The Collar

The collar is the symbol of who I am and to Master’s ownership of me. In the 18 months or so since He placed it around my neck, I have rarely removed it. At the beginning I used to do so to fly, since I was nervous of the whole airport security thing. But I have discovered that titanium does not set off airport security and if that is the case then the airport people are not bothered. Once or twice I have received a knowing smile but in the main nothing. At work very few people ever mentioned it, other than to admire it. My hairdresser loves it and would like one for herself. If people do mention it then they call it a necklace or tort.

I have come to realise that often people don’t really notice things about people, what they wear, how healthy they look, in the main they are wrapped up in themselves. It’s interesting that many people on fetlife worry about what people will think and say about them wearing this kind of symbol. Perhaps if Master had insisted I wear a dog collar 24/7 I might not feel the same, but since he hasn’t  and I love what he gave me I am proud to wear it.

 

365 Questions – 11th January

What is your favourite accessory?
We discussed this question last night. Master is already bored with this whole 365 question thing and he isn’t even compiling the answers. What constitutes and accessory, he asked.
I had my own ideas, but checking the online dictionary told me that an accessory is: A thing added to something else to make it more useful, versatile or attractive.
So if my neck were the thing then a scarf, when it is cold would be useful.
A necklace would be attractive.
A slave collar? What is that?

 

Useful? Versatile? Attractive?
To Master, perhaps all three. Useful to signify that I am his slave. Versatile since it can be pulled, pushed and generally used for his pleasure. Attractive since he loves to see me wearing it.
For me, it just tells me who and what I am. It tells those who want and care to know who I belong to. For others it is an interesting piece of jewellery.
An accessory.But truly a necessity to me.

So these questions might be dull but I will carry on and to the best of my ability will try to apply them to my kink, to my slavery.

 

Calmness

Life has been busy.

Work has been busy.
Sometimes my mum winds me up. Other people wind me up; namely my lazy younger brother and my ex (though thankfully not at the same time).
But what has occurred to me over the past few days, as I have taken time to reflect, is that I really am a much calmer person these days. I really don’t get particularly stressed or worked up. I would go as far as to say I am essentially a calmer person than I have ever been in my adult life.
Maybe it is age, or experience? Maybe though it is about me as a person who has let go of control of so much of her life that the things that remain feel less of a worry?
Don’t get me wrong, I have my moments. But to be frank, nothing winds me up in the way I could be guaranteed to get upset about before.
The constant presence of the collar and cuff remind me always that I am Master’s slave and that He has particular expectations of me. So often, sometimes without consciously thinking, I consider what He might think about my behaviours and actions. Some might think I am conditioned after over 2.5 years together, but I think it is more that I feel safe in this relationship. I feel wanted, loved, needed and desired. He has expectations of me and I want to make Him proud of me, of the person I am when we are not together. We are a team, we function well together and we help keep each other in check.
We have an understanding of each others needs and these days I am perhaps better at articulating when I need more control and He is better at recognising that need. At the same time I am better at recognising His needs in my service to Him.
We both recognise the need for more play time, more kink.  But this relationship isn’t about the kink, we are a Master and slave partnership. We install calm in each other.
We have travelled a long way and hopefully are months away now from being together full time. That thought fills me with more joy than I can say.

Not a travel blog

Just in case anyone was worried that MPB is turning into a travel blog, this post will hopefully reassure that there is definitely more to it. That said, we have settled into such domestic and festive bliss that kink is pretty low key. Not that I am complaining since there is always the knowledge that I am the slave and He the Master; that is an ever present fact.

Last night when we returned from dinner and drinks, Master informed me that I had been bratty – probably true – and tried the new collar, a padded posture collar on me for size. Then told me to wear it for a while. I really love the feel of the leather and it’s width. There is no way you can forget you are wearing it since it is difficult to move your head up and down. I was right, it was the one I tried at Sexpo recently, and I look forward to being made to wear it again soon (is that a bratty attitude in itself?)

This morning Master decided that He needed to use His cunt. Increasingly that is His name for me during sex. It is amazing how easy it is to slip into that role, as His cock plunges in for the first time. I say role, but is it? Or is that the new reality, it is hard to tell. This morning He teased my clit with His cock and then used His cock as a means to masturbate me, telling me that He wanted to feel the spasms of His cunt as she came. Being told that was almost enough to bring me to an immediate orgasm, but of course He started his count down, from 10 this time and it helped to settle me down for at least the first 5. As His cock rubbed against me and I told Him that I was His cunt I knew that as soon as He reached 1 I would explode as requested. The power that He has over this girl, this cunt, this slave is immense. This is the reality of life, it really isn’t just a role I play. He controls me and my orgasms. But much more, He controls my life in a way I love.

Here, away from everyone, together 24 hours a day, there is very little I need to concern myself with. I am loving that I have no need to decide anything for myself, and that I am able to be more of the slave I want and need to be. Outside interference is at a minimum and while of course that won’t last for ever, the memories certainly will.

For the first time in a while I am wearing a plug and as usual that is helping to keep me in a place of arousal even as I sit here typing and He sits opposite me reading stuff on his own tablet. Always ready for Him and whatever He requires from me.

To be wanted, needed and to be used. What more can a slave desire?

The days go by

If thinking about writing blog posts made them happen then I would be a prolific blogger. Instead I am someone who has had very little to say over the past couple of months. Pretty much every day I have thought about writing something. Sometimes I have even had something profound to say. But still I have struggled. But why?

Generally life exists in a pattern; Monday to Thursday work happens. Sometimes it is busy and sometimes I work hard at appearing busy and am very good at that. On Fridays I usually have some mother related activity to manage. Then the rest of the weekend is devoted to Master. Sometimes the Master part overlaps into Thursday evening or even Monday.
Most weekends something kinky happens and when it does then it gives us immense pleasure. Master gets off on the power involved in controlling His slave and she gets off on being controlled. But there is only so many times you can discuss the activities involved without the person writing about them feeling that they have exhausting all possible literary avenues. Our lives are far from boring, but to be frank they are probably not interesting enough to repeat here week after week.
Having said that last week I received a wonderful gift, a late birthday present.
For this slave, it shows that just when you begin to believe that life has slipped into some kind of day by day normality, Master has a way of showing her that this life can be different. Never mundane and always owned. She remains His property
In case you are wondering, the initials are MPB
This is the slave number of this girl

 

This is how it looks on

slave thoughts

It has been more than a week since this girl last wrote on her blog. It is funny how the urge to write comes in fits and starts; it kind of ebbs and flows. Or more likely stops and starts.

To be honest, there is an element of writers block going on here right now, so this slave is going to try to just go with the flow and to see what emerges.
The feel of the collar is ever present around this slave’s neck. Not just the feeling of the cool titanium, of the heaviness of it as she wakes in the morning, or sits at her desk in the day, but also the reality when she catches sight of herself in the mirror. The commitment though is more than a piece of jewellery (or two, since there is also the cuff). It is also about agreeing to be the slave that He expects, wants and needs. What is more, it is an admission on this slaves side that she is the person He needs. She really has given Him control of herself – her body, her mind, her limits. All of this takes time to come to terms with, it takes time to adjust to how she needs to be.
Slavehood is definitely something that has been a gradual process and it still evolves. This girl speaks to Him of her need to feel His control, just as she knows He needs to be in control. But at the same time, she realises she must comply with the agreements that were made a year ago, before more rules are set in place. In the main, these are foremost in her mind as she goes through each day, but of course, this slave is a human being and so forgets her place and role at times. That is where the metal helps – the collar, the cuff and also the plug. Last weekend Master and slave agreed that a next step would be some daytime plug wear perhaps on the journey to or from work. This girl is ready for that.
Next will be Master’s preferences over this girl’s hair style. He prefers His slave to have her head shaved, but this slave is not ready yet for that step. Master is not pushing hard, but gently towards His goal. Last time she had her hair short, with the sides up to the ears and next time will be the next stage. This girl is not sure what she fears about going to where Master wants her to be. However she does know that eventually she will comply, she will embrace His wishes without Him forcing the issue.
This slave has no idea why she needs to be the slave she is for her Master, or why she needs to move further towards the girl she knows He wants her to be. She just knows that she does.

Thinking

This post is going to ramble, but sometimes a person probably needs to do that. It is also going to feature ‘i’ since it is easier to form thoughts that way, even though i really am trying to do the whole third person thing much much more.

Since the collaring i am feeling more slave like, more like i need to please and serve Him. When you wear a ring of metal around your neck (as well as one around your wrist) there is no likelihood you are going to forget what you have agreed to be and to do. I didn’t take agreeing to be Master’s slave lightly, it feels right but it is a responsibility. Usually in the right way, but I know also that I am making mistakes and feel I need more help and guidance. I have re-read our contract and in most areas I am pretty much compliant.

Am I the slave He wants? Am I pleasing enough? Am I mindful about my actions at work? Would He be proud of the way I conduct myself at meetings? All of these things matter much more than they did. Plus what about the areas I have been seriously remiss? It is easy to wear a butt plug more frequently, but to remember to ask if I am to remove my clothes whenever I arrive at His house? To always speak in the third person; those things take some concentration on my part. Plus how much does He require me to comply?

It is proving easier to get into my slave space when we are together, but to be honest I need to know how to behave when we are apart much more than I did. I need more help and guidance than I did. Perhaps this feeling is temporary but it is definitely real.

Being Master’s slave is a responsibility and I don’t want to let Him down.

 

Four days in as a collared slave

There is really only one thought in this girl’s mind right now and not surprisingly it is about the fact she is a collared slave. For one thing, she is still aware of the weight of the collar; while it is not heavy (it is made of titanium) it is heavier than anything this girl has previously worn. Add to that the fact that she hasn’t really been wearing anything at all around her neck for a while (since her gold chain snapped a year or two ago), then that is not surprising.

To be honest, being aware of the collar this week is a good thing. The cuff felt like that for a week or two as well, and now she is used to it, this girl forgets it is there unless she looks at it. On top of the feel of the metal around her neck is catching sight of it. This girl is spending a little more time in front of the mirror right now. Checking how the collar looks with various outfits – what a vain thing she is all of a sudden! Add to that, the need to touch the thing, to feel it’s coolness as this girl runs her fingers over it. On a downside, you need to be careful when using the hairdryer – it certainly heats up quickly when you are drying the back of your hair.

So far few people have said anything about the collar, just a couple of people at work. Two female work colleagues who have admired it and one male colleague who called it an interesting piece of jewellery. Family observations will follow, this girl is sure, once she is seen with it constantly. It will be the fact that she always wears it, that may provoke more in the way of comment.

This girl is definitely looking forward to going to the next munch with Master in her new collar; she will be proud to be seen as His property.

But the main thing for this girl is that Master loves to look at it and to admire it, close up of from afar.  For us it means an acknowledgement of our roles as Master and slave. A chance to show ourselves and others that this relationship is important and meaningful.

The collar is a symbol, the relationship itself is the important thing. This girl is committed to that relationship and happy to be His slave.

A girl’s thoughts on being collared and the future.

Master has gone home after a lovely weekend together and this girl now has some time to reflect on the weekend and on our relationship generally. Yesterday, before the collaring Master reminded this girl about her use of the word I, rather than speaking in the third person as she is meant to do. At the beginning it was one of the things that helped this girl manage herself and the stresses of daily life.

It would be true to say that this lapse is just one of the ways in which she has been falling a little short. When a couple doesn’t live together it is really easy to let bad habits creep in. For a slave in that situation it is perhaps too easy to know that He can’t see her all of the time and that He doesn’t want to have to micromanage her behaviours

For this girl though, last night’s collaring feels like a good way to think again about making sure she is being the best possible slave for her Master and is serving Him in the ways that He wishes. So this girl is going to make some changes, to correct some of those things and to prepare the way for further adjustments that she knows are to come.

The two key things that this girl needs to think about are really simple to fix – the first as she has eluded to relate to the use of the third person when engaging with Master. This is designed to help remind this girl that she is a thing, a possession. She knows this to be the case, but needs to remember her place which communicating with Master. As part of this adjustment, this girl is going to use the third person much more when blogging.

The second area that needs to change is that this girl should be wearing one of her butt plugs twice a week to sleep. The problem is that she can’t actually remember the last time she did wear it. This could be easily combined with the requirement that when she loses focus, she look in the the mirror and say out loud that she belongs to Master. This girl feels that these two rules could easily be combined and used much more frequently, along with a new need to kneel. So even without the rewriting of rules this girl will spend some time when alone in the house in the evening kneeling, plugged in front of the mirror in her bedroom thinking about her submission and getting into the right headspace. Then on some of those evenings, this girl will leave the plug in place for the night. As Master has reminded girl, wearing the plug helps to centre her and to allow stresses to evaporate.

This girl is still on a high, sitting here as Master’s collared slave. But she recognises that wearing His collar brings with it new responsibilities. This feels like a new chapter in this girl’s journey as Master’s slave.