200 not out

This is my 200th post on World of Joolz.

It is amazing to think that when I started this blog I was essentially living something of a dream. Something new and amazing had happened in my life, something I had kind of wanted to happen, but had been too frightened in the past to actually do. I was on a voyage of discovery, about who I was, about the person I can be.

In April last year, when I wrote my first post, everything was new – the relationship, the whole idea of having sex with someone who wasn’t my husband and indeed the type of relationship it was emerging into. S and I had spent lots of time online and on the phone chatting, but we had only met the once. We had spent that first evening and night together but nothing else. I was yet to experience the thrill of humiliation, to discover how pain and pleasure are so closely linked. I was yet to discover so much about him and the kind of relationship we could and would have together. Indeed I had never tasted his cooking or experienced his amazing picnics. I didn’t realise how beautiful the area in which he lives is. There was so much to discover and discover I did.

A couple of days after our relationship ended I started my year two page. I had been waiting for the right moment, the right inspiration, and now in a way I hadn’t anticipated I now had it. Re-reading it last night, I was surprised that I was able to write so clearly when my heart felt just that little bit smashed to pieces.

Two weeks later and I can look back on events with a sense of pride and satisfaction and hopefully soon I will be ready to move on. Meantime, as I pass this land mark (and that’s how it feels), I am wondering how this blog will look in another 200 posts? What further progress will I make, what will I be writing about, after all for now there is no sex in my life, let alone BDSM or any of its constituent parts.

I have plenty to be going on with mind. S and i are still friends, now able to chat freely with each other without me feeling I want to cry. I have a new job, secured this week and which I will be starting in the next week or so (more hours, more money than the work I have recently been doing). I have my apartment in France, which I will own this week and which I will be visiting with my son next weekend. I have my weight loss to concentrate on (10.5lb so far), and I have my friends.

The key part of my life that is different from April 2012 when I started this blog, is that I have discovered so many friends. I have developed friendships with people I already knew but wasn’t all that close to. I have met new people through this blog and through fetlife, friends that I am now quite close to. Plus there are the people I have never met, but whom I have communicated through this and their own blogs and who I think if I met I would be friends with.

Here’s to World of Joolz, onwards into the future. I am here and I am here to stay!

New Year and time to think ahead


The past month has been pretty difficult and has in many ways overshadowed the previous wonderful ones. Today though, as well as being the start of a new year is also the 9 month anniversary of Sir and i first chatting online.

i cannot describe how much i have discovered about myself in that time and from where i sit most of it is good. While i didn’t enjoy lying and deceiving hubby, i have found out that there is so much more to life that i hoped and dreamt of. If you had walked up to me on January 1st last year and told me that within months i would be on my knees before Sir, my nipples clamped, my hands restrained. That i would be telling Him what a whore i am, that i would be asking to suck His cock, asking for Him to Fuck me, use me. If you had told me that i would even contemplate anal sex much less enjoy it. i would have told you that you had gone barking mad. But all of the above is true. What is more, i have learnt that dressing up is not a chore, but exhilarating and arousing. i have discovered that while i am not keen on humiliation while it is happening, once again it is a huge turn on.

Time to move forward then, but actually without too much planning. While my visits to Sir need a little bit of organising, i don’t plan to get too hung up on it all. i have to say that He has been wonderful over the past month. He has given me space, but at the same time has been there for me. i really can’t wait to be with Him again in another couple of weeks. i am sure that he will have some kinky, humiliating and very very sexy ideas up his sleeve for our times together.

As for life with hubby again i am not thinking too far ahead; we will have to see how things go day to day. We do have some good things to look forward to though, particularly my son’s graduation in the summer. i need to find myself a job (got a couple of applications in the pipeline), got to lose that post Christmas weight but nothing that can’t be achieved with a view on that lovely corset!

So as a new year starts, i have to say that things don’t feel too bad. In fact i feel strangely optimistic. Lets hope that this year is a good one for us all.

Picture from lovingdevotion