Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
If someone had asked me this question this time last year, i would have told them that i embrace neither pain or humiliation. i would not have believed that sexual arousal is linked so closely to submission and that pain from clamped nipples and clit and a good spanking would practically give me an orgasm. i would never have believed i would dress in public like some kind of slut – clothes barely covering my underwear (or lack of it) and stocking tops. My willingness to do these things, to embrace both pain and humiliation isn’t something that comes without a significant person to do those things with and for. i am an exhibitionist but i am not about to parade in public for just anyone nor am i going to go up to any man in the street (or on fetlife or some chat room) and ask to be spanked.
I consider myself very lucky to have found someome special to be humiliated and spanked by. We hit it off from the first time we chatted online and then on the phone and clicked during our first meeting. So much so that we did things together that first night that neither of us can quite believe to this day. i put my trust in him and that trust has grown steadily. The humiliation was present from that first meeting. i walked into a bar wearing a very short skirt, a wrapover top which i wasn’t sure would remain wrapped over, stockings and heels. At his instruction i opened my legs for him for the first time in that bar (they have barely been closed in his presence since) and acted the slut picking up a stranger in a bar. It was almost not even fiction.
The pain came later and grew gradually. i admit to having a love hate relationship with it. Some pain i love and embrace readily, particularly when it involves my nipples. Pain there links directly to my pussy and puts me into an amazing place especially when combined with some firm pressure (for example pinching or clamping) of my clit. Spanking is a different thing. i want it, and when i get it part of me wants it to stop immediately, but the other part (the one where i am getting wetter) wants it to continue. Last time he used a belt on me and that was pretty painful but actually very pleasurable at the same time (especially when you look back at it from a distance of 10 days or so). We have more to explore in this area, more implements to try and luckily there are many bloggers to go to for advice on just what these might be. Lots and lots to look forward to.
As i have said before, we are at a point in the year when meeting will be more difficult, where arranging those meetings will be technically tricky. But writing this and being reminded of my submission and how much i love to submit to Him makes me want to overcome those logistical difficulties and embrace my submission through pain and humiliation soon.