SCC Writing #228 – This life

Much of the literature I had read before embarking on a D/s relationship was fictional. While very hot, this kind of writing tends to be more about play and kinky sex than real life. It wasn’t really until I was starting my D/s journey with S and subsequently with Master that I read more widely.

What I gleaned from those ‘manuals’ of submission and slavery is that all relationships are different. That concepts of ownership, service, obedience and worship can be interpreted along a continuum. Just how strictly these apply depends upon the wishes and needs of the individuals. I think that Master and I like the idea of a relationship that interprets my slavery further towards the strict Master and compliant slave. But life needs to be more low maintenance than that for us both.

What is more, no relationship can sustain those first flushes of new excitement. Of constant arousal, discovering each other’s bodies, of pushing and testing limits. M/s for us right now is much more low key, perhaps an undercurrent to our lives rather than something that is overtly visible to others.

Having said all of that, we have let things slip a bit. There are rules, and expectations. Some are always followed and others really are not. We have discussed recently that we need to rediscover exactly what it is we both need from the M/s element of our relationship.

It is the very fact that we can and do communicate with each other about our relationship in its broadest sense as well as these specific elements, that feels different. We can and do discuss everything – we look back and analyse events and feelings and we make plans for the future. Those future plans involve mundane everyday things like me preparing my house for sale and him cleaning space for me to move in. They also include us thinking about ways in which we can better take account of His need to dominate me and mine to submit to Him. We often surprise each other. This might be by Him tell me He is about to pee on me in the shower, or perhaps I strip and kneel before Him, unprompted.

Life is no more like the fictional accounts of erotica that I often read than it is a manual of slavery. I would prefer to think that we are writing our own story as we journey though our life together.

Submissive Coffee Club #226

Piercings 

We had only been together for a couple of months when Master told me that he would like me to have some piercings. Interestingly this was something I had also wanted for some time. I had discussed the idea with a previous Dom, but the time didn’t feel right for me and certainly that relationship was’t.

This time, Master and i discussed our ideas and they appeared to match up. We agreed on both nipples and clitoral hood. I was clear at the time that these would be my piercings, and while he came with me, I did the research and paid.

However, from the day that I was pierced they felt significant to us. They were real, but also a symbol of something that we both shared. They signified something I had been willing to do for him. A confirmation of my submission and his dominance over me. This feeling has continued.

Of course, such piercings are only as permanent as you wish them to be. If I removed my nipple bar now, the hole would probably be closed within hours. However, that probably isn’t the point. I really would like more piercings, and we are considering ones to the labia. These would be more significant, more painful and perhaps a little more kinky.

We have also discussed a tattoo. I held back on this for a long time as it was a feature of his previous relationship. Plus I am nervous for reasons of pain and permanency. However, I feel I am ready to do so. This relationship is as permanent as any can get and I know it is something he would like. For us it would be a real commitment.

From my point of view, commitment to the relationship is important, however equally so is that you both want this body modification. I may be a slave, but ultimately it has been a joint decision and something that has been for me to agree to.

As time goes by……….

 

Submissive Coffee Club

Tumblr can be an erotic and exciting place to look for photos, videos and articles. It can also give an unpleasant view of porn, submission and opinion, you do have to wade through pages of poseurs (male and female) on occasion to find something worth looking at and real.

A tumblr site I really enjoy visiting is the submissive coffee club (it also has a related dominant site). It is great for conversation and views on submission and it also offers up blogging prompts which can be useful if you are short of a topic idea.
They are currently running a feature where members of the club volunteer to be asked questions about their submission etc. by their peers and next week it will be my turn. I have one question so far, and am hoping for many more. But to make it more interesting, if anyone here has a question they would like to ask me then I will answer that too. I then plan to post simultaneously here and on my tumblr blog.
Master and I are off on holiday this coming weekend and so I will have the added advantage of blogging from the beautiful island of Sicily and needing to complete this task will prevent me from once again resorting to travel blogging. Though of course, there is nothing wrong with a travel blog.
Personally I can’t wait to get away. We have both been suffering from a virus over the past couple of weeks and have been massively under par. There has been precious little sex in our lives, let alone kink. Hopefully this trip will help us get over this horrible bug and also allow us to recuperate. I am looking forward to the sun and the sea air. There will be loads to see and do plus there will be the food, wine and hopefully a chance to swim and maybe relax in the shade with a good book.
Mean time, do leave any questions in the comments box.
Back soon everyone!

Orgasm control

Probably the first ‘rule’ applied to me as a new submissive was orgasm control. I was told that my orgasms no longer belonged to me, that they were his property and that I should ask permission to orgasm and that once I had cum, I must thank him and tell him that it was his.

I had read quite a bit about being a submissive by that time, and orgasm control seemed to be common place. What is more, S had required me to ask permission to cum when we were together, so this was nothing new.

Orgasm control with Master is a little different though. This isn’t about me feeling that I am about to cum and then seeking permission, this is about him demanding that I cum when, where and how he wants. Over time, and with training or conditioning, much like one of pavlov’s dogs, I really can cum at the moment he desires. He may be stroking my clit, he may be pinching a nipple, he may be deep inside one of my holes, or there may be no physical contact at all. But, when he says cum, I do.

I have long since stopped wondering how this can be happening to me, I suspect it is a form of conditioning as mentioned above. I love the control he has over me, that he can make me cum at will. It adds to the feeling of control that I know that he has over me and it makes me horny just to think about.

Occasionally he denies me an orgasm at the time I request it, but he is not very good at doing so for long. He truly loves me to cum and see and feel the juices that flow, to hear my breathing change, to hear me gasp, to see the look in my eyes. I love him for this; who wouldn’t? I know other submissive women are denied orgasms for prolonged periods, so I count myself extremely lucky.

For me, the advantages of having my orgasms controlled far out weigh any disadvantages. I recognise it as part of what I have ‘signed up for’ in agreeing to become his slave. It is part of the control, part of his ownership of me, my body and mind. Part of the power he has over me and which be both know we need.

I guess the only small disadvantage is that it means that when I am alone and I decide I need to cum it is less pleasurable than when we are together. I still thank him for the orgasm, and tell him it is his, but if he is not there to hear me say the words then what is the point. So, even though I am allowed, I tend not to orgasm very often when I am on my own. The feelings produced by my fingers or a vibrator are good, but they last just a few moments. I much prefer that he be there and that the control is overt and real.

Arguments – SCC prompt #189

This is a timely prompt, something I found on the Submissive Coffee Club page and saved for later.

Since Master and I got together we have had little to argue about, and so even a month ago I would have passed this by. But as I alluded to on my last post, over the past few weeks there have been some occasions when we have argued. These arguments have not been about anything personal to us or our relationship, but about our differing political and social views. They have also been about my willingness to take some things at face value, while for him there is a need to read around the topic in great depth before your opinion is formed or rather changed. We both have a world view, often it isn’t so different, indeed I think I values are similar. But our approach is different and sometimes when I am expressing those thoughts and feelings I become a bit too passionate, start to take things personally, while he sits there and just argues.

During those arguments I do lose sight of myself as his slave. I just go for it, hell for leather and then when I don’t get what I want think I want, I act out. Last week I packed my bag and stormed out of the house. Then when I realised that a) I shouldn’t drive as we had just consumed a bottle (or two) of wine and b) this was no way to sort thing out, I rang on the door bell to be let back in. Last night after our ‘discussion’ had again disintegrated Master questioned my attitude as a slave. He was right to, though perhaps this is something we need to discuss in a rationale way.

When we argue I think that dormant, overpowering person who wants to shout over people and hog the conversation begins to appear. I don’t think that person is someone I want to be and I don’t think it is attractive. He remains dominant, but I fail to listen to him as I should. It is odd, because these days I prefer myself when I remember that I have agreed to be his slave. I prefer the calm me, the one who gets to be told the is a good girl. It is less stressful and it makes me happier.

After an argument, it is really about giving each other space and then about discussing things so that we try not to fall into the same trap again. That is the bit that isn’t quite working right now. Plus of course making up and saying sorry.

This situation isn’t serious really, because it isn’t about our relationship as such, maybe though it is a way of helping that relationship mature so we don’t end up saying and doing things we regret.

SCC Writing Prompt – Staying Connected

The ability to connect to each other when we are apart is important for us, since we don’t live together. Early in the relationship there was much more day time contact, through various messenger services and by text. But now we have settled into the occasional text and a Skype call most nights when we are apart. We tend to spend anywhere between an hour and over two on a call and just use it as a means to catch up on our day and to discuss current affairs and anything else on our minds.

Sometimes when we are apart I can lose focus on myself as His slave, but that really only happens these days if our separation is for a prolonged period or if I am under undue stress. Most of the time we manage the times apart as this is just how life is for us. There is little chance for us to become bored with each other, to run out of things to say to each other or to become complacent. Even when we live together, I plan to still work, there will still be family things I will do on my own, so there will be periods of absence. I always know how to contact him if I need to as he does me.

I don’t see the time we spend apart as a particular disadvantage and feel that over the duration of our relationship it may well have strengthened it. It means we value the times we are together, particularly, as has been the case this past week, when we get to spend a longer period of time in each others company. It does mean though that when we are apart I do miss him and know he also misses me.

SCC Prompt #185 Humiliation and Degradation

There is something about humiliation and degradation that works for both of us. It is about placing this girl in situations where she is made to dress in a way that others might find inappropriate. So for us, that will be no underwear, or clothing more fitting to a much younger women. It is about being touched in public in a way that might be seen as inappropriate. It is about peeing in public. It is about knowing that this girl has piercings that are there for His pleasure. It is about the collar and its meaning.

It is about many things. Our relationship holds humiliation and degradation as a central place in our dynamic, but for us it doesn’t have the effect that you might expect. Instead it is a turn on for us both. It is something that we need.

For this girl, as we approach a new summer, the excitement grows. The chance to begin to expose her body, the chance to be more daring again, the chance to show Master how much she loves to expose her body in the way He loves and approves of is very exciting.

This girl knows that she finds humiliation and degradation a turn on whether it relates to play or a permanent relationship. But she also knows that the latter means so much more. She knows also that she would love this to be part of her life on a permanent basis.

This morning, Master described a fantasy where His girl spent much more of her life naked, or just wearing an open shirt. Where she was available to Him at all times. He could then stretch her nipples, and spend time touching them. He could pull the chains on her genital piercings (soon to turn from 1 to 3 or maybe 5) and when she would be in no doubt 24 hours a day that she was His slave. That forms part of this girl’s greatest desire.

My submission

Dominance and submission has been a key part of our relationship from the start, and it remains so. The relationship, which started with the intention that is mainly be around play has become something far deeper. This is a long term relationship that may well turn out to be something that defines us in our middle age. But it remains one where He is the dominant and I am the submissive. That is the undercurrent to each day of our lives, it is just the way things are. We go about our business, together or apart, but during that time we both know who we are and are mindful of our roles and what that means to the other. To Him, I am girl. I am there to be loved and cherished, but I am also there to serve him at all times. For me, He is Master and at all times not only do I want to serve, but I want Him to be proud. This is our life.

I can’t imagine that either of us wouldn’t want the D/s (or indeed M/s) that is so important to us. However, we are not one dimensional and there is far more to our life and the things we enjoy together. I don’t see our relationship failing because of that and anyway I love Him for who He is in so many ways.

The percentage of time when our interactions are rooted in D/s probably depends on where we are and whether we are together. But, since I wear His collar and cuff, and since I try as part of my contract to think about my place as His slave I would say that for most of each day I know where our relationship stems from. As a woman in her fifties, as a woman who has discovered her sexuality later in life than many, I have to say that I embrace my place as His slave. For me, there are constant reminders which mean that at least 90% of my time is in truth embedded in my relationship with Him. Embedded in the fact that I am this girl; His slave.

The photo below was taken last summer. As usual I wore no underwear and when He demanded to see His property I did so. Mind you, at the same time it appears, I was filing my nails!

 

Submissive Coffee Club #176

SCC Writing prompt
Prompt Set #176
 Are you happy with quiet and graceful submission or do you sometimes long to be tamed?
I am not sure I am particularly quiet or graceful, indeed last night on Skype I was accused (quite rightly) of talking over Master when he is trying to say something. I can’t seem to help my need to get out my own view, and I know I really have to stop doing it. I am maybe acting out a little bit, since he is currently away and I am here doing the mundane stuff of going to work etc. I am probably better when we are together and I can feel the effects of his dominance over me more effectively. In turn, he probably ought to be a little stricter with me, but I guess that would take some work. In general though he is pretty good at keeping me in line.
Do you act out just to feel the reassurance of your Dominant’s power over you?
Not really, or certainly not knowingly. Having said that, I do find his power reassuring and I know that he finds my submission and his power erotic. After close on two years together, I suppose we have just settled into what feels right for us.
Why can extra structure feel good when the world outside your submission is stressful?
I think that extra structure helps me to refocus on what is important in life and makes me remember who and what I am. The only really important thing is that I am his slave and it is good for me to remember that. Serving him is my purpose in life and that is where my focus should be. By reminding me of those things, I am easily brought into line, Physical things, like wearing my plug or a posture collar, or even kneeling also help.