Sex and the menopause

My menopausal history

It is 5 years or so since I began to experience symptoms of the menopause. Over that time the slow down and ceasing of periods has been the biggest advantage. Along with no longer needing to use contraception. But the downside has been the night sweats and hot flashes, these have been a major disadvantage. Often I have been sitting in the office, minding my own business when the telltale signs appear. An immense heat spreading through your body, from top to bottom or vice versa. Just when I am about to speak at a meeting, I feel myself flush and begin to over heat. At night I can be both freezing cold and unbearably hot within 5 minutes.

Thankfully the flashes are subsiding. But they are now replaced with physical changes. My body is definitely changing, my breasts are losing their definition. At present there is little to see, but they do feel different. But the worst symptom to date is pain when I have vaginal sex.

Sex and my menopause

To begin with I thought the pain I was feeling must be in my head. Specialist websites suggest dryness and thinning of the vaginal wall causing pain. I am definitely (thankfully) not dry. Rather it is like my body has gone into spasm. I have begun to fear penetration, to be anxious about the pain. This in turn is leading to Master, who doesn’t want to hurt me to fear he will cause damage. Last week, we had anal sex for the first time in ages. We found this less painful than recent attempts at vaginal sex. It made us wonder why anal had slipped off of our agenda, and gave hope for the future. This weekend though we both wanted him to penetrate my cunt.

Different positions

We have discovered that sex lying on our sides is a really good starting point. After some kind of foreplay that is. Increasingly I need him to stroke and lick me so that I am well lubricated. Equally me stroking and sucking him turns me on too, so there is something for us both. Even then, it can still hurt and the days when his cock just slips in seem to be far and few between. Yesterday though we actually spoke about the fears be both had and then set about trying to over come them. On my side, with him behind seemed less painful than starting on top or underneath. Since we had plenty of time and now feeling confident that my body would respond I got on top next. Any initial pain soon disappeared as I rode his cock and he played with my tits and stroked my clit.

The future

I hate what the menopause is doing to my body, and to my mind. I hate the idea that Master is frightened he might hurt me, or just that it is just too difficult to penetrate me. We still don’t know if I need to get some outside help or if it is just about time and patience. Yesterday morning’s sex though showed we can overcome. After riding him, I was able to get off, lie down and have him cum inside me. That might sound quite vanilla, but it was what I wanted. Plus he slid back in  and there was no pain.

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Exhibitionism

What’s mine is yours
What’s yours is only for
You.

You let others see
On good days
What’s your Possession.
What your manlessness wants to exclude from the presence of anyone else.

In the crowd you’ll sit and taste
With a bittersweet dispair
that “She is mine”.

Then why do I
Let her
Dance?

Noddy Ueland

Sinful Sunday
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Used

Sinful Sunday
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The missed flight

Have you ever missed a flight? Arrived at the airport just a little too late and been turned away at the check in desk? Or, have you arrived at the desk as it closes and been shooed through security. Only to miss the flight anyway? Have you ever been through security with something (or things) in your bag that if discovered, would be a tad embarrassing?

We had only known each other for a couple of months when I asked him if he wanted to accompany me on a trip to France. The previous summer I had bought an apartment with some redundancy money and now I wanted to check it had survived the winter. This has become something of a routine now – open up in March, shut things up in October. But this was the first time. He said yes.

Often when we travel for just a few days, we take carry on luggage only. But I needed to take some things for the apartment and he, various lotions for his eczema. We didn’t know each other well, so didn’t consider sharing luggage as we would now. The south of France in March, in an apartment that had been shut up for months was chilly. We spent lots of time in bed getting to know each other (as well as sleeping). There was plenty of sex, but also time to sightsee and to shop. It was a short break, but it was fun. Only too soon though it was time to return home.

The flight was a little earlier than we would have liked, and with one thing and another (cleaning mainly), we left later than we should have. By the skin of our teeth we handed back the hire car at the airport car park and reached the check-in desk as it closed. The woman put my case through, but then decided it was time to close. She refused to take G’s case and told him to take it through security as hand luggage. He did as he was told, but of course there were lotions in the case. Lotions in containers that were larger than the allowed 100 ml.

We watched as the case passed along the conveyor belt, though the X-ray machine and out the other end. The security personnel looked at each other and gathered around the bench. They beckoned G over and opened the case.

These were some of the contents………………

Contents of the suitcase

Facing the prospect of having so much more than a tub of aqueous cream confiscated G asked if he could miss the flight. Not wanting to travel alone, I asked for my case to be unloaded. As the flight took off, we were hiring another car and rebooking our flight.

Later that day, we checked two pieces of luggage onto a flight at an airport about 50 miles away. No one asked to see inside and we collected them from the conveyor at the end of our journey.

The irony is: It was so cold in the apartment in France, that none of the toys had actually been used that trip!
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Nobody does it better

 

I was vaguely aware Monday morning had arrived. The inane chatter of the radio DJ meant that the radio alarm had sprung to life. Thankfully music replaced the words and eyes still closed I determined to shut out the day.

Fingers stroking and pinching my nipples suggested that someone had other ideas. Especially as almost immediately I felt him stroking my clitoris. Gentle movements, each time catching the jewel encased there. The words and music surrounding us subsided as unexpectedly he lifted the duvet and his head dipped down. Spreading my legs I welcomed his tongue as it found the spot. Meanwhile I explored the balls and cock positioned near my head. I found soft, but hardening balls and a growing cock. Concentrating my efforts on Master’s tackle, I caressed and stroked. Then took the cock firmly in my hand just as he brought his slut to orgasm. There was no need for me to ask since he pretty much instructed me to cum. The response was instantaneous and intense.

Still throbbing from the touch of his tongue, he instructed I take his dripping cock into my mouth. Something I did gladly. Moments later though, he pulled away, kissed me and then asked where I would want my prize. This was one very turned on man.

“Cunt” I uttered the word as he pushed into me. My body for once responding as it should and allowing him a smooth passage. He filled me, his cock by now huge and almost ready to explode.

As his cum filled me, and we held each other close for a minute or two, the sound of the radio registered again.

“Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you’re the best”

Thoughts that carried me through the day at work, when He was far away and sex at 6.30am seemed a world away.

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The party’s over

Photo taken by Diogenes

As we left an event early in December, Master demanded one last glimpse of the party fare. This was his view.

Sinful Sunday
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#SOSS No 3

Review of my favourite posts of the week

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This is the first Saturday in ages that I have had the chance to sit down and write a Share our Shit Saturday (#SOSS) post. Partly because over the past few, very busy weeks, there has been little time for reading. Finally this week, I have had the chance to catch up.

My picks of the week

For the first time in ages, I have read all of the Wicked Wednesday posts this week. The prompt 21 really got the creative juices going, in terms of real life and fiction. One the most powerful was from Hey Mrs Robinson.  This is a new blog find for me and I am now catching up on some of her previous posts. In the Wicked Wednesday post Mrs Robinson describes the long road taken before she and her husband finally got together. A painful journey of death, abuse and assault.

Another interesting post was from Sub Bee who gave her thoughts on her sexual experience of race. Our upbringing in terms of location and parental influences have far reaching consequences on our view of the world. Bee discusses the race aspect of the images we see on the net as well as being propositioned by those claiming to have a BBC (big black cock). Something I too have encountered and not been even slightly tempted to follow up. The post has me thinking too about the number of young, slim women we see profiled. Versus those of my age, I think that is a post waiting for me to write.

Bee’s post  inspired by a couple by Cara Thereon which are worth a read. I however want to point to another, about the level of outrage being expressed at the moment. About people getting out of their trees about stuff that annoys them. In the process they go on the attack. Shutting down views and conversation and not reading or listening to the views of others. We women, quite rightly have plenty to say right now. But not at the expense of being mean to each other.

I have been lucky not to experience sexual abuse from a partner or boyfriend. This was helped along by meeting my husband when I was a child. We started going out when I was only 15 and married at 21. I have only had 3 serious relationships in my life. Hy recounts an early experience of abuse from a boyfriend when she was 16 and he 19. This reminds me just how lucky I have been in my life and how future relationships are affected by past experience.

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January – So far so good

January can be a horrible month. Most of winter lies ahead of us, the days are dull, dark and dreary. The same can be said about people’s moods. Overindulgence and over spending during the festive period makes people miserable. The best of the sales are quickly over and anyway, if you spent too much money at Christmas you tend not to have the funds or the will for more shopping. For me this year though, as I write on 19th January, things are not too bad. So far so good!

I made a number of resolutions at the start of the month and in the main am still sticking with them. Plus, my mum’s move has actually, really taken place. She is now 2 hours away from me and so far, that space feels mighty good!

The move

Took place a week ago. I don’t think I have worked as hard for a very long time as I did in the days leading up to moving day. My younger brother proved as useful as I might have expected, resulting in me cramming my car with things he failed to have loaded on the removal van. I ended up taking a microwave and kitchen bin, amongst other things. I discovered that my mum never throws anything away unless it is done when her back is turned. Still a week on she seems to be settling in and my older sibling is already stepping up to the mark. My visits will now be every 2-3 weeks rather than every Friday, which means more time to myself and for us.

Dry January

Of the 18 whole days that have passed this year, I have had alcohol on 3 of them. These are New Year’s Day, 12th and 13th January. This really is a big achievement for me. I really am borderline in the alcoholism stakes, I fear. At the end of moving day I enjoyed a glass of wine with my mum and then another 3 or 4. I really do struggle to stop once I start. The next day however, when out with Master for dinner, I had one glass. He has my back on this one, though isn’t giving up with me. I do plan some wine tonight, but will be back on it tomorrow or Sunday. Semi-dry January will need to extend into February and March. Control and planning will be the name of the game. This really has to become my life as I see the warning signs. The added benefit, and one of the reasons I am doing this, is that I have lost some weight. 5lb so far this month.

Blogging

So far I am remaining true to my plans and writing reasonably often and with a little more thought and application. I plan to try to participate in Wicked Wednesday each week, along with Sinful Sunday. Plus another post or two each week. I am not joining February Photofest this year, and instead am going to concentrate on my new 365 photo blog. Up to now, many of the images are ones I took over the past year or two. But increasingly this will change as I build up a new stock. I have bought myself WordPress for dummies and am teaching myself some basic web stuff. Hopefully I will be able to apply this to my blogs soon.

Planning for my move

So, mum has moved to her new house and now I need to get mine ready for the sale to my ex and his lady. Apparently she is getting hers valued next week to sell, so I am hopeful that by summer I could be on my way. Master has some plans for building work at his place, all part of our intentions for me moving in with him. I have been talking about this for so long, but am really focused on making it happen.

So far, this January doesn’t feel like the song by Pilot, I am not yet sick and tired and it isn’t hanging on me. Though roll on February for lighter mornings!

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Elust #102

Annie Savoy Elust 102 header image

Photo courtesy of Annie Savoy

Welcome to Elust 102

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #103 Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Baby, baby…

O Come All Ye Faithful

Christmas Eve

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Not “only” CP

Whispered Obscenities

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Happily Barren

 

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

Hot Chocolate
Eve
Jingle Bells

Erotic Non-Fiction

Four Acts in Oral Fluids
When a mid-winter sprint became a marathon
Gadget Man
I’m afraid of jinxing it
Oh my God, what an afternoon I’ve had!!!

Poetry

Plea of the Chaste
-04.01.17_17:52-

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Reality Bytes: Reflections on Expectations
Emotional Baggage – Say You Won’t Let Go.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

After the sunshine
Spit or miss

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

The politics of people who take part in BDSM

 

 

 

Elust

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Advice to my 21 year old self

On my 21st birthday my parents and fiancé threw me a party. Attended by family and friends, we drank and danced into the night. I was young and carefree, though ready to face the responsibilities of adulthood. Later that year, I qualified as a nurse and by the time my 22nd birthday came around, I was married. The year was 1984, almost a lifetime ago.

In many ways, my life has gone to plan. There has been a successful career, a long marriage, a child, a home that we almost own. But in other ways very different. I imagined that I would always care for patients at the bedside which has not been the case. That the marriage would be forever and that there would be more than one child. Friendships have not always lasted, decisions taken have proven not to be the best. Plus I now realise a happy, healthy sex life is far more important than I could ever have imagined.

I wonder then, if I could give my 21 year old self advice. What would that be.

Relationships 

If you are sure you are in love, then get married. Perhaps, wait a little longer. Live together, have fun, travel. You aren’t going to have your child for 7 years after all, so there is no hurry. Ignore the advice of your parents who don’t like the idea of you living together before marriage.

Work at your relationship, don’t let it go as soon as the first problem occurs. But don’t allow yourself to be lied to in the way you will. If an excuse seems far fetched, it probably is. It isn’t normal to attend weddings and other functions alone because your husband says he is working away from home. He doesn’t have that kind of job, never did and never will do.

Don’t believe that you are to blame for his mistakes, his infidelity. The moment you realise you don’t love him, don’t want him any more, walk away.

Parenthood

You will be a good and caring mother, follow your instincts and all will be well. Put your child first, but remember that he will still be there if you walk away from the marriage. The child’s father is meant to share being the parent. You don’t have to be both mother and father.

Your son will always have you and he will always have his father. You don’t need to be married  to each other. There is little more advice to give on this, other than always keep channels of communication open. Your son will always return when he needs you.

Friends and Family

Don’t put family before friends all of the time. A social life involving  parents, brothers, their wives and children is a wonderful thing. But when times change and marriages begin to fail, you could end up with very little social life. Invest time in those friends willing to give time to you. Accept that not all friendships last the course and family members do lie. Don’t be frightened of your mother, her bark is worse than her bite.

Work

Enjoy your time as a nurse. Don’t be afraid to change jobs. Believe in yourself. When the patients start to get you down try something new. Don’t fear a job in management, the pay and the hours are better. Never regret moving on and do so when you no longer enjoy what you are doing. Make friends, but accept that they work friends may be transient. Take any opportunity for further education and training and use it to your advantage.

Lovers

Recognise that being loved is important. Never forget that you need to be held, protected and touched. If the man you are partnered to does not turn you on then the relationship is wrong. Don’t fear being alone, you will meet the right person for you. Embrace the sexual feelings you have. Don’t be afraid to go in search and to try new sexual experiences. Preferably leave one relationship before embarking on the next. Infidelity invariably ends in tears and in the main they will be yours.

Trust your instincts and do be prepared to take a risk. If a sexual experience feels right, then it probably is. But take care. Try not to put yourself in danger. Learn about safe calls. You might not need them but it’s a good idea to be prepared.

When you meet the right man, you will know. One day you will be happier than you ever imagined you could be.

Life

By all means look back on what you have done, where you have been and who with. Remember and reflect, but never regret. When possible look forward and enjoy. Life to be embraced, enjoyed and lived.
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