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i think that best describes how things are right now. Hubby and i have had a number of really good days, but any time i am lulled into the idea that this will be plain sailing, stuff is said that puts me straight back into my place. He firmly believes that Sir and i have a budding love affair and that at all times i am pining for Him. Hubby thinks that whenever i am apart from him, i am on the phone, text, online to Sir. Hubby also thinks that the more sex we have the more that i will want him. None of the above is entirely true, but there are some truths hidden there.

Sir and i have never proclaimed our love, though there have been times during some highly sexy, submissive moments that i have come close. i don’t think about Sir all the time, but it is true i do think about him; why would i not? i am going to spend next weekend with Sir and to be honest, given that i am really excited to be seeing Him, i am thinking about things a bit more than usual.

Sir and i don’t get to chat nearly enough. i worry about this, as without relatively frequent contact, it is hard to maintain this dynamic effectively. i know, however, that He has plans for next week that will help get me back on the straight and narrow. When it comes to contact, i am an adult, i have a job and family and so am not in constant contact. This is not new. Having said that, i would love to be able to go back to the days i could chat online with Sir while hubby was in the room. That can no longer happen and is probably a good thing right now.

Hubby wants much more sex. What is interesting is that i have started to get over the ‘i can’t stand sex with this man’ and started to enjoy it reasonably well. It isn’t the same as i have with Sir, which is a good thing. It is no where near as satisfying and it is over rather speedily even with foreplay. Now this is an interesting departure, since for all of these years i thought that he has little knowledge of this phenomena. But actually it seems he knew how to find my clit all along. After being ignored for months, the attention is pleasant, but a little unnerving at times.

i fully expect the next week to be difficult. i haven’t told hubby yet that i am going to see Sir, though he is expecting it. i doubt he is ever going to accept this dynamic and i am still taking each day as it comes. But to be honest there are more ups and than downs and that is something that i can live with right now.

11 thoughts on “Ups and Downs”

  1. It is hard on a relationship, marriage when the dominant one isn't your spouse and I hope things get better between you and hubby. Have a good time with your Sir.

  2. Oh so many chicanes in this windy road of life we travel. I am glad that the ups are outweighing the downs. I'm sure that getting to see your Sir next week is a large light to look forward to. I hope it goes well and that you feel the satisfaction of submission a more fully afterward.

    Good luck.

  3. I fully understand your hesitation and think that as always you should follow your instinct.

    Mine is playing games with me, but for the moment I am going to continue; see how thinks pan out. Yes he is claiming me, I am not sure yet of my feelings. xx

  4. Hi Joolz
    what a woman! Brave. Hub is claiming you as his. I too have a date to see local D..I haven't told hub yet. So much is my fear of this right now I am considering cancelling with local D.
    Love x

  5. There is no problem in asking Jake; i have laid my life for all to read. You are right, i want it all. Sir would go with that, but hubby? Well not sure. I have made no secret of my desires but emotions are a tricky thing.

    I expect i will have to choose one day quite soon.

    Joolz xx

  6. Joolz, I confess to following your relationship(s) with interest. You have such a challenging life right now! I have a question…don't know whether it's too personal or not, so feel free to ignore if it is. But here it is:

    Do you know where you want to end up with Sir and your husband? In other words, do you know what your overall desired state is for the three of you? From reading, in some ways I suspect that perhaps you want them both. And I wonder if they would agree to that, especially if they understood that's what your end goal was. Sounds challenging, but not impossible…

    All the best, however this whole thing works out!

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