L is for……

Limits, love and lust. 

When I first started in this whole D/s, BDSM world and chatted to a few guys online they were always interested in your limits. To begin with, I had little idea of what they either were or ought to be and had to read around the subject. I distinctly remember ‘chatting’ with one individual who declared I would be wearing a diaper (nappy in this country), I cut him short and left the conversation. Yep, I thought a limit. When I met S we had a conversation about what we did and didn’t want / intend to do, but I was always free to say no. I never actually did since, despite being tied naked to a tree and fucked on a picnic table, he never asked me to do anything that I considered to be a limit.

With Master, the relationship started off in the same way, limits were discussed in a chat room and, he was always careful to test out I was happy with things. We were playing or else having sex. He discovered my exhibitionist tendencies and pushed those, but I was never unhappy with what he suggested and have never called red. I became his slave during that first summer and then last year received his collar and this caused me to think. I trust this man, he has my submission, I have agreed that he is my owner and so as part of this he should have my limits. He didn’t demand them, I offered them and he grabbed them from me. Of course, I am a human and I have consented to this whole thing, so I can take anything away that was given. But I can’t see that happening. The limits are defined by him and that is how we live our life. He loves the power he feels owning both me and my limits and I in turn love that I no longer have to worry about this kind of thing. Now if he asked me to wear a diaper, things might change!

Love and Lust

I was with the same man for nearly 30 years and so, when it came to getting involved with new people it was difficult to know quite what to expect. What I experienced in the first instance in both relationships I think was lust. I discovered a much more sexual person in myself than I even knew I was and often became overwhelmed with lustful endorphins. Both times I faced, or in Master’s case perceived the end of the relationship, and my reactions made me think I must be in love. With S, this came as a surprise, since he had pushed back quite a bit on the feelings side of things, plus there were things about him which rang alarm bells in me. It told myself that this was about the kinky sex, but when he ended it one hot July day having earlier tied me to a tree in the woods, I was devastated. Later I confirmed to myself that it had been lust. But also my reaction was about the possibility of returning to my former self, a feeling of loss. When the real end of that relationship came, the break was easy.

With Master things were different, it was never meant to be about love. It was supposed to be an opportunity for me to learn about my submission while he bided his time until his real submissive was with him. When he reaffirmed that understanding to me several months later, I felt bereft. I imagined myself as unlovable, pictured myself alone without the man I so obviously loved. That isn’t to say we didn’t lust after each other because we did and still do. But there is more to this, a deeper understanding a way of communicating that I sadly never experienced before. Nor, I think did he. This really is love.

Which makes me go back to my marriage. There was some lust at the beginning, but I really can’t remember when I hungered for him in the way I do for Master. I loved him and still do in a strange way – partly due to his neediness which drove me mad and attracted me.

It may be scary to think that these 3 relationships are pretty much it in terms of sexual encounters. There have been a couple more, but neither feel significant now. But for me, for now I don’t feel I have lost out since I know that what I have now is something I want to keep hold of.


All about the gold

You can thank tori for this post. Like her, I have been short of ideas for blog posts, but unlike her, the whole kink of the week thing is new to me. But having read tori’s post today and then finding where kink of the week lives, I find this week’s kink is a topic I should blog about, so here goes.
As a nurse, I have been covered in a number of bodily fluids – many times before we wore gloves for everything and afterwards since to be honest, blood, poo and piss doesn’t always trickle out of a person. Often it shoots or spurts. So to be honest, I have no particular fear of bodily fluids of any kind. Of course being at work is different from being covered for any kind of pleasure, even when you are kinky. Certainly blood and poo or scat are substances I am happy not to be covered with. But I have no fear of urine and definitely none of spunk, intact the feel of being covered with something hot and sticky, or hot, wet and with that tell tale smell of uric acid is a positive turn on.
It could have been the first time that Master and I played (or if not, it was soon after), that He watched me pee into the toilet. He told me He preferred me not to close the door; intact that might have been one of the first rules. But it was some time after, when He had studied my kinks on Fetlife in detail that any kind of piss play took place. Even now, though we both share this kink, we have not indulged all that much. But I do know that this is a major thing for Him. He loves to watch and He loves to feel me pee over Him. He loves even more to cover me with that hot, yellow liquid. So far, I haven’t gone as far as to let it fall on my face, or into my mouth, but I would, if He asked told me to.
As a young nurse, I did get squirted in the face, and as a mum with a baby boy too. It wasn’t about kink it was about life, something to laugh about and say ‘oh yuk’.
Now Master is the boss and if He decides to pee on my face, well i might still say yuk and laugh. But I will relish the power He is exerting over me. Plus, to be honest, I do love Him watching me and enjoying that rush of gold as it gushes forth, onto the ground, into the bath, the toilet or onto Him.