We must have walked miles. Well who knows if we really did, but around the streets of the City of London it seemed quite a long way. My boots which, suited my skirt and were comfortable in the morning were much less so by the time we sat down to eat. He took me around some of the wonderful and very beautiful buildings that I had never visited before, we walked and we talked. He took me to two very historical pubs and we stood (standing room only on a Friday evening), talked and he groped me.
The slut in me loves to be groped in a public place. It really excites me, perhaps it shouldn’t? But having someone to stand (or sit) with and to share intimate moments is just so nice.
I think I have too much to say, sometimes I think I speak for the sake of it. He is getting good at shutting me up and kissing me when that happens. At other times though I am content to just look at him and smile.
He wanted time for us away from bed, from play. We had that last night. Doing things together feels easy and fun. It feels intimate and helps with the connection for later.
On the way home I communicated with S. He wanted to talk to me and I thought there was something wrong. At home, even though it was late, I skyped with S, who just wanted to know how it was going and to check out that things were as good as I had written here. They are and I told him so. Of course he could see it written in my face.
Immediately I came off of the Skype call, I felt I had somehow let Graeme down. I felt I had spoiled our intimacy by linking up with S like that. He told me he wasn’t upset, but I was. Upset with myself because actually that was what I was feeling.
For a woman of my age, it feels I have so much to learn about relationships and how to manage them. My tendency to want to please everyone leads me to find the one person who is not as happy as they could be, to be me.
I haven’t slept as well as I thought I would, and have been awake early. Partly this is my sore feet which I will soon soak with the rest of me in the bath. But also the feeling that I spoiled the intimacy with Graeme last night and caused my mind to be far more active than it needed to be.
The good thing is though that I will be with Graeme again later and have the chance to make it up to him, even if he feels I have done nothing wrong. The chance also to make it up to myself.
Ok, so no one was upset with anyone and so this is all about me over analysing. Just got to work out how NOT to do that!!