How did things go so wrong so quickly?

This time last week I was looking forward to an afternoon of fun with S. It was a lovely sunny day, he had a day off and I half a day. Traffic got in the way and while he reached our proposed destination I did not. It turns out that the day would not have been as I expected anyway, since he was proposing to drop his bombshell on me then. As it was my happiness lasted a few more days.

It would be true to say that in the past month, pretty much since I returned from France, I have been going around with a huge smile on my face, everything in my life felt pretty good. I posted about it here just over a week ago.

After the weekend I have received lots of support from friends. I have been out for 2 lunches and came away from them with a firm plan. I would say nothing about all of this to hubby for the time being. In effect, all I needed to do to maintain as much pleasantness in the lives of my family as possible was to keep quiet.

Tomorrow is my son’s graduation. He has achieved so much, a First Class Degree and with it a prize from his department. We as his parents will be there to see him receive these. Afterwards, dinner with my parents.

As soon as hubby and I sat together last evening after work I knew keeping quiet would be harder than I had thought. I have been married to him for nearly 30 years, of course he knows me and he knew there was something wrong with me. The smirk he has accused me of having for the last few weeks had gone. He hit straight for the jugular and asked questions about S, the weekend and when I would be seeing him again. He wasn’t especially unpleasant, but the more I tried to keep my answers level and brief, the more he pushed until eventually I told him I was no longer seeing S. At this point the best thing would have been to let him believe he had a chance or repairing our marriage. But no, I moved straight on to telling him the truth about all of the things I have been thinking.

So the position now, after another night of little sleep, is that I do not know if he will be at either the graduation or dinner after. I have hurt him more than ever, and he through the things he said through the course of the evening and night and the vitriol with which he said them is in an even worse state. My own view of him is that I like him even less today than I did yesterday.

I feel as if I have burst my own bubble well and truly now. I have created one hell of a mess in the pursuit of my own happiness.

So, today, I have to make him see that we have to salvage at least something. We are still parents and our son deserves better than the current behaviour of either of his parents.

9 Replies to “How did things go so wrong so quickly?”

  1. Thanks Fondles; yes I know he is hurting, and hurting badly. I have told him I know that it does, but that while I might wish to love him more, it is not possible to make myself love and fancy him as he does me. xx

  2. Things are looking up on that score, he seems to accept the need to behave as he should.

    I am finding blogging quite therapeutic and as always, hopefully later when I look back it will be helpful in remembering this stage of my life.

    As for the dawn; trouble is there seem to be quite a few false dawns! But one of these days, yes!

    Thanks FD for your supportive words, xx

  3. Yes I agree you made the right move in letting him know it is over.

    But I do hope that you can convince him to be civil for your son's graduaton so you don't ruin his day. Good luck in dealing with this. And nice that you are blogging so you can talk to your cyber friends about it and get some encouragement.

    Remember the old cliché that it is darkest before the dawn.

    FD

  4. I wish i could say something helpful or comforting.

    I think the only thing you can do is give him time, i think you did the right thing by not letting him believe you had a chance of repairing the marriage…you would only have made it more difficult at a later date.

    hugs and hope its sorted out soon.

    and remember when you think its rock bottom..the only way is up!

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