Conforming to the social norms

I have never been particularly rebellious, except perhaps in my own mind. I like the idea of speeding, but even if I had a really fast car I wouldn’t be able to manage say 100 miles an hour, after all it would make me nauseous.If I finish work early, even if I started early, I feel guilty. I have spent my life doing just what people expected of me, if I am doing something different I worry about what people will think of me.

Suddenly though I want to break the norm. I want to do something out of character, I want to tell people that Joolz – daughter, sister, mother, wife – she is not who you think she is.

I want to be brave. To tell people that actually the person they think I am is not really me.

Trouble is, am I brave enough to ask for, hell to say what I want?

Will people say I am selfish? After all what I want is probably a bit of everything. A bit of my 28 year marriage and the stability that goes with it. I want my job; it has taken 30 years to get to this level of satisfaction and pay. I want my family to love and respect me. I want my son to see me as the mother I have always been.

But I want the kind of experiences I get with Sir. I want to be able to leave town for a couple of days, to submit, to be submissive, to be bound, to be made to do humiliating and sexy things. I want listen to Sir’s jokes, to his knowledge of historical stuff. I want to eat the food he cooks, I want to snuggle up with him and I want to be fucked senseless by him.

Then I want to go home till next time.

A tall order? Selfish?. Yes.

Its what I want, but can I have it?

Probably not

A few reflections

The weekend was wonderful, the longest we have spent together, a special time. I am going to need more time to be able to write some coherent thoughts. For a start, I am quite tired. There wasn’t loads of time spent asleep, also while I feel really happy about all that we did, all that was said and done, my general mood today is low. Rather than be happy for what I have I want to cry for what I don’t have. This morning I am not with Sir and there is nowhere right now I would rather be.

Just as a taster, and so I don’t forget what I need to write about on here (as if I will), here are a few highlights. Arriving, being collared, and put in handcuffs (a new addition to the repertoire). Those wonderful minutes post waking when I had Sir’s cock in my mouth, Sir waking me yesterday with his fingers on my clit, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, wow! Then there was the outside stuff, the lovely long walk on Saturday, on what appears to have been the first day of the British summer proper! Sir showed me the beautiful area within which he lives, walking on top of the cliffs looking at the wonderful views, then a picnic on the beach was just perfect. Then the humiliating walk I took late that night, along the sea front, dressed as a slut in very short skirt, barely covering my stocking tops, the crotchless thong not covering my backside one bit. Taking Sir’s cock in my mouth, in a seaside shelter, while cars passed us on the road behind and one or two people walked along the seafront.

The trouble with having such a wonderful time is that you just want more of it. Right now I am struggling to work out quite how to get it and that is getting in the way of my happy thoughts. Give me a few hours back at work to put things back into perspective and I am sure I can put anything negative aside and really reflect on the good.

More later.