B is for……..

Bondage and Blogging

Today, I get to catch up as Sunday is meant to be a day off from the A to Z challenge, hopefully it will mean I can write a couple of posts to get ahead of myself too.

Kinky.com defines Bondage in this way “The “B” in BDSM, bondage is about allowing another person to be in control of your pleasure. Some people believe that the delayed gratification involved in bondage and other BDSM activities can make for a more powerful orgasm. Bondage can involve anything from handcuffs, blindfolds and basic restraints, to ropes, gags, sex furniture, and even cages.”

I had had little experience of bondage before I met Master. S sometimes tied me to his bed with a few neck ties or scarves, and also used them as a blindfold and once he tied me to a tree which was fun. But Master has some more serious pieces of equipment to do the job. I have discovered that being restrained, having my legs in a spreader bar, being blindfolded helps me to relax and focus on what is happening to me. It is a way to escape the realities of every day life, and to concentrate on him and what he is doing or wants me to do. I find the restraints somehow help my mind to slip into its slutty and horny place where I am aroused just by the very feeling of the restraints. Not being able to see what is going on raises that level of arousal, so that every touch of my skin, gentle or otherwise is anticipated and then embraced.

The photo above was taken when we were in Amsterdam. Master hogtied me and then went off for a shower. He always maintains that if I had laid on the bed in a different direction I would have been able to watch the tv which was turned on. I can’t say that being tied like this and left is altogether pleasant, as it stretches the body in ways it doesn’t usually experience. But there was something very horny about being restrained and at his mercy. Plus I love the resulting photo.

Blogging


I started The world of joolz, the forerunner to this blog in April 2012, but had blogged on work related topics for a good 7 or 8 years before that. In fact, I used the work blog for an assignment during my Masters as a way of reflecting on my practice / work. I had never been good at keeping any kind of daily diary, but enjoy that with a blog, you feel that you can write about anything you want, you can use it as your place to visit, write and embrace the occasional feedback from others. It isn’t always easy to remember what happened and when, or how you felt at the time. The past few years have been a journey which has involved a series of life changing events, and I like the fact i can look back on them.

I told Master about my blog soon after we met, rather than running the risk of him just finding it and I am glad I did. It does mean that I do consider what he will think when he reads my posts, but I try to write openly and honestly. However, other than him, I try to just write for myself and not for a wider audience, although it is difficult to do that all of the time. Having said that, recently I have joined in with quite a few memes and enjoy the feedback that brings.

For the future I would like to try some fiction as well as writing about myself, Master and my life. I admire fellow bloggers who write such wonderful stories and plan to have a go myself very soon.

 

Reclaimed

The title of this post is intended to describe the way that two elements of this girl’s life have been brought back into line. The first is her blog and the second is the Master slave relationship that she enjoys.

This blog

Since the holiday in Spain over Christmas, I have slightly lost the momentum and focus for this place. Creative juices have not really been flowing,  and posts have become superficial and short. Partly because there hasn’t felt like much going on that has been worthy of a deeper discussion and also because the blogging mojo which we all need to write has been absent. So, despite the fact that I have posted here regularly over the past few months, much of the content has been through participation in projects and memes. I have really enjoyed February photofest, though I have been less creative this year than last and have struggled with motivation. Luckily I had a few pictures that I hadn’t shared before plus a Master who took a few more. However I couldn’t quite find the energy and  will power to quite see it to the end and last Sunday’s photo was my last. During the intervening days I have been thinking about my blog, its purpose and how I plan to use it in the future.

It feels like time to draw a line and to refocus on what this place is about – it is somewhere I can share my inner most thoughts and where I can discuss aspects of my life and the journey Master and his slave travel. That isn’t to say that I won’t participate in more projects and memes, it just means I have realised it is time to reclaim my blog for the purpose I intended it. Even when there is little going on in our lives there is always something happening in my head that requires reflection and analysis. I also know that Master likes me to write some of that here, since it will often be about things we don’t easily and readily discuss in real life. So, I make no apologies for abandoning my participation in February Photofest and am proud of the photos I did post. Now on with the blog.

Reclaiming His slave


Despite being a middle aged woman, she is always His slave. She wears His collar 24 hours a day and can always feel it around her neck and she always remembers its purpose, as a symbol of the relationship, His ownership of her and the power He has and exerts over her. Other than this symbol, there is often nothing for anyone to see that sets this relationship out as different from any other. But the people in this relationship know that there are fundamental differences, and that these need to be worked on to be maintained. Regular life means work, it means spending time with family and friends and it means doing things together. It means eating and sleeping and it means having sex. The sex always has overtones of M/s but often they are subtle.

Sometimes like with this blog, there is a need to review a relationship and to reassert its meaning to those within it. For us that reclamation happened last night and this morning. That is not to say that there has been anything wrong, but just that looking back now, it was something that needed to happen.

Sex which happens late at night, and which is heavily laden with lust is a little different from sex in the morning when rested, sober and is almost planned. Much of the time our sex falls into the latter type, this time we had both. However, it wasn’t just about the sex, but about the acknowledgement of positions as Master and slave. A declaration of what being Master’s slave means to both, and actions which demonstrate that. Last night this slave was used for Master’s pleasure, she clearly stated her understanding of the fact she is there to be taken and used and that she is His pleasure bitch. This slave also reaffirmed that she has no limits, save those that Master decides upon. The sex was hot, but there was more to the session than hot sex. Drink had been involved too, so this morning, in the sober light of day, events and their meanings were restated and then there was more hot sex.

One of the most important aspects of this Master / slave dynamic is the use of this girl’s orgasms as a way of controlling events. He can make her cum on demand and He can also prevent her from coming until He is ready. Another is the use of names – that she is the slut or cunt and that He is the Master and the Lord.

The key thing about the past 24 hours is that this girl can say that Master has reclaimed His girl and that they have both reaffirmed their clear commitment to the dynamic that they have and enjoy.

The other good thing is that there is lots more to write about in the reclaimed blog!

The year in review – part 2

As the end of the year approaches, I have decided to make a few changes to the blog, some tidying up and a new theme. I am quite happy with the effect, but we will see.

Following on from Tuesday’s post, this is the second half of the year in review.

In July a slave knelt before Master while a titanium collar was placed around her neck. So 18 months after we first met, an really external symbol of my slavery. To be honest few people have commented, and I think that most people just see it as a piece of jewellery and once that many seem to like. It hasn’t been taken off very much and I am sure as time passes the need to do so will reduce even further. It is now part of me and part of what we are.

On 23rd August I wrote about the kind of kinky dress Master likes to see His girl wear. The harnesses He has bought me and the posture collars denote the way in which He loves me to dress for Him. On this holiday he has pointed out some short skirts and even leather shorts worn with opaque tights that he would like to see me in. I do love to dress for Him, but a bit more weight needs to be shed before the short shorts make an appearance (unless He says otherwise of course).

In early September I took my mum for a short break to France. This meant that Master and I were not only apart, but it was difficult to maintain our usual forms of communication. I have to admit I do struggle during these times, but hope that I am learning from these experiences since one of those separations is coming up when I leave Master in Spain and return to work in just over a week.

I only posted 3 times in October – I was going through a pretty lean blogging patch, but 2 of them seem worthy of mention here. This first one mentioned the wonderful tag Master bought for me to wear with  my collar. I love it and though, because of its weight I haven’t worn it often, recently I did so at our local Christmas munch. It made me feel very proud and was commented on by a number of people. In out of the blue, Master reminded the slave she should never be complacent and that at any time she could be given a task. A good thing too!

The length of my hair is frequently mentioned here on my blog and it is something I know Master is serious about. It is a case of when not if it becomes much shorter.

So to the end of the year and our lovely Christmas together. An end, but also the start of a new year. Thank you everyone who stops by to read about my journey. That will definitely continue into 2016. Happy New Year.

This year in review – Part 1

As the year draws to a close it feels right to look back over this blog and to think about the things that have happened and the ways in which my relationship with Master has developed. Also, since we are still in Spain and this trip is not the hectic round of sightseeing that other holidays have been about, I also have some time on  my hands. I make no excuse for the reflective or long nature of this post.

In January, I wrote about happiness – I would say this has been the theme of my year. I really am happier now than I have ever been, but not just that, people remark that I look happy. I took a selfie on Christmas day which I posted on Facebook. People, including Master commented that I look really happy and I am.

The wonderful Molly’s website is not only a great place to visit to read about her life with Domsigns, but she also hosts various memes and projects, most recently Kink of the week, which I have begun to contribute to. In February I decided to take part in February Photofest, a project to post a kink related photo everyday for the month. It was challenging, but fun and this post is from that month. I include it also because those of us on blogger received emails to tell us that our kind of blogs  – with sexual content  – would no longer be allowed. There was something of an out cry and within weeks Google backed down. I did buy my own domain and transferred my content across, but haven’t actually got around to changing things. Still it is there, ready for next time.

Becoming Master’s slave has brought me a level of contentment that I would never have believed possible. In March we registered ‘this girl’ on the slave registry website. It seemed like a natural progression given our journey that far. Slavery has given me a way to draw a line under the life I had before, where I acted in a slave like way, but without the support and guidance of a Master. This year really has been the beginning of something wonderful.

I would never have imagined when I began my World of Joolz blog in April 2012 that I would have ended up where I am now. It took a great amount of nerve to do what I did in those first few weeks and writing about it has helped me to be able to recognise the journey I have travelled since then. I know Master still reads back to the early days of my blog and also the beginning of our own relationship. He finds it interesting to look back and to discuss with me my early hopes and assumptions. This post from April celebrated the third anniversary of my blog.

Also in April, we went on our first proper holiday together. There had been a number of weekends away in France, Amsterdam and in London but this was different. It was a chance to spend 2 whole weeks together and to test out whether this relationship was likely to stand the test of a prolonged time together. Also a chance to embrace the Master / slave relationship.

In May we celebrated our first year as Master and slave. That year had been both enjoyable and difficult. When He took me as His slave, he also had another. At that time, I was secondary and expected the whole thing to end by the beginning of this year. Together though we managed the emotional turmoil of the end of that relationship and the deepening of this. For me, I have learnt what it is to be Master’s slave and how to manage the time together and apart.

Mostly I try to write this blog for myself, but when I am short of ideas, I often turn to one of Molly’s memes or else to Kayla Lord’s Masturbation Monday. In May I made my first post there, and that has become my most read post to date. I have to admit it is great to share an experience I have enjoyed with Master with a wider audience. It also leads to exploring the blogs of other contributors.

There hasn’t been as much play in our lives this year as we would have liked. This has been mainly due to Master having a shoulder problem for much of that time which caused a great deal of arm pain and restricted movement. Thankfully that has now resolved and hopefully there is lots of fun and games to come. This post from June though is about play times and about Master’s desire to continue the education and experiences of His slave.  Also in June I exchanged the chain I had worn on my wrist for just over 6 months for a cuff. The collar would come next.

500

This is post 500 of MPB and its predecessor World of Joolz. When I started writing in April 2012, I could never have envisaged the changes that would have occured in my life, or indeed that I would still be writing nearly 3 and a half years later. But here I am, no longer a bored housewife with a full time job, son at university and husband who knew nothing of my needs as a woman. At that time, I was just discovering that I was submissive. I was more than a little bit vulnerable to some of the men I was encountering online. But I did have the sense not to entirely fall for all of their charms. My journey as a submissive has had a profound effect on my life, and having this place to journal that progress has been valuable. Reading back to the beginning today, it feels like I was a different woman back then. Someone looking for more than she had experienced before, partly that was about sex but also something deep within her to be released.

Fast forward to now and while there are loose ends to tie, I am free of many of the previous burdens I felt at the time were weighing me down. I have learned to leave behind some of the things that threatened to overcome me. The burden of a thirty year relationship, one that I was unfulfilled by. The pressures of juggling a full time job with family responsibilities. The need to be everything to everyone. The need to serve, but without knowing who or what I needed to provide that service to.

Master and I seem to be settled in our life together. The collar gives a stability that I didn’t really know I needed. Unlike a wedding ring, it doesn’t bind us to conform to the stereotypical norms of most couples. We continue to live separately, while our lives are completely intertwined. I am the slave He wants and needs and it is the power that He has over me when He sees, hears and feels my submission that makes Him the Dominant that He is. Yesterday afternoon as I knelt, naked at His feet, wearing only my collar and cuff, head in between His legs, sucking His cock, I felt as happy as it is possible to feel. There is a need in me that he is able to satisfy, that is to worship and serve Him as my Dominant. Kneeling before Him, feeling His hands on the body that He owns, pinching, squeezing but also gently caressing gives me a sexual desire that I previously only read about in books.

This blog has chronicled some incredible highs over its lifespan, but also some real lows – the difficulties of ending a long marriage, the pain of rejection and realisation that the man I thought I might love didn’t return those feelings, and the death of my father. There will of course be more difficulties to come, but I have faith that there are many many more good times to come and to be recorded here on this blog.

So, onwards to the next 500 posts – I have been a poor blogger recently, but will try to change that and post daily till the end of the month. A challenge to myself!!

Questions (and answers)

I didn’t really get involved in the March questions and answers thing last year. It was around the time that Master and I had just got together and for me there were way more questions than answers in my own life.

Things are different now. I am happy to answer pretty much any questions any of you who lurk, visit, leave messages etc. may have. Plus, if you have a question for Master, I am sure He will be happy to give you the benefit of His wisdom, knowledge or opinion.

So, ask away……..

March 9th update!!

Ok, so it seems that I have a terrible memory and I did answer a number of questions. My whole head must have been in some place last March……….

Love Our Lurkers

Well here is a novelty. I have already blogged about my lurkers on World of joolz, because I think that is where my lurkers still live.

Blogging is interesting. While those of us who do this whole submissive / Dominant, kinky, spanking or whatever blogging thing often comment. Even those who have lots to say, probably lurk. I know I do. Particularly when, as now, things are difficult in normal life, it is easier to lurk. Indeed it is a safe place. But at a time like this, it is time to make yourself seen and heard. So over the next day or so, I will try to do just that.

I don’t know if anyone is lurking here. But, if you are; welcome.

Come in, make yourself at home. Don’t be frightened, even if my kink is not yours, we have something in common. We lurk……

TMI Tuesday – 28th October 2014

Let’s Get Serious

tmituesday serious
1. What are you most afraid of?
Probably being alone. But more than that, alone in the knowledge I am a slave with no one to be my Master.
2. Do you believe in life after death?
Not sure I really know. I want to believe, but worry that I will find out that there is no such thing.
3. What is your purpose?
To find happiness in my life. I am well on the way.
4. Where are you going
Anywhere Master has us go. Plus all the places I will go with my friends, places I wouldn’t have found previously.
There is also the special slave place I go to when I can, and where I hope to inhabit more frequently
5. Do you fear hell? Why or why not?
No. My belief in life after death isn’t religious, therefore doesn’t include hell.
6. Do you feel free?
I am more free now than ever before. But there is more to come.
Bonus: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when asking where is the bathroom?
How would I know, people are inhibited I guess!
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

A short break

I am going to take a short blogging break while I consider the purpose of writing here.

For the past few weeks I have been a bit concerned that I have lost track of the reasons I started this, which was about my own journey to become the person I want and need to be. It is not about specific events or issues but about how I as a person manage and deal with them.

Master and I have discussed this, and I am going to take a new approach, to write in a different private place first. This is so that I can write freely, without worrying that it appears publicly on the web. Once I have cleared my head of some of the issues I need to do that with, then I feel I will be able to return, refocused.

I am still around, still reading, still here……..