If there was one thing about myself that
I would love to change it would probably be to see things through to the end. I
am pretty good with ideas, and I am very good at starting a project. But I am
less good at actually finishing it. At work, I often find myself losing
interest if the going gets a bit tough or others aren’t as enthusiastic as me.
But generally because it is part of my working life and it is what I am paid to
do, I make sure that I push on to the end.
At home I am not always quite so
committed. If a book begins to get dull or isn’t well written I invariably give
up on it. If a blog post fails to look and feel right I might park it or even
delete. This morning I realised that while in 2015 I started the 30 days of
kink meme, getting to day 19, I never actually finished it. Since I want
to do some tidying up on the blog and move the 30 days of kink onto the meme
page, I have decided to get on and finish it off (rather than delete or leave
it unfinished. So here goes:
Day 20: Talk about something
within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand
There are a few things to be curious
about, for example how does it feel to be tied up in a shibari rope and
suspended above the floor? What would it be like to be flogged in public?
Equally there are things I am not keen on and don’t really get, for example
needle play – why would you want to do it and what pleasure would there be in
it? Still I never say never about anything, but I will never be first in the
queue to try needle play.
Day 21: Favourite BDSM related
book (fiction or non-fiction)
I have read a number of BDSM related
books over the years, both fiction and non-fiction. Indeed when I began this
journey, I found that they helped me to find out the kink that I thought I
might be interested in. Even with the contents of my kindle to hand, it is
difficult to remember all of them; some are much better written and more
believable than others.
My first ever non fiction book was the New Bottoming Book
by Dossie Easton and Janet
W Hardy, which I still rate very highly.
Day 22: What do you think is
important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a
A healthy relationship takes work by
both parties. Whether vanilla or BDSM there is a need for good communication,
particularly the ability to listen and understand each other. There is a need
to give and take, to care for each other. Some friends of mine once
said that a successful relationship needs sex, love and friendship in
The nature of a BDSM relationship means
that you also must respect each other, there must be trust and communication is
perhaps more important. It is difficult to know if the fact that we
talk to each other, consider each others feelings and respect each other
more than ever was the case with my ex has anything to do with it being a
Master slave relationship. We have come into this knowing what we wanted from
each other, and over time we have settled into a routine that suits
Our lifestyle might appear vanilla to
some, but M/s and kink is never far below the surface of our life.
Day 23: Since you first developed
an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
I have learnt that there is no right or
wrong when it comes to kink and that no two relationships function in the same
way. I recognise that I need to feel Master’s control over me, I need him to be
in charge. I increasingly find decision making difficult and that my preference
is for him to make them for me. That isn’t to say I am unable to function or
that I don’t make decisions for myself, it is just my preference. 3 years ago I
had no real idea what being a slave might mean. Funnily enough I thought I knew
about myself and my submission and about submission in general. But it turns
out I was and am still learning. As they say, you are never too old to learn,
or it turns out to change.
Day 24: What qualities do you look
for in a partner?
have never looked for a partner, or really been clear what I would be looking
for if I were. There have really only been 3 serious relationships in my life
and I have been lucky that all 3 have been with caring men. Now though I am
probably happier than I ever have before and that is because this man meets my
needs in so many ways. He is kind and considerate and my needs are pretty near
the front of the queue. He has a great sense of humour, and we laugh a lot. He
is intelligent, and well read and trying to keep up with him on any kind of
level stretches my own mind. He is perceptive and that means he is very good at
also stretching my body and my list of kinks.
Day 25: How open are you about
am not at all open with the vast majority of people partly because I don’t
believe it is their business and also because I doubt they would understand. I
don’t particularly want to be judged. However if someone asked me about it and
I felt that they truly wanted to know I would tell them. I feel lucky to have a
few friends who I can speak openly to, but in the main its just Master and I.
Day 26: What’s your opinion on
online BDSM play?
I can hardly be against it since that is
really how Master and I met. On alt.com almost exactly 3 years ago we met in a
chat room, where there was lots of online play going on. I quite enjoyed it,
but always knew it was just a bit of fun. Some people take it far more
seriously, but then they probably aren’t going to meet the people they play
with in real life. We still used to visit the chat room once we had met, but
online play then felt a bit ridiculous and even though he hadn’t said that I
couldn’t play with other men, I really didn’t want to. Finally the chat
activities on that particular site changes and the rooms became less popular,
anyway our own relationship in real life developed to an extent that we no
longer needed to go there.
Day 27: Do your non-kink interests
ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
course, my life isn’t spent separating its various elements and doing one thing
at a time. The only area where there is no overlap is with work, and family
stuff. In everything else yes. For example we love to travel, and there are
lots of times when I will be dressed to please him and that will lead to some
kinky play while we are out and about.
Day 28: How do you dress for
kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Master has bought me a number of leather
outfits, a spanking skirt, waistcoats, and some harnesses that I sometimes will
wear for our play times. Other times I will be naked. It’s really up to
him in the main.
Day 29: Do you have a BDSM
title(eg mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, Sir)? What is your opinion of
these titles in general?
My title is girl. That’s what Master
calls me most of the time, only occasionally calling me by my given name.
Sometimes he will call me slut, or more often get me to call myself slut, or
whore or some other. I have no problem with any of these words or titles. It
feels ok when I say them and I guess I am just used to it.
Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related
thing you want to write about.
am not sure there is anything else to say and if anything springs to mind I
will add it in.