Ups and Downs

i think that best describes how things are right now. Hubby and i have had a number of really good days, but any time i am lulled into the idea that this will be plain sailing, stuff is said that puts me straight back into my place. He firmly believes that Sir and i have a budding love affair and that at all times i am pining for Him. Hubby thinks that whenever i am apart from him, i am on the phone, text, online to Sir. Hubby also thinks that the more sex we have the more that i will want him. None of the above is entirely true, but there are some truths hidden there.

Sir and i have never proclaimed our love, though there have been times during some highly sexy, submissive moments that i have come close. i don’t think about Sir all the time, but it is true i do think about him; why would i not? i am going to spend next weekend with Sir and to be honest, given that i am really excited to be seeing Him, i am thinking about things a bit more than usual.

Sir and i don’t get to chat nearly enough. i worry about this, as without relatively frequent contact, it is hard to maintain this dynamic effectively. i know, however, that He has plans for next week that will help get me back on the straight and narrow. When it comes to contact, i am an adult, i have a job and family and so am not in constant contact. This is not new. Having said that, i would love to be able to go back to the days i could chat online with Sir while hubby was in the room. That can no longer happen and is probably a good thing right now.

Hubby wants much more sex. What is interesting is that i have started to get over the ‘i can’t stand sex with this man’ and started to enjoy it reasonably well. It isn’t the same as i have with Sir, which is a good thing. It is no where near as satisfying and it is over rather speedily even with foreplay. Now this is an interesting departure, since for all of these years i thought that he has little knowledge of this phenomena. But actually it seems he knew how to find my clit all along. After being ignored for months, the attention is pleasant, but a little unnerving at times.

i fully expect the next week to be difficult. i haven’t told hubby yet that i am going to see Sir, though he is expecting it. i doubt he is ever going to accept this dynamic and i am still taking each day as it comes. But to be honest there are more ups and than downs and that is something that i can live with right now.