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Permission – of sorts

It is now 7 days since i took the bull by the horns and came clean. i know it was the right thing to do, and at the time i definitely felt the burden lift from me. As i sit here now (i have a late start this morning and am still in bed), i am feeling quite light hearted. This is helped by the fact that i had an almost complete nights sleep last night. i must say i had forgotten how important sleep is until you don’t get much of it! Telling people really helps though, even though you can’t know the response from anyone until you have spoken the words. I feel really blessed that a few people know about Sir and i now. This includes a close colleague from work who i told on Monday even before i told hubby, my lunch friend and a new female friend from Fetlife who i haven’t met yet but i know i will sometime soon.

There have been many times over the last week when i have thought about the fact that  i could make my life so much easier if i gave up Sir. But i am continually drawn to the knowledge that i really won’t be happy that way. i know deep inside me that without my kink i will quickly become the most miserable person on earth. It took me a long time to be brave enough to start on this journey and i am pretty sure i am not ready to give it up yet (if ever). i have written many times about the whole voyage of discovery i have been on this year and how much it has shown me about myself.

i have been clear with hubby that i want to continue to see Sir. He is kind of accepting this (though of course he doesn’t like it or want it to happen), and sort of gives his permission. He knows no details and i am keeping it like that. i have arranged to go to Sir’s on Sunday and to stay overnight. I am really really happy about this and can’t wait.

On the other hand, i know the next few days will be difficult. This isn’t what he wants and he isn’t about to make my life easy over the next few days. i am however going to focus on two things. Firstly on helping hubby come to terms with what has happened and in trying really hard to be the kind of wife he thinks he wants. Secondly i am thinking about how things will be with Sir (it will have been a month since our last meeting). i am thinking again about my submission and worshiping Him. He is my Master and right now that is what is keeping me going.

9 thoughts on “Permission – of sorts”

  1. absolutely, 28 years counts for a lot. I think you are a wise woman to be introspective and take things one day at a time. You'll make it through. Remember, once you hit bottom, everything looks up from there.

  2. Thanks, it is a relief and I am taking each day as it comes. Even though things will be difficult here before and after I see Sir, I really need to do this.

    We have been married for 28 years and that has to count for something. My feelings about him are very confused right now, but yes I have made progress.

    Thanks for your kind thoughts xx

  3. It sounds like you're making your way and this is great. I'm sure that the burden of secrecy being lifted is a huge relief. You sound as though you are being compassionate while clear about what YOU want. That is impressive as it is so easy to give into hurt or anger and dissolve into bitterness or meanness.

    I know the road ahead is uncertain, but know we're here to support you. I am glad that time with your Sir is ahead of you.

Your thoughts are always welcome

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