30 Days of Submission – Days 11 and 12

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you? 

Our relationship is not about me providing any kind of service for Him other than that i am there to serve His cock. Our time together is precious; there isn’t nearly enough of it. So most of that time is spent doing the things that have previously been described in this series of posts – those things have a high level of sexual content and / or involve me submitting myself to being humiliated.  So i guess that f there is service it is sexual.

I would happily submit to elements of serving my Sir, but he has said many times that He doesn’t want me to prepare him food or drink, clear up after him or to provide any kind of grooming task. Luna KM has a great article on the meaning behind service here, and it is clear from reading it that this is not me and it is not what He wants. 

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

There is no financial submission going on here. We don’t live together, we have no financial reliance on each other and i doubt that will ever be part of any arrangement we have. We try to share costs, for the things we buy for the things we do. I buy most of the clothes i will wear for the purpose of our relationship. But Sir also buys me / us things. We also share the costs of our meetings – food, drink, accommodation. 

In my relationship with hubby, i manage the finances. It is not anything dominant or submissive, it is just that he can’t really be bothered to do it and someone has to take some kind of control. Decisions about how money is spent are made jointly, but i have the control in how that takes place. It makes spending money on a corset or a train ticket very easy. Mind you i work, earn a good salary and the money i spend is mine to do with as i wish. 

i have always worked, was never a stay at home mum, so have never been completely dependent financially on anyone. i like to know that i can spend money (or not ) if i chose and that no one can tell me i shouldn’t do so. As for handing over my salary to another in the name of submission; can’t imagine it happening. i love to submit and to show my vulnerability in the bedroom (and outside) but i worry about people who put themselves into a vulnerable position in this way. Who become so reliant on another that they have to ask for money for everything. That isn’t and will never be me.

30 Days of Submission – Day 10

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Wikipedia tells me that BDSM is a portmanteau acronym (love that word) for Bondage / Discipline, Dominance / Submission, Sadism / Masochism

All of these elements are present to a greater or lesser degree, as i have pretty much described throughout this series of posts. Sir has the best bed for being tied to (in my humble opinion) and that happened from the start, we have since moved onto that lovely day in May when i was tied to a tree. I am also now often cuffed. But there is not always a need to be physically restrained, the restraints can be mentally applied – don’t touch, keep your hands above your head, spread your legs and keep them like that. Sometimes emotional bonds can be just as effective. This is where the discipline comes in, because not keeping the hands away, not asking to touch or to take Sir’s cock might lead to some kind of punishment. And as discussed in a comment on the last post (day 8 and 9) more punishment may yet be applied in the near future, which will mean there is more discipline. There is also the structure that i crave, which is something we are also discussing. Sir thinks that perhaps i need more discipline. Yes please i say!

 Dominance and submission? Well yes. Haven’t i spoken of this enough? Finding someone to dominate me, allowing me to express my submission, has been the making of me as far as i can see. 

So Sadomasochism? Wikipedia (again) tells me that this is the receiving of pleasure through the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation. Who ever knew that pain could give you such pleasure? Well certainly not me who always avoided pain. Who knew that the more pain that was inflicted on your nipples, on your backside (to give just two examples) could arouse you in the way it does to me. As Sir says – it makes you so wet!

As for humiliation; well i know that i am turned on beyond anything by being made to wear clothes i consider a bit risque for a woman of my age, to be provocative to Sir in a public place and to appear to pick up a stranger. More of this excitement will happen in the week to come!

Plus as of this morning the corset fits – i predict that will lead to some fun along the entire BDSM spectrum, Can’t wait!

I am Number 18

The 18th person to become a Cock Worshiping Sub (CWS for short over at Spanky’s place Bright Bottom. i have thought of becoming a member for quite a while, because of course i do worship Sir’s cock and know that my place during play and in the bedroom is to give Him pleasure. That pleasure includes him using any part of me that he chooses for his cock. I love nothing more than to feel his cock inside me, owning me, possessing me.

What is different with Sir, as apposed to what has gone before is that i really do worship that cock. It is those moments when i am kneeling before him, with his cock in my mouth that i face who i am, what i am and where i am. i truly worship him and his cock.

Spanky has set a challenge for all the CWS members (this is number 2), as follows:

To write 55 words on the moment before you know you will be sucking a cock.

i have waited weeks for this and here i am. The smell; newly showered mixed with arousal. Is that me or you? Maybe both of us? It is big today, will it fit into my mouth? Will i be able to give you what you want? Can i take you deep enough. I will.

30 Days of Submission – Days 8 and 9

Today, i am writing about two days of submission in one. This is mainly because i have little to write on the first and also because it seems a good idea to get through these a bit more quickly.

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

So far my relationship with Sir has been mainly based on things other than spanking. That is not to say that there hasn’t been spanking, because there has. We haven’t really got into that side yet. Maybe we will in the near future, who knows? i have to admit i prefer other elements of the things we do (kneeling before him, being tied or restrained, nipple clamps, humiliation to name a few), but am not averse to being spanked, whether it is with His hand of some other implement.

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them? 

i like structure and rules. it is what can make this different from other relationships and certainly from my hubby. With him there are no rules as such, just custom and practice, some of it less than exciting. i like that Sir can suddenly introduce a rule, and that rules can change. When i arrive at Sir’s house i kneel before him, i am collared, maybe cuffed, maybe nipple clamps are applied and immediately i am expected to suck his cock. This is a ritual i love. Sir likes me to wear glasses rather than contacts, i am always happy to comply (i wear contacts too much anyway). Sir says i am to wear stockings and not tights, he says i am not to wear knickers (i don’t always comply with these all of the time, but am doing so increasingly. 

I would like more structure and more rules, but to be realistic, monitoring these would be more time consuming and take effort and i am not sure either of us is so inclined. Maybe it is something we will discuss after He has read this.

There are limits, but we are exploring those as we go. i am fairly sure that we both share similar ideas on what those limits are. We have a safeword, but i haven’t come close to using it since if i say that i am not sure about something then we pause or stop. Trust is the name of the game and that’s what we have. 

30 Days of Submission – Day 7

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it? 

So far i have needed little in the way of punishment, since i am a pretty compliant well behaved submissive. i tend to do as i am told, mainly because i know what is coming and i am able to do what is expected. Any discipline is part of the scene, role play or just plain play we are involved in and it is something i like to receive. Sir tells me he thinks he should punish me more, but so far i have avoided it. Last time we met i managed to avoid doing some things i didn’t want to do (e.g. wearing stockings to the supermarket on a very hot evening) and afterwards we discussed that perhaps these kinds of things should be punished. i await my fate with interest!

i have no problem with being disciplined in whichever way Sir sees fit, as i actually trust him and am pretty sure he would make any punishment fit whatever misdemeanor i was deemed to have committed. i am also pretty sure that it would be pretty arousing.

30 Days of Submission – Day 6

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

i am the elder of 3 children (i have 2 younger brothers). i think if anything i was dominant of them, rather than submissive to them. The elder brother had a slight stutter when young and i am told i used to help him out by speaking on his behalf (i know that isn’t a help, but it certainly seemed like it at the time). The younger brother is almost 6 years younger than me and i kind of mothered him. i loved taking care of him and taking him places. Even as i became a teenager i took him with me on days out (including when i first got together with hubby). There is no way i was particularly submissive at home. 

When hubby and i moved in together and then married, it wasn’t any kind of discipline or submission that made me develop the desire to take care of my new hubby, i just liked to do it. i remember taking whole days to clean the house and cook food (oh how young and keen i was, oh what a home maker). It was only later that i realised that i had created a rod for my own back. That even if i wanted him to do things i couldn’t unless i ranted and raved and even then, not always. i am the doer, the decision maker, even down to deciding what we will have for dinner. i often long for this not to be the case.

What i do know though is that i had to work hard on my confidence, particularly at work. People consider me to be able and confident. I believe though that i haven’t got that way without working at it. Keeping up that act is hard work, as is doing everything for someone at home. i long yearned for a release, some way i could be someone different at least some of the time. 

The submission i have discovered with Sir has provided me with that. It gives me the opportunity to give the responsibility for decision making about certain things to someone else. That i find liberating. 

The other big thing for me is the extent to which submission is a sexual turn on. Being restrained, being told that i am a slut or a whore, kneeling, bending over to be spanked; the list feels almost endless. The humiliation part of TTWD, i think is one of the big part of my submission and is most definitely sexually liberating for me. To dress in a way that has been dictated, but which i would not usually entertain. To do things in a public place that would normally be carried out in privacy. Those things give me a massive sexual thrill, and because they turn me on, Sir finds them arousing and pleasing. This then adds to the pleasure of submission and so on.

30 Days of Submission – Day 5

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

 This is something new and it is my first. Today is the 5  month anniversary of the first time i chatted online with Sir. We role played a scene involving an estate agent and a woman selling her house due to marriage breakup. It involved dinner in a swanky restaurant and naughty stuff happening under the table cloth. 

Shortly before that, i had begun reading about BDSM (again as it was not the first time), but after that particular ‘chat’ and subsequent discussions, i read much much more. My thirst for information was insatiable. What i read in blogs, online articles and in books made me more and more curious. 

This feels unique when set against my other relationships, mainly because of its intensity, of the level of trust required and the things we do together. If hubby asks me to give him a blow job and i don’t feel like it particularly, then i say just that and whether he likes it or not he doesn’t get one. Of course i don’t get much in the way of satisfaction either. With Sir, if he tells me to get on my knees and give him a blow job i just do it. This is because the relationship is based on Him being the Dominant, my Master and me being his submissive, his slut. i also know that i will get lots and lots of good feelings in return and if i am lucky with that will include many orgasms. In this relationship i have experienced many things i only ever dreamed of before and that makes it different.