January – So far so good

January can be a horrible month. Most of winter lies ahead of us, the days are dull, dark and dreary. The same can be said about people’s moods. Overindulgence and over spending during the festive period makes people miserable. The best of the sales are quickly over and anyway, if you spent too much money at Christmas you tend not to have the funds or the will for more shopping. For me this year though, as I write on 19th January, things are not too bad. So far so good!

I made a number of resolutions at the start of the month and in the main am still sticking with them. Plus, my mum’s move has actually, really taken place. She is now 2 hours away from me and so far, that space feels mighty good!

The move

Took place a week ago. I don’t think I have worked as hard for a very long time as I did in the days leading up to moving day. My younger brother proved as useful as I might have expected, resulting in me cramming my car with things he failed to have loaded on the removal van. I ended up taking a microwave and kitchen bin, amongst other things. I discovered that my mum never throws anything away unless it is done when her back is turned. Still a week on she seems to be settling in and my older sibling is already stepping up to the mark. My visits will now be every 2-3 weeks rather than every Friday, which means more time to myself and for us.

Dry January

Of the 18 whole days that have passed this year, I have had alcohol on 3 of them. These are New Year’s Day, 12th and 13th January. This really is a big achievement for me. I really am borderline in the alcoholism stakes, I fear. At the end of moving day I enjoyed a glass of wine with my mum and then another 3 or 4. I really do struggle to stop once I start. The next day however, when out with Master for dinner, I had one glass. He has my back on this one, though isn’t giving up with me. I do plan some wine tonight, but will be back on it tomorrow or Sunday. Semi-dry January will need to extend into February and March. Control and planning will be the name of the game. This really has to become my life as I see the warning signs. The added benefit, and one of the reasons I am doing this, is that I have lost some weight. 5lb so far this month.

Blogging

So far I am remaining true to my plans and writing reasonably often and with a little more thought and application. I plan to try to participate in Wicked Wednesday each week, along with Sinful Sunday. Plus another post or two each week. I am not joining February Photofest this year, and instead am going to concentrate on my new 365 photo blog. Up to now, many of the images are ones I took over the past year or two. But increasingly this will change as I build up a new stock. I have bought myself WordPress for dummies and am teaching myself some basic web stuff. Hopefully I will be able to apply this to my blogs soon.

Planning for my move

So, mum has moved to her new house and now I need to get mine ready for the sale to my ex and his lady. Apparently she is getting hers valued next week to sell, so I am hopeful that by summer I could be on my way. Master has some plans for building work at his place, all part of our intentions for me moving in with him. I have been talking about this for so long, but am really focused on making it happen.

So far, this January doesn’t feel like the song by Pilot, I am not yet sick and tired and it isn’t hanging on me. Though roll on February for lighter mornings!

Advice to my 21 year old self

On my 21st birthday my parents and fiancé threw me a party. Attended by family and friends, we drank and danced into the night. I was young and carefree, though ready to face the responsibilities of adulthood. Later that year, I qualified as a nurse and by the time my 22nd birthday came around, I was married. The year was 1984, almost a lifetime ago.

In many ways, my life has gone to plan. There has been a successful career, a long marriage, a child, a home that we almost own. But in other ways very different. I imagined that I would always care for patients at the bedside which has not been the case. That the marriage would be forever and that there would be more than one child. Friendships have not always lasted, decisions taken have proven not to be the best. Plus I now realise a happy, healthy sex life is far more important than I could ever have imagined.

I wonder then, if I could give my 21 year old self advice. What would that be.

Relationships 

If you are sure you are in love, then get married. Perhaps, wait a little longer. Live together, have fun, travel. You aren’t going to have your child for 7 years after all, so there is no hurry. Ignore the advice of your parents who don’t like the idea of you living together before marriage.

Work at your relationship, don’t let it go as soon as the first problem occurs. But don’t allow yourself to be lied to in the way you will. If an excuse seems far fetched, it probably is. It isn’t normal to attend weddings and other functions alone because your husband says he is working away from home. He doesn’t have that kind of job, never did and never will do.

Don’t believe that you are to blame for his mistakes, his infidelity. The moment you realise you don’t love him, don’t want him any more, walk away.

Parenthood

You will be a good and caring mother, follow your instincts and all will be well. Put your child first, but remember that he will still be there if you walk away from the marriage. The child’s father is meant to share being the parent. You don’t have to be both mother and father.

Your son will always have you and he will always have his father. You don’t need to be married  to each other. There is little more advice to give on this, other than always keep channels of communication open. Your son will always return when he needs you.

Friends and Family

Don’t put family before friends all of the time. A social life involving  parents, brothers, their wives and children is a wonderful thing. But when times change and marriages begin to fail, you could end up with very little social life. Invest time in those friends willing to give time to you. Accept that not all friendships last the course and family members do lie. Don’t be frightened of your mother, her bark is worse than her bite.

Work

Enjoy your time as a nurse. Don’t be afraid to change jobs. Believe in yourself. When the patients start to get you down try something new. Don’t fear a job in management, the pay and the hours are better. Never regret moving on and do so when you no longer enjoy what you are doing. Make friends, but accept that they work friends may be transient. Take any opportunity for further education and training and use it to your advantage.

Lovers

Recognise that being loved is important. Never forget that you need to be held, protected and touched. If the man you are partnered to does not turn you on then the relationship is wrong. Don’t fear being alone, you will meet the right person for you. Embrace the sexual feelings you have. Don’t be afraid to go in search and to try new sexual experiences. Preferably leave one relationship before embarking on the next. Infidelity invariably ends in tears and in the main they will be yours.

Trust your instincts and do be prepared to take a risk. If a sexual experience feels right, then it probably is. But take care. Try not to put yourself in danger. Learn about safe calls. You might not need them but it’s a good idea to be prepared.

When you meet the right man, you will know. One day you will be happier than you ever imagined you could be.

Life

By all means look back on what you have done, where you have been and who with. Remember and reflect, but never regret. When possible look forward and enjoy. Life to be embraced, enjoyed and lived.
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First experience

I was nearly 50 before I had my first experience. Of sex with a man other than my husband and of anal sex. We had known each other just a few weeks and had met just the once. In a probably not to be recommended encounter, I met, had sex and slept the night with a man I had only chatted to online and by phone. But things went well, we got on well together. Enjoyed each others company as well as lusting after each other. What is more, the sex was better than anything I had experienced in a long time. Perhaps ever.

A couple of weeks later I went back for more. This time I travelled to his place. I sucked him, he fucked me senseless and then we had anal sex. He knew I was an anal virgin and I knew that he wanted to take that particular cherry. We had discussed my willingness to have anal at length and I had trained myself for those couple of weeks with a butt plug.

My only experience of anal sex before meeting S was in some of the kinky books I read. Generally the dominant man considered taking his submissive girl’s arse as the ultimate prize. Perhaps the same was true of S. While I in turn wanted to give it a try, to learn and experience new things.

He was clearly experienced and led me gently through the build up to the main event. He attended to my orgasm needs, stroked me, kissed me and made me feel like I needed to feel his cock in that forbidden place. Any pain I felt on that day (and I am sure it did hurt a little) pales into insignificance when I consider the lasting benefits. That first experience helped me see the intimacy that can come from anal sex. The trust that is needed so that I could relax enough for him to find his way inside that most secret of places. Then the resulting orgasm that seemed in some way different from any other.

That first experience probably paved the way for me to become the submissive I am now. S and I continued to have great sex and for him that tended to include anal. I enjoyed it and complied. But there were problems with the relationship, mainly that we wanted and needed different things. Looking back sex with S was predictable, starting with  me on my knees sucking him and some time later (hours or the next day) with anal.

I don’t suppose any partner wants to think of their lover having sex with an ex. But Master says that he is grateful to S for teaching me about anal. It meant I was ready, able and willing soon after we met. For us anal is something very special. It brings out the slut, the bitch in me. It is dirty and forbidden but it feels the most intimate of sexual acts. We don’t do it often, indeed we haven’t in some time. But when we do it is one of the ways in which Master expresses his ownership of me, his slave.

This post is cross linked to Wicked Wednesday for the prompt ‘The Ex’ and to Kink of the Week for the prompt ‘Anal Sex’.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Gadget man

The first thing that came to mind when I saw this week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday was Master. Following our second play date in February 2014  I called him gadget man.

I kneeled, restrained, legs in a spreader bar, arms spread too, wrists in cuffs, attached to a chain that passed under the bed. Blindfolded. A vibrating dildo in my ass. All I could hear was my new Dom moving around, opening boxes and cupboards. The anticipation was almost as overwhelming as the resulting pain and pleasure. There were things that vibrated, things inserted inside me and there were things he hit me with. The impact toys were also used to apply different sensations, as he stroked me with the flogger. He tapped me with a cane, applied pegs to my labia, clamps to my tits and then used that powerful vibrator on me and brought me to orgasm. Many, many times.

Then after all of that, he fucked me. Took me and possessed me, probably owned me from that day. The experience was overwhelming, something special for us both. But what I remembered most afterwards was the range of toys. Sex and impact gadgets I never knew people even possessed in their homes. For a while I called him Gadget Man. Not long afterwards of course he became Sir and then Master. Still though I think of him and his gadgets. He is definitely my gadget man still.

This is his latest gadget. Something I am still getting used to!

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Hello 2018

Another year has arrived and an old one is in the past. Time to look forward to 2018. I hope and even believe this will be a good one. The external preoccupations remain (politics, prejudice, censorship) and can’t be entirely ignored. But but what better day than New Year’s day to look forward with positivity.

Writing and blogging

Recently I have spent almost as much time complaining that I haven’t written anything as actually doing it. So enough of that. I plan to participate and just try to write stuff. If it is any good, then people will say and if it isn’t then I will know. Either way, I will get my thoughts out there. Plus I will have taken part in various memes and other projects. Once this post is done and out there, I will sign up for the Smut Marathon and see where (if anywhere) that takes me. I decided I can’t just be Julie, can’t use my own name (too rare) and so will be known as Julie Jones for writing purposes. Not creative but since I am not Beyonce and Adele it is time to have two names.

The deadline date for the Eroticon Anthology has been extended, so there is no excuse for me not to get something written this week.

This year I have decided to participate in the 365 photo project. Yesterday when I probably should have been writing I was instead setting up a sub domain. At the moment I plan to use some photos I have taken over the past year or two and really like. But very soon I will be out and about taking some  shots of life as it happens. This will give me the chance to post some of the photos I take which aren’t sex or kink related. In exchange I have made the decision not to take part in February Photofest this year. I want to take the pressure off of myself and actually write more.

Family and home

As I have mentioned, my mum is due to move house on 12th – 11 days time! This next few weeks is going to be incredibly busy and then hopefully will calm down. At present she is struggling to de-clutter and wants to take everything with her. She has a lot of stuff, much of it unused in a long time. She has wardrobes of clothes, too much furniture and a huge kitchen of gadgets and stuff. Moving is a stressful time and for her, widowed 3 years ago, it is a huge step. It is also stressful for me since the bulk of the organising and doing is falling to me. One brother is busy working (he is a supermarket manager and this is the busiest time of the year). The other is lazy and so far has done another to help. The end is in sight though and I look forward to that.

Next will be my house. This really will be the year to sell and move on. Big changes afoot for Master and I then. Once that is done I can think about work and what I want to do about it. I enjoy my job less and less and I am ready for a rest and a change.

Travel

We love to visit places, for weekends and holidays. 2018 will hopefully see us doing just that. Yesterday we booked a trip to Seville in April for the Feria that takes place every year. Next we will begin to think about a summer holiday,  perhaps to Slovenia. I haven’t experienced any of Eastern Europe, so that would be new and exciting. We will need to travel to France a couple of times and hopefully a few other weekend breaks will happen.

Our relationship

This holiday time we have been discussing the things needed in our relationship. More time for us and concentrating a bit more on the dynamic of Master and slave. We want more time to play, some of it at home and some of it outside. Last year we attended a couple of events and this year we want to raise our game. Go to more events and clubs and to play there. Master is again talking about marking me, something I do want but we haven’t got around to. He also wants to reinforce the power exchange in our relationship much more.

In a few weeks it will be our 4th anniversary. I never imagined then that we would still be together in 2018 and now can’t imagine being apart. I want this year to be the one where we can stop needing to Skype 3 or 4 nights a week.

So 2018 is here and there is lots to look forward to. Of course there will be challenges, and outside influences will sometimes get in the way.

Today, though I face the coming year with positivity.

Review of 2017 and Recommendations for 2018 (part 2)

Yesterday I posted part one of this review for Wicked Wednesday and linked to a number of the bloggers and sites that have helped and influenced me this year. Today, part 2.

July

The creativity I managed to find for blogging this month was double that of last. Sadly this is not saying very much as there were just 4 posts. On 10th I expressed some of the reasons for the drought (holiday, work and meme overload). If I have learned one thing this year, it is not to over think and force the issue. The blog won’t disappear (even if readers do) and quality really is much more important than quantity.

Sinful Sunday has been a constant and Master is now involved in the photos, both as photographer and subject. This post might be one of my favourites so far and I am proud to have been named amongst the top 5 participants for this shot. The joy of mirrors!

August

During much of the first half of the year our sex life and M/s relationship was dormant. The two are inextricably linked, as although we are always Master and slave it is most evident in the bedroom. Master’s shoulder problems, evident last year re-emerged. And at the same time we both found our libido low. As I emerge from the menopause I am struggling to find my sexual mojo. My body looks and feels different and I often feel tired.   On 6th August, my 55th birthday I posted of a change to that situation. Another Sinful Sunday on 27th demonstrated the measures Master has taken to help us overcome our difficulties. The sex swing in action!

September

Another first, when we attended a Clothed Male, naked female event. I wrote about my feelings about being naked in a venue of other naked women and clothed Men. This was really my first experience of D/s protocol of this kind. Sadly I wasn’t well that day and so we couldn’t play. But it was an amazing experience. I met new people as well as meeting up with  some that we do know. Perhaps then a good opportunity to mention Sub Bee (who was also at the event and is a regular). We first met at a local munch and while I don’t know Bee and her partner well we also met at Eroticon. If you are not familiar with Sub Bee’s blog you should take a look. She writes candidly about her relationship, bisexuality and other topics as well as posting some fantastic images.

October

Elust features the best of sex blogging and is published each month by Molly.  Bloggers and writers are invited to submit the best of their material which is then peer reviewed by an army of willing volunteers. While there are winners, there are no losers as everyone that submits a valid entry is published. Everyone then republishes, which means that it can reach far and wide within the kink community. My own blogging drought this year means I haven’t submitted many posts, but in October I did  – to Elust 99.

The feature photo is from Exhibit Unadorned and features a bunch of bloggers having fun. This gives me the opportunity to mention his Exhibit A blog as well as that of his wife The Other Livvy. Both blogs are worth a visit, but be warned they are excellent and talented writers and photographers. So you may be there for sometime! They are newlyweds and seem like amazingly fun people. I saw them at Eroticon but we didn’t speak. I hope this will change next year.

November

There has been many a time over the past few years, when short of inspiration, I have turned to TMI Tuesday. Usually this involves a few questions on a sexy or kinky topic to write as little or as much as you feel able. On 7th November though, there was something different. We were given the words: Dragging, Kitchen, Bedroom, Sofa, Albert Einstein, Closer, Eggbeater, Olive oil, Eight and Rain and asked to create a story. There is very little fiction on my blog. It takes more head space than I can usually muster. But for once I embraced the challenge rather than moving on. I am quite proud of this post and need to do more.

Increasingly mainstream social and other media as well as government seems to be trying to reduce freedom of expression. Especially in the sex writing and blogging community. Using the protection of minors as an excuse they are attempting to gag and blog the things we say and show. On 18th November I took part in my first Share our Shit Saturday. In 2018 I intend to focus much more on doing just that!

December

Earlier in December we attended a febsub event at the same club that the CMnf one is held. Held on 3rd, it helped me get into an early Christmassy mood. The theme was pantomime, but since I have always wanted a santa type costume I chose the latter. I was very pleased with the result, as was Master and many others.

I mentioned in part 1 that Master had a new bathroom installed this year. The jacuzzi bath has been an amazing and wonderful source of late night relaxation and enjoyment. Something I highly recommend!

In some ways this has been a lean blogging year for me. But I am proud that I have kept going. Have posed every month and have kept true to myself and our relationship. There are lots of challenges ahead for us as a couple (more of that to come in the next few days). But also many opportunities for me as a blogger.

Who am I?

A couple of posts that caught my eye this week cover the theme of using pseudonyms to blog. The first by Girl on the Net was about the extent to which your online persona is different from the real you. GOTN even describes herself as sometimes hating her online self. Real life is so much less exciting that the edited one you can create for others. More and better sex and someone who has all the answers. Plus, GOTN is a brand, for good or bad. Something she can’t quite escape, even if she wanted to.

The second was from Kayla Lord’s Smutlancer blog. Yesterday was the first time I visited that site and I found it full of useful ideas for the budding online writer. In the article – Do you need a pen name as a sex writer – she talks about creating an online persona. Finding the right name, making it sound real (or being GOTN for example). The post also covers the challenge of keeping your blog self separate from the real you – physically and emotionally. Social media has a habit of linking your online self to your real self if you let it. This is bad enough when work and home life comes together. But if you blog about sex and have a responsible job to lose and family who wouldn’t understand or approve separation is important.

So who am I?

I am not particularly creative, certainly when it comes to creating a fantastic pseudonym. My real name is Julie and I am Julie here. I am MPB because Master called  me that and it seemed like an appropriate name for a sex blogger. But if I were to write a book (unlikely I know), I could hardly use Master’s Pleasing Bitch as the author’s name. It seems a bit late to come up with a proper sex blog, author name now. Maybe the name isn’t so important, MPB is relatively catchy and those who know me (online or in reality) call me Julie.

But to what extent is the online Julie, MPB really me? At the beginning of the blog, I was starting a journey into a new life, I wrote about a different side to me. One I struggled to understand, but l knew I enjoyed. I wrote candidly about coming clean to my husband and the emotions that brought with it. During the months from November 2012 when I confessed, my blog self mirrored the real person. I struggled to cope with the emotions associated with infidelity, a shocked and devastated husband and knowing what to do about the mess I was in. When my relationship with Master started and I discovered my submissive self properly, I again wrote about my emotions. This blog was a place where I could come speak candidly in a way that I couldn’t anywhere in real life.

Almost 4 years have passed since then, and unsurprisingly our relationship is settled and routine. We have our sexy moments and I write about those. I rarely describe the emotional aspects of life, because I can discuss them in real time with him. While I show more of myself here than many do, I still seek to keep my online persona separate to the one my family and work colleagues know. It would be easier if I didn’t feel the need to do that.

What does that mean for my blog?

Increasingly I have come to rely on prompts from memes to help me decide what to write about. These are great in giving ideas and the topics are usually such that the scope for creativity is wide. I am trying to read more widely around the sex blogging and writing community and again this helps with material (such as with this post).

But I think it is time to try to be more creative. It is time to write more posts based on me, my thoughts and feelings but that push the boundaries of who MPB is.  This requires time and effort, something that I am willing and able to give. Over the winter I would like to try to create 1 or 2 posts a week. Ones that are either fiction, are about more serious topics within the kink world or make me think about myself. It would be so good if one day I could look at my blog and worry that MPB was just too exciting. And that I, Julie had a love hate relationship with her creativity and smugness.

 

TMI Tuesday – 5th December 2017

Sexy Specifics

Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy. from “30 Rock” https://www.nbc.com/30-rock

1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?

I love women’s breasts. The shape of them, the hint of a nipple, a decent cleavage. Lovely!

2. What do you find least sexy in a man?

Feet generally, not too keen on anyone’s feet to be honest! 

3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?

Yes. My ex had an affair early in our marriage. I didn’t like it and I regret that I did it to him at the end. I wouldn’t do it again nor would I want to be the other woman either. 

4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?

I guess I am more overtly romantic. He says he isn’t but does some lovely things for me. But that hasn’t stretched to flowers – he claims it is due to his hay fever! 

5. Do you have a “work wife” or “office husband”?

No. I don’t really have close work relationships these days. My life outside is too important to me.

Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?

I believe so, yes. We talk to each other, we like each other, we are happy together. We have plenty of sex and occasionally shout at each other. All of these things are pretty healthy in my book.

Bonus, bonus: Is the “work spouse” strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? One study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse. I don’t think people describe their co-workers as such here in the UK. But some people do spend stupid amounts of time at work. I don’t do that and have no problem arriving and leaving on time!

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Obedience

Does obedience come easy for me?

In so many ways the answer is no. At work I hate being told what to do, I prefer to be in control, have freedom to act. Not that I don’t invite comment and advice, but I am not keen on being directed. Luckily my job carries autonomy and my manager has better things to do than tell me what to do (most of the time). I was the bossy sister and I am a bit bossy with my mum (if she allows it). But take me out of those situations and I crave control. I don’t particularly want to make decisions, which is lucky since I am now with someone who wants to do just that. Master has a great knack of controlling the things we do and the way we do them. That isn’t to say I don’t have choices, of course I do. But I rarely challenge the over all issue the choices are about. I am not sure some people would recognise me as the same person when I am with Master.

Which of us derives the most pleasure from my obedience?

He loves the power that comes with being the Master. He loves to know that he has control over me. For him this provides sexual excitement, particularly when the control involves elements of my body. But for me also I almost need to know that he is there making decisions for us. That responsibility for the things we do lie with me. The sense of sexual fulfilment and personal happiness I have right now are as a direct result of knowing that I am his slave and he is my Master. In turn that helps me with the way I manage my professional life.

Are there consequences for disobedience?

Funnily enough I am rarely disobedient. But then we are not really following any specific rules right now. I don’t often argue about the decisions he has made, partly because anything important has been discussed anyway. However I do challenge him from time to time. When I do he calls this being bratty. This seems to be a loose term for anything I say that he considers to be so. Moaning, being negative, challenging his world view, suggesting alternative ideas are all being bratty. We don’t do punishment and I am happy with that. That is because there is little to be punished for, but also because he is a little lazy.

Did I really write that? That statement is, I am sure, very bratty.

SCC Writing is a Tumblr blog that contains lots of prompts for submissives along with the posts written in response.

Tired

I so want to write, I have so many ideas. But to be frank, I feel tired. Being ill at the beginning of the month has left me tired. Working and the relentless pressures of being an NHS manager leaves me tired.

Hang on, a manager in the NHS and you are tired? Surely managers do nothing but sit around in meetings, sponge off of the state and go home! For those of you reading this from outside of the UK, I work for the health service. Contrary to popular belief I do pull  my weight, do more than go to meetings and answer a few emails and then go home. I don’t deny I am well paid, better than I ever imagined as a nurse, but I do work hard. I work harder than I did when in clinical nursing, not physically but expectations are higher.

My mum makes me tired. Tomorrow, it is 3 years since my dad died. I have done my best to provide the support needed and my brothers do help. But she relies on me much more than I want and need her to. It isn’t her fault, but it is a fact.

Things with my ex have improved significantly. He has stopped telling me he misses me and wants to try again. He has stopped analysing what went wrong. Stopped fussing. I am however still waiting for his partner to sell her house so that they can move in here. Tired of waiting, but I have promised to wait a little longer.

I want and need to move in with Master, but he still needs time to declutter and be ready. That is of little consequence since I am not yet ready to move in with him. But I am tired of waiting.

I need to begin to put myself ahead of others. I need to give up my job and take a break. But I need the money from the house sale so I can afford such a luxury. I need to move in with Master and be with him, but I need my ex’s partner to buy my part of the house to enable that to happen.

My mum is hopefully moving house, closer to my brother. I need to be relieved of the responsibility for her on a day to day basis and hopefully that will happen soon.

Meantime, I am tired and when you are tired, it is difficult to find the words to write.