365 Questions – Day 37; Torture

If you could do today over, would you change anything?

Maybe I wouldn’t wake up at 4am having a night sweat – the misery of the menopause – then I wouldn’t have struggled to get out of bed this morning. On the other hand, maybe I would change the day from one that I had to work, to one where I was tortured like this………

Tale of the unexpected!

It started the way it often does and ended in the way it often does. In between things were a little different. A little unexpected.

Looking at porn on His phone is something that He often does when we are lying side by side of a weekend morning. For once, my mum rang early, before anything had started. Off of the phone and I lay dozing next to Him, aware that He was watching stuff on the phone and stroking His cock. He showed me a video of a girl shooting her stuff, I was a little turned on, but told Him it was gross!

“Stroke my cock, girl”. Of course, this girl did as she was told and was happy to do so.  Then she was instructed to suck and taking His cock in her mouth she did and was more than happy to do so.

After a two week break from sex and kink this girl’s need for an explicit demonstration of our M/s dynamic was extrinsically in place.

Simultaneously Master started to tweak her nipples and then to stroke her clitoris. Almost immediately she began to feel so aroused that she wondered if there would be time for permission to cum. Receptive as always to her needs He asked if that was what she wanted and needed. Soon afterwards release was offered, accepted and given. This girl thanked Him for the orgasms.

She climbed onto a very hard and erect cock. It had been a few weeks since that cock had been inside her and as He slid into her, every centimetre counted. He reached up and squeezed her nipples and she rode Him. She felt herself beginning to relax, just at the same as He grew even bigger and as His own actions aroused her more. How to control her emotions, how not to cum too quickly and without permission?

As she eased off of His cock, He instructed her to sit on His face. He swivelled around in the bed and she sat as instructed. Leaning down towards that beautiful organ. His tongue swept over her clitoris and then suddenly pushed into her cunt. Suddenly any thought of what to do with her own mouth, her own body left her and while she longed to suck His cock, she was suddenly unable to move. ‘girl can cum at will’ He spoke the magic words!! She was able to just allow the feelings to flow, to embrace and engulf her. At some point though she managed to lean down, just far enough to take His cock in her mouth, to stroke His tip with her tongue, His balls with her fingers. The pleasure in doing so was immense, a sense of pleasure, arousal and fulfilment engulfed her. A number of orgasms followed, mostly due to what He was doing with His mouth but also the pleasure of the situation, of what she was doing with her mouth and hands. This slave has no idea quite how many orgasms occured, as usual that part is a blur but she thanked him for them as she must.

At last He released her and she curled into a ball. However, He wasn’t done. He needed release too. So as requested He thrust inside her as she lay on her back. Missionary position yes, but not as most know it. His huge cock threatened to split her, painful and yet giving the most amazing pleasure, He demanded she cum, and she did just as He released His seed.

Pleasure indeed and A tale of the unexpected!

Calmness

Life has been busy.

Work has been busy.
Sometimes my mum winds me up. Other people wind me up; namely my lazy younger brother and my ex (though thankfully not at the same time).
But what has occurred to me over the past few days, as I have taken time to reflect, is that I really am a much calmer person these days. I really don’t get particularly stressed or worked up. I would go as far as to say I am essentially a calmer person than I have ever been in my adult life.
Maybe it is age, or experience? Maybe though it is about me as a person who has let go of control of so much of her life that the things that remain feel less of a worry?
Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments. But to be frank, nothing winds me up in the way I could be guaranteed to get upset about before.
The constant presence of the collar and cuff remind me always that I am Master’s slave and that He has particular expectations of me. So often, sometimes without consciously thinking, I consider what He might think about my behaviours and actions. Some might think I am conditioned after over 2.5 years together, but I think it is more that I feel safe in this relationship. I feel wanted, loved, needed and desired. He has expectations of me and I want to make Him proud of me, of the person I am when we are not together. We are a team, we function well together and we help keep each other in check.
We have an understanding of each others needs and these days I am perhaps better at articulating when I need more control and He is better at recognising that need. At the same time I am better at recognising His needs in my service to Him.
We both recognise the need for more play time, more kink.  But this relationship isn’t about the kink, we are a Master and slave partnership. We install calm in each other.
We have travelled a long way and hopefully are months away now from being together full time. That thought fills me with more joy than I can say.

The kink returns

There is probably nothing like blogging to say that the kink is absent from a relationship to make it return. Well I guess that’s is no accident since Master reads this blog. Not only does He read, but He likes to discuss posts and make suggestions.

What is more, even as I wrote my last post, I knew that He was thinking about how to reinvigorate that part of our life.
On Friday, as has been usual for most of the past couple of months (when we had no plans to go out) He came over to me and I cooked us some tapas from a really good book I have. We drank wine (if the truth be known, a little too much wine) and listened to some music which I had downloaded following our Lieder festival trip.
Time went by. We ate and drank wine. We chatted and drank wine. We listened to music and drank more wine. In the cold light of day the following morning I was to regret that quite so much wine passed our lips; painting walls and skirting board is not fun with a hang over!
At some point Master suggested I strip off. I did so and He wondered if I had anything I might like to wear instead of clothing. Of course I did since Master likes to buy me leather gear which covers very little of my body. So I went upstairs and found a little number that framed my breasts. Well it would have framed them if I hadn’t lost quite so much weight, but I am sure we can fix that.
As I say, lots of wine had passed my lips but what I can say is that I knelt for Him. What is more I worshipped Master’s cock. I presented myself and I was lucky enough to be given A LOT of orgasms.
I was drunk and so was He. But not so drunk that I didn’t know what I was doing, why and how.
We talked a lot, then and subsequently about what we need to do to get the Master / slave part of things back on track (not that we have actually lost the substance of our relationship). I know that over the coming weeks we will be making sure we do just that.
Thinking about the coming month and about my lack of posts over recent weeks though. I am planning to try to blog much, much more over November. Whether it is about our M/s relationship, our kink or just life in general.
Time to get this blog back on the road.

It’s been over a month

Since my last post.

I feel kind of ashamed that I am not posting regularly. I visit often, I read the blogs on my blog list but for one reason or another haven’t felt inclined to post here.
Why is that?
Well it isn’t because I have stopped being Master’s slave. No matter how vanilla our lives are, I am still His collared slave.  He welcomes my input into how our life together runs, but is always in control and in charge.
To be honest there isn’t much kink, but that is mainly because we have been so busy. We have been working together to get my house ready for the sale and then last week we were on a much needed holiday which we spent staying on a narrow boat.
We intend to get the kinky side of our relationship back on track soon. But we have more painting and sorting out to do yet. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it still seems to be far in the distance.
Master suggested I should post more of our everyday life here while we are getting the kinky side back on track.
Maybe, just maybe that is the answer.
Meantime. this:
His photo of me, altered on his photography app. This is quite cute don’t you think?

Random facts

I am essentially short on new ideas for posts right now, partly due to the busy nature of my life currently  – a constant juggle of work, family and enjoying myself with Master, leaves little time or energy for writing. I know that this will pass (it always does) and soon enough I will have the burning desire to share something meaningful here.

Meanwhile, taking a lead from tori, I give you 12 random facts about me, 6 vanilla and 6 kinky:
Vanilla
  • I have a constant battle with my weight, when I set my mind to it I can stick to whatever diet I am following, but my mind keeps wandering….
  • I love travelling and seeing new places. I have never been a beach kind of girl, my skin is too pale and freckly, and I struggle to sit still for long without getting bored. At last though I am with someone who doesn’t want to spend all day on the beach or by a pool.
  • I am much better at putting things off than getting them done. Having said that, putting other things off helps get blog posts done. That’s why I haven’t been posting here so much – I have been far too busy to procrastinate so the blog suffers instead.
  • The best thing about commuting to work by train, which I have been doing for the past 20 months or so, is that I can spend much more time reading. I often have a few books on the go, both fiction and non fiction.
  • I would like to live abroad, maybe in France when I have done with working. I need to improve my French though, something I am trying to do.
  • It is 35 years this October coming since I started my nursing career. I might not work clinically any more, but I use the knowledge I gained as a bedside nurse every day.
Kinky
  • Pain is not a large part of our dynamic, ours is more about power exchange and control. To think I used to hate being told what to do – still do depending on who is doing the telling.
  • I get a thrill from wearing as few clothes as possible. I love it when Master slips His hand under my skirt to feel my bare bottom when we are out.
  • The best things ever for me have been my piercings. They have enhanced our sex life in a way neither of us expected.
  • Being restrained is both calming and erotic. Spreader bar, cuffs, whatever. I just love them.
  • We have spoken lots about going to a club to play. I hope that happens soon.
  • Message to Master – I am ready for that collar…..
Now I just have to get my finger out and write a regular post or two.

Tori’s questions

Tori has given me three questions to answer, so here goes

1) Describe one of your most favourite scenes so far?
I think some of the early play times remain my favourites. This is partly because it was all so new and I never knew what he was going to come up with next (still don’t, though I know what is in the ‘toy box’ as it were. Those first couple of play dates – first time being put in a spreader bar, being zipped, the violet wand plus being flogged by him, will always be the most special. Mind you, there are also times that something new arrives, like the great long pink thing he likes to use for DP. It is like a big pink snake and while I like the idea of it, when it is inside you it feels like you are being forced open. Never a dull moment!

2) in what area do you feel you have grown the most?
The key thing for  me is about the extent to which I have been able to give up control. I have gone from someone who was often overwhelmed by the sheer weight of the whole world upon her shoulders. Someone who never felt properly relaxed, to someone who no longer needs to know what they are going to be doing or how they will get there. I have found that the act of submission frees me from the feeling I need to be everything to everyone. Instead I concentrate my efforts on one person and it is he who worries about the rest. Giving up control came piece by piece, but with it came a happier, more fulfilled human being. Plus, I think the knowledge that the power he has means to much to him just adds to that feeling.
3) what do you really want to try kink wise, but havent yet?
I feel I am ready to play in a more public place, say at a club or party. I haven’t done it yet, and to a certain extent it feels like a very scary thing to do. But probably it is something I should do. We have joined a new local munch and from chatting to others there, are looking at some possible places to go to. So, I guess watch this space.

Finding ‘it’ again

Over the past few weeks we have either been to busy or else too lethargic to explore our M/s sides. I haven’t necessarily been unhappy with the way things have been, since there is always an undercurrent of BDSM in our relationship. But given the choice I have to admit I do like it to feel a little more obvious. What is more, over recent months Master has bought his girl a few pieces of leather wear that I haven’t had much opportunity to wear. The most recent is a harness that frames my breasts and also has a leather collar. It arrived around Christmas time, but so far I hadn’t worn it, until last night.

It was obvious He was feeling horny as soon as I arrived at His house. There was something in the way He kissed and held me. Not to mention the way He caressed me and spoke to me. He loves me to tell Him who owns me and to say out loud that I am a slut, His slut. So there were clues in our conversation from the start. For once we weren’t going out anywhere, He had prepared dinner for us.
Once we had eaten, He removed my blouse and bra and put on the harness. The soft leather framed my tits and pulled them into a more pert position, it isn’t that I am especially saggy in that department, but a little help is welcome. The collar on this harness is an added bonus, something that doesn’t allow you to forget it is being worn, especially when he attaches a leash to it! I slipped my blouse back on and we sat watching tv and drinking wine. There is something different about sitting together while one of you wears a collar and harness and the other holds the leash. Something which leaves you in no doubt about the power dynamic.
Gradually the tensions of the week slipped away, as those submissive feelings which in truth are never far away take over once again. Master and slave, doing regular things, but with a difference.
Bedtime and He demanded use of the body He owns. Taking possession, plunging inside, declaring me to be His bitch, His slut. Telling me that I was to give my self to Him, that I was to orgasm for Him. Touching me, giving pain to me – squeezing, pulling, biting the pierced nipples He owns.
Then as the orgasms subsided, we settled down to sleep. Both happy in the knowledge that what we have is there. That whatever else we do in our lives, He is still Master and I am still girl. His slave.

Kinky sex

Lots of it.

I wrote this on Monday, but somehow didn’t find the time to post. So as you read this, imagine it is still Monday.

I can’t deny being a happy girl today. After the stresses of the build up and run up to Christmas, I have spent the last couple of days in Master’s company. Generally, as the temperatures here have plummeted, we have been relaxing during that time together. But we have also fitted in a concert and dinner out plus meals enjoyed together in doors, that and some wine, beer and some champagne.

Last week we took that champagne with us for our weekend away, but somehow we just didn’t get the time in our room together to enjoy it, to relax. Last night though, we did just that, relaxed, watched TV and drank champagne.

Then we went to bed and had some very good sex. I guess if you were a fly on the walls (so long as you were deaf), you would think that most of the sex we enjoy appears reasonably vanilla. But it really is far from it. While there may have been no restraints or spanking implements (other than the little paddle Master playfully used on me as a ‘punishment’ for brattiness), one of the key elements that is always present is the power dynamic.

I am the submissive and He is without doubt in control the whole time. He loves that part of the dynamic, but then I suppose that is what makes Him the Dominant and me, well not. So whatever the position He is the one in charge. I had never imagined that being on top of Him or even sitting on his face could still be a place of submission, but it certainly can be and is for me. Sometimes on the face of it (pardon the pun), the sex might look pretty ordinary, pretty tame, but listen to the commentary that goes with it and you will find it is pretty damn kinky.

I for one am looking forward to lots more of the same in 2015.

Happy New Year!!