That is just how it feels.
On the one hand I feel free to be the person I know I am. In that freedom, I am able to enjoy being His slave, His bitch, His piece of fuckmeat. As and when He chooses.
He has bought me a leather bodice top, kind of corset like, which completes the leather look He wants for me. This weekend, He played with me harder than for a while.
He is shaping me into the slave He wants.
At the same time, we are having some good, fun times together. Spending time in each others company, just being.
The respite I had hoped for after losing my dad is not happening. Mum is physically unwell, in hospital with a chest infection and a series of falls. We thought her problems were emotional and psychological as a result of losing her husband of 55 years.
The responsibility of being the daughter she needs right now is weighing me down, and while my brothers say they don’t begrudge my obvious happiness elsewhere, I can’t help but carry the burden.
Balance is the thing, I know that. I am seeking that balance and know that I have Master to help me find it.
That is why, I have struggled with the words here on my blog. But hopefully this little post is the start of the end of my slight bloggers block.