Looking forwards

2016 was a strange year. For the world it has been full of turbulence, a year when more than ever you got the feeling that people were unable to tolerate difference in each other. Where politics seemed to change course, so that the unexpected and feared became reality. A year when terrorism struck in new places as well as old, in summer and winter. When death showed no respect for talent, fame or fortune. In many ways I feel sad about the things and the people we have lost. I am sad that members of my own family can be so abusive about other people just because they look and dress differently. In the main I just ignore their social media rants. I am sad at the level of homelessness and poverty I see on a daily basis so close to my place of work. I am sad that people feel quite so anxious about the world we live in and that we are made to feel we have so much to fear from each other. I feel sad that we seem to be governed by people who have no understanding of the way in which ordinary people live and appear not to care about them. I feel sad that the world is not the place that perhaps it could be.

But those are external things and while we have to exist in the world we also have the opportunity to make our own happiness. So, I face this year 2017 with hope and expectation that things can only get better, if indeed they really are that bad. My list of good things for 2017:
  1. Master and I are healthy and happy and are looking forward to an increasing amount of time together. I will sell my house this year and hope to be living with him by the end of this year.
  2. We have plans to travel more this year. On Tuesday we are off to Brussels for a few days and have plans for a summer holiday on the Canal du Midi in France. I am sure there will be other places that we will visit too. Some here in the UK and others further afield.
  3. My mum remains healthy and is now expressing interest in moving house and downsizing. This might even result in her being less dependent on me as there are suggestions she may move closer to my brother. But we will see.
  4. My son has today announced his engagement to his girlfriend. They moved into their own home a week ago, having rented for the past 18 months. I can’t describe how happy it makes me feel that he is settled in his life.
  5. Hopefully this year will see Master and I spread our kink ‘wings’ a little. We intend to go to some play and other events and in March we will be attending Eroticon. I am particularly keen to develop my blog, to branch out a little into areas that I haven’t tackled. While it is great to write about real time events and happenings in our sex and kink life, I would like to write more opinion based posts as well as branching into fiction. Plus I am keen to meet more like minded people and to be able to have discussions in real life. Hopefully Eroticon will give us that opportunity.
  6. I plan to join in with many of the memes that circulate our part of the internet and this year to complete the February Photofest and maybe the A-Z of blogging again. I am going to start to plan ahead and devote more time to writing.
Most of all, I intend to live my life to the full. To try to lose more weight, to get fitter, to travel, have fun and enjoy life. I intend to embrace the happiness I feel today and to have as much kinky sex as our ageing bodies will allow  us to enjoy!

The year in review – part 2

As the end of the year approaches, I have decided to make a few changes to the blog, some tidying up and a new theme. I am quite happy with the effect, but we will see.

Following on from Tuesday’s post, this is the second half of the year in review.

In July a slave knelt before Master while a titanium collar was placed around her neck. So 18 months after we first met, an really external symbol of my slavery. To be honest few people have commented, and I think that most people just see it as a piece of jewellery and once that many seem to like. It hasn’t been taken off very much and I am sure as time passes the need to do so will reduce even further. It is now part of me and part of what we are.

On 23rd August I wrote about the kind of kinky dress Master likes to see His girl wear. The harnesses He has bought me and the posture collars denote the way in which He loves me to dress for Him. On this holiday he has pointed out some short skirts and even leather shorts worn with opaque tights that he would like to see me in. I do love to dress for Him, but a bit more weight needs to be shed before the short shorts make an appearance (unless He says otherwise of course).

In early September I took my mum for a short break to France. This meant that Master and I were not only apart, but it was difficult to maintain our usual forms of communication. I have to admit I do struggle during these times, but hope that I am learning from these experiences since one of those separations is coming up when I leave Master in Spain and return to work in just over a week.

I only posted 3 times in October – I was going through a pretty lean blogging patch, but 2 of them seem worthy of mention here. This first one mentioned the wonderful tag Master bought for me to wear with  my collar. I love it and though, because of its weight I haven’t worn it often, recently I did so at our local Christmas munch. It made me feel very proud and was commented on by a number of people. In out of the blue, Master reminded the slave she should never be complacent and that at any time she could be given a task. A good thing too!

The length of my hair is frequently mentioned here on my blog and it is something I know Master is serious about. It is a case of when not if it becomes much shorter.

So to the end of the year and our lovely Christmas together. An end, but also the start of a new year. Thank you everyone who stops by to read about my journey. That will definitely continue into 2016. Happy New Year.

This year in review – Part 1

As the year draws to a close it feels right to look back over this blog and to think about the things that have happened and the ways in which my relationship with Master has developed. Also, since we are still in Spain and this trip is not the hectic round of sightseeing that other holidays have been about, I also have some time on  my hands. I make no excuse for the reflective or long nature of this post.

In January, I wrote about happiness – I would say this has been the theme of my year. I really am happier now than I have ever been, but not just that, people remark that I look happy. I took a selfie on Christmas day which I posted on Facebook. People, including Master commented that I look really happy and I am.

The wonderful Molly’s website is not only a great place to visit to read about her life with Domsigns, but she also hosts various memes and projects, most recently Kink of the week, which I have begun to contribute to. In February I decided to take part in February Photofest, a project to post a kink related photo everyday for the month. It was challenging, but fun and this post is from that month. I include it also because those of us on blogger received emails to tell us that our kind of blogs  – with sexual content  – would no longer be allowed. There was something of an out cry and within weeks Google backed down. I did buy my own domain and transferred my content across, but haven’t actually got around to changing things. Still it is there, ready for next time.

Becoming Master’s slave has brought me a level of contentment that I would never have believed possible. In March we registered ‘this girl’ on the slave registry website. It seemed like a natural progression given our journey that far. Slavery has given me a way to draw a line under the life I had before, where I acted in a slave like way, but without the support and guidance of a Master. This year really has been the beginning of something wonderful.

I would never have imagined when I began my World of Joolz blog in April 2012 that I would have ended up where I am now. It took a great amount of nerve to do what I did in those first few weeks and writing about it has helped me to be able to recognise the journey I have travelled since then. I know Master still reads back to the early days of my blog and also the beginning of our own relationship. He finds it interesting to look back and to discuss with me my early hopes and assumptions. This post from April celebrated the third anniversary of my blog.

Also in April, we went on our first proper holiday together. There had been a number of weekends away in France, Amsterdam and in London but this was different. It was a chance to spend 2 whole weeks together and to test out whether this relationship was likely to stand the test of a prolonged time together. Also a chance to embrace the Master / slave relationship.

In May we celebrated our first year as Master and slave. That year had been both enjoyable and difficult. When He took me as His slave, he also had another. At that time, I was secondary and expected the whole thing to end by the beginning of this year. Together though we managed the emotional turmoil of the end of that relationship and the deepening of this. For me, I have learnt what it is to be Master’s slave and how to manage the time together and apart.

Mostly I try to write this blog for myself, but when I am short of ideas, I often turn to one of Molly’s memes or else to Kayla Lord’s Masturbation Monday. In May I made my first post there, and that has become my most read post to date. I have to admit it is great to share an experience I have enjoyed with Master with a wider audience. It also leads to exploring the blogs of other contributors.

There hasn’t been as much play in our lives this year as we would have liked. This has been mainly due to Master having a shoulder problem for much of that time which caused a great deal of arm pain and restricted movement. Thankfully that has now resolved and hopefully there is lots of fun and games to come. This post from June though is about play times and about Master’s desire to continue the education and experiences of His slave.  Also in June I exchanged the chain I had worn on my wrist for just over 6 months for a cuff. The collar would come next.

Three Years

Three years ago today I wrote my first post on this blog (well the world of joolz, but this is a continuation of that place).

I was a married woman, taking her first faltering steps towards that forbidden place  – the adulterous relationship. In this case a kinky one.

To be honest, looking back, I don’t think it was really a great way to go about things. After all, in order to have my few hours of fun every week or two I told lies, a lot of lies. I told them to lots of people, including myself. But even though it might not have been a perfect route to freedom, it was difficult at the time to see a different one. Life on my own seemed scary and I wasn’t entirely sure back then about what I wanted.Back then everything I brought to the blog was new – the experiences with the man who I called Sir and sometimes Master and my feelings about this new lifestyle I was embarking upon. Over the past 3 years there have been some amazing high points – mainly the ways in which I have discovered myself and who I am. Then I was a sexual novice, an almost 50 year old with very little experience. The sexual me has emerged and I am able to enjoy sex like never before. This voyage of discovery has led me to places that I never knew existed, let alone thought I might want and enjoy.

So here I today with  a life that is infinitely better than it was then in almost all ways. I suppose that means that the end justifies the means? Well perhaps. If I hadn’t embarked on that first relationship with S then I wouldn’t be the kinky person I am now. He offered me some great training in not only in becoming the sexual being I now am, but he helped release my inner slut and made me into the exhibitionist I am.But in BDSM terms it has been the past year where most has happened. Master saw in me a potential pain slut, a slave who needed to  submit to the right man. He has trained me to meet His needs in the way He wants. He has shown me who I really am and what I really need.

In general terms He has helped me to extract myself from my marriage, to cope with the stresses which have accompanied the death of my dad and its aftermath. I in turn have helped Him manage the break-up of His own long term, long distance relationship. I have found a man who I truly love and who I believe loves me too. Right now, I think that is all we both need.

This blog continues into its 4th year.

TMI Tuesday – 30th December 2014

 
1. It’s the end of 2014. How do you feel? Excited? Eager to see what’s in store for the new year?
2014 has been a mixture of highs and lows. I approach 2015 with the feeling that while it will be entirely different there will still be those highs and lows. However I am ready for whatever comes my way.
2. On a scale of 1-10 how satisfied were you with 2014? How satisfied were you with your sex life in 2014? (1 = completely disappointed, 10 = extremely satisfied)

The year itself could have been better, perhaps a 7. It would have been lower but for one important thing!
The sex? Oh, a perfect 10 thanks to my lovely Master!
3. What were your big accomplishments this year?
Firstly accepting that my relationship with S was over when he dumped me for the second time in January and then for getting straight into those ALT chatrooms and discovering the man who is now my Master.
On a personal family level, coping with the traumas in my life – my dad’s illness and death and the progress towards the final end of my marriage.
4. Did you make new year’s resolutions at the beginning of year 2014? How many did you keep?
I started off with Dry January and lasted about 17 days. I resolved to lose weight and did, though it is creeping back on so yet another January diet, this time I think I will try the 5:2. Other than that, I resolved to be happier and I am.
5. Out of all that happened in 2014, what are the biggest lessons you learned?
Sometimes you just have to let life take its course, what will happen will happen. I allowed Master’s former slave to wind me up and to make me unhappy when all I needed to do was to allow their relationship to run its own course. Of course saying it and doing it are two different things.
6. What are you most proud of in 2014?
Managing to keep my head above water work wise when so much else was happening in my life. For that I have my boss to thank and of course my family and most of all my Master. He expects certain behaviours of me and I have learned to think about that before I do and say things, especially at work.
7. How did you spend the majority of your free time in 2014?
With Master. We have been to some wonderful places together and had some fun times. I have also had some amazing play times with Him as well as experiencing the best sex of my life. 
8. Tell us something new you’d like to do or learn in 2015.
It is not new as such, but given I have my apartment in France, I would like to try to improve my french in 2015.

Happy New Year!

Bonus: How was your sex life in 2014?
a. Great
b. Good
c. Not bad
d. It’ll do
e. What’s sex?!
a. great of course!
————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!

6 Months

Friday was the 6 month anniversary of the day I met a man in a pub for a drink. That day was cool and damp. The UK had been ‘enjoying’ one of the wettest winters on record and the roads around that village were flooded. We took a little walk around the village to look at the sights – The main attraction, the house of a famous author and playwright was closed for the winter. The two local churches (one ruined), were open and we walked around. The man I met on that day, now my Master, says He felt my submission as we strolled, as He touched me and as we kissed. Certainly something happened.

A couple of weeks ago we returned. We had arranged to meet my friend Destiny and her Master for lunch. We got there early and went to the famous author and playwright’s house. It was a beautiful summer’s day. We wandered around and we sat in the beautiful gardens. As is His way, Master stroked his girl’s leg as we stood or sat together. He likes to remind me of who I am and who owns me at times like that. Of course, I wore no underwear on that second time, and was accessible to Him at all times, that is a rule.
The lunch meeting was pleasant, this was the first time we had all met in real time. It was fun getting to know each other properly and to chat.
Afterwards we all walked around the church yards and into the churches, Master and I spoke of that day, 6 months before. Master reminded me that He felt my submission on that day, a submission that has grown and that we both feel so intensely now. There were quite a few people around, including of course our friends, but there were times on that afternoon that I felt that we were truly the only people  in that beautiful place.
On Thursday night, probably already after midnight, we spoke of the journey I have taken since that day, February 1st. We spoke of the ways in which I am different – calmer, more measured in my approach to things. We spoke of my submission which is deeper than it has ever been.
I can’t say how glad I feel I met the man I now call Master and that we found something we both needed inside of us both.

Meme of 2013

Got this from both Abby at Finally finding me and Fiona from Sir Q and me:

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

    I Was made redundant – it opened up a host of possibilities though 
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
    No, I weigh more not less than this time last year. Trying again though
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
    No, but my niece has just announced she is expecting a baby this year.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
    No thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit?
    France and Italy – both beautiful
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
   The confidence to do what I know I must
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
    31st March when I was made redundant and August 1st when I became the owner of a french apartment 
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
    Staying sane while everything around me seemed to go wrong
9. What was your biggest failure?
   To resolve the issues with my hubby
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
   No I have remained healthy, thankfully
11. What was the best thing you bought?
    My lovely new kitchen
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
   My son graduated with a first class honours degree. He has been a complete star this year
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    Hubby’s – he is self absorbed and childish for too much of the time
14. Where did most of your money go?
    The kitchen – worth it though!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
   Seeing Robbie Williams at Wembley, my new car and the kitchen 
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
    Probably The Cave, Mumford and Sons – I played both their albums a lot when I drove to visit S this year.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?
   Happier – no redundancy hanging over me and I am clearer about what I want – just got to work out how to get it
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
    Been able to see S
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
    Worried about the state of my marriage
20. How did you spend Christmas?
    With my parents and son
21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
  No, but I loved and was loved
22. What was your favorite TV program?
   I haven’t watched masses of TV this year, but enjoyed Broadchurch, a murder mystery series set in a beautiful part of England
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    I don’t really hate anyone
24. What was the best book you read?
    I have read lots of books this year, more time, more travel etc. A favourite would be The woman he loved before by Dorothy Koomson, a great novel and also A journey from lost to found by Cheryl Strayed about walking the pacific crest trail
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
  Nothing particular this year
26. What did you want and get?
  A new kitchen 🙂 
27. What did you want and not get?
  A job at the beginning of the year; I have one now though
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
   I really enjoyed Lincoln
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
  I went out for a meal in France, I was and still am 51
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
  Spending more time with S  
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
  Improved – I have a bit more money now
32. What kept you sane?
   Friends
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
   Can’t say I did
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
  I am just irritated by this governments inability to understand how real people have to live  
35. Who did you miss?
   S, particularly for a difficult month around July / August when we weren’t together 
36. Who was the best new person you met?
  My new boss probably  
37. What is a valuable lesson you learned in 2013?

  To believe in yourself and in your decisions

Looking backwards….looking forwards

Its that time of year, a time to think about what has happened over the past 11 and a half months and wondering what is in store.

Often I think I am here, treading water. I feel that no progress is being made. But then again when I look back and see what has happened this year, when I look at how things are right now, maybe I am not quite as stationary as I think.

The relationship with hubby is progressing slowly, surely in the direction of the exit. We both know this, even if at times (usually different times) we try to pretend otherwise. The truth is that 30 years is a long time to be married. Our whole lives have been bound up for so long, it is difficult to quite see the future without each other. He, is at last showing signs that he is beginning to come to terms with things. He seems happier in himself (or maybe more resigned to reality), this may have been helped by the lady on the photos that have accidentally been transferred from his iPhone to my iPad (oh dear, he can be careless too). I prefer to think of him being a little happier than he was earlier in the year, when he said he felt he belonged no where. He still maintains he is visiting male friends every weekend and out with the same friends nearly every night. No one can go out that much without collapsing (especially at his age). At some time soon, we will have to say what needs saying and maybe he might tell me what he is up to. Mean time, we dance around each other a bit.

Today I have a family party, my whole family getting together for my dad’s birthday. Dad isn’t too well and he is of the opinion that he wants to celebrate each birthday in case it is his last. My brothers and their partners will be there, along with some of my nephews and nieces. My son will be there too.  Hubby won’t. This feels like a landmark since in the past we have always turned up to each others family occasions. Hubby says he will only do the things he wants to do now and he doesn’t want to do this. I have booked hotel rooms for my son and myself so I can have a couple of glasses of wine and not have to drive home.

The man formerly known as Sir is still around. The decision we made back in the summer, to be friends and to get together when we both want to, seems to be working. We really are very good friends and continue to help each other through our relationship issues with ex / soon to be ex partners. There is no D/s when we are not together. He is not my master while I go about my life, he is not even my master when we are together and doing ordinary things together. However when it comes to deciding when, where and how we have sex, he is definitely in charge and he is my master. This sounds like we are playing at something, but I don’t think we are. It is how this relationship has developed and how it is. If he decides I will get on my knees and suck his cock, then I am going to do it. If he decides I should wear stockings, no underwear, or whatever when we are together, then that is how I am dressed.

For me it is about being able to let go of everything. To leave the decision making to him. To trust that he knows what he wants and what is best for me and to make sure we both get the best of the situation. Sometimes our sex is a kind of kinky vanilla and sometimes there are clamps, spanking, restraint, perhaps the riding crop makes an appearance. I never know how it will play out and I like it like that. There is always an expectation that I will worship his cock and that is something I love to do. He loves to remind me that he is the only one I have had anal sex with, that his is the only cock I love to suck. He loves to tell me how well he has trained me, and he loves me to tell him that he is the one who has turned me into the slut I now am.

Distance means we can’t spend as much time together as I (and I think he) would like, but I am happy for this relationship to last in the way it is for as long as it is right for both of us.

I kind of know what the future holds, but for now I am not looking too far ahead. Living the moment, and the moment isn’t really too bad.

200 not out

This is my 200th post on World of Joolz.

It is amazing to think that when I started this blog I was essentially living something of a dream. Something new and amazing had happened in my life, something I had kind of wanted to happen, but had been too frightened in the past to actually do. I was on a voyage of discovery, about who I was, about the person I can be.

In April last year, when I wrote my first post, everything was new – the relationship, the whole idea of having sex with someone who wasn’t my husband and indeed the type of relationship it was emerging into. S and I had spent lots of time online and on the phone chatting, but we had only met the once. We had spent that first evening and night together but nothing else. I was yet to experience the thrill of humiliation, to discover how pain and pleasure are so closely linked. I was yet to discover so much about him and the kind of relationship we could and would have together. Indeed I had never tasted his cooking or experienced his amazing picnics. I didn’t realise how beautiful the area in which he lives is. There was so much to discover and discover I did.

A couple of days after our relationship ended I started my year two page. I had been waiting for the right moment, the right inspiration, and now in a way I hadn’t anticipated I now had it. Re-reading it last night, I was surprised that I was able to write so clearly when my heart felt just that little bit smashed to pieces.

Two weeks later and I can look back on events with a sense of pride and satisfaction and hopefully soon I will be ready to move on. Meantime, as I pass this land mark (and that’s how it feels), I am wondering how this blog will look in another 200 posts? What further progress will I make, what will I be writing about, after all for now there is no sex in my life, let alone BDSM or any of its constituent parts.

I have plenty to be going on with mind. S and i are still friends, now able to chat freely with each other without me feeling I want to cry. I have a new job, secured this week and which I will be starting in the next week or so (more hours, more money than the work I have recently been doing). I have my apartment in France, which I will own this week and which I will be visiting with my son next weekend. I have my weight loss to concentrate on (10.5lb so far), and I have my friends.

The key part of my life that is different from April 2012 when I started this blog, is that I have discovered so many friends. I have developed friendships with people I already knew but wasn’t all that close to. I have met new people through this blog and through fetlife, friends that I am now quite close to. Plus there are the people I have never met, but whom I have communicated through this and their own blogs and who I think if I met I would be friends with.

Here’s to World of Joolz, onwards into the future. I am here and I am here to stay!

New Year and time to think ahead

 

The past month has been pretty difficult and has in many ways overshadowed the previous wonderful ones. Today though, as well as being the start of a new year is also the 9 month anniversary of Sir and i first chatting online.

i cannot describe how much i have discovered about myself in that time and from where i sit most of it is good. While i didn’t enjoy lying and deceiving hubby, i have found out that there is so much more to life that i hoped and dreamt of. If you had walked up to me on January 1st last year and told me that within months i would be on my knees before Sir, my nipples clamped, my hands restrained. That i would be telling Him what a whore i am, that i would be asking to suck His cock, asking for Him to Fuck me, use me. If you had told me that i would even contemplate anal sex much less enjoy it. i would have told you that you had gone barking mad. But all of the above is true. What is more, i have learnt that dressing up is not a chore, but exhilarating and arousing. i have discovered that while i am not keen on humiliation while it is happening, once again it is a huge turn on.

Time to move forward then, but actually without too much planning. While my visits to Sir need a little bit of organising, i don’t plan to get too hung up on it all. i have to say that He has been wonderful over the past month. He has given me space, but at the same time has been there for me. i really can’t wait to be with Him again in another couple of weeks. i am sure that he will have some kinky, humiliating and very very sexy ideas up his sleeve for our times together.

As for life with hubby again i am not thinking too far ahead; we will have to see how things go day to day. We do have some good things to look forward to though, particularly my son’s graduation in the summer. i need to find myself a job (got a couple of applications in the pipeline), got to lose that post Christmas weight but nothing that can’t be achieved with a view on that lovely corset!

So as a new year starts, i have to say that things don’t feel too bad. In fact i feel strangely optimistic. Lets hope that this year is a good one for us all.

Picture from lovingdevotion