Saturday thoughts

i like Saturdays. The one day of the week when i nether have to go to work today or tomorrow, don’t get me wrong, i do like work, i enjoy my job very much, but i also like days when i don’t work. On Saturdays i tend to get up early. I tend not to sleep late these days and actually i like to get up when the house is quiet and i like to get my laptop out and see what is going on in the webworld. Lately i like, while i am alone, to think about what has happened, might happen and blog about it here. Pain’s Pleasure’s blog post yesterday has inspired the words i am writing this morning.

For the last few months, since i decided to explore more about D/s i have read so much both online and off. I have been struck by just how much information is out there and just how many well thought out, well written words there are out there for people like me to find. i have also been struck by how welcoming people can be to their community when you happen to stumble across it and leave a mark or two of your own. As i have mentioned before, i don’t even have friends i can talk about the state of my marriage with, let alone discuss what i like to do with the man i am illicitly having an affair with. So being offered the hand of contact and perhaps in time virtual friendship is very welcome.

I am struck by the extent to which the blog world provides an opportunity to see such a wide range of lifestyles and interests, while at the same time feeling like a community. i found this before when blogging about nursing. Through writing a nursing / work related blog, i have found that our lives while different, are often so so similar. i have found that people across the world with similar interests have many more similarities than they do differences. The same seems to go for the BDSM world. As with nursing, there are many specialities, different ways of living the lifestyle, but something brings those people together. My blog roll here is getting longer and this is now one of the first places i come to when turing on my computer. i love to see what has been happening to people, or how their wonderful vivid imaginations are working. i enjoy thinking about the lifestyles people are living and wondering if that is something i would want to consider.

Would i want to live a 24/7 lifestyle, could i do it?  Possibly, and certainly i would like the opportunity to live it much more than i am now.

Am i slave material? Probably not, i am probably much too mouthy, far too used to being controlling over my own life. I am also not sure about domestic discipline type stuff – this is one of many things that Fondlers Anonymous has been discussing here

Do i want to be spanked more, given that Sir isn’t really all that keen on inflicting pain in that way? Mind you he has got the hang of causing pretty acute pain to my nipples and breasts once he realised what it did to my ability to submit. So maybe.

So as i get on with Saturday, and i must get on with the less enjoyable part (ironing then shopping to do), before getting onto more fun things (a walk and lunch with hubby), i have to say a big thank you to the people i have met online so far, to those whose blogs are helping expand my mind and thoughts and who have welcomed me into their world.

While at times i am really struggling with my emotions, i can honestly say i am feeling much happier with life than i was 3 months ago when all this began for me. Of course alot of that is about my lovely Master, but much of it is about so much more!

All Quiet

All aspects of my life are pretty quiet and low key this weekend. Sir is camping with his son and the Scouts some place in the south of the country. He is out of contact, as he should be. i know that when he creeps out from the Scout camp he is partying with friends. His life is much more interesting than mine (as you might expect). My son is staying with his UK University friends and is attending end of term festivities and probably getting drunk. My husband is making the sofa, on which he has taken up residence, sink in the middle. The Euro Championships (football) have started and will keep him occupied for a couple of weeks!

The sun is out and though it is cool, rather than especially summery, it gives me a good feeling. i have been able to get on with some gardening at last. Yesterday i spent a theraputic couple of hours pulling all those weeds that grow when you get a cycle of rain, sun and more rain! Today i am going to buy flowers to fill my garden with some more colour.

After last weekend, for a few days this week i felt a bit down. i thought maybe i was suffering a bit of subdrop (having read about this on some other blogs lately), but actually it was probably nothing more than PMT. Often before my period i get a feeling of overwhelming unhappiness and impending doom. Because of my age and the fact that there is more chance of a UFO crashing in my garden than me ever being pregnant again i don’t always attend to dates, so the arrival of said period yesterday, took me by surprise. i am cheered that timing this month was good and i am further cheered now by the lifting of the PMT. i am also cheered by the prospect of flowers, of sunny weather and of the opportunity to chat to Sir later and perhaps plan another get together.

Sometimes quiet is good.

Almost too excited

Two events will happen at the end of this week. The first one will be when my son arrives home from the USA on Friday. He has been studying in California for the last academic year, though he did come home for Christmas. We went over to see him for his birthday in February, meeting his American girlfriend, some of his friends and taking him to Vegas!

Saturday sees hubby going on an annual day to the races which will enable Sir and i to have a day out in the great Britich outdoors (please let the weather hold)!

So i am almost too excited to work (though of course i am functioning fine at work). i am anxious about getting the son’s room ready in time (carpet arrives Thursday; yes i am cutting it fine). Plus Sir and i are almost over planning the day we will have (online and this morning on the phone). Sir has in mind some naked outdoor play, some bondage, nipple clamps (if he has bought them), lots of naughty sex, food (there will always be food as sex makes Sir very hungry) and fun. We always have fun.

In a way i dont want to get Friday over – i just want it to arrive. Your baby is always your baby and i so want to see him. But a day with Sir. Well I want that too!

Thoughts from a morning’s painting

All 4 walls are now covered in the chosen colour. The ceiling has been painted twice and no longer looks patchy. This morning i have spent a lot of time painting around windows, doors, the ceiling, radiator, that kind of thing. This is a slower process and allows some more detailed thinking time.

My son is 21. He is my only child (that fact might be worthy of a post another day) and for the last 10 months (other than a month over Christmas) he has been at University in California. Since i am in the UK this is quite a long way away (I know stating the obvious). He is due home at the end of next week and i promised to decorate his room for his return. It will be a more grown up place fitting for a young man about to enjoy summer before going off to his English University for his last year. What will happen after that i don’t know. However he does have an American girlfriend now, so his future may not be in this country. This no longer fills me with the kind of dread that it once did. He has grown into a great young man, and he is someone who will and of course should make his own choices.

This is the last time i will decorate his bedroom. In truth once the summer is over he won’t use it very much until next summer. But decoratng, cleaning and freshening it up (teenage boys are messy and  dirty at times) is part of the whole process i am currently going through. As is the decluttering i am starting to do too. I need to clear out some of the remnants of the past 25 years or more.

As i was painting this morning i was thinking about my house; the place i call home. What does it mean to me? It is a place we moved to when my son was only 3 months old. He has grown up here, and it has been a family place. But it has not always been a happy place for me. i have struggled to get hubby to make it the place i wanted it to be those years ago. He isn’t a DIY person and really only does anything when forced. He is not really bothered by mess or by things that aren’t quite finished. i have tried to start and finish things myself, but it can be difficult when the other person in the relationship can’t really be bothered. Once things ‘look better’ he is happy.

So my thoughts this morning were that while i am enjoying doing this for my son as i enjoy making things nice for myself in this home i don’t really have a deep attachment to it. In the past i always thought that if my marriage failed, he would be the one to leave. Now i am not so sure. I think actually that i would be as happy living somewhere else. In fact i would quite like to live somewhere where i had not spent years struggling through my marriage. Where i had not nagged and ranted at times. Where i had not slammed the door and walked out around the block in tears. Where i had not had to learn to keep my mouth shut.

When the time comes i think i can walk away and leave this place. I think i can take with me the good and leave behind the bad. i just don’t know yet when that will be. For now, i am going to live for today. And for next Friday when he comes home for the summer (or for a few days until he goes to visit his university friends).

This morning’s music has been entirely the Verve. My favorite from them is Bitter Sweet Symphony, which i have been singing while i work.

Now it is lunchtime and soon i will be having a ‘chat’ with Sir. If it is worthy of note, i may write something else later!