Kinky sex

Lots of it.

I wrote this on Monday, but somehow didn’t find the time to post. So as you read this, imagine it is still Monday.

I can’t deny being a happy girl today. After the stresses of the build up and run up to Christmas, I spent the last couple of days in Master’s company. As temperatures here have plummeted, we have been relaxing and spending time together. We managed to fit in a concert and dinner, plus meals enjoyed together in doors. Added to that, wine, beer and champagne.

Last week we took that champagne with us for our weekend away, but somehow we just didn’t get the time in our room together to enjoy it and relax. Last night though, we did just that, relaxed, watched TV and drank champagne.

Then we went to bed and had some very good sex. I guess if you were a fly on the walls (so long as you were deaf), you would think that most of the sex we enjoy appears reasonably vanilla. But it really is far from it. While there may have been no restraints or spanking implements (other than the little paddle Master playfully used on me as a ‘punishment’ for brattiness), one of the key elements that is always present is the power dynamic.

I am the submissive and He is without doubt in control the whole time. He loves that part of the dynamic, but then I suppose that is what makes Him the Dominant and me, well not. So whatever the position He is the one in charge. I had never imagined that being on top of Him or even sitting on his face could still be a place of submission, but it certainly can be and is for me. Sometimes on the face of it (pardon the pun), the sex might look pretty ordinary, pretty tame, but listen to the commentary that goes with it and you will find it is pretty damn kinky.

I for one am looking forward to lots more of the same in 2015.

Happy New Year!!

TMI Tuesday – 30th December 2014


1. It’s the end of 2014. How do you feel? Excited? Eager to see what’s in store for the new year?
2014 has been a mixture of highs and lows. I approach 2015 with the feeling that while it will be entirely different there will still be those highs and lows. However I am ready for whatever comes my way.
2. On a scale of 1-10 how satisfied were you with 2014? How satisfied were you with your sex life in 2014? (1 = completely disappointed, 10 = extremely satisfied)

The year itself could have been better, perhaps a 7. It would have been lower but for one important thing!
The sex? Oh, a perfect 10 thanks to my lovely Master!
3. What were your big accomplishments this year?
Firstly accepting that my relationship with S was over when he dumped me for the second time in January and then for getting straight into those ALT chatrooms and discovering the man who is now my Master.
On a personal family level, coping with the traumas in my life – my dad’s illness and death and the progress towards the final end of my marriage. 
4. Did you make new year’s resolutions at the beginning of year 2014? How many did you keep?
I started off with Dry January and lasted about 17 days. I resolved to lose weight and did, though it is creeping back on so yet another January diet, this time I think I will try the 5:2. Other than that, I resolved to be happier and I am.
5. Out of all that happened in 2014, what are the biggest lessons you learned?
Sometimes you just have to let life take its course, what will happen will happen. I allowed Master’s former slave to wind me up and to make me unhappy when all I needed to do was to allow their relationship to run its own course. Of course saying it and doing it are two different things.
6. What are you most proud of in 2014?
Managing to keep my head above water work wise when so much else was happening in my life. For that I have my boss to thank and of course my family and most of all my Master. He expects certain behaviours of me and I have learned to think about that before I do and say things, especially at work.
7. How did you spend the majority of your free time in 2014?
With Master. We have been to some wonderful places together and had some fun times. I have also had some amazing play times with Him as well as experiencing the best sex of my life. 
8. Tell us something new you’d like to do or learn in 2015.
It is not new as such, but given I have my apartment in France, I would like to try to improve my french in 2015.

Happy New Year!

Bonus: How was your sex life in 2014?
a. Great
b. Good
c. Not bad
d. It’ll do
e. What’s sex?!
a. great of course!
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Happy TMI Tuesday!

Calm

An evening and a night with Master and my inner calm is restored. The stresses of the past few days have gone and all feels good with the world.

Christmas is one of those times of year I both look forward to and am kind of glad when it is over. This year, it was difficult to get into the right frame of mind, for a few reasons. It is only 3 months since we lost dad, I knew that I would have mum with me and that my brothers would be working on and around Christmas. This also is the first year when hubby’s and my separation is almost complete, but still not everyone knows about it. For this reason and for the first time, I sent almost no Christmas cards.

Another difference this year was my son’s plans to spend part of the holiday time with his girlfriend’s family.

My mum is improving, she is becoming more independent and a little less demanding. It is of course early days, but I do feel that progress is happening. There are times when I feel stressed by just being in her presence. This is not a new feeling, but it is made worse by that absence of my dad. He was a calming influence on us both. So the knowledge that Christmas day would just be the three of us and then boxing day would be mostly just mum and me made me feel anxious even before it happened.

In the main, though, it has been fine and between us we have been able to enjoy the time together. I have also found that I can  let go of my son, who at almost 24, it feels is now a proper grown up – he is planning to move in with his girlfriend over the next few months. It is interesting though how cooking a Christmas dinner for 3 is very similar to cooking one for 10 or 12 (other than the quantities of food). There were practical reasons for missing my dad – he would have been there to wash up the pans as we went along and he would have carved the meat. Of course we also missed his presence, his little sayings, the way in which he so enjoyed those family times, enjoyed a drink and just filled the room by being there.

So we have passed the milestone of a Christmas without dad, we have found that a quiet Christmas can be just fine and gradually mum is finding her independence.

It is safe to say that next year will be one of change again for me, hopefully change that brings happiness. Hopefully too I will have Master around to keep me calm and to stop those stressful times getting to me too much.

I enjoyed Christmas, but I am kind of glad it is over.

Life takes over

I started a post about last weekend’s kinky events. That was Monday, but so far there has been no time to finish it. This week has been another crazy one. A mixture of work and family with a touch of housework, tree decorating and present wrapping thrown in.

The good thing is though, I now have a 4 day weekend and then one more day to work on Tuesday. Then I get a break until 5th January.

I will just need to juggle family and Master; that has to be easier to balance, doesn’t it?

……………………….
My mum is proving difficult to keep happy. Not surprisingly, after 50 years of marriage she is struggling to manage being alone for so much of the time. We are trying really hard to manage the situation while spending time with her and doing all of the things she needs of us. The relationship she and I have is usually volatile, and at times her demands feel unreasonable. I am however managing (in the main) to keep things in perspective and to maintain my own need to live my life. I know it is early days, but sometimes she is just like a challenging teenager who only sees her own needs. Master’s assertions that I am doing the best job I can really helps.
………………………..
So, it is my weekend now. This evening I have time for myself, tomorrow morning time to help mum out with some pre-christmas jobs at her house and then Master and I will be off for a weekend in London. A weekend I would imagine of culture and kink with a fair amount of good food and drink thrown in. It will also give me chance to re-balance my life again. 
The good thing is, I should actually get some time in the next week or two to blog about events. Let’s hope so!

Balance

This weekend has been about trying to get some kind of balance in my life. I say the weekend, but actually, I include Thursday since it was the last day of a week’s leave and Master and His girl managed some play time. The days since Thursday afternoon started with Master restraining and blindfolding His slave, inflicting pain via the violet wand and then forcing many orgasms from her. It ended with afternoon tea with my sisters in law, nephew, nieces and lovely baby great nephew. In between, there has been a working day, dinner out, kinky sex, downtime together, time with  mum, dvds on the sofa, sleep (lots of sleep) and  a spanking.

I don’t think, in all reality my life has ever been busier, or more interesting. I have more fun now than I ever had.

In the past year, I have had more sex than ever before during my life. That is tricky for a fifty something to acknowledge, but better late than never.

As we approach the end of the year, it feels time to look back and forwards. To acknowledge how far I have travelled and how far I want to go.

The key will definitely be balance. How to find sufficient time to be on my own, to be with Master, to work and to be with family.

This blog has been a little neglected recently, but the first step to the above will be to work through all of those elements. To consider the here and now and the future.

Time, what’s that?

Apparently today is the day of the great cookie extravaganza, it would be lovely to participate. But, firstly I am not a great cookie maker, and secondly, I have barely had time to think this last week, let alone put up a recipe. Having said that, there are loads of great recipes being posted right now, so maybe I will get me some ingredients and make some of them.

When I say I haven’t had time to think, that might not be entirely true, since I spent a great number of hours travelling by coach over the weekend. But the weekend and subsequent few days have been mighty busy. Time now to spend a bit of time reflecting back on that whole time.

This was the fifth time I had been on this particular trip, one which takes around 10 hours to reach our destination. It is time to catch up with some friends, to chat and to eat and drink. It is also time to catch up on sleep, reading and me time. The first two times I did that journey, hubby was with me. The second of those, just after he had found out about S. It now transpires that on that particular trip, hubby misbehaved and started the relationship which he now has (one he still insists is platonic).

Last year when I travelled, a number of people knew about that relationship, I did not. That knowledge made me feel a little strange on this occasion. Strange and a little apart from the group. I enjoyed this trip, but somehow not as much as I have in the past. On the way home, everyone was already discussing next year, new places to see and things to do. I kept quite, I am not sure there will be a next year for me. I think enough might just be enough.

By this time next year, I intend to be living a different life from this one. I fully expect this to be my last year in this house. Who knows if Master and I will still be together, but whatever happens I don’t expect anyone to think hubby and I are still a couple. We aren’t now and we won’t be then. My son has made it clear he would like his parents to sort themselves out and I for one want to have the relationship I want with the man I want it with, as openly as we want.

The past two days have been about my mum. I have spent time with her, taken her shopping and today for a medical examination. I have spent time sorting out yet more of the paperwork which emerges when someone dies and now I want time for me. Time for me and time for Master that is.

I have had very little time with Him this past 10 days or so (and none of it in person). I have had no time to be the submissive I want to be, or to allow Him to be the Master He wants to be. I only have to glance at His Tumblr blog to see some of the things on His mind and to give me a flavour of some of the things I would rather be doing right now.

I am looking forward to that time, Master and slave. Roll on Friday, when we will get that time together again!

Interlude

For the past 4 years, I have taken a trip with friends at this time of year. A trip for Christmas shopping, and for the chance to enjoy some time with friends. 

Today, I leave early for Germany, to a cold but festive place. I plan to buy things I don’t need, chat with my girlfriends, drink gluwein out in the open. I plan to laugh and to gossip.

I hope to see snow covered trees, buildings, hills and mountains. I hope to see and buy beautiful things.

I hope to return feeling at least a little Christmassy.
I will miss Master, but will look forward to seeing Him when I return. I have a feeling making Him embrace the whole Christmas thing will be a little more of a challenge. But then, I am always up for a challenge!

Girl loves

To be blindfolded, to wear her collar and to be restrained in some way. Preferably, she likes all 3 at once.
She loves it when Master has blindfolded her and she can hear Him moving around the room selecting toys (sometimes having apparently mislaid them. She loves the element of surprise, even when what appears is less to her liking. For example those horrible clamps He recently used on her labia. 
Being restrained; hands tied, or legs in a spreader bar (or both), somehow make this girl relax in a way she could never have imagined. She is less jumpy, and more able to allow her submission to take over. 
The collar just puts this girl into her place, that special submissive space. The smell and feel of the leather on her skin. The realisation that she cannot move her head as she otherwise might, all add to the peace this girl feels when she is able to submit to His will and His power.
This girl loves all of these things.
Of course, she has no say in what happens. He decides.
Girl loves that very much too.

Balance and control

I know things have been pretty quiet around here lately. Somehow, the combination of work, caring responsibilities and spending time with Master have meant that I have had less time to blog. Usually, the construction of my posts are either planned out in my head for several hours or even days, or else are bashed out quickly. Sometimes though, it is difficult to find the headspace and equally hard to find spare time to actually type, proof read and post. It is not that I have a shortage of topics, so perhaps now is the time to stop the excuses and just write?

The main thing I am trying to get in my life, is a sense that it is under some kind of balance and control.

Control maybe seems a strange word to use, when I am Master’s slave. But actually it probably is a very good word. I am not in a position to hand over complete control to another person, supposing that person wanted such a thing. He doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean I need to take complete control in all aspects of my life.

In the past I would have sought to manage everything about my mum’s recent illness. In fact, doing that this time would have been more than any human could cope with. She was ill, but she was very demanding; often failing to recognise when it was appropriate to ring hourly and when it wasn’t. At the same time there was information to try to gain from the medical staff, shopping to buy to make her life more comfortable and things to manage at her house. My brothers made it clear that I wasn’t expected to cope with everything and I had the added support from Master, who kept reminding me that I needed time for myself and time to spend with him.

Then there is the ongoing relationship with soon to be ex-hubby. I put the final break-up on hold while coping with my dad’s death and it’s aftermath. But now I am ready to move on and am struggling to get him to agree to what needs to be done. This is despite the fact we see little of each other and that we no longer live as man and wife in any way. Thank goodness for Master’s advice and support and for his thoughts on how I should manage individual problems and situations.

For the first time in my adult life I am learning how to not only consult properly with a partner, but realising that I can strike a balance. When I need to make decisions, I can do so with help and support, full in the knowledge that I am not a weak person for doing so. What is more, giving up complete control when I am with Master, allows me to be strong enough to be the person I need to be when I am not with him.

He is not always there, but somehow his influence always is.