Riding Crop

It is time i spoke about the new addition to Sir’s collection of toys and other possessions. The riding crop is something we spoke of for a while before he bought it. i mentioned the prospect of it here and it features as a word people who come here have searched for.

As previously described, it looks something like this. It looks reasonably innocuous, especially when it is used to stroke me.

Oh yes when Sir strokes my bottom, the tops of my legs, my pussy it feels wonderful. Smooth, cool, almost soft to the touch. Involuntarily my body arches towards it. i could be stroked with it all night. Of course, that isn’t in the plan. He is just teasing me, getting me ready for what is to come next.

He then allows himself to pull back to allow it to whoosh through the air, perhaps hit an object such as the bed or chair. So i can hear its full force. feel the breeze, hear the crack. Then he lets me have it. Gently at first. Luring me into a sense that this is just a harmless object before he hits me harder (not as hard as he hits the bed or chair, but hard enough). i wince but of course thank him for hitting me in this way.

“Thank you Sir” i say. i am a grateful slut.

Thwack – again it hits me and again and again.

i wonder if this is what i want, but just as i do i feel the wetness emerge from my pussy from my clit. Almost as if he knows my thoughts he stops and feels.

You are wet slut!

Yes i am wet. What does he expect?

Neither of us go over board on pain. But gradually with implements such as the riding crop He is giving me more pain and i am accepting, longing for it.

That crop is an amazing thing. Sexually arousing, but painful. Yes wonderful

Relaxing

The weather helped in our decision to make Saturday a relaxing time. Early on i decided that around 3ish would be a good time to leave for home. That way, i would be back before it was properly dark.

We were awake early. i guess that it goes with our age, not being able to properly lie in these days. Still, it means that relaxing can be part of your awareness rather than part of something you realise has happened once you wake up.

After breakfast we spent time surfing the Internet. Thoughts of a trip to France, a suitable hotel and some kinky ideas to accompany it, were followed by research into a dungeon you can hire near where Sir lives, were followed by some ideas for me to get a week away to help sort my head.

After a bath (not actually together, but then unless you have something massive is no particular sacrifice), we took something of a bracing stroll by the sea. The first 10 minutes were great, but as the sun disappeared and it began to snow we wasted no time in getting back to Sir’s warm house.

We returned to bed. Deliberately. For some Saturday sex. I dressed in stockings and suspender belt, complete with heels (my corset is a little tight right now, but i will sort that). He spent a lot of time sucking my nipples and stroking my clit before clamping my nipples. He went down on me. This was a feature this weekend, He has licked, sucked and bitten my clit such a lot this weekend, there was barely a point in asking to cum for him, since i felt like i was almost continuously orgasming! Then it was my turn. The more i worship His cock, the more i love it, want it in my mouth and to satisfy Him. He fills my mouth, and helps me concentrate my mind. Wonderful.

He pushed His cock into my cunt, from behind, with me crouching on the bed, then on my tummy, then on my side. Lastly, he filled my arse and i was able to cry out, tell Him what He loves to hear. That i am his whore, His slut, that i belong to Him and Him alone.

Lunch followed. What you have to understand about the needs of my Master is that sexual fulfilment is quickly followed by the need for food.

Lastly we went to the supermarket to we could both buy provisions for the next couple of days. Sir wanted me to be dressed as a slut for this trip, but had to be honest and say that He couldn’t follow though (thank goodness as i too was spent). He thought it might be funny to add a couple of cans of sweetcorn to the blog, since that was one of his purchases. So here they are.

These are more exotic than the real ones, but there are two.

A cup of tea later and i was on my way home.

26 hours. Lots and lots of orgasms. A week of satisfaction by most peoples reckoning.

A relaxing day and a wonderful weekend.

Just what i needed!

Looking forward to being dressed as a nun in France (yes really)!

Respite

Sir doesn’t like me to make out that he is any more special than he thinks he is. In my last post, i wrote that he was one really good thing in my life. Of course he isn’t the only thing. But right now, he is important.

He didn’t let me down.

This week has been one of the most difficult of my life. Probably since i found out hubby was cheating on me even though he had promised he had stopped. You see this is a long term problem, which dates back 20 years or more. But more of that in another post, perhaps tomorrow.

i left work yesterday  as soon as i could. This week has been half term, and with a diminishing workforce it seems to be difficult to take even one days leave. i made excellent progress, stopping at a service station to change out of my warm winter tights for stockings, suspender belt and to remove my knickers. Once i had parked up outside Sir’s house i put on my heels.

He was pleased to see me, and i him. He definitely liked the effort i had made and it was obvious from the start that this trip was about Him taking care of my needs. Within minutes He had stroked my pussy, had clamped my nipples and clit and was spanking me with the riding crop. I melted into him. He knew what i needed and i got it.

After a simple but lovely lunch he told me to spread my legs. He spent a long time licking my needy pussy, making me cum and cum. Then He told me to go down on Him. Something i did willingly, with gratitude.

I sucked, took his cock deep within my mouth and throat. i licked his balls, licked his arse and then for the second time ever, i sucked him until He came.

We watched tv, had dinner and later kissed and caressed. i needed some time away from the stresses of this week and that’s just what i got.

 A respite.

This is my blog and I will ramble if I want to

I was short of a title and this is the best I can do.  It is strange that I always tend to give my blog posts, or an essay or report for that matter, a title first. It is a mental thing. In this case I am stuck for a catchy title so this is what I have come up with. It seems a good title though since already I ramble.

Stuff is happening here, has taken something of a turn. Things have become rather unpleasant and if you look down to my last post, we are back in anger territory.

Hubby found some sent emails early yesterday morning. I know I was careless, first I hadn’t deleted them, second they were easily found on the iPod (which I had forgotten was logged into email since I haven’t touched the thing in weeks), at 4 am. He is an insomniac who thought he would like to listen to music at 4 am, and pressed the wrong button (apparently).

He found a trail of sent emails mostly to Sir. In the most recent I had confirmed I would see Sir on Friday. This was a problem since I hadn’t yet told hubby. Worse in his ever suspicious eyes was an email from a couple of weeks ago about the conversation I had had with someone about a possible mmff encounter (by the way if you type mmff into an iPad, it trys to convert it to the word to muffin). All that has happened is discussion, no firm plans have been made and I am not sure yet what if anything we might do together, if we ever met. I have been texting the female sub of the relationship and getting to know her and him. Of course if you read this as a sent email with no reply (there probably never was one as Sir doesn’t always reply and is often direct and to the point if he does), then you might imagine it had already taken place. He also took offence to the fact that after my name were a couple (or 3 kisses). I tend to put kisses on an email to friends (male and female), but I guess that doesn’t matter.

Lets just say that this information has sent us into a massive downward spiral and I have just endured more than 24 hours of questioning, accusations and general unpleasantness (not including the time we were  either at work or briefly sleeping).

I have now been told I am being groomed! I have been informed that buying things from a sex shop must not happen using the joint account I solely use (perhaps he should look at the transactions within his own bank statement more closely since yesterday he was so over drawn he was unable to withdraw money and I gave him some). I have been told that I am a lyer and cannot be trusted, (I guess I am guilty as charged on these). I have been cross examined about the contents of the bag I use for work, I have had things i apparently said in November or December recited back at me. I have been told I have ruined his sex drive and made him impotent.

I wonder now where we go from this.

I offered to give up seeing Sir. I am getting close to the end of my tether, but am apparently not entitled to be upset or distressed. Hubby tells me to carry on since he won’t be here at the weekend and he can’t do anything to fulfill me.

Anger is an understatement and I know I am to blame.

He desperately needs to talk to someone, but refuses since it would mean losing face. Admitting his wife is seeing someone else and he has not stopped it. So he takes that anger out on me.

But actually this is about a deeper problem with this marriage. One which existed long before I ever chatted to Sir or indeed met Him.

I feel deeply sorry for my husband of over 28 years. I have cared for him deeply through thick and thin. I have loved and fought for him. I have supported and stood up for him. I took on thousands of pounds of debt for us both, destroying my own credit rating so that his could be maintained. I spent much of our early married life including the early years of my sons life while he persued his own early mid life crisis. I have put up with a lot. Of course I have also done a great wrong.

But right now I really don’t like him. I no longer know if I love him.

I really don’t know where to go from here.

This is my blog and I am rambling and writing here helps.

I have opened a new bank account in my own name.My credit rating is on the mend and I have paid most of the debt (myself through the joint account). I didn’t tell him about the new account and left the paperwork lying around. I am careless and stupid. But I think I was right, I need to start to think about me and not us. I have to protect me.

I have risked everything and feel right now that I have lost lots. My son is finishing his degree (dissertation due next week, followed by 3 essays and end of year exams), and will graduate this summer. I can’t tell anyone in the family until I tell him, but I can’t tell his yet. Luckily he will not be home till Easter.

I am a month from redundancy and I am starting to feel scared about getting a job, even though I am already getting potential offers of work.

There is one really good thing in my life and I know I will see Him tomorrow. There seems little point in giving that up right now. What is more I really need Him!

Grieving for a relationship lost

For the first time in weeks, hubby and i resided in the same house, and did things together this weekend. He is now away more than i am, but apparently it doesn’t count since he is not fucking anyone else (his words).

i am not sure what i expected to happen on that fateful day 3 months ago when i came clean and told him about my relationship with Sir. At the time i was considering myself and the lies i had told. i was thinking of my conscience and of the difficulties in carrying on in secret. And even though i know something of the process people go through as they grieve for a loss or as they go through a cycle of change. But it is only now that i realise what has been happening.

I first studied the stages of grief as described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross during my nurse training when learning about death and dying. Then i saw it adapted as a model for change by Stephen Covey 
But it pretty much describes what has been going on around here since November.
The first stage was shock and denial – He was both frightened and numb, he alternatively blamed me for what had happened and himself for his actions which he felt caused me to stray in the way i had. Next there was anger – at me, at Sir. He wanted to do something decisive and unpleasant to Sir, but couldn’t and wouldn’t as that is not his way. He felt shame and embarrassment that his wife should have strayed and that he hasn’t had the power to stop it. Now (although he swings back into denial and anger), his main problem is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness. He is unable to sleep properly and lacks energy to do anything. He has also lost his sexual drive (or perceives he has) and worries that it will never return.
It is with no pride that i detail all of this. i most definitely didn’t set out to hurt him, to make him feel like this. But i have to admit that in my selfishness i failed to recognise just how devastating my news would be to him.
i know that if i had any sense i would end the relationship with Sir and set about repairing what remains of my marital relationship. But it is so hard to make that decision when that other life offers so much more fulfilment.
Hubby hates my relationship with sir. He now wants me to tell him far more intimate details than i want to reveal. But he says he knows he can’t stop me doing what i want to do.
Who ever said life was easy? It definitely isn’t!

Swallowing

i haven’t always been the person i have become. By that i mean the woman who enjoys her Masters cock.

It wasn’t so long ago that i avoided putting a cock anywhere near my mouth, didn’t even find the make organ particularly enticing.

Don’t get me wrong, i am impressed by what some men have to offer. i enjoy the feeling of a cock inside me. But putting it in my mouth wouldn’t have been my first choice. Perhaps i just hadn’t met the right man, with the right cock.

When i started on this journey, i knew i would need to get over my feelings about oral sex. Sir was clear from the beginning that i would want to worship his cock, i would be expected to allow him to put it wherever He wanted. And considering my previous reticience as soon as i saw his organ, i wanted to kiss it at least.

It has been over 10 months and gradually i have gone from someone who had to concentrate hard on the job in hand to give the pleasure i know my Master desires to someone who relishes taking Him in my mouth, taking Him deeply and giving him the pleasure He wants and desires from me.

Last Sunday, i took the next step. i sucked Him until He came and i also swallowed.

It is unusal for me to spend the morning in bed, much less a good part of the day. But after our exertions on Saturday, we both needed the rest. Plus since we had the time and since we had no commitments we were able to do as we pleased. It pleased us to breakfast on pancakes, shower and then return to bed. It also pleased him when we kissed, and He became aroused and i moved down the bed to take Him in my mouth.

i licked his shaft, took him into my mouth, gradually moving it deeper into my mouth. i concentrated on what i was doing, on the pleasure it gave Him and on the newly found pleasure it gave me. For a while i stopped and i kissed Him on other parts of his body and we kissed on the lips. Then He told me that he thought i should finish what i had started and i knew that this was something i needed to do and that He wanted and needed from me. i moved back down, took his very hard cock, a mouthful into my mouth and focused my mind. i let my thoughts float away and concentrated on sucking him, on worshipping his wonderful cock and within minutes His sweet, wonderful cum filled the back of my mouth.

i swallowed.

i am surely a cock worshipping sub now?

Having the time

We always manage to fit as much as possible into our meetings. Often in the past we have had just a few hours together. Sometimes we have had a night, but often not even that. Those days will be packed with sex;  kinky, kinky sex. i will be dressed for him. Wearing the things he likes; stockings with suspender belt, heels, some lacy lingerie; whatever takes his fancy. Interspersed with that there will be an opportunity for me to be cuffed, tied to his lovely bed, clamped and spanked (not necessarily all at the same time). There will be food (there is nothing like an orgasm to make Sir insatiably hungry), often easy to cook, easy to eat food expertly prepared by Him. Sometimes we will have time for a sleep together or to watch a film on TV. But often things are rushed.

Last weekend though, we had 3 whole nights together. Much much more time to do the things we wanted together, to sit and talk and to go out for a very, very long walk and do ordinary things. I have to say, there is nothing like a bit of variety of activity to make you feel good and to enjoy yourself, to relax.

That is definitely what we did. Friday, as previously told, was all about trying out the new toys (well if you go to the trouble of finding them, you have to get straight down to it). That crop was wicked, but in a very juice producing, spanky kind of way. When it brushed my skin it made me tingle, when it passed through the air it made the most delicious wooshing sound, and when it hit my bare bottom it both hurt and excited all in one.

Saturday morning dawned, as i awoke still in my stockings (Sir likes me to sleep in them, and if i am not too hot in bed, i will awake with them on) and he took possession of me again. He loves to stroke my bare bottom and then to possess it, to fill it with his hardness. i love it too and of course since i am now an anal slut, i am not going to argue. There is nothing like some morning sex to invigorate and so showered and dressed we set off for a coastal walk.

Sir lives near the most beautiful coastline and countryside. We have walked a number of times along it (well up and down it), but this walk was serious. We took a short bus ride and then set off, stopping many times to take in the view, to have tea and food (so thoughtfully brought along and carried by Sir) and to get our breath after a big climb.

These were some of the views.
 And this was our reward, once we arrived at the place we were heading for. Mine was a chocoholic, Sirs something with Baileys in it. Mine was bigger but took me no time at all to eat. We also had lovely Italian coffees.
Then it was on to the local cinema and some American history. We both really enjoyed the film, thought Daniel Day Lewis really good and learnt things about that time that we didn’t know.
Back home, we ate a steak dinner prepared by Sir, drank a little wine, watched some TV and headed to bed to rest our aching legs and to have some lovely sex.
 i can’t say how much i love having the time….

Feelings for valentines day

The feelings associated with my relationship with Sir are highly complex. I look forward to seeing Him; I feel excited and happy as I get nearer. In terms of day, time and place. The anticipation is always part of the process of leaving my normal, vanilla life behind and seeing Him. I am invariably wet, aroused. It is part of the conditioning over the months that I know we will have some kind of sex within minutes and the thought turns me on. In other words I am full of lust for Him.

But there is more than lust. There are real feelings of happiness at the thought of spending time, of being fed by him, of spending time in his company. Even greater feelings of arousal at the thought of our kisses; The thought of his tongue searching my mouth, my breasts and nipples, my pussy.

During sex, whatever form that takes, I am overwhelmed. I think of nothing but satisfying Him and in turn that I too am satisfied, fulfilled. He is generous and allows me to cum a lot. He takes pleasure in my orgasms, loves to see me cum. I in turn love to be filled with him, and to feel him reach orgasm.

The last time I started a meaningful relationship with someone, I was very young. I fell in love fast and hard. I loved our times together but hated our times apart. Now I am middle aged. I love the times together, I miss Him when we are apart. But it is different. Is that just because we are older? Is it because we don’t have that kind of relationship or is it something else?

I don’t know the answer. But last weekend was very special in terms of what we did together and the feelings that those acts generated in me. For the first time I swallowed Sir’s cum. This was a big thing for me, and is worthy of its own post. Plus on Sunday evening I feel that we came as close as we ever have to making love. No particular kink, but just pure carnal pleasure for both of us.

I don’t know if this is love, but whatever it is it makes me feel very good and I want lots more of it!

Happy Valentines Master!

Clamps and a crop

I was no sooner in the door at Sir’s on Friday night before he presented me with two early valentines gifts.

Chocolates?

Flowers?

Don’t be silly. The gifts were a riding crop, with which to spank me and a clamp with which he would be able to squeeze my clit!

We have frequently discussed adding both of these items to our toy collection, and Sir had mentioned that he needed to buy me some presents as he hadn’t got me anything recently. I was not disappointed.

Sir has, on more than one occasion clamped my clit with a nipple clamp and we have found that it has had an amazing effect on me; giving me the most amazing orgasms. This is something that Sir loves. Plus, though spanking is not a massive part of what we do (indeed he is no sadist and i no masochist), using either his hand or belt has just added to the effect.

The clamp is a beautiful, if deadly thing. Looking pretty harmless with jewels at one end. Just like this

This object is capable of amazing pleasure, especially when i am also wearing some clamps on my nipples. However if not quite on the right place, it can cause more pain than i care to describe. A bit more practise is definitely needed (what a shame!).  Being spanked with a riding crop while wearing clamps on the nipples and clit is something else (when they are positioned correctly).

The crop, which i meant to get a photo of, but somehow didn’t get round to is something like this. A long handle with a semi circular (ish) piece of leather at one end. It felt lovely as Sir stroked my bottom and pussy with it. It still felt pretty good as he gently spanked me. The noise as the air whips around it is quite something, but you know when you have received a good thwack with it. And thwack me he did, hard.
Yes it was painful, but oh what a wonderful pain. Pain that prepared  me to receive his cock, first in my pussy and then my arse. Pain that prepared me for a wonderful orgasm, that enabled us to cum together. That was just the first evening.

Is it worth it?

There are going to be 3 distinct phases to this weekend. The first which has already started is to do with preparation and about coping with hubby’s feelings about it all. The second will be the time with Sir and the third will be after, characterised by a major psychological come down and also whatever hubby’s reaction is.

It is around a month since i was last with Sir, so there has been plenty of time to think ahead to ‘next time’. After a visit i spend a week or so longing to be back with Him, a week to 10 days settling back into my normal life and then the rest of the time thinking ahead again. For hubby this final phase of the thinking ahead is very painful. Last night he told me more of these feelings; of humiliation, anger, fear.

i felt and feel terrible that i have inflicted these feelings on someone who i actually do love and care about. This has led me to wonder if it is really worth it? Hubby focuses on the sex in his mind, he constantly thinks about the fact that i will be having sex with another man, and that i will find it more fulfilling that the sex i have with him. i can’t deny this to be the truth, but actually i would be happy to focus on hubby when we are together if he wasn’t quite so fixated on Sir. We discussed whether i should go, and hubby told me he thought i should. i on the other hand lay, after we had finished talking, thinking about the whole thing.

It isn’t just that the arrangements are made and the train tickets bought, that i feel that i am compelled to go to Sir. It isn’t just that i know He can fulfil my needs. i have come to value my trips to Sir to escape the life i currently live, to gain a few days of respite. i believe hubby and i have crossed a line whereby it no longer matters if i go or not, the damage from his point of view is done. He will continue to say what he says, he will continue to be hurt for the foreseeable future and he will continue to go away to visit his own friends. It emerged last night that he appears to have someone on the scene himself, though not for sex. i need him to be happy, and fulfilled in life, not for my benefit, but for his. i told him last night that in my opinion the problems lie with me, and not with him. He is unable to make me feel as i want to feel, and we both know this to be true.

So i will go, i will get my space, i will submit to my Master, i will be fulfilled and will i hope fulfil His needs. Then i will return and pick up the pieces of my marriage, again.

i don’t take this lightly, but at the moment i am compelled to carry on, because right now it seems to be worth it.