I am not going to write much about this now, but since I have used this place to talk about some of the great experiences I have had this year, it only seems right to talk about the less good.
This week I have done the hardest thing ever; I have told hubby I am having an affair. I haven’t told him about the kind of affair it is, but he knows that this year for the first time in our married life (28 years) I have been unfaithful.
I won’t go into details about how it all came about, though I will probably write about it here in a few days as this is essentially my journal and I feel it might be an idea to write down what happened and how I feel.
Hubby is, as might be expected, devastated. He says he suspected something, but I am not sure he really did. He is both angry and as he describes it; broken hearted. I know that I have caused this in the search of my own happiness, and my own feelings about this are very complex. I know what, according to societies expectations of me, I should do. But I really don’t want to do that. I don’t want to give up on what I have found. I just don’t know if I am going to be able to give hubby what he wants too.
If I was on any kind of journey before, I have just reached a cross roads. One which is so over grown it is impossible to see the signposts to tell you which way to go.
I am not looking for advice here, I am just laying out how things are right now.
I have not gone though, I am just working out what to do and what to say.