Over the last 4 months, since meeting Sir, first online and on the phone and then in real life i have learnt to face the fact that i am actually turned on by feelings of humiliation. From the first time that Sir called me a whore and a slut on the phone, i have felt both disgusted and thrilled. Disgusted because it is ingrained within me that those terms are for people who are ‘not like me’, people who are cheap, who sleep around who show off their bodies in a demeaning way. Mind you i have always held a view that people can do as they wish, and don’t believe i have actually ever described anyone as a slut anytime since i was at school, if then. Well who would know that actually i love to be called a slut myself, or indeed put myself in a position where i encouraged someone to call me such a name.
Last time i was with Sir, we went out with me, a middle aged woman (of course with him a middle aged man) dressed in what could only be described as provocative and ‘sluttish clothing, The events of that evening led to me be more turned on than i probably have ever been before. Sir called me ‘wanton’ that night.
This week in the absence of any opportunity to see Sir for another couple of weeks, i have done what Sir likes and gone without knickers for 4 days out of 5. This might be something of a record, since i have worn trousers only one working day. i have felt exposed, i have thought the unlikely might happen and any moment i would trip over in the middle of the office and expose myself. Travelling on the escalator within a local department store i worried people would be able to see up my skirt, of course utter rubbish. I have embraced this whole process though, because it brings me back to who i am, who i want to be and what i want to be.
Today, under Sir’s instruction i ventured out at lunchtime with no knickers and a butt plug where a butt plug goes. This was the ultimate in humiliation. No knickers and butt plug, the fear that it would fall out in the middle of town. Texting Sir, Him calling me a Slut (even if we missed chatting as i didn’t hear his text come through was exhilarating. Never mind that i had to go to the supermarket toilet and remove the plug because there was a definite danger of it falling out in the middle of the fruit and veg aisle! I was turned on and remained on all afternoon.
All of this is setting Sir’s creative juices flowing and he has ideas for some humiliating events in the future. i find this scary, it makes me anxious. Trouble is it also excites me. He has me eating out of the palm of his hand. i just can’t help myself since there is no doubt i am his sub and he is one hell of a Master!