Belonging to Him

This girl spend a lovely hour or more with Sir, by the virtue of the wonders of the internet. It was good to see Him and to speak with Him. They chatted about what they had both been doing and about her submission. He told her that He wished He was with His girl right then. She couldn’t even begin to express how much she wished that were the case.

This girl retired to bed shortly afterwards. She lay in bed, with her plug inserted. Sir thinks this girl is ready for the next size of plug, she thinks he may be right. The combination of the plug and the clit piercing gave this girl a wonderful feeling that immediately helped her to not only touch her submission, but snuggle into its warm embrace. A larger plug might just enhance that feeling.

For a while this girl lay reading her book, absently fondling the nipples that she knows belong to Him.  Since the piercings, those nipples are much more sensitive even to this girl’s own touch. As she stroked, so she squeezed her anal muscles and she felt the already wet pussy, His pussy, begin to moisten further. She put down the book and snuggled down further into the bed and began to stroke around the piercing. She played with the little bar across the hood and she applied pressure directly to the cit. All the time she was thinking of Him, imagining that it was His fingers touching her. The orgasm was almost immediate, and it took her a little by surprise. Under her breath, she told Him that it belonged to Him. That she belonged to Him. Then whispering she spoke – It is yours Master.

Communication in relationships – is D/s different?

Yesterday, after visiting my parents – my dad is feeling a little stronger now, even though he will need some radiotherapy on his back after all – I spent time with my sister in law.

In truth she is an ex, since she and my brother are no longer married. She is in another relationship now, one where there has been a great deal of lying by omission. We spent 3 hours and I drank 3 cups of coffee (something I never usually do these days) discussing and analysing both our marriages and her current relationship. The common theme was a lack of communication, or an inability to find a common way to communicate with each other. The difficulties I have experienced in trying to communicate effectively with hubby are well documented here and so I won’t repeat myself. But I have been wondering about the common threads for us both and how, if at all they are different in my current relationship with Sir.

My brother caused my sister in law great pain. He was unfaithful, he became addicted to cocaine and in order to support that habit he spent a great deal of money that they didn’t have. He lied. In the end she called a halt to things and he left. Soon after she got together with someone she had known before her marriage. 5 years on, while he spends most nights with her, he also spends part of each day at a home that he shares with his sister. She apparently suffers from severe depression and he feels a great responsibility for her care. The problem is that my sister in law is desperate for him to prioritise her, and to commit to her. He has omitted to tell her the reasons he feels so responsible for his sister, whose call he always jumps to, often without telling his partner. The  means he may go out for half an hour, and not return for hours or longer. No matter how hard she tries she can’t get to the root of the problem, and she can’t get him to articulate his long term intentions. She fears that if she does nothing, in another 5 years she will be in the same position. We agreed that the thought processes and actions of the men in our lives often puzzle us and that somehow it left us feeling like failures.

Driving home though, I began to think about the past 3 months with Sir. About how open we have needed to be about ourselves and our needs. About how well we need to know and trust each other. In particular how much I need to be able to trust him in order to submit to him and to release myself into his care. Of course, this still feels a little one sided, since in order to be his submissive I have opened myself up much more than perhaps he has. To a certain extent he has tried to protect me from his other relationship, but bit by bit details do emerge. The ability to try not to judge what is revealed to you seems important, though very very hard at times. Especially when you know what it is you want, but also know that might not be what you have to accept in the end.

Sometimes it feels we have known each other for so much longer than 3 months and that is something both of us keep reminding the other of. But the depth of understanding and of trust in our relationship already feels greater than hers after 5 years. The other sad thing is, that while my brother is now clean and is in a new relationship too, that isn’t very happy either. I can’t help thinking that this couple could have remained together and in love if only there had been more honesty and understanding of each others needs. What I do know is that none of them have fulfilment in their lives and that is sad.

Despite my problems, and the uncertainty about my longer term relationship with Sir, I feel submission is bringing me a freedom to communicate in a way that can only be positive and help me be the person I want to be and in a relationship that is right. In the end I will have inner peace and happiness, but will they?

Getting this girl back on track

The last week has felt a long one, but this girl is determined that over the course of this weekend she will be back on track in all areas. Last evening this girl had the pleasure of speaking on Skype to her Master, all be it over a very dodgy hotel wifi system. This happened pretty much as soon as this girl had returned from work and put her into a very happy place for the rest of the evening and hopefully for the whole weekend. We chatted mainly about this girl and how she has coped this week. Also about the various tensions in this girl’s life right now and how she is managing them. It is amazing that just by seeing His face and hearing His voice, this girl felt so much more settled. Essentially he could have been reading a book to her and she would have felt happy afterwards.

Filled with joy at having spent time with Him, this girl wanted to tell someone, but since no one was home there was no one to share her experience with. Until a little later that was when this girl had the pleasure of a Skype conversation with destiny. This girl has recently become friends with both destiny and her Master, and over the past week they have both been on hand to help this girl through some of her darker moments. It was great then to share such a happy one with destiny. She has written about the parallels and differences of our journeys on her blog.

Last night for the first time in ages this girl went to bed wearing her plug, and then when she briefly woke at 4am and didn’t seem able to fall back to sleep she gave her master the orgasm she had requested earlier in the evening. Using a vibe over the clit is different since the piercing, this girl can report. The area is more sensitive and in fact for a little time, this girl had to keep moving the vibe away, but once in place it gave a wonderful deep orgasm which Sir would love to have seen. It also helped this girl then sleep well for the second part of the night.

Having just finished a leisurely breakfast and coffee in bed, this girl is now heading off for a bath and shave. After which she intends to re-mark herself – she admitted to Sir that she had let the original fade. Then she intends to wear her plug as she goes about her chores today to help her remember her submission and to think about her Master.

Hopefully then this girl is back in the right mood, and back where she should be.

 

Good girl

Out shopping yesterday this girl saw this bag; she didn’t buy it obviously but took it’s picture!

This morning this girl updated her ‘my journey’ page, but despite laying out her feelings she didn’t really feel all that good. Especially as after her shower, Sir’s mark was decidedly faded. So she went out and bought a permanent pen and re-marked herself.

Hopefully that will help to do the trick!

Sir’s girl

This is now written indelibly on the girl’s body, just above the little mound of hair she is growing for Sir. She will reapply the ink as it fades over the next few weeks.

Last evening Sir took this girl for His use. There was pain and orgasm.  He filled this girl’s holes and He fed her (and not just with food). He photographed the piercings that He owns.

They chatted, but at the same time, both were a little reflective. On His return, this girl wants to offer more of herself to Him and hopes He will take more control from her.

The first track on the radio this morning was this:

Tomorrow both Sir and this girl will be leaving the country, but to different places. This girl will be back on Monday and over the next few weeks, while Sir is away she will blog as she wants and needs.

Who are you?

This girl lay stroking His Cock while he played with her nipples. she had already orgasmed a number of times, giving him all that she had. She felt the need to cum rise up in her again and pressed herself against his leg. He told her to hold it. He began to count, not from 5 or 10 this time, but 20. All the time he played with her nipples, those very very sensitive pierced nipples. She let herself sink into her own subconscious. She stopped thinking, instead she listened to his voice, the counting. She was aware of his cock growing in her hand. She looked into his eyes. Just as she began to allow the orgasm rise in her at the count of 2 he said “one and a half”, but then 1 and CUM.

Who are you? He asked when she had given Him that huge orgasm and had on his instructions kept it coming.

Who was she?

This girl. she was this girl. she was also this slut, this bitch, this whore. She was His submissive. She is this girl.

He smiled. He loves the feeling of power this gives to Him. This girl likes to know that she had given herself, all of herself to Him. So much so, that at these moments she no longer has a name.

Sir doesn’t really think this girl is joolz any more. Not the joolz you read about earlier in this blog. she is inclined to agree. The changes have been subtle but they are visible all the same. Visible to this girl in her daily life. Visible to Sir when he talks to her, when they are out and about together. Perhaps they are less visible to the outsider but increasingly this girl feels her submission during her every waking hour. She seeks and finds a calmness that wasn’t there before. He says she is still a very different person when dealing with family matters, perhaps that is true, but this girl can feel a shift in the way she wants to handle that part of her life. She needs to feel this calmness much more. And she knows she will.

This blog is still called “The world of Joolz”. Yesterday,  I was doing a little bit of tidying up on the front page, rewriting some of the text in the side bar. I was tempted to change the name of the blog. I don’t feel like Joolz any more. However, its what others know me as, though some of you also know me as Julie. Plus, what does the name of the blog actually matter? Plus, if at times I have no name then it matters even less. What matters is who I belong to, and that part is pretty clear.

This girl’s submission

This has been a holiday weekend, plus, this girl has tagged a couple of extra days on so that she has a good break from work. That means that Sir and this girl have been able to spend 3 nights together.

This morning we lay in bed until very late. This girl commented on how calm she felt; how she is able to lie next to Sir and just be. Of course that being, involves Sir playing with His girl as He wants.
This girl and Sir discussed recent blog posts, the effect of the piercings on her submission; they have made her feel her submission so much more. Sir likes this effect on this girl. This weekend has marked 3 months since Sir and this girl first met. It is also the last weekend that they can spend together for a while. This morning was important to us both, hence the reluctance to get out of bed.
We discussed those first few dates and the way that Sir knew that this girl wanted to submit. The look He saw in her eyes and the feelings that this girl had during that time. We also discussed the fact that this girl thought she knew all about submission at that time but since then she has leant so very much.
What this girl knew about was sexual submission. Something important to both of us.  She knew about giving herself to a Dominant, however right then she didn’t know just how deep that submission could reach, how important it could be to her. She didn’t understand how important ownership of a girl’s orgasms were. How by giving up control could liberate her. She had no idea that it was possible to orgasm with little or no physical contact. She certainly does now.
In the past this girl has thought about piercings, however she had no idea that those piercings could take her deeper than she could imagine. That by admitting that they belonged to another they would give her a sense of fulfilment that she could only dream of. Being owned by another is so much more important to this girl than she knew. It is only a week since they were done, but already that much is clear.
But submission is not just about sex. It is about how an individual lives their life. Sir and this girl talked about the post regarding rules. Sir asked if this girl thought she needed more rules, perhaps tasks. But they agreed she does not. what she needs is to be able to live her life in the way that she knows Sir would be pleased with.  The rules don’t need to be created, they exist in this girl’s normal life. She knows how she should deal with situations at work and home, she knows the things she needs to do. Sir knows that too and by actually living in that way she knows that Sir will be pleased with her.
This girl faces a difficult few weeks. Sir will be away, He will be concentrating on the other important person in His life. This girl has had most of His attention for the past few months and now His attention must shift. This girl must be mindful of this and concentrate on being the submissive he wants and needs.  She needs to abide by the rules that are not actually articulated but exist. She must be His good girl. Only by doing these things will this girl be the submissive she desires and needs to be.

Sensations

Just over a week since the piercings were done and the initial pain and discomfort has settled. Well as far as the clitoral hood goes, there was very little pain once the little bar was in place. The nipples have been a different thing entirely. But even they have settled.

The area around the nipple, the areola, has been a little swollen meaning that the nipple itself looked less proud. But that also seems to be settling down. Giving the opportunity for some gentle play.

Sitting on Sir’s cock yesterday, this girl began to get a feel for just how much these piercings are going to be able to enhance her sexual pleasure and of course the satisfaction He feels. When this girl is penetrated, the little bar in the hood presses onto her clit and gives her the most amazing feelings of arousal. Put that together with a few nipple strokes and this girl is almost begging to cum.

This morning He spent some time just stroking gently, teasing her. She struggled to contain the urge to cum until given permission. He told her that she was one huge erogenous zone.

This girl is sure He is thinking of what He can do to her once she is completely healed. What jewellery they can use and what He can attach to them.

With summer coming, this girl is already looking forward to being out with Him, wearing no underwear. Wondering how He plans to play with her at these times and how the piercings will be involved in that.

It is clear to us both that the level of submission this girl can get to is enhanced by the insertion of a few little pieces of metal to those special places. This girl knows that she will be able to use this to help her remember who and what she is when things get difficult. Plus Sir knows He is going to be able to use them to get this girl into a very good place indeed with very little effort.

So far this feels like a win win.

The need for rules?

This girl has been wondering about rules, about whether she already has any and whether she needs any more (if she has them in the first place).

Why don’t you know if you have any? You may well ask (and probably are asking). Well it kind of isn’t like that. No rules as such are imposed. But over the past 3 months (yes it was 3 months yesterday since Sir and this girl met in person for the first time), subtle changes have taken place. Sir has exerted his Dominance over this girl and she has complied with his wishes (sometimes more readily than at other times).

Firstly there was the ownership of orgasms – this girl firstly should ask to be granted an orgasm and then she must tell Him that it belongs to Him, even if He is not present. Generally this girl needs few orgasms if he is not around, but if she does she complies with this rule. Of course in His presence, she asks if in a position to do so (i.e. able to speak) and likewise gives it to Him.

Next there was the whole third person thing. This girl thought perhaps He had done a little mad when He made this request. He said He felt it would help with this girl’s submission. She thought that unlikely and anyway couldn’t imagine doing it. Now, she writes this way most of the time, increasingly does when they are together and amazingly has started to think in that way A LOT of the time.

Then there is how this girl should refer to Him. Standard stuff – the Sir thing. Is this a rule? Not really, but this girl is increasingly comfortable with it. There are times increasingly when He is Master. He sees himself as this girl’s owner and so is her Master. Sometimes also He likes to be referred to as Lord. This girl can never quite tell if he is joking or not, but is not about to start calling Him Lord when they are out and about. Sir, on the other hand will happen pretty soon.

There are issues of behaviour. Of this girl remembering her place and role when she and Sir are out together. There are still signs of Julie coming through – of trying to take the lead. But fewer. This girl is much more comfortable with this, so much so that at times she likes him to order for her completely. She is less worried at knowing exactly what they will be doing and where they will be going. She trusts Him and wants Him to take control much much more in this way (please).

Lastly (i think), there is hair. He requested that this girl doesn’t completely shave, but leaves a small ‘bush’ for Him to play with and wipe himself on (though He hasn’t done the latter yet). This girl has happily complied and the hair is starting to return nicely to the area that He marked out.

No this girl doesn’t have or need rules……does she?

Mood swings, but coping

This girl is trying to prepare for the next month by coping better with her feelings. The highs lately have been very high, but then the lows are very very low.

It isn’t anything very serious that drags this girl down either. It seems to be very little things. Last night it was coming home from my book club to find the curtains and blinds sill open, hubby asleep on the sofa, the kitchen in a mess. This morning it was hubby having a late start. It can be Sir not responding to my texts. It is stupid things.

This week this girl has been trying to focus much more on parts of the day. Using lists to get her through, concentrating on tasks – at work, at home. After a rocky start and grumpiness with Sir on Monday, this girl has been concentrating and trying much harder.  She has got lots done at work with another day to come tomorrow. She has hubby here tonight but feels positive. As Sir would say – Girl, it can be done.

………………………..
The piercings are going pretty well.
The nipples are generally sore, but they are clean and dry and don’t look as sore as they feel. The regular pain this week has helped to keep this girl centred. To remind her that she is submissive and that she has done this to please him, to enhance the pain and pleasure for them both and also for her.
The clitoral hood, well that was most painful on the day and gives no pain. However this girl is already in a constant state of arousal. This will be the thing He uses to remind her and anyway, how will she forget if she is constantly wet!!!
………………….
The weekend approaches. This girl knows they will have fun. She knows it is their last weekend together for a while. But she knows managing her moods will be the key. Over the coming weeks this girl will need to focus to remember her submission and to control those moods. She will cope.