New month, new look

i have given myself a makeover, as i wasn’t all that sure about the orangeness i had before. i quite like the new look, what do you think?

This blog makeover led me to think about what to write about today, and my appearance seems to be something worthy of a post, so here goes.

Since i have been seeing Sir i have been thinking much more about my appearance and about the clothes i wear. It is not that previously i looked like someone who had been dragged through a bush and then went around wearing a sack, far from it. But i wore trousers a lot, rarely bothered with make up and rarely took the time to match my underwear. Sir prefers to see my legs and he likes  me in stockings, preferably held up with a suspender belt. Since i threw out all of the suspender belts i ever owned some time ago, i have had to invest in new ones. Plus since i am tall, i have had to explore which supplier of stockings suits my height and build best. Over the last few months i have had some difficult moments with stockings being too short and suspender belts wanting to follow them down to my feet!

Sir likes me out and about without knickers, even when he is not with me. i have actually enjoyed doing this for him. Knowing there is nothing between my bare pussy and ass and the outside world, other than my skirt tends to focus my mind on what i am doing and how i move. It makes me think of who i am, what i am and who i am doing this for. That i expect is the point of the exercise. i don’t do this all of the time, i am human, i like to wear trousers, sometimes it is windy and sometimes i just plain forget and wear knickers. i also cannot and will not wear stockings all the time when he isn’t around me. For a start, bare legs are best for summer and even though the weather in the UK has so far been mainly unsummer like, i like to make the point to the world that this is summer.

The other issue is shoes. As i said above i am tall. i tend to wear shoes that are either flat, or else with just a small heel. I do own shoes with heels, but tend not to wear them all that much. Actually i do look quite good in heels, i have long legs and they do lend themselves well to a heel.

Sir is shorter than me in height, indeed this is the first time i have been with someone who isn’t taller than me. He seems to like it and to be honest he has other features that mean i don’t mind if he doesn’t. We are settling on the very high heels for the bedroom (as it were) and perhaps slightly less high for when we are out and about. This means i am less taller than him and also can actually walk.

The final thing which i have changed relates to hair (pussy rather than that on my head). Since i have been seeing Sir i have removed it all and kept it pretty much shaved. Hubby has always been on at me to do this, and i have resisted in the past, but now i am bare down there, i actually like it. i am quite a hairy person if i don’t shave / use hair removal products, so always removed some hair. But actually the feel of my own bare skin is something i have decided i like for myself as well as for him.

Still to attend to is my weight. i have a constant battle with it and just lately i feel it is creeping up (well actually i know it is creeping up) and i need to get better control of my food intake, and of my exercise regime. This is something Sir can’t really help with, and i know it is something i need to do myself. And i will.

Saturday thoughts

i like Saturdays. The one day of the week when i nether have to go to work today or tomorrow, don’t get me wrong, i do like work, i enjoy my job very much, but i also like days when i don’t work. On Saturdays i tend to get up early. I tend not to sleep late these days and actually i like to get up when the house is quiet and i like to get my laptop out and see what is going on in the webworld. Lately i like, while i am alone, to think about what has happened, might happen and blog about it here. Pain’s Pleasure’s blog post yesterday has inspired the words i am writing this morning.

For the last few months, since i decided to explore more about D/s i have read so much both online and off. I have been struck by just how much information is out there and just how many well thought out, well written words there are out there for people like me to find. i have also been struck by how welcoming people can be to their community when you happen to stumble across it and leave a mark or two of your own. As i have mentioned before, i don’t even have friends i can talk about the state of my marriage with, let alone discuss what i like to do with the man i am illicitly having an affair with. So being offered the hand of contact and perhaps in time virtual friendship is very welcome.

I am struck by the extent to which the blog world provides an opportunity to see such a wide range of lifestyles and interests, while at the same time feeling like a community. i found this before when blogging about nursing. Through writing a nursing / work related blog, i have found that our lives while different, are often so so similar. i have found that people across the world with similar interests have many more similarities than they do differences. The same seems to go for the BDSM world. As with nursing, there are many specialities, different ways of living the lifestyle, but something brings those people together. My blog roll here is getting longer and this is now one of the first places i come to when turing on my computer. i love to see what has been happening to people, or how their wonderful vivid imaginations are working. i enjoy thinking about the lifestyles people are living and wondering if that is something i would want to consider.

Would i want to live a 24/7 lifestyle, could i do it?  Possibly, and certainly i would like the opportunity to live it much more than i am now.

Am i slave material? Probably not, i am probably much too mouthy, far too used to being controlling over my own life. I am also not sure about domestic discipline type stuff – this is one of many things that Fondlers Anonymous has been discussing here

Do i want to be spanked more, given that Sir isn’t really all that keen on inflicting pain in that way? Mind you he has got the hang of causing pretty acute pain to my nipples and breasts once he realised what it did to my ability to submit. So maybe.

So as i get on with Saturday, and i must get on with the less enjoyable part (ironing then shopping to do), before getting onto more fun things (a walk and lunch with hubby), i have to say a big thank you to the people i have met online so far, to those whose blogs are helping expand my mind and thoughts and who have welcomed me into their world.

While at times i am really struggling with my emotions, i can honestly say i am feeling much happier with life than i was 3 months ago when all this began for me. Of course alot of that is about my lovely Master, but much of it is about so much more!

The challenges of the online world

I have been blogging since 2006 and still have another place that i write my thoughts (mainly to do with work related stuff), though i have been bad at updating it lately. In the past that blog has received quite a few visitors and through them i have visited lots of other blogs and read lots of very interesting and informative posts. when i first started exploring the D/s lifestyle one of the first thing i did was to look at and read blogs. Lots and lots of them. I find other people’s lives, even when they think they are doing quite dull things, to be really interesting. Maybe i am nosey, or maybe i like the fact you can make ‘friends’ with people online. Indeed some of my Facebook friends are from my online blog community. i don’t get many visitors here yet, but that is fine. i am writing most of this stuff for myself so i can go back and look later to see how my journey is progressing, my thoughts and feelings etc.

In all my time blogging i have never had one of my posts completely stolen. So i was really shocked yesterday to come across this post on Submissive Sanctury. Lil does write beautifully, so i guess if you were going to plagiarise, her’s would be the kind of work to take. But when you proport to be writing about yourself and your life why steal the lives of others? Do some people just not have their own original thoughts. Lets face it, it is easy to take the work of others from the internet, but why not ask someone if you can reproduce something, or as i have done, link to it?

The other type of place i go to online is to some of the various ‘lifestyle’ forums. After exploring 2 or 3 i have decided i quite like Fetlife. I have found though that peope can be just as judgemental there as in any other place (real or online). It is interesting to me that people who may find themselves judged by others for their beliefs and for the way they conduct their lives can themselves lay judgement on others. Sex outside of marriage without the consent of ones spouse is a particular area that gets people going; this makes it wise, for a person like me, to choose carefully how i contribute if i don’t want to be shot down in flames (which i don’t). The good thing is that i have found a new online friend who is in a similar position to me, though further forward, and i have joined a couple of groups on fetlife that are more sympathetic to people such as me.

The online world is not substitute for real life, but it sure can be an interesting place if you know where to look!

Learning the emotional and psychological aspects of submission

Over the last couple of evenings i have been chatting to a Dom i met in a chat room about the deeper meanings of the D/s lifestyle. He is younger than i am, but has years of experience and a wealth of knowledge. He and i have been engaging in a deep discussion about the person i am now, what i am not happy about regarding myself now and where i need to get to. He has suggested that i record a journal about all of this, and this blog will be that journal. i am going to be creating a separate page on this blog for the record i will create and we will see how we go. i already have some thoughts on the subject of ‘who i am now’ and ‘the person i will be’ but i haven’t yet put pen to paper or whatever the online version of that it.

i see that we are beings made up of body, and mind. We are not two separate people and one affects the other. Attending to the body without considering the mind will not lead to fulfillment of any kind. The guy i have been chatting too seems keen to attend to my psychological education and well being. He is much too easy to talk to but since we are anonymous to each other there is nothing but good that can emerge as far as i can see it.

i am under no illusions about the relationship Master and i are developing. It is mainly sexual and given that sex has been pretty much absent from my life in any meaningful sense for a long time i am not going to let that worry me. i have to have fun while i am learning. But i am recognising that this isn’t just or even really about sex. i know that i am on a journey and the master i have now won’t suit me later. So dear reader, watch this space (or one near by).