One to remember

After a Christmas, that in many ways I would like to forget, New Year was something different. Entirely different.

My New Year was spent with the lovely S, and he was pretty keen to make it something special for us both. Special and very different.

He had been working, and I had travelled down during the late afternoon. I arrived shortly after he got in. With no special plans we decided on a quiet evening, the two of us – with food, wine and some kinky sex.

A lot of kinky sex.

For this evening S was once again my Master, in a way he has not really been since the summer. I wore  stockings and heels as usual, but tonight I wore my collar once more. I had my nipples clamped. I was cuffed. I had my panties stuffed into my mouth. I was spanked with both his hand and the riding crop. I was made to lick his ass and balls and then I was allowed to suck his cock. He made me sit on his face and then he gave me the most amazing set of orgasms. I think that was most of part one.

Part 2 was later in the evening, and involved a little more wine and sex on the sofa, or with me knelt on it and then over it. The whole thing is something of a blur.

As midnight approached we cuddled up sipping sparkling wine. He announced that he wanted us upstairs having sex when midnight arrived. Knowing that my family would start to contact me at midnight, I was forced to switch off my phone.

So at midnight, my Sir had his cock inside my backside. He was owning me and I was definitely his slut. Which of course I told him – at his request.

For both of us it was the perfect end to the year and a wonderful way to start the next.

It was definitely one for us both to remember.

Happy New Year to you all.

Life feels good

I haven’t posted here for a few weeks. For once, it isn’t because I don’t want to write something, or because there has been nothing to say. It is just because I have been busy; and in a good way.

I spent part of last weekend with S. After a day of getting on top of home related things (Cupboard clearing part of the preparation for a new kitchen which gets fitted this coming week), I set off. For once, the roads were clear and within 2 hours (trust me that is good going), I was with him. We spent a pleasant evening with some of his friends – BBQ, wine and good conversation – in what will be the last evening out of doors this year.
Back at his we were not late to bed. We were both weary (he had been on a cycle ride during the day and I had as I said been busy in the kitchen), but a few kisses led to some touches and before I knew it, he was inside me. After 3 weeks, it was a wonderful feeling as he pushed inside and stretched me once again. Then as we moved together, as he made me cum and then as he pushed his cock into my tight tight ass. Finally as he came inside me, I felt a huge sense of pleasure and well being.
In the morning S cooked us some very good scrambled eggs with toast – did I ever say how much he looks after me when I am with him? Yes of course, but it is worth saying that he is a great cook!! So much so that I don’t really like scrambled eggs, but love his!!
The day was beautiful, more like summer than some summer days often are. We spent some time planning a geocaching trip. Then, went back to bed.
This time I put on some underwear. Stockings and suspenders, heels – his favourite kind of thing. Then lay in wait.
Stroking me, he noted just how wet I was. Wet and wanton. Positioning himself so he could carry on stroking me, he made it clear he wanted me to suck his cock. I took him into my mouth, gradually taking him deeper. Somehow, I was in the optimum position and he slipped further and further down, yet unusually for me, I didn’t gag. Not even once! All the time, he was working my clit, stroking me there, pinching and bringing me to the edge, time and time again. For the first time in maybe months I really let myself sink into those feelings.
At some point, I requested nipple clamps. But he said he wasn’t quite sure where they were, so applied a human version. There were moments over the next little while when I wondered quite why I had made that request, but as always there was a fine line between pain and pleasure and so pleasure won!
We spent the day out in the beautiful countryside not far from where S lives. Walking, chatting, getting my all time best number of caches in a day. Eating our picnic, drinking our tea. Generally enjoying each others company.
On the way home, it occurred to me that I am just pretty happy right now. Things with S are different to before.  I am not sure how, but they are and what is more they are different in a very good way.

What I am looking forward to

I am seeing S tomorrow night. Unusually for us, fate has offered the opportunity for a night together just a week after the last one. He is on a course and needs to stay in a hotel and that hotel is easily accessible to me after work (traffic permitting).
I have been feeling unusually horny over this weekend. I am not sure if that’s because I know I will be seeing him or if it is my hormones. Like other bloggers, I am peri-menopausal (1 period since March, hot flushes, strange food cravings etc) and so my hormones are all over the place. Recently I have had pretty much no need for the rabbit, since I haven’t been too bothered about an orgasm, but this weekend I have felt differently. The new state of our relationship has meant (as I said yesterday), that he has been even more attentive to my needs than usual. This weekend though, I have even been looking at BDSM porn. Quite unusual for me.
The things I crave and hope to experience tomorrow:
His fingers on my clit as we kiss. He likes quick access to his pussy and generally gets it. I will be wearing a dress and think I might put the stockings on before I drive over and then the heels when I get to his hotel. The fact that this will turn him on, will make me wet even as I drive over there.
Pain – as he twists my nipples, and as he spanks me. I have been thinking about nipple clamps this weekend and that special pain that spreads through your breasts and into your clit. I am definitely considering nipple piercing now and I know he will love that. The combination of nipple pain and pressure on my clit is likely to make my knees weak (if standing).
His cock – I suppose I should have put this first, and I pretty much expect to have my mouth filled very soon after I arrive. That slightly salty but also sweet taste as the first precum oozes out is a favourite thing. Also the feeling of the tip hitting the back of my throat and making me gag. If I am in love with any part of that man, it is probably his cock – it is a good one and of course he knows it.
His cock – inside my pussy. As he pushes it in and I have to stretch to accommodate him. That is an amazing feeling. I love to be joined to him, to feel him inside. He doesn’t often cum inside my pussy, but when he does it almost sends me into oblivion.
His cock – pushing inside my anus. Slowly, slowly stretching me. Entering me in his own special way that no one else has ever done. That part of our time together is about his ownership. When his cock is inside there, he possesses me, I am his slut. At that point there is no doubt of who we are. He is my Dominant and I am his submissive.
When I leave on Tuesday morning I will remember the little things that have happened and the things that we have said to each other. As I drive, I will wriggle a little around the seat in my car. I will be able to taste him, feel his hands, but most of all I will be able to feel his cock inside my backside.  That will stay with me all day, at least.

Photo: Oral pleasures

No longer lost, but not quite found either

So S and I are back in the swing of seeing each other again and things are, I think, pretty good on that front. He seems like his old self, and what’s more, he is keen to see me and to touch me. I am happy to comply with his wishes on dress, and actually I like to dress up for him, to wear the stockings and heels. He finds me attractive and that helps me feel attractive in return. Dominance and submission is always present in the bedroom but outside it our relationship has become pleasantly average. I don’t feel particularly unhappy about that right now. Essentially I can go with the flow, and take our friendship and also give and take the sex.

Due to the unpleasantness I experienced from hubby all of the time he knew of my affair with S, I have decided not to tell him about the recent turn of events. So he doesn’t know I am seeing S again. I feel a little guilty about this, but the emphasis is on ‘little’. Although we appear to live together still. i.e. he has his belongings here and he visits pretty much daily, actually we really aren’t. I don’t actually remember the last time we spent an evening together, or indeed the last time he stayed the night here. He returned on Thursday from a trip to Rome with a friend, appearing on Friday morning to get ready for work. He lay on the bed and held my hand, he told me he had missed me and asked if we could have lunch together. My new job means I can’t just drop everything and come home, and we work quite a distance from each other. I suggested lunch today, and he said he couldn’t do that as he is helping a friend with a job in his garden. So essentially we remain in limbo, unable or perhaps unwilling to have the conversation which will bring things to their natural conclusion. Meanwhile, since we see so little of each other, we are actually on good terms. We are able to text and talk on the phone, without unpleasantness, but then part of that is because he thinks he no longer needs to say anything unpleasant given that he doesn’t know I have seen S again.

The fact is that I have a marriage which might be on its last legs, but which is harder to let go of after nearly 30 years than I might have imagined.

I have a relationship with S which is based on trust, friendship and lust. It contains kinky sex, a bit of humiliation, dressing up for my man and also some pain. If anything he is enjoying showing me how much he cares for me, and attending to my needs just that little bit more.

I still feel like I am on some kind of journey, I just don’t quite know where I am headed, and how long it will take. I guess though that I will know when I am there and what’s more, I will enjoy myself on the way. For now, that will do for me.

Photo from myboundwife.com

Still here

I haven’t had much to write about over the past couple of weeks, plus I have been busy with work and things. That doesn’t mean I am not here and it doesn’t mean I am not keeping up to date with other blogs.

Reading what everyone else is up in their daily lives makes me a little jealous. More and more, I would like to be in a relationship where the D/s and the sex didn’t have to be planned out. Living in the marital home, mostly without a husband, a hundred miles from the man I am involved with is not conducive to spontaneity. It is not as if he can call round and make demands on me, any more than I can call round his and offer myself to him. Still we are where we are and generally things are good.

Having said that, we have something planned out for tomorrow. What is more, we are heading back to the hotel where we first met. The place where I lost my virginity (so to speak), where I dressed in clothes which could only be described as slutty – short skirt, wrap around top, black stockings and heels. Walked into the hotel bar and essentially picked up my man. I was beyond nervous, so much so that I remember little about the whole thing, other than we had a lot of sex for a very long time and that I had anal for the first time. I know that I knelt before him and sucked him and that he used me. I also know that it was good, because I came back for more, much more.

Tomorrow, things will be a little different. For one thing we know each other well. Things will be much more relaxed than that first time. Plus we are going to get out into the countryside, picnic and geocache. But he will again take on the role of Master and I will be his submissive. He may well have me suck him in the woods, he will probably touch what is his and I will do what he wants willingly. Back in the room, I will dress for him in the way he likes and he will call me his slut. He will tell me to bend over and I am pretty sure he will slap me, perhaps with his hand, a belt, or if I am lucky he will have brought the riding crop! If I am even luckier he will have brought the nipple clamps and my nipples will be already tingling and burning.

For a few hours I will be his again. His to use as he wishes. That is what we are offering each other right now, and that is what we accept. For now this will do because I like being with him, he likes being with me and life is complicated enough to not take what you can from it.

Definitely more to come in a couple of days.

Never say never

The weekend went well.

There was no guarantee it would, but it did.
I was tentative as I arrived and he seemed as nervous around me as I was around him. Neither of us knew whether it would be the same.
In one way it was quite different. Neither of us took our D/s roles for granted. Indeed if anything he wanted me to take something of a dominant role to begin with. He wanted to please me and he wanted me to tell him how angry I was with him, to tell him how much of a bastard I thought he was. Trouble is, when you are sitting on someones face while they lick you, and turn you on more than you have been turned on in a month, it is hard to hate them. Especially when that someone is a man who you still desire, much as you would like to pretend otherwise.

The scene we played out at that point was that I was no longer any one’s slut, let alone his and it was his mission to turn me on so much, make me so wild with desire that I would revert. As I said to him, I couldn’t even play hard to get, since I wanted his cock so much! I didn’t call him Sir, not then. The sex was kinky, but there was no overt declaration of our roles. We both took what we needed from each other and that was enough.

The rest of the day was just fun. There was lunch, then a trip out for a walk, trip to a local museum and a new hobby of geocaching which he has just taken up and a bug for which he has now infected me with. Then in the evening dinner, a couple of films and just generally being together.

I knew we needed to talk about what had happened, but was happy to wait until the following morning, after breakfast.

Things in the new relationship did not go to plan, he is sorry he hurt me, I am sorry he hurt me, but also I expressed my surprise at the extent to which I was so affected by our break up. We talked through some of the reasons for that (I will try to put some of it into my journey page some time soon) and then we moved on to getting some pleasure from each other’s bodies.

What I can say is that we still turn each other on. He still knows how to touch me, how to kiss me and just where to put his tongue for maximum pleasure. I worshipped his wonderful cock and my reward was having him put it wherever he wanted. I guess that was his reward too. Plus I admitted he was still my Master and there is very little else to say about the matter here and now.

They say never go back. I am not sure I have done that because it feels a bit different. Anyway, I think I would say never say you will never return because you might just miss out on something good.

New page

That is how it feels.

Perhaps writing my last post, about how lost I was feeling was significant. Maybe it made me turn some kind of corner and to decide what I want to do next.

My decision might surprise some people; it certainly surprises me.

I said there is no going back, and to some extent that’s true. I will never again experience the freedom of thinking that whatever He tells me about his commitment to me, that actually he has no better offer. I will never be so naive as to believe that just because we have had sex today, I couldn’t be told He is ready to move on. I bear the emotional scars of trusting too much, of believing that I wasn’t emotionally involved when clearly I was.

But, it is not over, not completely.

I am going back.

I don’t know if this will be a one off, going back or if it will be longer term.

Strange as it may seem, I still trust Him. He did what he thought was right, even if it turned out to be premature. I found out a lot about myself, certainly that I cared for Him more than I believed. I have been irritated by that, since I thought that I could take or leave what He was offering. Even taking account of the fact that I misjudged what was on offer.

I have discovered that I have needs I previously didn’t know about. I have also confirmed that I can’t just have those needs satisfied by anyone I meet (lovely as they may be).

He is free this weekend, he is unattached again.

I am free this weekend and as attached / un attached as I ever was.

What will happen when we meet, I don’t know.

Things will be different from before, but how different I don’t know until it has happened.

I am following my heart, but also doing what my head says is right for now.

Only time will tell whether my instincts are right!

Looking forward

So yesterday ended in disappointment. But as they say tomorrow is another day. In fact so is today.

My life, as Sir is always reminding me, is mainly positive these days. Redundancy has brought with it new opportunities; new car, apartment in France, new kitchen. In short, i am pretty much financially secure. Of course this doesn’t take account of the prospect of divorce, but at the moment that is a way off.

i have been head hunted for the possibility of work that pays twice the rate i am currently receiving. i will need to go for an interview, but the possibility that i will soon be working full time again for a while is definitely there.

i am proud to report i have lost 7lb in 2 weeks. Diet and fitness are going well and i am on track to wear the corset within the month.

Next, arrangements have been made for the signing of papers for ownership of the French apartment. i am pretty excited about this. There will be a couple of short trips over there in the next few weeks and then hopefully i will be able to rent the apartment out before i take a longer holiday. My birthday is coming up, and i am hoping to be over there then. Perhaps taking my son as a treat for all of his hard work. Of course, i will have work for him to do while there, but i think he will be happy to help get things ready for paying guests.

Son’s graduation is next Thursday; i will be just so proud!

Tomorrow, i am off to visit Sir (traffic permitting).

The weather here is suddenly as summer should be, so in prospect is an afternoon on the beach, just me, my book and perhaps an ice cream and some water. Then later, Sir and i maybe will have a picnic dinner on the beach. I just love this time of year for its long days and warm weather. Plus there is the prospect of al fresco fun, which knowing Sir will involve some kind of risk of being discovered, plus the pushing of my humiliation related limits.

i look forward to sucking Him.

i look forward to being fucked in all orifices.

i look forward to kneeling before Him.

i just look forward……

The best laid plans

The opportunities for Sir and i to get together at the moment are limited. We are just busy people, with lives to live, work to do and family to please. On Sunday, faced with the prospect of not seeing Sir for another month, i hatched a plan. While i wouldn’t be able to stay at His place Wednesday (i.e. tonight), due to work commitments on Thursday, we could at least spend part of the afternoon and evening together for some al fresco fun. Then Friday (two days from now), i will travel to His place and stay over even though he has plans for Saturday night and Sunday. I am all for compromise.

Sir got quite excited about the alfresco possibilities. We discussed scenarios for a scene, and were both pulled along by the thought.

He decided white stockings would be in order. As the girls reading this will know, no one wears white these days so that means ivory – bridal ivory i discovered while shopping. But who can wear ivory stockings with a black or red suspender belt? So I ordered a bridal ivory belt from a famous UK shop where people often by lingerie. This morning, having shaved in preparation, i hurried along and collected this garment. Then i went to my work commitment, which even if i say so myself went well.

The satellite  navigation system in my new car told me i would be at my destination at 3.09, which would allow time for putting on said stockings, suspenders and also some heels. By 2.15 i had covered half the journey, all was well.

Then fate took over. An accident on the ‘road to hell‘ meant that in the following hour i travelled a mile at most. At first i thought, OK i’ll be a bit late, then, OK, i’ll be an hour late. But as time and very little opportunity to get closer to my destination and Sir,  went on, it became apparent that this trip was doomed to failure.

Sir had taken the train, a journey of maybe an hour and a half. I had travelled for 2 hours in my car, then 3 hours, but always we were according to the technology always an hour apart and in the end we decided that we should both head home. Probably a 4 hour wasted journey for us both.

So, today, there has been no fun and games. There has been no ivory suspender belt and stockings, no sex on a picnic table, no picnic, no touching. Nothing but frustration and disappointment.

Sometimes plans are just plans and they don’t work out. Thankfully for us, this was the first time this happened. Plus there is still Friday to look forward to!

Jealousy

Many of the things i have found i love to do for (and with) Sir are things that hubby has always wanted me to do for him. Indeed it is not true that before i met Sir I had never worn stockings and heels for hubby, it is just that i complained about the idea of it. At the same time, i have sucked hubby’s cock, but again, i just didn’t really enjoy it. He tends to cum quickly, and i found the idea of that happening before i was even turned on repulsive. In time this led to me refusing to suck him, refusing to dress up, refusing to do anything that would please him.

It wasn’t that i didn’t want to make him happy, far from it. But i couldn’t see what was in it for me. He has never learnt to touch me in a way that arouses, but throws this back at me, since i should have told him, taught him, shared with him how.

Now he knows the kind of things i will gladly do for Sir he is unsurprisingly jealous. What is more he says he is humiliated that people might find out that he is unable to satisfy me.

In fact, i did not stray because of that reason, well not just for sex. Rather, i looked for a whole range of experiences i wasn’t getting at home.

i wanted someone to take control of situations, to make decisions to tell me what we should do and how we should do it. At the same time i wanted to feel cared for, to be stimulated not just sexually but emotionally and intellectually. i wanted conversations that didn’t include football. i wanted to walk to talk, to find out who i was.

What i found was a D/s relationship, one that i didn’t know i needed and one which for the past 15 months has sustained me. I found sex, amazing kinky sex. I found orgasms, humiliation, exhibitionism. But i also found friendship, someone who seemed to understand me and who in turn i could return the favour.

Hubby is jealous of the sex that he perceives (often quite rightly) that Sir and i enjoy. But perhaps he has a right to be jealous, just not of the things he thinks about,

i have some fun things to look forward to this week. i am really looking forward to some summer fun! More, much more to come……