22) Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
This girl believes the submissive feelings were there when she had no Dominant, but essentially she suppressed them. Much of the time, this girl didn’t know why she felt the way she did, didn’t realise what she was missing. Having been in this particular relationship, experiencing a different level of submission than before, brings forward its own fears. This girl fears a day when she has no Dominant partner again and how she would be able to cope and to manage her life without control and without structure. At the moment, this girl does not want to think about that and instead, will embrace the fact that Master is in her life.
23) Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
This girl recognises that every D/s or M/s relationship is different, just as all relationships per say are also different. This girl wouldn’t particularly question the lives others lead, not is she particularly repelled about those lives. This girl is learning about what submission means to her, and as such wouldn’t even begin to wonder where it will all end up. Yes, this girl has wondered about her submission, and at times has found it difficult to cope with. As this girl gives up more of herself to her Master, so at times she has felt frightened. Particularly when He isn’t around to provide the control this girl feels she needs. This girl is sure, though, that over time these feelings will subside as she develops coping strategies.
24) What are the emotions that most directly led you to access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
The first time this girl was called names that should have made her feel worthless, the first time this girl was told to kneel for another, the first time this girl was told to cum for another. These are all things that made this girl feel good, rather than bad or worthless. This girl found that she was turned on by having control for herself taken away. With Master, this girl felt her submission on the first day they met for real. She doesn’t know why or how, since none of the above had actually happened yet. He touched this girl and she not only felt aroused, but she also felt something in His voice, His touches that reassured her and made her feel her submission returning.
Now, over 4 months later, being called a slut. Being asked who owns her, being asked who she is and replying ‘this girl’, promote a feeling of safety, of being wanted and cared for. Submission feels like a warm place, a place that this girl wants to stay in. It is when this girl is stressed and without the feeling He is watching over her that this girl feels the fear of a loss of submission.
25) Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
The first thing that Master and this girl used to help with her submission was the butt plug. This girl used this quite a bit when Master was away recently and probably needs to use if more when she feels it hard focus on her submission.
The other key thing is the piercings. This girl touches the nipple jewellery quite a few times a day as a reminder.
This girl thinks that rituals are important to her, and knows how important it is to stand in front of the mirror daily (even when she doesn’t want to), and tell her reflection who owns her and who she is.
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
So far this girl hasn’t actually looked for a Dominant partner, they have more like just happened along at the right time.
The main thing right now would be consistency and Trust. That He was consistent in His approach and that there could be complete trust between us. Further than that, well, this girl is flexible and anyway is currently being trained to meet the needs of the man who is currently her Master. Anything else is for the future.