Over the last year i think i have thought more about sex and sexuality than at any time before that. Perhaps it is part of discovering who i am, perhaps i have just spent more time thinking, reflecting on life and how to get the most from it.
The American Association of Psychology of sexuality says that:
“Sexuality has three stages: Desire is an interest in being sexual. Excitement is the state of arousal that sexual stimulation causes. And orgasm is sexual pleasure’s peaking”
When i think about being sexual, i don’t just think of the actual act of sex, along with foreplay and aftercare, i think about what it really truly means to me. Preparing my body then, getting dressed up for my Master; shaving my body for him, making sure i am clean and wearing the kind of clothes that he finds exciting and arousing. This in turn starts to turn me on.
The longer our relationship has gone on, and the more time we have been able to spend together, the more i find that acts of submission to him, and of his dominance of me have brought out the sexuality in me. i know that submission brings desire to both of us and makes us very aroused. He releases his very large cock as i kneel before him, He touches my pussy and remarks how wet i am. He calls me a slut and i gush forth even more. Reward for both of us ultimately is orgasm.
When you read more about sexuality, then most authors immediately turn to sexual identity, about whether you are gay or straight etc. But i was wondering if BDSM and D/s in particular can be forms of sexuality in themselves.
At the risk of getting a bit deep, i had a look a bit further and found that Michel Foucault wrote in The History of Sexuality, that the concept of what activities and sensations are “sexual” is historically (as well as regionally and culturally) determined, and it is therefore part of a changing “discourse”. The sexual meanings (meanings of the erotic dimension of human sexual experience), are social and cultural constructs.
i must admit to copying and pasting the above paragraph, but when i was writing a dissertation for my Masters degree a few years ago i spent quite a bit of time reading about how so often beliefs are socially constructed. Foucault featured somewhere in there and i always thought i would read more about this. Maybe now i will and in the context of sexuality.
I was brought up to believe that i was sexually equal to a man, but in reality i never felt comfortable with making the first move, with taking any kind of control much less telling my partner what i was i wanted from sex.This is in complete contrast to the rest of my life where i seek control at all times. It is interesting then that since discovering this side of me that i am getting better at doing those things. That at last i can let go of what i believed my view of the world should be and start to construct something different. A new view.
I am not sure i have been clear at all in this and may have to come back and change some things. For now, it would be nice to have some other people’s thoughts!