Struggling

Kink of the week is about struggling against restraints which had me thinking about this photo taken while we were in Amsterdam a couple of years ago. Master left me hogtied on the bed while he went to have a shower.

Generally when I am restrained during sex or play, rather than struggle I find it relaxes and makes me feel in some way free. I am restrained and so there is no need to fight or to move. The exception is when he is coming towards me with the violet wand in his hand and I can see it (i.e. I am not blind folded) particularly if he is using a light bulb on the end of it. This was a trick he picked up at a workshop at BBB on the one occasion we travelled up to Birmingham for the event. I find the concept of being buzzed by the static from a light bulb immensely scary, though it is erotic when it touches your skin.

But being restrained while you are being tortured is one thing, just being left is something else entirely. On that day I really did struggle against the bonds, much to his amusement. The position was uncomfortable, my head got stuck in the pillow and I wasn’t sure what was coming next. Then I heard the shower and knew I was in for at least a few minutes of being in that position, what was more since he was in the shower, complaining was useless. Mind you of course I did complain, while I struggled and that just made me more uncomfortable.

Master’s response when he emerged from the shower was that when I lay on the bed and allowed him to tie me up, I should have faced the TV and then I could have used that as my distraction! You have to love his humour at times!

The shorter the better

So Kink of the Week for 1-15 September is Hair. Having covered pubic hair already, the focus this time is the hair on your head.

Master has a particular fetish for very short hair. In his ideal world his slave would have her head shaved. For him, there is something very erotic about a woman whose head is shaved. I haven’t asked him, but suspect he prefers that the hair has visibly been cropped closely and that you can run your hands over it and feel the stubble rather than a head that is truly bald. His tumblr feed is full of photos of women that emulate his ideal (he has other kinks that he displays too unsurprisingly).
Master is not one to push a slave to comply with his wishes, at least not overtly. He would prefer that she does so to please him and because she wants it too. So the move towards short hair has been a gradual process.
When we met my hair was shoulder length. It had taken me a while to grow my hair to a length that I liked and I felt pretty happy with the style. As far as I was concerned I dressed and had my hair cut in a way that I wanted, to please myself, no one else. When we met, his then slave told me of his preference for shorter hair. She told me that when she arrived to live with him, he would force her to have her head shaved. This was something she said she would struggle with. While I believe he may have said such a thing to her, I don’t actually believe he would do anything like that without the other person (even his slave) fully agreeing and wanting that to be the case. Certainly he hasn’t pressured me to cut my hair. But the things she told me stick in my mind and maybe stop me from going the whole hog.
I have though, over the past 2 1/2 years gradually cut my hair shorter.
I have discovered that a woman of my age looks better with shorter hair. That I like the way I look with short hair. It looks better when cut around my ears than trying the half way thing. I have discovered that for a woman going through the menopause short hair really helps you cool down. I think it helps me and others see the bone structure of my face.
What is more, I have been complimented on my hair in a way that I don’t think I have been for many years by family, friends, colleagues and by almost complete strangers.
I don’t have my head shaved and am not sure I ever will. Maybe I might get the area around my ears shaved as I think it looks cool and pretty sexy. I know what Master likes, but don’t think he will push me to do something I don’t want.
But sometimes you need another persons view, another’s ideal to help push those boundaries. without Master I may never have cut my hair to the length it is now and may never have known just how good it would look.
Short is good. For him, the shorter the better and maybe I am edging closer to his ideal.

KOTW – Tasks

I need to get back to blogging ways, indeed if I was tasked to do so then maybe I would be better at getting my brain into gear. Even better if Master were to give me a list of topics he would like me to write about.But seriously, this month’s kink of the week is about Tasks. I have a set of rules that I agreed to when I became Master’s slave, and one or two of them are kind of task orientated. Probably the main one would be that I should wear my butt plug twice a week when we are apart. I am rubbish at keeping to this rule, mainly because I forget. We often chat on Skype late in the evening and after I come off of the call I get ready for bed and am asleep before I know it.

The other rule that has slightly fallen by the wayside is the issue of underwear. I often don’t wear panties but usually these days like to wear a bra. For all I am 54, my tits are still quite firm, but still I do prefer it. Generally he doesn’t push the issue.

Sometimes he will give me tasks to do, but these are on an ad hoc basis, as the mood takes him (as is his prerogative). I am not someone who really needs a massive amount of structure and to be frank I am a calmer, happier human being since I have been with him.

He is someone who likes his slave to be low maintenance and so, while he likes to give me the odd thing to do, he is not really into making sure I do it. We have discussed recently that our dynamic has fallen into something of a routine and that we don’t always make the effort to think about things such as this.

Perhaps this prompt may lead to further discussions on the topic since he reads what I write here and we often follow that up with a discussion.

Tasks are a good thing, but they take effort on both sides. I am willing to give it another go if he is!

 

Pubic hair – KOTW

I am probably from a generation that while shaving legs and under arms was the norm, shaving pubic hair was not. For me, a person who always grew hair a plenty this was something of a relief. The idea of spending my entire life in the bathroom, summer and winter did not appeal. That is not to say that I didn’t fancy walking around with less hair, but just that the effort was too much, unless that is, I was due to wear a bikini any day soon.

Over the years friends told me of their waxing, epilator and laser / electrolysis experiences, but I wasn’t sure the pain and effort was worth it. After all, it isn’t as if that part of my body was being seen by anyone very often. Hubby preferred sex in the dark but went on quite a bit about me shaving and occasionally I did as he asked, as if I were granting him a special treat. I guess that is what it was. I remember him being extremely grateful for the effort I took when we travelled to California for his 50th. It didn’t improve our sex life, but he seemed happy.
It wasn’t until I became involved with S though, that I willingly shaved myself for another person. Luckily there were significant gaps between our meetings, as is often the case in a long distance relationship, but I was keen to please. I was new to this submission lark and embraced his wishes with gusto. I used a combination of hair removal creams such as Nair and a razor, but think that if things had continued in that vein I would have tried laser or something.
When I met Master I was bare. He said little about this for the first few months, but then decided that he wished me to grow my hair, stating in our contract that:
Girl will maintain a tuft of hair on her mound for her Master’s use and pleasure
That use and pleasure is so he has something to wipe his cock on or to aim for when he wants to dump his prize upon me.While the hair grows in more places than I would like, it has taken some time to reach its full potential, maybe it is an age and menopause thing.

From time to time he has got out his razor and shaving cream and created the shape he likes because my hair growth can be quite unruly (much as he likes to suggest I am unruly as a slave, but that’s another issue entirely). Generally though I try to keep my hair trimmed and away from the tops of my legs using cream and shaving. All in all, I have now come a complete circle.
The difference now is that if he decided tomorrow that he wished me to be completely bare I would do as he wished and do so gladly. And pretty much without any kind of argument or evidence of brattiness or unruliness.

As you can see from this photo, the tally was 11 and I have my pubic hair in tact. Just as he likes!

Keeping tally

Being written on is a feature of this relationship and is something this slave have come to really enjoy. There is something both erotic and humiliating about having words such as slut, whore, property, Master’s or indeed MPB written on your body. Master frequently gets his sharpie pen out and writes on his girl’s flesh. Usually he writes on the breast or lower abdomen and he seems to get quite a thrill out of it as does this girl. Often it takes some days for the ink to rub / be washed off and there is a certain thrill to standing in front of the mirror after a few days and catching sight of his words. Something quite new is the orgasm tally for the weekend / night / day.

Master loves giving orgasms to his slave. He tries to deny her for periods of time, but since he enjoys the look on her, the way her back arches and body shudders he is more in favour of multiple orgasms than none at all.

But all orgasms are controlled and they are counted and every time the slave is given permission to cum she thanks him and tell him who it belongs to.

This weekend’s tally is 11 – 6 (shown in the picture) yesterday and 5 this morning. Master keeps count as this girl finds it difficult to do so, given that the orgasms might come (or cum) close together and will have caused some degree of sexual fogginess of the brain. Number 1 was definitely after he had used his tongue on this girls clitoris, and was also tweaking a nipple. Another was when Master instructed the slave to touch herself and bring herself off. Others were during penetration – His cock inside while Master rubbed her, or as his cock moves in and out of her.

Master loves to get this girl into such a state of arousal that she is almost in a permanent state of orgasm. Such a thing happened yesterday and again this morning. Indeed this morning this girl almost orgasmed by stroking Master’s cock with her hands, feeling the soft flesh, noting the contrast between that softness and the hardness of His erection. He began to feel one of her nipples and she exclaimed how wet she was, just through the act of touching him. His fingers moved to feel that wetness and he asked if should would like to cum. Of course she wanted to and within seconds another was added to the tally.

As something of a part 2, here is the photo this girl took 2 years ago yesterday when Master had first asked her to become His slave:

 

 

 

Masturbation – kink of the week

May is Masturbation month and not surprisingly Molly has chosen this as the topic for Kink of the Week. For me, masturbation like a number of the more sexual aspects of my life is something that has changed over the past few years.

I spent many years masturbating in private, and doing it frequently. A few minutes at home alone after getting in from work, the time between hubby leaving for work and my son beginning to stir in the room next door. I used fingers and I used various vibrating toys. I poured over the clitical.com website for new techniques and had some fun. I learned how to find my own g-spot, and experimented with ice, to name two new things I found out there. But to be frank I found it frustrating. It was pleasurable, but that pleasure only lasted for a few seconds after the climax came. I sensed that I needed a more fulfilling sex life and that masturbation wasn’t meant to be something that happened instead. This relationship has taught me that my hunch was correct.

During my marriage I hated the idea of my husband masturbating while he was beside me, but knew that he did so, usually after I fell asleep but not always. I hated the idea of him knowing that I masturbated too. Looking back there were some fundamental problems with our willingness to be open sexually with each other. I assumed that this was normal behaviour but now know differently.

Master owns my orgasms. It was one of the first things of mine that he took control and ownership of (intact, perhaps it was the first). This means I must thank him when I cum, and I must tell him it is his. That doesn’t mean he must be present when it happens, therefore I am allowed to masturbate. However, these days, the need to do so is much reduced. There is no need for me to sneak around before anyone comes home or goes out. I can happily lie on my bed naked and use my fingers or a vibe. But I tend not to (though it can help if I am unable to sleep at night). Instead I prefer to masturbate in his presence. Or for him to do so to me.

Mutual Masturbation has become part of my life in a way that I never expected, as has watching while he masturbates himself perhaps looking at some porn. I find this arousing rather than disturbing as I might have done previously. I am happy for him to look at and explore my body, and am relaxed with him watching me wank. Indeed sometimes he demands it of me.

The orgasms achieved through masturbation are for me different, depending on the method and who is making them happen. If wanking myself, then I prefer using a clitoral vibrator and I like the rapid and intense build up it gives. If Master is bringing me to orgasm, then I love the feel of his fingers and the slower, less intensive build up. The worst thing though is when he begins his count down and then stops touching me. It isn’t that it stops the orgasm coming but more that I hate the loss of direct stimulation from his gentle touch.

Masturbation for me is something very different from how it used to be. Different in a good and fulfilling way.

Kink of the week – Glasses

It would be true to say that I have, for a very long time loved guys in glasses. More than that, I am turned on by a man who wears glasses. I am also fascinated by the slightly more obscure reasons a person needs glasses to function.

I have a slight real obsession with the whole eye sight / glasses thing. Almost my first venture into online chat was a glasses kink site. This is a real admission since I have never told Master about this and he will be reading and thinking “what the fuck?’

So for a back story. In primary school we had our eyes tested. Someone had decided I had a problem and needed testing for colour blindness. This was something I was unlikely to have given that it is uncommon in girls. I had at that time developed something of a ‘tick’ which involved me feeling the need to twitch. The test was negative.

Fast forward about a year, I had started a new school and was learning the clarinet. I wasn’t very good, but giving me the benefit of the doubt the teacher suggested that my problems were grounded in my inability to be able to see the music. She had a point. It turned out I had a squint, discovered too late for eye patches, exercises or whatever but sadly my musical talent wasn’t down to my eye sight.

Even though I was intrigued by my glasses, I didn’t want to wear them, instead I carried on in a world where I greeted people I didn’t know and ignored people I did. It wasn’t until I wanted to learn to drive that I actually wore the glasses that my parents bought for me. Then, having passed my test I abandoned them. All the time, due to the squint viewing the world in some kind of 2D, fuzzy haze. It wasn’t that I couldn’t see, but more that I only saw things with one eye. At some point I ‘saw’ the light and got glasses full time and then contacts.

An optician told me that normal people saw in 3d, and with my glasses on showed me what that looked like. I was in my late 20’s. My reaction was contact lenses.

I think I became obsessed with vision and what different people saw from that point. I joined an early forum and chat room at that point and found people who had similar interests. The people there greeting you not with ASL (age, sex, location) but with ASPx (age, sex, prescription).

I also found people who in hindsight are stranger than anyone I have met on a BDSM site. People who wear contact lenses to make them appear near or far sighted and then wear glasses to correct this. But many more who have a real fetish for people who genuinely need glasses and wear them. I suspect however that many of the people who told others that they fitted the required criteria were fake, just like many of the BDSM chat sites. Personally as is now the case, I was attracted to people with other attributes as well.

Nowadays I am older and more comfortable wearing glasses, there is no getting away from the need for one thing.

I do find glasses and whatever eye condition goes with them fascinating. I know from my own experience, that people can judge that your prescription is ‘weak’ without understanding the complexity of that prescription. I know that having one eye that is long sighted and one short sighted confuses the brain. The simplicity and unpleasantness of being short or near sighted intrigues me. Almost to the point that I can understand those people who try to recreate it.

What is more, I fancy men who wear glasses. But only if they are attractive to me anyway.

 

Kink of the week – Kidnapping / Captive

For me there is something extremely sexy and erotic about the fantasy of being kidnapped and held captive. Especially if that captivity involved being kept naked or scantily clad for a period of time, perhaps forever as Master’s sex slave.

There was a time when I might have just wanted a strong, dominant man to take me away from the life I was so unhappy living. Now, though my fantasy doesn’t involve just any dominant, but one in particular. I guess though, in desiring Master to kidnap me, it could only happen once. Linking those thoughts to the reality of my current life, living in my former marital home and where I can spend only part of the week as Master’s slave, my thoughts of captivity bring with them a kind of freedom.

How wonderful it would be to be taken by Master and told that I am now to stay with him. To be told that I have no need of possessions. That I am his slave to do with as he sees fit, to be used for his pleasure when and how he wants. To be in a place where I can’t escape, and where I am expected to do as I am told, a place where I provide service to him and him alone.

Of course, in this fantasy, I am obedient and always do as I am told. I am not the wilful girl that I often am in reality. I wouldn’t complain about being naked, about being chained if that was what he wanted. I would take pain willingly without resistance, but instead embrace it and love it. What is more, kneeling would be something I could do for long periods of each day, without ever complaining of pain in my knees.

For me, this fantasy is about release. By being taken and held captive, I am able to leave behind the remnants of my former life. I am able to stop worrying about everything else in life other than Master. At last I am able to fulfil my desire to be his slave and property at all times. I am able to devote myself to him, to worship him and to kneel before him naked. Also though I am able to take care of him and to allow him to take care of me.

Perhaps then, this fantasy isn’t about being physically taken and held, but about letting go of the past and about embracing my role as his slave. It is about completing the journey we started two years ago, and acknowledging that it would be so much easier if he just took me, rather than me having to go through the reality of selling the house, divorcing my ex and all of the stresses that involves.

 kink of the week

 

Kink of the week – Kissing

On the introductory page for the current Kink of the Week, Molly invites us to google quotes relating to kissing. I did and the Einstein quote above is my favourite.

You see Master takes kissing very seriously, he loves to kiss me and I really love that he does, since I love to kiss him too.

There are a number of different types of kiss that take place within our relationship, from little gentle pecks on the lips when something has amused us or we just feel the need to do so, through to the passionate kisses that take place during sex. In between there is the slow and sensual exploratory kiss as we wake or late at night when we sit together on the sofa or lie in bed. A teasing of the tongues, a meeting of lips as we touch each other’s bodies. He loves it when I kiss ‘like a whore’, apparently not all women put their tongues into the mouths of their partners as they kiss, only certain types of women. But when your lover is busy giving you nipple pain, or exploring your clitoris then I fail to see how a woman can resist the desire to passionately kiss that man. For me passion includes exploring all of him, including his mouth.

I usually kiss with my eyes closed. Not because I don’t want to look, but because it helps me to shut out everything outside of him and the things he is doing to me. Sometimes though I sneak a peek to see if he has his eyes open or closed. Sometimes they are closed and sometimes not. Perhaps he is doing the same.

What is for sure, is that the kind of kissing that we like to engage in could not be done while driving, well not safely. What is more he is one fantastic kisser and only 10 days till I get to kiss him again!

 

Kink of the week – Semen

As a few people have mentioned in response to this topic, us girls don’t always have a history of enjoying the experience of tasting or feeling our lover’s semen. But when the relationship is right and we are given the opportunity to know more about ourselves and our lover then this is one of the things we also come to enjoy. Such has been the case for me.

Before Master there was S and before that hubby. With hubby, for a reason i cannot explain, I found no pleasure in sucking cock or indeed in experiencing the warm damp feeling of his cum. I am not sure he enjoyed it himself, indeed perhaps he found it almost repulsive, something to consign to a tissue. Perhaps that is the clue.
With S, I was encouraged to enjoy his cock, which I did and to taste and feel his spunk. I did these things, as I knew it was what he wanted from me and gradually I began to enjoy.
Things with Master have moved on in spades though. I love the taste and feel of His cock and gradually I have learned to savour the different substances that emerge from it. The taste is not always perfect, it depends on what he has consumed in the day or so before. But it is always an interesting experience. Part of this is the fact that he has no fear of either of our bodily fluids, indeed he feels they are part of the overall experience of our sex life. But it is not all about taste, it is about feel and about being used about being his slave.
Early on in our relationship Master told me that he no longer wished me to shave. I had assumed this was something all Dominants wanted after my experience of S and reading blogs, fetlife and other websites. No, he wanted me to grow a cultured bush that he could use as a landing mat! It took both he and I by surprise that it took quite so many months to grow my bush back into any kind of hairy place, but that is what exists now. What is more, it is my eternal pride to say that Master loves the feel of that place so much the the touches it frequently when the opportunity arises.
Often I can see that he is considering where to shoot his load; my mouth, my cunt, arse, or indeed the silky fur (as he calls it) of my bush or some other place on my body. Where ever it goes it will be hot, salty or sweet and it will have that special smell that I have come to love, but we are middle aged people so this is a one off thing today, and he is the boss, he choses and I enjoy that choice.