This girl returns

A reconnection has occured between Master and this girl. It isn’t exactly that we were disconnected in any particular way. But there hasn’t been much time to just be us and to discuss our relationship. We came together as Master and slave almost 4 years ago (Dominant and submissive before that for 3 months). Our lives are busy and we still don’t live together and yesterday we discussed the effect that has on us. We also spoke the words that needed saying. That we no longer wish to be apart.

There are things to be done to enable Master and this girl to live together all of the time. He has some work to do on the house so that there is room for my things. She has to sell her half of her house to the partner of her ex, or else sell the house to someone else. Last year was meant to be the year when we moved in together, but time slipped away and it hasn’t happened yet.

This girl had spent Friday night at her mum’s. Her new home is 2 hours away and so visiting every couple of weeks and staying over night is the best option. Arriving home at 1ish, this girl prepared some lunch and we drank wine with it. Then since we both felt a little weary we cuddled on the bed and slept a while. Before and after the sleep, he stroked and caressed his property. Master expressed his frustrations about the time we spend apart and this girl agreed.

Later after dinner, more wine and a visit to the pub and more wine we retired back to bed. For some reason (perhaps it was the excess of alcohol) this girl felt both horny and submissive. She felt both of these in a way she hasn’t in quite some time. This led to orgasms, too many to count and since they haven’t been drawn on her body there is no real way of knowing. However there were many. Orgasms through penetration, through his fingers and also his power alone. Strong orgasms that brought on a wonderful nights sleep, nestled in the body of her Master.

This morning brought more sex and also discussion and agreement. Final details need discussion but. This girl is definitely back in the relationship. She was never completely gone, but she was hidden. The dynamic needs refreshing every now and then, it requires effort, so it is in plain sight. He wants a house slave and that means she must live with him. Perhaps living in one house for a few days together then swopping over will work for a few months. More time spent naked, more time worshipping her Master, more time calling Him Master and referring to herself as this girl. Hence this post.

Time also for the tattoo. A butterfly at the base of her spine. That is the next step. He wants to buy a new collar and an ankle cuff. A change from the existing collar and reaffirmation of the relationship. Of his ownership and her slave hood. More to come on this matter.

January – So far so good

January can be a horrible month. Most of winter lies ahead of us, the days are dull, dark and dreary. The same can be said about people’s moods. Overindulgence and over spending during the festive period makes people miserable. The best of the sales are quickly over and anyway, if you spent too much money at Christmas you tend not to have the funds or the will for more shopping. For me this year though, as I write on 19th January, things are not too bad. So far so good!

I made a number of resolutions at the start of the month and in the main am still sticking with them. Plus, my mum’s move has actually, really taken place. She is now 2 hours away from me and so far, that space feels mighty good!

The move

Took place a week ago. I don’t think I have worked as hard for a very long time as I did in the days leading up to moving day. My younger brother proved as useful as I might have expected, resulting in me cramming my car with things he failed to have loaded on the removal van. I ended up taking a microwave and kitchen bin, amongst other things. I discovered that my mum never throws anything away unless it is done when her back is turned. Still a week on she seems to be settling in and my older sibling is already stepping up to the mark. My visits will now be every 2-3 weeks rather than every Friday, which means more time to myself and for us.

Dry January

Of the 18 whole days that have passed this year, I have had alcohol on 3 of them. These are New Year’s Day, 12th and 13th January. This really is a big achievement for me. I really am borderline in the alcoholism stakes, I fear. At the end of moving day I enjoyed a glass of wine with my mum and then another 3 or 4. I really do struggle to stop once I start. The next day however, when out with Master for dinner, I had one glass. He has my back on this one, though isn’t giving up with me. I do plan some wine tonight, but will be back on it tomorrow or Sunday. Semi-dry January will need to extend into February and March. Control and planning will be the name of the game. This really has to become my life as I see the warning signs. The added benefit, and one of the reasons I am doing this, is that I have lost some weight. 5lb so far this month.

Blogging

So far I am remaining true to my plans and writing reasonably often and with a little more thought and application. I plan to try to participate in Wicked Wednesday each week, along with Sinful Sunday. Plus another post or two each week. I am not joining February Photofest this year, and instead am going to concentrate on my new 365 photo blog. Up to now, many of the images are ones I took over the past year or two. But increasingly this will change as I build up a new stock. I have bought myself WordPress for dummies and am teaching myself some basic web stuff. Hopefully I will be able to apply this to my blogs soon.

Planning for my move

So, mum has moved to her new house and now I need to get mine ready for the sale to my ex and his lady. Apparently she is getting hers valued next week to sell, so I am hopeful that by summer I could be on my way. Master has some plans for building work at his place, all part of our intentions for me moving in with him. I have been talking about this for so long, but am really focused on making it happen.

So far, this January doesn’t feel like the song by Pilot, I am not yet sick and tired and it isn’t hanging on me. Though roll on February for lighter mornings!

Hello 2018

Another year has arrived and an old one is in the past. Time to look forward to 2018. I hope and even believe this will be a good one. The external preoccupations remain (politics, prejudice, censorship) and can’t be entirely ignored. But but what better day than New Year’s day to look forward with positivity.

Writing and blogging

Recently I have spent almost as much time complaining that I haven’t written anything as actually doing it. So enough of that. I plan to participate and just try to write stuff. If it is any good, then people will say and if it isn’t then I will know. Either way, I will get my thoughts out there. Plus I will have taken part in various memes and other projects. Once this post is done and out there, I will sign up for the Smut Marathon and see where (if anywhere) that takes me. I decided I can’t just be Julie, can’t use my own name (too rare) and so will be known as Julie Jones for writing purposes. Not creative but since I am not Beyonce and Adele it is time to have two names.

The deadline date for the Eroticon Anthology has been extended, so there is no excuse for me not to get something written this week.

This year I have decided to participate in the 365 photo project. Yesterday when I probably should have been writing I was instead setting up a sub domain. At the moment I plan to use some photos I have taken over the past year or two and really like. But very soon I will be out and about taking some  shots of life as it happens. This will give me the chance to post some of the photos I take which aren’t sex or kink related. In exchange I have made the decision not to take part in February Photofest this year. I want to take the pressure off of myself and actually write more.

Family and home

As I have mentioned, my mum is due to move house on 12th – 11 days time! This next few weeks is going to be incredibly busy and then hopefully will calm down. At present she is struggling to de-clutter and wants to take everything with her. She has a lot of stuff, much of it unused in a long time. She has wardrobes of clothes, too much furniture and a huge kitchen of gadgets and stuff. Moving is a stressful time and for her, widowed 3 years ago, it is a huge step. It is also stressful for me since the bulk of the organising and doing is falling to me. One brother is busy working (he is a supermarket manager and this is the busiest time of the year). The other is lazy and so far has done another to help. The end is in sight though and I look forward to that.

Next will be my house. This really will be the year to sell and move on. Big changes afoot for Master and I then. Once that is done I can think about work and what I want to do about it. I enjoy my job less and less and I am ready for a rest and a change.

Travel

We love to visit places, for weekends and holidays. 2018 will hopefully see us doing just that. Yesterday we booked a trip to Seville in April for the Feria that takes place every year. Next we will begin to think about a summer holiday,  perhaps to Slovenia. I haven’t experienced any of Eastern Europe, so that would be new and exciting. We will need to travel to France a couple of times and hopefully a few other weekend breaks will happen.

Our relationship

This holiday time we have been discussing the things needed in our relationship. More time for us and concentrating a bit more on the dynamic of Master and slave. We want more time to play, some of it at home and some of it outside. Last year we attended a couple of events and this year we want to raise our game. Go to more events and clubs and to play there. Master is again talking about marking me, something I do want but we haven’t got around to. He also wants to reinforce the power exchange in our relationship much more.

In a few weeks it will be our 4th anniversary. I never imagined then that we would still be together in 2018 and now can’t imagine being apart. I want this year to be the one where we can stop needing to Skype 3 or 4 nights a week.

So 2018 is here and there is lots to look forward to. Of course there will be challenges, and outside influences will sometimes get in the way.

Today, though I face the coming year with positivity.

Review of 2017 and Recommendations for 2018 (part 2)

Yesterday I posted part one of this review for Wicked Wednesday and linked to a number of the bloggers and sites that have helped and influenced me this year. Today, part 2.

July

The creativity I managed to find for blogging this month was double that of last. Sadly this is not saying very much as there were just 4 posts. On 10th I expressed some of the reasons for the drought (holiday, work and meme overload). If I have learned one thing this year, it is not to over think and force the issue. The blog won’t disappear (even if readers do) and quality really is much more important than quantity.

Sinful Sunday has been a constant and Master is now involved in the photos, both as photographer and subject. This post might be one of my favourites so far and I am proud to have been named amongst the top 5 participants for this shot. The joy of mirrors!

August

During much of the first half of the year our sex life and M/s relationship was dormant. The two are inextricably linked, as although we are always Master and slave it is most evident in the bedroom. Master’s shoulder problems, evident last year re-emerged. And at the same time we both found our libido low. As I emerge from the menopause I am struggling to find my sexual mojo. My body looks and feels different and I often feel tired.   On 6th August, my 55th birthday I posted of a change to that situation. Another Sinful Sunday on 27th demonstrated the measures Master has taken to help us overcome our difficulties. The sex swing in action!

September

Another first, when we attended a Clothed Male, naked female event. I wrote about my feelings about being naked in a venue of other naked women and clothed Men. This was really my first experience of D/s protocol of this kind. Sadly I wasn’t well that day and so we couldn’t play. But it was an amazing experience. I met new people as well as meeting up with  some that we do know. Perhaps then a good opportunity to mention Sub Bee (who was also at the event and is a regular). We first met at a local munch and while I don’t know Bee and her partner well we also met at Eroticon. If you are not familiar with Sub Bee’s blog you should take a look. She writes candidly about her relationship, bisexuality and other topics as well as posting some fantastic images.

October

Elust features the best of sex blogging and is published each month by Molly.  Bloggers and writers are invited to submit the best of their material which is then peer reviewed by an army of willing volunteers. While there are winners, there are no losers as everyone that submits a valid entry is published. Everyone then republishes, which means that it can reach far and wide within the kink community. My own blogging drought this year means I haven’t submitted many posts, but in October I did  – to Elust 99.

The feature photo is from Exhibit Unadorned and features a bunch of bloggers having fun. This gives me the opportunity to mention his Exhibit A blog as well as that of his wife The Other Livvy. Both blogs are worth a visit, but be warned they are excellent and talented writers and photographers. So you may be there for sometime! They are newlyweds and seem like amazingly fun people. I saw them at Eroticon but we didn’t speak. I hope this will change next year.

November

There has been many a time over the past few years, when short of inspiration, I have turned to TMI Tuesday. Usually this involves a few questions on a sexy or kinky topic to write as little or as much as you feel able. On 7th November though, there was something different. We were given the words: Dragging, Kitchen, Bedroom, Sofa, Albert Einstein, Closer, Eggbeater, Olive oil, Eight and Rain and asked to create a story. There is very little fiction on my blog. It takes more head space than I can usually muster. But for once I embraced the challenge rather than moving on. I am quite proud of this post and need to do more.

Increasingly mainstream social and other media as well as government seems to be trying to reduce freedom of expression. Especially in the sex writing and blogging community. Using the protection of minors as an excuse they are attempting to gag and blog the things we say and show. On 18th November I took part in my first Share our Shit Saturday. In 2018 I intend to focus much more on doing just that!

December

Earlier in December we attended a febsub event at the same club that the CMnf one is held. Held on 3rd, it helped me get into an early Christmassy mood. The theme was pantomime, but since I have always wanted a santa type costume I chose the latter. I was very pleased with the result, as was Master and many others.

I mentioned in part 1 that Master had a new bathroom installed this year. The jacuzzi bath has been an amazing and wonderful source of late night relaxation and enjoyment. Something I highly recommend!

In some ways this has been a lean blogging year for me. But I am proud that I have kept going. Have posed every month and have kept true to myself and our relationship. There are lots of challenges ahead for us as a couple (more of that to come in the next few days). But also many opportunities for me as a blogger.

Who am I?

A couple of posts that caught my eye this week cover the theme of using pseudonyms to blog. The first by Girl on the Net was about the extent to which your online persona is different from the real you. GOTN even describes herself as sometimes hating her online self. Real life is so much less exciting that the edited one you can create for others. More and better sex and someone who has all the answers. Plus, GOTN is a brand, for good or bad. Something she can’t quite escape, even if she wanted to.

The second was from Kayla Lord’s Smutlancer blog. Yesterday was the first time I visited that site and I found it full of useful ideas for the budding online writer. In the article – Do you need a pen name as a sex writer – she talks about creating an online persona. Finding the right name, making it sound real (or being GOTN for example). The post also covers the challenge of keeping your blog self separate from the real you – physically and emotionally. Social media has a habit of linking your online self to your real self if you let it. This is bad enough when work and home life comes together. But if you blog about sex and have a responsible job to lose and family who wouldn’t understand or approve separation is important.

So who am I?

I am not particularly creative, certainly when it comes to creating a fantastic pseudonym. My real name is Julie and I am Julie here. I am MPB because Master called  me that and it seemed like an appropriate name for a sex blogger. But if I were to write a book (unlikely I know), I could hardly use Master’s Pleasing Bitch as the author’s name. It seems a bit late to come up with a proper sex blog, author name now. Maybe the name isn’t so important, MPB is relatively catchy and those who know me (online or in reality) call me Julie.

But to what extent is the online Julie, MPB really me? At the beginning of the blog, I was starting a journey into a new life, I wrote about a different side to me. One I struggled to understand, but l knew I enjoyed. I wrote candidly about coming clean to my husband and the emotions that brought with it. During the months from November 2012 when I confessed, my blog self mirrored the real person. I struggled to cope with the emotions associated with infidelity, a shocked and devastated husband and knowing what to do about the mess I was in. When my relationship with Master started and I discovered my submissive self properly, I again wrote about my emotions. This blog was a place where I could come speak candidly in a way that I couldn’t anywhere in real life.

Almost 4 years have passed since then, and unsurprisingly our relationship is settled and routine. We have our sexy moments and I write about those. I rarely describe the emotional aspects of life, because I can discuss them in real time with him. While I show more of myself here than many do, I still seek to keep my online persona separate to the one my family and work colleagues know. It would be easier if I didn’t feel the need to do that.

What does that mean for my blog?

Increasingly I have come to rely on prompts from memes to help me decide what to write about. These are great in giving ideas and the topics are usually such that the scope for creativity is wide. I am trying to read more widely around the sex blogging and writing community and again this helps with material (such as with this post).

But I think it is time to try to be more creative. It is time to write more posts based on me, my thoughts and feelings but that push the boundaries of who MPB is.  This requires time and effort, something that I am willing and able to give. Over the winter I would like to try to create 1 or 2 posts a week. Ones that are either fiction, are about more serious topics within the kink world or make me think about myself. It would be so good if one day I could look at my blog and worry that MPB was just too exciting. And that I, Julie had a love hate relationship with her creativity and smugness.

 

Busy time ahead

It seems that my mum will move before Christmas. She is downsizing to live near my brother, in a bungalow. The fact that she wants to take all of her furniture had been a bit of a problem. Until today when I realised that she is probably the least sentimental person in the world. She values furniture but not much else, which could be helpful (unless things change).

I have two brothers. The one who will be living nearby and the one who currently does. The latter doesn’t want her to move for purely selfish reasons. Currently local brother has been using mum as something of a cash cow. Plus he hates the idea of giving up the family home. A place where he can still find the spirit of my dad.

But mum needs a place without stairs. Somewhere she is close to amenities. She also needs some money not tied up in property.

Moving date will probably be before Christmas, something I had discounted as recently as last week. Both brothers have jobs that will be busy till Christmas (the one she will live nearer after the move is a supermarket manager). So today the clear out began.

Exam results, school reports, birthday cards and postcards from baby grandchildren uncovered while mum watched daytime tv. So much history to be retained until I can check it is wanted. Sadly, such stuff will come home with me before it gets thrown out.

This is the beginning of the end of my childhood, a woman of 55 clinging onto memories while her mother watches The Chase.

This weekend my sensible brother will help us sort the useful from the rubbish. The sentimental from the necessary. I expect I will hang on to all photos, school reports and anything else vaguely sentimental. Later on my mum will thank me……

Brat

From Kinky.com:

“Brat is a term for the BDSM role of a bratty submissive or bottom. Unlike the common conception of a submissive, a brat talks back, misbehaves, and is otherwise difficult”.

I admit it.

While I am always keen to please, I also argue and talk  back. As far as Master is concerned, I am something of a brat.

Let’s be clear here, I don’t set out to disagree. But I have opinions and need to get them out there.

Trouble is, my opinions are not always wanted or needed and so I am labelled as a brat.

That does not mean I am not a slave. In essence, I always comply and follow the rules laid out. But it would also be true to say that I want to discuss what those rules are. Or else I am keen to know where boundaries lie.

He both loves and hates my approach to living within the boundaries already set out. He both wants my compliance and also wants me to challenge.

But he is my Master. So I really do want to strike a balance. Even when I am being the brat I crave correction. Unless of course there is no correction necessary.

Does that make me a brat?

Obedience

Does obedience come easy for me?

In so many ways the answer is no. At work I hate being told what to do, I prefer to be in control, have freedom to act. Not that I don’t invite comment and advice, but I am not keen on being directed. Luckily my job carries autonomy and my manager has better things to do than tell me what to do (most of the time). I was the bossy sister and I am a bit bossy with my mum (if she allows it). But take me out of those situations and I crave control. I don’t particularly want to make decisions, which is lucky since I am now with someone who wants to do just that. Master has a great knack of controlling the things we do and the way we do them. That isn’t to say I don’t have choices, of course I do. But I rarely challenge the over all issue the choices are about. I am not sure some people would recognise me as the same person when I am with Master.

Which of us derives the most pleasure from my obedience?

He loves the power that comes with being the Master. He loves to know that he has control over me. For him this provides sexual excitement, particularly when the control involves elements of my body. But for me also I almost need to know that he is there making decisions for us. That responsibility for the things we do lie with me. The sense of sexual fulfilment and personal happiness I have right now are as a direct result of knowing that I am his slave and he is my Master. In turn that helps me with the way I manage my professional life.

Are there consequences for disobedience?

Funnily enough I am rarely disobedient. But then we are not really following any specific rules right now. I don’t often argue about the decisions he has made, partly because anything important has been discussed anyway. However I do challenge him from time to time. When I do he calls this being bratty. This seems to be a loose term for anything I say that he considers to be so. Moaning, being negative, challenging his world view, suggesting alternative ideas are all being bratty. We don’t do punishment and I am happy with that. That is because there is little to be punished for, but also because he is a little lazy.

Did I really write that? That statement is, I am sure, very bratty.

SCC Writing is a Tumblr blog that contains lots of prompts for submissives along with the posts written in response.

Reflections on us and the blog

We have been together for 4 years in February. By anyone’s judgement that is a proper, long term relationship. We still don’t live together, but tend to spend more time together than apart. When apart we Skype, so contact is daily. We have settled into a comfortable existence that is as much about ordinary mundane stuff as it is about kink and sex. To prevent this blog from becoming dull and boring, somewhere along the line I stopped writing so much. After all, who wants to read about us sitting on the sofa with a bottle of wine chatting about our next (or last holiday)? Time perhaps to reflect on our relationship and the blog?

Sex for us is often similar in the way it plays out and while far from boring, writing about it feels quite repetitive. We don’t play as much as we did for a variety of reasons. Time and our social life and holidays are part of the reason. Laziness might be a factor too. I wonder if my lack of blog posts is laziness too. Maybe I just need to get off my arse (as it were) and write stuff about us. I love to look back and see what we have done over time. I know Master does too. But if I don’t write about it then we can hardly do that!

I often post photos for Sinful Sunday that have a back story. Quite rightly, I keep those posts short since Sinful Sunday is about the photo. But rarely these days do I go back and fill in the gaps. This feels like a mistake. Take this photo, that I posted a couple of Sunday’s ago. It stands alone as an image, the beautiful colours, the light streaming in onto the bed and spreading across my face. Spread out naked, exposed. Clearly I didn’t take this photo (unless I used a timer). No one else is in shot, but I know that the other person in the room is responsible for me wanting to lie there naked. Still in the throw of ecstasy.

While we were away over the past couple of weeks our libido, missing for much of the year returned. That morning he had awoken and demanded I move to the edge of the bed so he could lick me out. The photo was taken many orgasms later. I don’t think we had penetrative sex that day, but as is often the case that didn’t matter. This is a happy sexy photo, which screams contentment. It occurs to me that my life with Master is good and deserves to be written about. I am planning to do much more of that. My November challenge for myself!

 

Tired

I so want to write, I have so many ideas. But to be frank, I feel tired. Being ill at the beginning of the month has left me tired. Working and the relentless pressures of being an NHS manager leaves me tired.

Hang on, a manager in the NHS and you are tired? Surely managers do nothing but sit around in meetings, sponge off of the state and go home! For those of you reading this from outside of the UK, I work for the health service. Contrary to popular belief I do pull  my weight, do more than go to meetings and answer a few emails and then go home. I don’t deny I am well paid, better than I ever imagined as a nurse, but I do work hard. I work harder than I did when in clinical nursing, not physically but expectations are higher.

My mum makes me tired. Tomorrow, it is 3 years since my dad died. I have done my best to provide the support needed and my brothers do help. But she relies on me much more than I want and need her to. It isn’t her fault, but it is a fact.

Things with my ex have improved significantly. He has stopped telling me he misses me and wants to try again. He has stopped analysing what went wrong. Stopped fussing. I am however still waiting for his partner to sell her house so that they can move in here. Tired of waiting, but I have promised to wait a little longer.

I want and need to move in with Master, but he still needs time to declutter and be ready. That is of little consequence since I am not yet ready to move in with him. But I am tired of waiting.

I need to begin to put myself ahead of others. I need to give up my job and take a break. But I need the money from the house sale so I can afford such a luxury. I need to move in with Master and be with him, but I need my ex’s partner to buy my part of the house to enable that to happen.

My mum is hopefully moving house, closer to my brother. I need to be relieved of the responsibility for her on a day to day basis and hopefully that will happen soon.

Meantime, I am tired and when you are tired, it is difficult to find the words to write.