Looking back, looking forward

This is the first time this girl has written a blog post while Master is in the room. He is sitting at the other end of the sofa, using His tablet, while this girl types. The times we spend together at the weekends are precious and at the moment this girl is having to share that time with her family.

This girl’s dad continues to deteriorate and is now pretty much permanently in bed. Thankfully a hospital bed has been loaned and nurses are visiting twice daily. Mum is beginning to learn how to cope with the situation, but only with a great deal of support from all of the family. What she does though is to phone whenever she has a problem, perceived or real, or if she has something to say. This morning, while Master and girl were in bed together, she phoned twice. Predominantly this was about the vacuum cleaner she needs and which girl has promised to obtain today.

This morning also, we have been talking about those first few times we met and played. The excitement of a new relationship, the thrill of new experiences. Submitting so quickly to His Dominance. Looking back to the posts this girl wrote at that time, she is amazed at the speed at which all of this happened. Even before a discussion about becoming Master’s submissive, girl had given over control of her orgasms, her body and then her  name. At the time, this girl and indeed Master believed it would be possible to have a relationship that was time limited, and which would easily end when they decided that this should happen. It would be safe to say that neither realised quite how things would turn out.

Over the months, this girl’s submission has grown and developed. At the same time, the power and control Master has over His girl has also grown and developed. Together they have explored and embraced the feelings, the emotions that go with the more physical side of that relationship. This morning we discussed limits. This girl admitted that she no longer feels that she owns her own limits, instead they belong to Him, to Master. He has not demanded that this be so. Indeed in our contract, He just asks that He be allowed to push them. For this girl though, the desire to submit is so great, the need to feel his power is such that she no longer wishes to have that kind of control over herself. Instead she trusts. She knows that He knows what is best for her and that in pushing her, He will also keep her safe from harm.

This girl has some difficult days ahead. But she has a Master with whom she can discuss those difficulties and who she knows will provide the care and support she needs. He will also take what He needs. The sex and the pain are vital parts of our relationship. There are intense moments of lust and passion, times when pain gives intense arousal and even for the first time an orgasm driven by that pain. But what drives us forward and what makes us know this has future is the way in which the slave / Master dynamic continues to develop, Each week we feel this to a greater extent. This girl wouldn’t have believed this could be the case, but it definitely is.

The past is important and special to us, we have formed memories which we can talk about and through this blog it is possible to remember thoughts and feelings. We don’t know what the future will bring, but this girl embraces what ever Master has in mind for her.

photo from Ervodou