The unknown

As a family we are now at the point where we don’t know how long dad has left. He has been in bed for 9 days, firstly upstairs in the bed he shared with mum and since Thursday downstairs. We didn’t expect things to take the turn they did as quickly as they did. The night before he took to bed, he had been for a meal out with my brother. That day he had pottered around his garden. Now his world has shrunk to one room.

At times, he is animated, happy to engage in the world around him. That happened today when my niece visited with his great grandson. But mostly he sleeps. Getting him to drink is difficult, to eat, impossible.

Mostly those present are family. We combine our caring roles and discussing the difficulties we face with normal life activities and discussion. We try to reassure mum that she is doing well. At times between us we complain at the way she struggles to cope. But really this is a defence mechanism for us all. Tonight she confessed she doesn’t know how to use the dishwasher; that was always dad’s job. No wonder she has rushed to wash every plate and cup as it became used.

We don’t know how long dad has left. We know it isn’t long, but how long we just don’t know. We are now living day to day. Trying to explain to outsiders that life is on hold. Meanwhile work continues, life continues. As a nurse, I know that every death is different, that we are dealing with the unknown.

Knowing that he suffers. That he is sad that he is experiencing the end of his life, I wonder if it is bad that I hope that he gets what he needs soon. Trouble is, that for us the pain is just beginning.

What to wear?

This girl has never possessed much in the way of festish / kink wear. S had a liking for stockings, suspenders and heels, but generally they were something you could find on any high street.

Master has spoken for some time about the kind of ‘clothes’ He would like to see this girl wear. He is keen for us to attend a suitable party / event soon and to do that, girl needs to be dressed right.

On this girl’s birthday she was presented with a breast binding harness. This gives girl just a little support for her 50 year old breasts, which means they sit proud. She really likes the effect it has on them and her upper body.

Then a few weeks ago, when we arrived at our hotel in Amsterdam (a lovely weekend away by the way), Master gave this girl two new presents. One was a beautiful collar made of soft leather. It is wide enough that this girl needs to keep her head up when wearing it. But comfortable enough that it could be worn for an evening. The second present was a spanking skirt, also made of leather. Master had spoken of girl wearing such a thing, so it had been in His mind for some time. The skirt feels lovely to wear, looking decent from the front but leaving nothing to the imagination from the back. That afternoon, this girl wore those two items and found herself slipping, with no effort into subspace. Master was thrilled with the effect.

Since then, this girl has dressed for Master in this way just once, but what she can say is that they made her feel completely sexy, horny and proudly the slut he so loves. They are easier to stand, lie down or to kneel in than to sit – maybe that says something about their purpose. Master photographed this girl dressed in this way and has posted a photo of the rear view on His blog. This girl has to admit she is really very pleased with the effect (He has a front view photo too, for His own collection).

As someone who used to feel self conscious in normal lingerie, it is an amazing thing that this girl would consider leaving the house wearing this kind of gear. But to be honest she is pretty excited at the prospect. This girl is not only a pleasing bitch for Master, but a very kinky one too!