It’s been about 10 days since S told me that he was ready to move on. During that time I have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on our relationship together, but also about what I might want in the future.
While we were chatting on Skype that evening, he said he hoped I met someone; that I deserved to be happy. I told him that evening that I wasn’t in any hurry, instead I need to sort my life out.
I do need to do that, but actually I would like to think about a future relationship and what I might look for in that context. For the past few evenings hubby has been home – the longest time we have spent together since well before Christmas. The gulf between us shouted at me – in terms of the way we communicate and the way in which we want to spend our time. When he is home I restrict my time online, and we generally sit in the same room watching tv, eating dinner and speaking about neutral issues. This week, I have had lots of time to think about my life and what the future might hold.
I think the first thing to say is that I really want (and need) is to be allowed to explore my submissive side. I want (and need) a dominant man who can help me do that. I am tired of making quite so many decisions for myself and for everyone around me and I really would like the opportunity to hand some of that over for at least some of the time. I would like to be told that I should like to be told that I am expected to dress in a certain way, to keep myself shaved, to behave in a particular way and to be made to spend some time thinking about my submission. I am not saying I want to be a 24/7 submissive, but to be given the opportunity to consider how much of my time is spent submitting to someone else is something I would like to have.
I want to be someones sexual object. To be made to push my sexual and other boundaries. I want to be expected to kneel, to worship. I want to be made to feel that they are the only one that matters and through those feelings to be aroused.
I want boundaries within which I should live my life. I want to be punished when I wilfully break rules. I want and need control.
In turn I want to be cared for, to be loved and to be made to feel wanted.
I know what I want, indeed what I NEED. The question is, how to I get it?
Picture from Simply Black and White