Will probably help to define the rest of my life.

It has been 6 weeks or so since i last saw Sir. Since then, home life has involved hubby and i living in some kind of movie set. Living our lives, working, eating, sleeping, socialising, but not quite living in reality. We have chatted and laughed, but equally we have argued and goaded each other. We have danced around the issue, sometimes avoiding it, sometimes half facing it. Words have been spoken, many of those words have been unkind. Half truths have been spoken too.

Yesterday reality hit. He asked when i would be going to see Sir and when i told him he reacted. His reaction was to leave, get drunk and arrive home this morning. Tonight he is out again and he will be back tomorrow. He says tomorrow he will be home.

This i know is my chance to keep my marriage. To do so will involve staying home this weekend (even though hubby has said he will be away), but actually i realise that Sir is a symptom not the cause of this. increasingly i wonder about the wisdom of saving this marriage.

This last few weeks since i told hubby about my infidelity has taught me that relationships shouldn’t be like this. There seems to be no care, respect or love between us to speak us. What exists is point scoring, and an inability to listen carefully to what the other says. There is pain.

The pain is not just his (though he has every right to feel very very hurt by what i have done), but it is mine too.

That, i think is where we are today.

7 thoughts on “This weekend”

  1. I think you are right L. I really want to be brave enough now to follow my own way in life. I think I ultimately will, but I am not quite ready (or brave enough) just yet. Glad also things are looking up for you! Jx

  2. love and a huge hug from a stranger a long long way away. It's frightening deciding what to do. When something is over and you are not happy, that enormity of the tasks that lay ahead keeps one firmly in place. The pragmatic, the fears of the size of the jobs at hand. I have a younger one to consider, but when its all said and done, and the job of keeping the younger ones safe and happy is over and they are men…would that be the right time to consider following a different future?

    L x

  3. Joolz, I am so sorry for all of the stress and strain you are going through. I think having this period of no-rash-decisions, self-examination, relationship-examination, hubby-examination and Sir-examination mean that you have the best chance of making the right decision.

    It seems like a marriage is worth fighting for and compromising to make work if there is love, respect and passion at the heart of it.

    I am sure that living with hubby has been stressful – especially not knowing how he would react. I wish you all luck and will hope for the best possible outcome.


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