This girl returns

A reconnection has occured between Master and this girl. It isn’t exactly that we were disconnected in any particular way. But there hasn’t been much time to just be us and to discuss our relationship. We came together as Master and slave almost 4 years ago (Dominant and submissive before that for 3 months). Our lives are busy and we still don’t live together and yesterday we discussed the effect that has on us. We also spoke the words that needed saying. That we no longer wish to be apart.

There are things to be done to enable Master and this girl to live together all of the time. He has some work to do on the house so that there is room for my things. She has to sell her half of her house to the partner of her ex, or else sell the house to someone else. Last year was meant to be the year when we moved in together, but time slipped away and it hasn’t happened yet.

This girl had spent Friday night at her mum’s. Her new home is 2 hours away and so visiting every couple of weeks and staying over night is the best option. Arriving home at 1ish, this girl prepared some lunch and we drank wine with it. Then since we both felt a little weary we cuddled on the bed and slept a while. Before and after the sleep, he stroked and caressed his property. Master expressed his frustrations about the time we spend apart and this girl agreed.

Later after dinner, more wine and a visit to the pub and more wine we retired back to bed. For some reason (perhaps it was the excess of alcohol) this girl felt both horny and submissive. She felt both of these in a way she hasn’t in quite some time. This led to orgasms, too many to count and since they haven’t been drawn on her body there is no real way of knowing. However there were many. Orgasms through penetration, through his fingers and also his power alone. Strong orgasms that brought on a wonderful nights sleep, nestled in the body of her Master.

This morning brought more sex and also discussion and agreement. Final details need discussion but. This girl is definitely back in the relationship. She was never completely gone, but she was hidden. The dynamic needs refreshing every now and then, it requires effort, so it is in plain sight. He wants a house slave and that means she must live with him. Perhaps living in one house for a few days together then swopping over will work for a few months. More time spent naked, more time worshipping her Master, more time calling Him Master and referring to herself as this girl. Hence this post.

Time also for the tattoo. A butterfly at the base of her spine. That is the next step. He wants to buy a new collar and an ankle cuff. A change from the existing collar and reaffirmation of the relationship. Of his ownership and her slave hood. More to come on this matter.

Gadget man

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday was Master. Following our second play date in February 2014  I called him gadget man.

I kneeled, restrained, legs in a spreader bar, arms spread too, wrists in cuffs, attached to a chain that passed under the bed. Blindfolded. A vibrating dildo in my ass. All I could hear was my new Dom moving around, opening boxes and cupboards. The anticipation was almost as overwhelming as the resulting pain and pleasure. There were things that vibrated, things inserted inside me and there were things he hit me with. The impact toys were also used to apply different sensations, as he stroked me with the flogger. He tapped me with a cane, applied pegs to my labia, clamps to my tits and then used that powerful vibrator on me and brought me to orgasm. Many, many times.

Then after all of that, he fucked me. Took me and possessed me, probably owned me from that day. The experience was overwhelming, something special for us both. But what I remembered most afterwards was the range of toys. Sex and impact gadgets I never knew people even possessed in their homes. For a while I called him Gadget Man. Not long afterwards of course he became Sir and then Master. Still though I think of him and his gadgets. He is definitely my gadget man still.

This is his latest gadget. Something I am still getting used to!

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Being naked

The idea of spending several hours completely naked in public freaked me out. Stupid really since this is something I wanted to happen. Ever since I found out about play parties where the male Dominant is fully clothed and the female submissive naked, I wanted to try it. I am an exhibitionist, I do like to be naked for Master and wanted to attend a play event.  But theory and reality are two different things and yesterday I faced that head on.

The car journey, me wearing a little dress and cardigan with nothing underneath, passed far too quickly. We arrived just before the doors opened at 2pm and having to wait in the car made me feel even worse. So much so that I actually told Master I wasn’t going in.

But, as people started to get out of their cars I found myself following. Inside the building I encountered 3 or 4 entirely naked women, people helping at the event (as well as some clothed gents). My feelings of anxiety melted a little and I headed for the changing rooms.

Many women kept some clothes on, lingerie, stockings, shoes. Others sported chains or harnesses much like I own. I made the decision before leaving home that being naked would be best for me for this first day. Lingerie or stockings would be an easy option and kind of cheating. However those wearing more than nothing were pretty sensible as they kept warmer than I was able to.

Out in the main rooms, there were sofas for relaxing and various benches, crosses, pulleys for play. Most people brought implements and toys with them. As mentioned yesterday, I haven’t been well and so to avoid any temptation Master left his at home. While I was jealous of those being spanked, tied and played with I know that he had my best interests at heart. Plus it doesn’t mean that he didn’t sit touching and fondling his slave. I found watching others quite the turn on and know that next time I will be ready to be watched.

We met some great, very friendly new people and I discovered that I wasn’t alone in  being nervous about displaying myself to everyone else. It was good too to meet new people outside of the munch scene. To meet others who are part of a D/s or M/s dynamic. This felt a fun, but very safe place to explore this side of myself in a more public place.

By the time we left I was already looking forward to the next time. Thinking about what Master might do to me, how he might want to play with his slave. This morning Master texted me to tell me how proud of me he was. How much he liked displaying me to others.

I have to admit that I enjoyed being naked on public display much more than I even imagined I would. Next time hopefully I’ll be a little less nervous.

A new day, a new year

Today is my birthday, and as I enter a new year of life I somehow find myself ready to blog again. The past couple of months have been somewhat quiet here. Save the occasional, writers block post Sinful Sunday has been my only regular offering.

Last week’s Sinful Sunday post, a spur of the moment shot of Master changing a lightbulb naked  was rated in the top 5 by Molly. It is those kind of shots that really are the best. Therefore this week, since I have taken no photo involving stairs (this week’s prompt) I am taking a rest.

Instead I am happy to report that our sex and M/s life is resurrecting itself. Or rather, perhaps we are finding the time to get it going again. Since holiday we have been busy. Weekends away, stuff to do around the house and garden. Plus we both seemed to have returned from holiday with a strange malaise that wouldn’t seem to shift. Master has a painful shoulder, which I hope he will seek medical help for soon. This weekend though, we have shoved all of that aside.

Two mornings in a row we have had sex. Raw, just woke up and wanted to grope and kiss each other sex. Yesterday, my eyes were barely open before I found myself on my knees before him, sucking his cock. This morning I was awake first, reading birthday messages on Facebook when He began to finger my clitoris. Then he went down on me, orgasms flew through me in a way that I haven’t experienced in months. Mindful of his shoulder pain I have been on top more than of late. I had almost forgotten how wonderful that feeling is, his control from beneath me is something to behold.

As recently as Friday I was wondering if I was still his submissive bitch. Something in the things I said, and my body language that night seem to have seemed through. To us both. We have reminded ourselves of who we are to each other and that feels really good.

Sinful Sunday will resume here next week, meantime if you read this please do click on the lips and see the great photos everyone has contributed this week. But for me, today I will enjoy my birthday and savour the thoughts of yesterday, this morning and all the days to come.

Sinful Sunday

SCC Writing #228 – This life

Much of the literature I had read before embarking on a D/s relationship was fictional. While very hot, this kind of writing tends to be more about play and kinky sex than real life. It wasn’t really until I was starting my D/s journey with S and subsequently with Master that I read more widely.

What I gleaned from those ‘manuals’ of submission and slavery is that all relationships are different. That concepts of ownership, service, obedience and worship can be interpreted along a continuum. Just how strictly these apply depends upon the wishes and needs of the individuals. I think that Master and I like the idea of a relationship that interprets my slavery further towards the strict Master and compliant slave. But life needs to be more low maintenance than that for us both.

What is more, no relationship can sustain those first flushes of new excitement. Of constant arousal, discovering each other’s bodies, of pushing and testing limits. M/s for us right now is much more low key, perhaps an undercurrent to our lives rather than something that is overtly visible to others.

Having said all of that, we have let things slip a bit. There are rules, and expectations. Some are always followed and others really are not. We have discussed recently that we need to rediscover exactly what it is we both need from the M/s element of our relationship.

It is the very fact that we can and do communicate with each other about our relationship in its broadest sense as well as these specific elements, that feels different. We can and do discuss everything – we look back and analyse events and feelings and we make plans for the future. Those future plans involve mundane everyday things like me preparing my house for sale and him cleaning space for me to move in. They also include us thinking about ways in which we can better take account of His need to dominate me and mine to submit to Him. We often surprise each other. This might be by Him tell me He is about to pee on me in the shower, or perhaps I strip and kneel before Him, unprompted.

Life is no more like the fictional accounts of erotica that I often read than it is a manual of slavery. I would prefer to think that we are writing our own story as we journey though our life together.

As time goes by……….

 

Back to basics

We have been enjoying a wonderful summer together. A trip to France in May was followed by our holiday in Sicily, then there was a weekend away to visit my brother and then last weekend apart. Me with my mum in France, Master with his daughter in Amsterdam. In between there have been nights out, the theatre, the cinema, meals, trips to the pub…..

Often we have had little time for sex, a need to get up early, or getting home late and falling into bed. Plus of course the little matter of needing to prepare both our houses for when I join him in his. We get on really well together, we have no problem in living a vanilla existence. We can sit together reading, discussing current affairs, we don’t really need to argue and so don’t. We are maybe more tolerant of each other because we respect each others point of view even if we don’t agree with it. We love each other and we fancy each other. Of course, the relationship is not quite like it was at the very beginning. But it could be.
This weekend we got back to the core of what we are about as a couple. Master and slave. We reconnected in a way that we really haven’t given time for in quite a while. Plus we still managed to get out, travel to London to see a play, eat dinner and have a lovely walk back to the train station.
But while we were alone together here, things were different.
He decided on  Friday night and again last night when we got back that I needed to be naked. He had me kneel before him and suck his cock. He had me wear one of the leather harnesses (It was a bit on the loose side, so the diet and exercise is paying off) and he was clear about how I should address myself and him. I was ‘this girl’ once again and he was Master and also Lord; he really loves me calling him Lord, but I do stumble over it. Not because I mind calling him Lord, but too many films and books mean I am confused as to whether I should call him my Lord or just Lord. It sounds weird in a way that Master doesn’t (but I digress).
We have had amazing sex. Kinky, horny sex. I have been permitted numerous orgasms, many more than the tally currently written in black ink on my tummy. I have had a prize from him, one that I received while he was deep inside me this morning. I have also been required to pee on him, though this weekend not the other way around.
We have talked about the fact I have a contract and rules that I don’t follow and discussed how we can get that back on course. I know what I need to do, the rules are few and they are simple. But this is a two way process and he has promised me that he will also make sure we keep making time for the kinky side of our life. The pain and the pleasure, the Dominance and the submission. Master and slave.
This weekend has been relaxing and it has been busy. We got back to basics and it is clear that we do have time, we can have it all.

Bad slave?

There is no doubt that I have come a long way in the past two years.

I know that I am a happier person, someone who no longer needs to control every aspect of their life. Indeed, I would go further than that and say that I prefer to control very little of my life, but do what I must.
I have learned to let go of so much, to allow someone else to decide where I go, what I do and how I do it.
Sometimes though I rebel and revert to some of my old ways.
The other day when out for dinner I complained when Master made a decision about dinner on my behalf (for my own good of course). On holiday I started to doubt his ability to guide us to our hotel on foot (it took an hour to get there).  I know I answer back and I often break the rules we agreed 2 years ago.
But does that make me a bad slave? Does that mean I am not a slave at all?
I don’t believe it does.
I am a person who needs control, but also needs the opportunity to push against that control.
I am a person who needs to know that someone is in control. I am still learning that it isn’t desirable or necessary that I have to be that person. That giving up control makes me feel liberated and the person I want and need to be.
Master doesn’t want to micro manage me and I don’t want or need that micro management. I think that he needs to look back at where we were and where we are now.
He needs to see how far we have come and reassess.
I am not a bad slave. He is not a bad Master.
We are two human beings learning to navigate our way through life, a life where we and the world around us changes. Where sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong.
But what I do know is that we are two people who happen to be Master and slave. Two people who love each other.
Bad slave? No
Collared slave who is sometimes bad? Yes!

Orgasm control

Probably the first ‘rule’ applied to me as a new submissive was orgasm control. I was told that my orgasms no longer belonged to me, that they were his property and that I should ask permission to orgasm and that once I had cum, I must thank him and tell him that it was his.

I had read quite a bit about being a submissive by that time, and orgasm control seemed to be common place. What is more, S had required me to ask permission to cum when we were together, so this was nothing new.

Orgasm control with Master is a little different though. This isn’t about me feeling that I am about to cum and then seeking permission, this is about him demanding that I cum when, where and how he wants. Over time, and with training or conditioning, much like one of pavlov’s dogs, I really can cum at the moment he desires. He may be stroking my clit, he may be pinching a nipple, he may be deep inside one of my holes, or there may be no physical contact at all. But, when he says cum, I do.

I have long since stopped wondering how this can be happening to me, I suspect it is a form of conditioning as mentioned above. I love the control he has over me, that he can make me cum at will. It adds to the feeling of control that I know that he has over me and it makes me horny just to think about.

Occasionally he denies me an orgasm at the time I request it, but he is not very good at doing so for long. He truly loves me to cum and see and feel the juices that flow, to hear my breathing change, to hear me gasp, to see the look in my eyes. I love him for this; who wouldn’t? I know other submissive women are denied orgasms for prolonged periods, so I count myself extremely lucky.

For me, the advantages of having my orgasms controlled far out weigh any disadvantages. I recognise it as part of what I have ‘signed up for’ in agreeing to become his slave. It is part of the control, part of his ownership of me, my body and mind. Part of the power he has over me and which be both know we need.

I guess the only small disadvantage is that it means that when I am alone and I decide I need to cum it is less pleasurable than when we are together. I still thank him for the orgasm, and tell him it is his, but if he is not there to hear me say the words then what is the point. So, even though I am allowed, I tend not to orgasm very often when I am on my own. The feelings produced by my fingers or a vibrator are good, but they last just a few moments. I much prefer that he be there and that the control is overt and real.

S is for…..

A girl’s submission to slavery

One topic today since this lies at the heart of her very self, what she is and how she functions. In order to write this blog post, this girl needs to write in the third person – her slave persona  – this girl. This is a personal need rather than something imposed. You see, when Master told this girl that he thought that the use of the third person would help her in coming to terms and understanding her submission he was right. In the beginning it felt odd and sounded strange to even refer to herself in private with no one else present as this girl. She didn’t exactly believe that it was necessary since she had already worked out she was submissive. Of course it turned out Master was right!
The realisation that this girl was a submissive came in the early days with S. He brought out her submissive side and taught her that it was a good thing. That it wasn’t a sign of weakness but instead strength. The desire to serve another, to want to please to feel the need to worship another was part of who she was. Sadly, S wasn’t the right person to receive this girl’s submission in the long term. Indeed, it is now clear that he was frightened of it. For him, it was about play, it was a game. For this girl it was a part of who and what she was. He recognised this and pushed her away. The fact that they carried on seeing each other for a while was about carnal need, but eventually it was clear that this girl wanted and needed more.
Master recognised something in this girl during early online play and discussions in a chat room. Meeting up on a bleak, cold day in February only confirmed this. There was a sexual chemistry, but also there as something else. He recognised that she desired to submit to him and over time they agreed that she was his slave and he her Master. Looking back there was an inevitability which was confirmed after a period of separation which allowed both to reflect on their time together so far.Separated by thousands of miles, both had struggled to make sense of the emotions of the previous few months. On the spur of the moment (it seemed at the time) he asked if she wanted to be his slave. Somehow that request was exactly what she wanted and needed. She didn’t understand at the time why she felt the sense of relief she did. It felt almost like a home coming (though that took place a while later when he returned from his travels).

Jack Rinella’s book Becoming a slave provides this girl with the closest definition and understanding of her own understanding of slavery. He recognises that slavery and indeed submission itself is personal. He describes slavery in this context as a voluntary type of servitude. He identifies that rather than the slave being someone weak, needy and in need of constant supervision, she (or of course he) is someone who wishes to serve the Master, to give the power she holds to him. In doing so the slave puts the Master first, supporting and empowering him. At the same, they are quite possibly achieving success in their own endeavours. This is how life is for this girl. She does not need micromanagement, and she is able to lead a successful career. However she feels that she needs to defer to Master, to seek His approval and support. She needs to be his servant, to please to to give him total control of the life that is their’s to share.
In effect she has surrendered her will to Master and as Jack Rinella describes, her ego has been nullified and now belongs to him. She has given herself totally to him to take care of. Her self image has become his.
This whole area of thought is complex, but for this girl it sits inside the deepest recess of mind and body.
Yet, it is visible for all to see. Well for those who are able to see how important this life is to her. Generally people remark that she looks well, not just in body but that she is fulfilled.
Today, this girl met with her ex. Somehow she was surprised to hear the lack of communication that appears to go on with his new lady friend. She was surprised that she and he were unable to communicate at a level she is now used to. But later she realised she should not be surprised. Master has helped this girl to recognise her needs and to reach out to Master in fulfilling them. The level of communication in this girl’s relationship with Master is completely different. It and He have brought her happiness she could only have dreamt of in her previous relationships. Slavery has brought her happiness, but only because Master is the right person to submit to. She is Master’s slave.