.
5. Do you go “commando” in cold weather or in winter?
I do, but have to admit that is often underneath trousers or some warm tights, but that’s still commando right???????
6. For 10,000 USD Would you rather ride a bike for one mile (1.6 km) in 7 degrees  F/ 14 degrees C weather  or jump naked into a freezing cold Alaskan lake in winter?
The bike, no way am i killing myself in Alaska, cos, that’s what jumping into a lake in winter means. Mind you, wouldn’t you end up skidding on the ice?
7. What is your favorite piece of winter clothing?
My gloves – got to keep your hands warm!
8. Have you ever worn Long Johns aka long underwear or thermal underwear?
Twice, once skiing in the alps and secondly on one of my trips to the German Christmas markets, wow, was it cold!!
Bonus: Do you have more or less sex in the winter months vs. other times of year?
Hard to say. Right now I am getting plenty of sex, but not sure if that is due to the winter or just because Master demands it!
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

For His pleasure

I haven’t written about much about my piercings and certainly not recently. But events this morning have had me thinking that perhaps I should say something here and now.

My nipples and clitoral hood were pierced in April last year. This was something I had considered in the past, but had not been brave enough to go through with. Having Him with me when I had the procedure done. Knowing how Much He wanted me to get those piercings was the incentive I needed. From the beginning they have been an amazing part of our sex life, giving both pain and pleasure to me. They have enhanced His enjoyment of my body – in terms of power, pain and sexual arousal.

However, there have been one or two problems. The left nipple piercing was a little lower than the right and was always more painful. Changing jewellery was not without its issues and putting a ring in for the first time was complicated. One day, without me knowing the left ring partially fell out and I was unable to get the bar back in. For a couple of months I just had the one nipple pierced. But I am pleased to say, that in November on our most recent trip to Amsterdam I had the left nipple re-pierced. This time it looks and feels right and so far I have had no problems with it. Sadly this means that Master’s desire to link all 3 piercings together by a chain is still a little way off, but I am pretty sure we will get there.

One of the things both of us love, is the way in which I can ride Him and can use the clitoral hood bar to give pleasure to Him. Of course at the same time I am getting something very good in return. He loves also to rub that bar while I grind on Him and bring me off.

This morning though He did something new for us. He used my nipple bar as foreplay for us both, rubbing the tip of His cock, slowly over it. gradually His cock became harder and harder. I contributed by biting His nipple, something He also loves. He used His other hand to stroke me some, exclaiming that I was wet (why wouldn’t I be?) and gradually He brought us both close to orgasm.

He started the countdown to the orgasm, “10”. He was about to demand from His girl. He Masturbated me and Himself at the same time, (how does He do that?). I felt the familiar feelings beginning to flow through me, 9, 8, 7, 6.

At this point I wondered if I would be able to hold off and if I did, whether I would be able to cum as He got to 1 and beyond. But the memory of that cock head on my nipple and the feeling of His fingers on me, brought me to the point – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. He took His hand away and said CUM, just as my hips arched and I felt my cunt throb.

Shortly afterwards we brought Him to orgasm and I was able to claim a lovely breakfast time prize.

Sometimes the simplest things can give the most pleasure and this morning was one of those occasions.

All about the girl

At the weekend I was talking to His slut via email about her Master’s desire for her to have a girl to play with. We discussed me writing something, which she is happy for me to do.

The idea of having girl on girl action as part of a play session or just some kinky sex, is something many men seem to want. The girls don’t need to fancy each other let alone be gay or bisexual. What is more, it doesn’t even have to be part of a BDSM thing. Men just seem to find the idea incredibly erotic. To be honest, I do too.

I love the idea of watching girls together, even it being me who is one of those girls. Especially if the action involves providing sexual service to our man. But ideas and desire are somewhat different from reality. I know because I tried it as part of a foursome almost two years ago. I wrote briefly about it, but at the time I was worried those involved in the dynamic might have read my words. Any way I wasn’t all that sure what I really thought about it.

Both of us did what we did because it was what our men wanted. Before hand we had spent a lot of time getting to know each other, chatting and finding out about each others lives and relationships. We both felt confident in our own relationships but weren’t sure about each others. Of course this turned out to be a bit of a joke. In hindsight mine wasn’t as strong as I imagined and I am pretty sure he was ticking another thing off his bucket list. For us both, the idea of sucking the other’s partner, or being fucked by him was less of a worry than what we might be expected to do to each other.

But, while I didn’t feel aroused by kissing her, or by touching her, the fact that our men were aroused by it was a massive turn on. What is more, being touched by her, and her by me was very very erotic. Her fingers were gentle, but she knew where to touch and how. I knewthis experience would never make me bisexual but I also knew that I would probably be happy to do it again.

The girl and I are still in touch and chat from time to time, in fact we did so on Sunday. I doubt she and I will meet again and it is unlikely even if we did there would be anything sexual involved. But we do have a special bond, a special memory which is different from the one the men have or that we have with them.

I am pretty certain that Master will introduce another girl into our dynamic at some time. Perhaps more than that since He has never hidden His own kinks and desires from me. While I find the idea a little daunting, after all, for a year now it has only been us during play and sex. I know I trust Him though, to keep me safe, to do what He considers best for me and us. So I don’t fear what might happen, I know I will probably enjoy it but I also know that I will be doing it for Him and for me that is just fine. I am a slave, but what I do I have consented to and I am happy to do so. Especially if I know it will make Him happy.

A year on

As new year 2014 dawned I was, without knowing it in the final throws of my relationship with S. Having spent a few days together, one of them on a geocaching trip which left me with mud down to my underwear I returned home. A few days later he unceremoniously dumped me (for the second time), for someone else.

This was probably the wake up call I needed. There really was no need for me to end my marriage for the kind of relationship I had with him. One with someone who lived 2 hours away and where I did all of the running around. Don’t get me wrong, he treated me well, we had some great times and what is more he taught me a lot about my sexual side. However he also taught me what a D/s relationship isn’t rather than what it is.
Fast forward to new year 2015, and with the benefit of hindsight I can look back on the whole of last year, on the highs and the lows. The relationship Master and I started in January last year in an Alt chatroom and in real life in February was meant to be for play. For me it was an opportunity to explore my submission and to discover much more about what BDSM is about. For Him, it was meant to provide Him with the play dates He wanted and needed until His slave joined Him later in the year. The outcome has been something completely different. What we have is a relationship which while it has the Master / slave dynamic at it’s centre is really much much more.

Being with Master has given me the confidence to deal with some difficult issues over the past year. To be clearer with hubby about my intentions, so that he is at last beginning to deal with the realities. Of course, it helps that he has another relationship, one which he maintains is platonic. Whatever the truth about that is, he is spending little time in the family home and seems much less needy than he once was. The other challenge was of course my dad’s illness, his death and the subsequent problems with my mum. Thankfully things are beginning to settle down as she begins to come to terms with her new life and we work out how much support is still needed. 

On new year’s day, for the first time in over 35 years, I took someone new home to meet my family. For the whole of last year, I was open that I was seeing someone, but given that I expected the relationship to be as described above, I was in no hurry to introduce Master into that part of my life. My son is different, he (kind of) lives here, and so was bound to bump into Master. What is more, it wasn’t that He was hidden, it was just that my marriage wasn’t properly ended and anyway I expected this relationship to be transient.

Taking Master into my family environment was a big thing for both of us. It confirms that this is a relationship which is ongoing and that for me, I am serious about my choices. My family are important to me, and the past year, has made us closer than we perhaps were. For Him, someone who is not worried about that kind of thing for Himself, I think He found it a little nerve wracking. Of course we didn’t need to worry, I didn’t expose Him to them for too long and we emerged unscathed. My brother’s were watching football and their team won, so apparently Master is a new lucky mascot!

As this new year begins, I feel positive about the future. I know there will be plenty more bumps in the road, not least the prospect of my son permanently moving to live with his girlfriend and me leaving my home. But I have to admit, I do feel good right now. 

Happy New Year

Since I wrote my last post about the amount of kinky sex Master and I had been having, we have been going through a leaner patch. Sadly, we have both had some kind of virus; sore throat, runny nose, cough, that kind of thing. Though we haven’t been properly ill. While Master and I have been lucky enough to be in each other’s company for 6 out of the past 7 nights, it wasn’t until this morning He was able to take His girl for the first time this year.

The return of Master’s mojo was announced this morning, when He placed my hand on His cock. He put his own over my pussy as we both stirred.  Within minutes, He was on top of me. forcing His way in, reclaiming His girl.

“Your’e feeling better Master” I suggested

“you want to bet?” came the response.

Having taken His cunt back, he reminded girl of her her slutty neediness, and told me to turn onto my side.

It has been quite a few weeks since Master has laid claim to my arse, indeed, I have ben pretty bad at keeping to the contractual agreement to wear one of my butt plugs twice a week in His absence (there, that is out in the open).

As He pushed His way in, even with lube, it wasn’t all together pleasant. I cheekily asked if He could be a little more gentle. He politely informed me He was taking what was His, though probably did ease up. Very quickly though, I felt my body relax and respond to His need. Probably helped by his fingers on both my pierced nipples and clit. Next I was allowed to cum for Him as I needed. Cum for Him I did, several times and as usual the whole thing is a kind of blur. A very good blur mind you.

He finished the whole session off with me being able to take my prize orally, along with Him wishing me happy new year.

Wow, it was worth waiting for!