Something funny is going on in my brain, in my subconscious. I keep finding myself thinking and even dreaming things where I convince myself that the changes that need to happen in my life have already happened. This morning I woke from the most amazing sleep thinking that I had told hubby about Graeme and he was fine about it. Then I remembered I hadn’t and he wouldn’t be if I did.
He has however thought about some of the other things I have told him about including the family night out and admitted that 1) it isn’t my fault and 2) if he doesn’t show his face around them for 6 months (or more) he can’t be expected to be invited to join them. Perhaps also he is beginning to acknowledge that my decisions about our relationship aren’t because he has done something specifically but because my feelings for him changed sometime in the last 30 years.
Graeme and I talked about the fact I have the 30 year anniversary thing looming in June and my need to take decisive action pretty soon.
We also talked about my not hiding Graeme away from my son for example, but instead starting to be more open and honest with people.
These are big steps for me. I have told people only parts of the truth for so long that it has become second nature. But if I really want my life to change then it is time to be completely open with people. I have the propensity to try to protect them and of course me from the consequences but actually I am dealing with adults here and they need to be able to deal with reality, as must I.
Sometimes I am scared by how fast my brain is moving things along, but then on days like today when I am feeling good, I realise this is how it needs to be.
Over the next few days I am going to be doing some great things, including the family do tomorrow night and some fun things out and about with Graeme. This morning it is not just that I am imagining good things but they are a reality!