Two events will happen at the end of this week. The first one will be when my son arrives home from the USA on Friday. He has been studying in California for the last academic year, though he did come home for Christmas. We went over to see him for his birthday in February, meeting his American girlfriend, some of his friends and taking him to Vegas!
Saturday sees hubby going on an annual day to the races which will enable Sir and i to have a day out in the great Britich outdoors (please let the weather hold)!
So i am almost too excited to work (though of course i am functioning fine at work). i am anxious about getting the son’s room ready in time (carpet arrives Thursday; yes i am cutting it fine). Plus Sir and i are almost over planning the day we will have (online and this morning on the phone). Sir has in mind some naked outdoor play, some bondage, nipple clamps (if he has bought them), lots of naughty sex, food (there will always be food as sex makes Sir very hungry) and fun. We always have fun.
In a way i dont want to get Friday over – i just want it to arrive. Your baby is always your baby and i so want to see him. But a day with Sir. Well I want that too!
I have just updated the ‘The Journey’ Page with my progress over the last month or so. I am going to try to add to the page so that i make it a proper diary / journal of my progress. A place to summarise what i have done and to think a little more deeply about it.
This picture sums things up for me this morning – i am thinking more about what i wear, including the shoes i wear (since sir prefers heels and i wear flats quite a bit) and it shows the long path i think i have just embarked on. The fact that the road is yellow makes me think that there is fun to be had. It is a yellow brick road, i am not Dorothy, but along that road i will need to find courage, a heart and keep my head clear and my brain in gear!
This week’s two lunchtime phone sessions have been rounded off by a third last night. i am currently in a hotel in the East of the Country where i am on a work related course. Last evening after dinner with my kindle in the hotel bar (plus a glass of a very average sauvignon blanc) i returned to my lonely room and dressed for sir. i have mentioned before that i am intrigued by my willingness to dress as instructed when the person who did this instructing can’t see me. Of course i did it and enjoyed the feeling of the sexy underwear as we spoke to each other on the phone. Sir had his children staying (which is why he was unable to join me) and the fact that he whispered down the phone to make sure his older child couldn’t hear if not quite asleep made it all the sexier.
Phone sex is no replacement for the real thing but when you can’t have reality it is pretty sexy and being told what to touch and where, what toys to use and where is even more erotic. We talked about where we will go next time i get down to his place and what we will do when we are there. He is pushing himself and me to try some new things and i am as he says a willing pupil.
i finished my latest book, the second in the Masters at Arms series. i think i will write a review of both the books read so far tomorrow morning.
So despite being alone in a hotel room i am a happy bunny and am feeling pretty fulfilled and loved. That can’t be a bad end to a week can it?
All 4 walls are now covered in the chosen colour. The ceiling has been painted twice and no longer looks patchy. This morning i have spent a lot of time painting around windows, doors, the ceiling, radiator, that kind of thing. This is a slower process and allows some more detailed thinking time.
My son is 21. He is my only child (that fact might be worthy of a post another day) and for the last 10 months (other than a month over Christmas) he has been at University in California. Since i am in the UK this is quite a long way away (I know stating the obvious). He is due home at the end of next week and i promised to decorate his room for his return. It will be a more grown up place fitting for a young man about to enjoy summer before going off to his English University for his last year. What will happen after that i don’t know. However he does have an American girlfriend now, so his future may not be in this country. This no longer fills me with the kind of dread that it once did. He has grown into a great young man, and he is someone who will and of course should make his own choices.
This is the last time i will decorate his bedroom. In truth once the summer is over he won’t use it very much until next summer. But decoratng, cleaning and freshening it up (teenage boys are messy and dirty at times) is part of the whole process i am currently going through. As is the decluttering i am starting to do too. I need to clear out some of the remnants of the past 25 years or more.
As i was painting this morning i was thinking about my house; the place i call home. What does it mean to me? It is a place we moved to when my son was only 3 months old. He has grown up here, and it has been a family place. But it has not always been a happy place for me. i have struggled to get hubby to make it the place i wanted it to be those years ago. He isn’t a DIY person and really only does anything when forced. He is not really bothered by mess or by things that aren’t quite finished. i have tried to start and finish things myself, but it can be difficult when the other person in the relationship can’t really be bothered. Once things ‘look better’ he is happy.
So my thoughts this morning were that while i am enjoying doing this for my son as i enjoy making things nice for myself in this home i don’t really have a deep attachment to it. In the past i always thought that if my marriage failed, he would be the one to leave. Now i am not so sure. I think actually that i would be as happy living somewhere else. In fact i would quite like to live somewhere where i had not spent years struggling through my marriage. Where i had not nagged and ranted at times. Where i had not slammed the door and walked out around the block in tears. Where i had not had to learn to keep my mouth shut.
When the time comes i think i can walk away and leave this place. I think i can take with me the good and leave behind the bad. i just don’t know yet when that will be. For now, i am going to live for today. And for next Friday when he comes home for the summer (or for a few days until he goes to visit his university friends).
This morning’s music has been entirely the Verve. My favorite from them is Bitter Sweet Symphony, which i have been singing while i work.
Now it is lunchtime and soon i will be having a ‘chat’ with Sir. If it is worthy of note, i may write something else later!
You might call this post ophone, rather than iphone!
i have a couple of days off to decorate my son’s room. i have been looking forward to these days, not specifically because of the decorating though that is quite theraputic (when you have moved on from painting the ceiling which is quite painful), particularly for someone like me who has lots to consider right now.
i love listening to music when i am doing things like painting, and i like to choose music to fit my mood. This morning’s selection has included Adele, Mumford and Sons and Keane. i find you can fit the lyrics to many a song to your thoughts and feelings. One of my favourite songs ever is Keane’s “Somewhere only we know“. This made me think of a place Master took me last week in the great English outdoors and got me thinking about the things we did there. There is something about being outside that i find very erotic. But then most things i do with Sir right now is pretty erotic. As i am not entirely shallow i also spent quite a bit of Adele’s albumn considering the state of my relationship with the man with whom i live and what i am going to do in the mid to longer term. i would like to stay living together, and to be able to see Sir openly, but i don’t think that will work for him. Still i will continue to work that one through in my head. i think i will return to that at a later date here as this place is quite a good one for thinking things through.
Sir arranged with me yesterday that we would have a phone ‘chat’ today at lunchtime. We arranged what i would wear. i really do love wearing what sir tells me to, even if i know he can’t see me. Today it was my split bra and knicker set, suspenders, stockings and high heel fuck me shoes. i have had to put myself out and at 12.30 there i was having my second shower of the day (decorating is hot and colourful work) before dressing. We have been talking about Sir buying me some nipple clamps; this idea definitely appeals to me as i very much like having then pinched and bitten. So today he suggested clothes pegs to try it out. And wow what an amazing experience.iI put them on while we were talking about things we have done and will do in the future. Boy it was like being short circuited! i had the most amazing orgasm right there on the phone with Sir. Nipples pegged and clit massaged. i had to lie down afterwards due to being just a little on the light headed side. Sir was pretty pleased and is definitely keen on the clamps now, and wow so am i.
So back in my decorating clothes; back to work. Just got to decide on some suitable music for the afternoon session. something up beat to match my mood i think!
The great thing about the times spent with Master is that we do so many different wonderful things. I can live off those memories for days. This morning, when i was awake but it was much too early to get up on a Saturday i was considering how it felt to be tied to Master’s bed. He has a great wooden bed which lends itself nicely to an individual slut being tied by all 4 limbs. I was tied to this bed by 4 of the loudest ties you have seen, something that made me smile. Just being tied there made me feel pretty aroused, without what came next. I wonder what it is that gets you going so much, when actually nothing has particularly happened yet.
Master spent a lot of time on Wednesday attending to my needs which was a wonderful wonderful thing, but i do feel bad if i feel i am getting more out of it than him (though of course making someone else cum is arousing too). Tied to that bed though, i attended to plenty of Master’s body. He has a cock that really does fill my mouth and when he is pushing it further down my throat while i am tied up, i can concentrate on little else. This is a very good thing as i am someone who often has too much to say and also who lets her mind wander. A mouth filled with cock while the owner of that cock makes me cum definitely concentrates the mind. This was one of the things i let my mind drift to while lying there this morning. The other thing was when Sir let me lick his balls and his anus. I have never thought the anus to be an attractive area for licking, but actually if felt very very nice, and licking that while master attended to my needs was very good. So good indeed that i came very soon afterwards.
On Wednesday Master said that he had “never been in a relationship before where he had quite so much sex”. This statement made me feel very good. Firstly because Sir thinks this is a relationship and i realised i want one of those with him. Plus he must want to have lots of sex with me as i do with him. I wonder if for both of us it is a mid life thing. Lots of sex. But sex is not all we do and particularly Master gets very hungry after every little session. I on the other hand could leave food when i am aroused. But Master likes to feed us both and he provided us with some very nice offerings.
After Wednesday I emailed the probably very nice Dom who wanted me to write his name on my pussy while in the submissive position, wearing a collar and told him i am seeing someone else and that i thought it best to end things now. I feel really glad i have done this because i am telling enough lies to one man i can’t get involved with any more deception. Plus i have my relationship with Sir and that for now is sufficient thanks!
The day before (Just realised i am very unadventurous about my titles). It is not often i wake up and wish it were yesterday, but at 5.30 this morning i woke briefly and wished just that. Now too, in the quite cool and cloudy light of day i would love to be on the M25 (as i was at this time yesterday) on the the way to see Master.
Our day together yesterday was pretty wonderful, it was also a long day – i was with him from around 9.30am till just before 7pm and boy did we pack the day with good things. Do i ache as a concequence today? Yes! Does that kind of day make me yearn for more? Yes!.
After days and days where it has seemingly rained each and every day, at last yesterday morning was one of bright sunshine and blue skies. It was cool as i drove down to the coast, but the lovely day put a spring in my step (if you can say that when driving a car). Master had the coffee waiting and we went outside in his little back yard, a sun trap if ever there was one, to enjoy it. No sooner had i got myself comfortable though that master had my legs spread, revealing my newly shaved, pantyless pussy. From that first wonderful orgasm in the garden the day was full and full on.
It was also a day of firsts – the first time i have had sex involving penetration in the great british countryside, the first time i have been made to wear a collar, the first time i have been completely tied to a bed. When i think back, no wonder i ache.
We also spent time chatting. We discussed all kinds of topics and once again were able to be open and honest on a range of things. The honesty in this kind of relationship is one of the most refreshing things. We took a lovely walk along the seafront later in the afternoon and since the little museum there was open we went inside and spent half an hour looking at all of the local history contained within. I am really pleased that we share an interest in history as well as in so many other things.
The only downside for me was that there was definitely something wrong with my bowels and i was unable to enjoy anal sex with master in the way i had last time. It was also much harder, because of this to completely relax at other times for fear that something was about to happen there. Master was great about things though and by the end of the day i really did let myself go and have a fantastic series of orgasms.
It is going to take me a few days to analyse the day, but once i do i will have more to say here. What i can say though is that while joolz aches this morning, she sure is pretty happy with the world!
I have decided that my life is complicated enough that i would be well advised not to get involved in more than one extra maritial affair at a time. I also think that keeping that relationship slightly at arms length and on a more sexual level is what i am most comfortable with right now. I am going to tell A (the serious guy who hasn’t spoken on the phone to me or met me and who wants me to wear a collar for him) that i am not yet ready for this kind of committment. I suspect that once i gave him my phone number he would be pretty intense. I have enjoyed our chats and he sure has a way of getting a girl to open up. But it feels like too much too soon.
I am seeing Master again on Wednesday. I do feel guilty about the way in which i am currently deceiving hubby, but i am going to go ahead and do it anyway. For the second time in a couple of weeks i am taking annual leave to do this and i know that is something i can’t make a habit of. For once in my life i am really putting my wants, needs and desires before anyone else and that in itself is quite scary and unusual. Generally my life is at the beck, call and mercy of others. Master makes me feel good in a way no man ever has and i think for once i am going to be selfish and enjoy it while i can.
Master loves that i am experiencing new feelings and that i love what we are able to do together. I know that he feels that he owns that part of me already and since i am consumed with those feelings for a good part of the time that he owns much more of me than that. I don’t know how any of this will pan out but i know that i must just live for each day and enjoy what i have. There will be more to say after Wednesday!
I could appear so attractive to men online. I must have some kind of gift! I am not talking about the guys you can chat to in an evening who are keen for some cyber sex and who you might ‘bump’ into again for a bit of the same a few days later. But those who are seeking a deeper attachment.
The relationship with Master is developing, we had a good day on Friday and we spent a reasonable amount of time talking about our lives. We didn’t get down to any deep feelings about each other, after all i am married and in exploring mode and he is newly separated and still working through the fall out of the events before and since. We haven’t chatted all that much since (he worked the weekend) and most of the time when we have we have been reliving Friday. i feel a bit nervous about asking him what he wants for the future and anyway i am not sure what i want for mine!
Last night i chatted again to the person i met the other day (see this post). He is a whole different kind of person. For one thing he has extracted masses of information out of me and then he has offered back his thoughts on me and my life. He is scarily accurate in his assessment. He quickly worked out the kind of relationship i have with hubby and challenged me about what keeps me here.
Last week he set a task, he wanted me to shower, shave and then dress in stockings and a silky dress, no underwear and stand infront of the mirror admiring and stroking myself. i did this and yes it was rather nice. Last night he cranked the task up as this time he wants me to shower and shave, then wearing a chocker around my neck he wants me to kneel in a prepared submissive position and say aloud in front of the mirror that i am there for him. Then he wants me to change the choker for a tight necklace and write his name on my pussy then dress as before.
This is something else entirely and it has left me with mixed and confused feelings. i will finish this post when i have had more time to think things through!
i am somone who likes to know about the things i do. i research holidays and places i visit. i buy guide books, some of which i never look at once i arrive! i have a thirst for knowledge, and lets face it the internet is great for people like me who seek to know things. i have been looking periodically at information relating to BDSM and this lifestyle for some time, but over recent weeks i have read little else. Am i a little obsessive right now? Yes pretty much.
There are some interesting websites with forums and information and of course chat rooms and personal ads. i particularly like BDSM Library for information and forums and Bondage.com for the chat facility. But there are so many other resources out there. There are some amazing blogs and information sites. i will start adding to my blogroll soon, but at the moment i am tending to read blog posts in a slightly random way, this is about my thurst for knowledge and about my desire to work out what kind of lifestyle i am looking for and a bit about what my limits might be.
One of the first people i chatted with in a chat room on BDSM library suggested he wanted me to wear a nappy (diaper) so he could train me. Well this is a no no for me. i am not, for anyone wearing a nappy and that it it. But there are lots of things which involve bondage, gagging, sex in public, humiliation, punishment etc which on face value appear more extreme but to me are worth thinking about before saying no.
i have been reading a number of BDSM novels. i am really grateful for the kindle because it means i can sit in my living room or on the train and read what i want. Though recently on the train, tightly squeezed against the next person i reverted to a Rosie Thomas novel instead. Some of the literature available is a little far fetched, though pretty erotic, and these books are often quite short (so be careful not to spend too much on them). But many are extremely good books with excellent plot lines and an underlying message. The Dom of my Dreams by MF Sinclair is one of my favorites. It is about a publishing editor who thinks she is carefree and single, but who is frightened of committment. She tends to pick up men, sleep with them and discard them. The story is about an author giving her a taste of her medicine, while playing to her D/s fantasies. There are more books and when i get round to the blogroll i will create a book list too.
Finally i have been reading two more informational books by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, these are the New Bottoming Book and The Ethical Slut. When i have finished reading these i will say more, suffice to say though i am learning loads.
Lord knows when doing all of this i am managing to fit in normal life, but of course i am. And will continue to do so.