Spent

We spent 6 nights staying in this lovely tower room. Formerly an art studio it still contains the remnants of that time. An easel, finished and part finished artwork. The natural light here is good, there are 3 or 4 large windows as well as a sky light if needed. The windows overlook the river below us and the historical city in the distance. Travel and art books adorn the shelves. The bed is high, comfortable and covered with a beautiful red covering, the sheets as previously seen are turquoise. I love the colour and the feel of that red covering. 

The end of a long, but fun day. We had enjoyed a leisurely meal, attended a concert and then shared wine, and cheese at the table in the room. As I prepared for bed, Master decided he wanted more orgasms from me. Taken just after midnight, the image shows me lying on the lovely bed, relaxed and ready for sleep. Spent.

Sinful Sunday

Reflections on us and the blog

We have been together for 4 years in February. By anyone’s judgement that is a proper, long term relationship. We still don’t live together, but tend to spend more time together than apart. When apart we Skype, so contact is daily. We have settled into a comfortable existence that is as much about ordinary mundane stuff as it is about kink and sex. To prevent this blog from becoming dull and boring, somewhere along the line I stopped writing so much. After all, who wants to read about us sitting on the sofa with a bottle of wine chatting about our next (or last holiday)? Time perhaps to reflect on our relationship and the blog?

Sex for us is often similar in the way it plays out and while far from boring, writing about it feels quite repetitive. We don’t play as much as we did for a variety of reasons. Time and our social life and holidays are part of the reason. Laziness might be a factor too. I wonder if my lack of blog posts is laziness too. Maybe I just need to get off my arse (as it were) and write stuff about us. I love to look back and see what we have done over time. I know Master does too. But if I don’t write about it then we can hardly do that!

I often post photos for Sinful Sunday that have a back story. Quite rightly, I keep those posts short since Sinful Sunday is about the photo. But rarely these days do I go back and fill in the gaps. This feels like a mistake. Take this photo, that I posted a couple of Sunday’s ago. It stands alone as an image, the beautiful colours, the light streaming in onto the bed and spreading across my face. Spread out naked, exposed. Clearly I didn’t take this photo (unless I used a timer). No one else is in shot, but I know that the other person in the room is responsible for me wanting to lie there naked. Still in the throw of ecstasy.

While we were away over the past couple of weeks our libido, missing for much of the year returned. That morning he had awoken and demanded I move to the edge of the bed so he could lick me out. The photo was taken many orgasms later. I don’t think we had penetrative sex that day, but as is often the case that didn’t matter. This is a happy sexy photo, which screams contentment. It occurs to me that my life with Master is good and deserves to be written about. I am planning to do much more of that. My November challenge for myself!

 

Time away

For the past two weeks we have been away from home. Last year we attended the first week of a classical music festival, this year Master decided we should stay for both weeks. Work is really busy at the moment, and with my mum due to move soon, I couldn’t take the whole two weeks off. So, I worked two days the first week and two days this. In between we have had a mixture of concerts, educational events, walking, eating, drinking, sleeping and sex.

Meal in one of our favourite restaurants

I have to be honest and say that often when we are away from home, we are so busy that we leave little time for sex. Often we stay in a hotel for a couple of nights and move on. We try to pack in as much sightseeing as possible leaving little down time. This trip, which wasn’t a holiday as such was different. The programme for the festival is very busy. But we didn’t want to attend everything, and even if we had we were sensible enough to realise that this would have been too much. You really can get too much culture.

So we have included some pleasant walks (though the weather hasn’t helped there), some leisurely meals in a couple of our favourite restaurants here. Plus some time just lying in bed, relaxing and having some very good sex. Quite a lot of sex, thank you very much.

The first few days were spent on the river

 

The M/s dynamic, so often in the back ground has been much more prominent. Master has been on top form and seems to have regained his libido. The problems I have been having with pain seem to be settling – this is definitely a psychological problem that I know I will over come.

This fortnight has made us realise that time together like this doesn’t have to be jam packed. That staying in one location for a more prolonged period is good, even if we wanted to do lots of sightseeing.

We return home today, happy and fulfilled in lots of ways. I can’t wait to start planning our next trip together. What’s more, I can’t wait to spend time together at home too.

The view from our tower room

 

What do you see?

Yesterday someone I have known since we were young student nurses together sent me a photo. In it I am around 18 or 19, young, slim and carefree. I can still remember being that person, and think I know what I saw when looking in the mirror back then. I have never been one to gaze at myself in the way people often seem to today. I use the mirror to check my hair, or to apply make-up (on the rare occasions I wear any). But I know that my face was unlined, I know that I possessed more freckles on my nose and face than I wanted to see. I know that my eyes were blue and I know that my nose was small and slightly upturned at the tip. This is still the case unlike the colour of my hair, which is no longer the shiny auburn it was then. No hair dye ever brings that colour back.

Mostly I feel the same as I did then. I don’t feel weighed down by the many years and experiences that have occured since then. Ok, so I have aches and pains that I never seemed to have then. My body is 37 years older after all. When I look in the mirror at myself I can still see that young girl somewhere, but she is much less visible. I wonder if I look the age I am, younger or older. It is so difficult to tell that about yourself. I think that I should dye my hair as there is grey growing at the sides and roots. I wonder if my eyes are less blue, though people tell me that when I wear certain colours it makes my eyes look really blue. Are my lips thinner and my face fatter? Probably.

But does any of this matter? I have a man in my life who tells me that I am beautiful. Who proclaims that when I orgasm I express pleasure through my face. A man who makes me laugh and with whom I am beyond happy. When I look in the mirror I see someone who is happy with their life. That is enough.

 

 

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

In the cabin

We are away from home for a couple of weeks. I would say we were on holiday, and to some extent that is true. He is perhaps on holiday, but I do have to work for some of the time. Still I am enjoying a long weekend of fun before I have to travel into London on Wednesday. This will involve a longer journey, and to keep costs down I will take the coach. Hopefully I will be able to do some work on the journey and so have a shorter working day in London. The purpose of our trip is to enjoy a classical music festival. This is all relatively new to me, so at the study event on Mahler yesterday, I learnt things for the first time. I am also new to his music, so this weekend has been something of a voyage of discovery.

We are staying on a boat at the moment, as we did last year. It is a pleasant and cosy existence here. The fact you need to run the engine or a generator in order to get hot water, to charge up appliances serves as a timely reminder. We take for granted the mod cons we have in our life. 

This morning, while Master was starting up the generator I took a couple of selfies of me. I am on the bed in our cabin. Note the wood panelling, the mirror and the portholes. Hopefully I will get a few more pictures for future sinful Sundays before we move ashore on Tuesday!

Sinful Sunday

His kinks and our plans

There are many ways in which we are on the same wavelength when it comes to kink. Being his owned slave is probably the main one. While I am naturally bratty and rebellious, I love the way that he takes control and keeps me within defined boundaries. I am at my happiest when the boundaries of our relationship are clearest to us both.

Pain as a way of him exerting control is important, but it is not the main thing. Control of our sex life, and the power it gives him is. He loves to catch me unawares and to suddenly tell me what to do – get on my knees, suck his cock, bend over, strip off. Whatever. He loves the gadgets of kink, the violet wand, the bindings and blindfolds. They have an amazing effect on me. I love the way in which he surprises me with new ideas, new toys. I love the control he has over me.

He loves tattoos and piercings.  He loves women to wear slutty clothes and to expose themselves in public. I have the piercings – nipples and clitoral hood. On occasion I wear something a bit slutty and am prepared to show myself to him in a public place.

Sometime over the past three years or so though we have settled into a comfortable place. We talk about more piercings, about tattoos. But they haven’t happened. In the main I don’t leave the house without underwear as I used to, and the times I expose myself in public has reduced in frequency.

Partly this is due to life – work, caring responsibilities, social life, being a middle aged couple (and any other excuse you might mention). In many ways, though it feels as though I have just become complacent and lazy. Also just a little tired as work and caring plus keeping up with our social life takes its toll.

A quick look at his Tumblr blog tells me however, that his kinky fantasies remain as they were. I have to admit they are mine too. I really do still want more piercings. I would love to walk around, knickerless with weights hanging from my labia. I would love to cut my hair as he really wants. I still want that tattoo. I want to be the slut he desires.

What I need to do is to take control of my life. Or to get into a position where he truly can take control of my life. We are still waiting for my ex to sort himself out. For he and his lady love to be ready to buy my house. We are close, but not quite there.

Meanwhile I really am planning my exit from work. Preparing myself, those around me and the work itself for that day. I have given myself a deadline of early March when I will hand in my notice. By then, my mum should be living nearer to my brother and be less of a burden to me. And I should be preparing to give myself to Master properly. If the ex isn’t ready by then, well something different will have to happen.

I want his kinks to be my kinks, but I need to make some changes here for that to happen. I have a plan, a real plan.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

TMI Tuesday – 19 September 2017

1. Why would you go to a therapist?
a. You need support
b. You want to take responsibility for your life’s outcomes?
c. You need guidance and to be told what to do

I am not sure that I would go to a therapist for any kind of relationship support. I tried it when my marriage was ending and I was struggling to get him to accept the inevitable. I discovered that I had everything I wanted worked out in my head. What I also discovered was that me having counselling wouldn’t make him cope any better. He was the one needing the help and that couldn’t happen unless he pitched up. Having said that, if I needed therapy for a mental health problem I would take it if I felt it would help. Can’t see it happening right now though.

2. Thinking of the main male lover in your life, what is sex for him:
a. stress relief, tension reliever
b. a way to show love
c. something exciting he likes to do

I suspect that at different times, sex can be any of the above for him. He likes to have sex with me, he says I turn him on. He finds me exciting! But there are times when sex is a great relief for stress and tension. There’s no doubt it is also a way to show love, though sex for us is usually a bit more raunchy than that.

3. Do you feel a partner is being invasive for wanting to know your plans and inner thoughts?

We have the kind of relationship where we tell each other everything. 3 years ago, I agreed to be his slave and so being open comes with the territory. Anyway I want to tell him. Keeping secrets was part of the reason my relationship with hubby failed and I don’t intend that to happen again. We are open with each other, so it’s a two way street.

4. In your opinion, what is intimate sharing?

For us it is about being willing and able to speak about our feelings for each other including deeper emotions. Also it is about being able to tell the other about your fantasies and fears too. I can’t say this is always easy, but generally we both know when the other has something they need to say to the other.

5. Would you enjoy a weekend by yourself, without the company of your partner? Where would you go? What would you do?

I don’t really want weekends to myself anymore. Weekends are when we spend time together. I guess if I had to I would and if I did, perhaps I would do something we wouldn’t do together. Maybe a spa weekend or a trip to somewhere hot where I could sun bathe. But I know that it wouldn’t be the same doing anything without him there.

Bonus: Would you buy an outfit that you love, knowing that your partner will hate it? Then would you wear it as well?

I don’t think there is any chance I would want to buy something he would hate. Since I don’t think I would like it either. I buy things I like, but tend to wonder if he would like them too.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

This drought

It is a ridiculous amount of time since I last blogged. The last time the blog drought was a month was, well I can’t remember.

On 16th June we went on holiday to France. A much needed break after a crazy past few months at work. I have been carrying a project while also doing my normal work for 6 months. In that time I have had a change in manager, dealt with the politics of a wider work regime change and generally got on with things.

But it isn’t just work. I have spoken before about my lack of libido. A busy work life and lack of time to recharge certainly hasn’t helped. Master has a bad shoulder (for the second time in as many years) and so our play time is also curtailed. The M/s part of our life is there, but it is implicit rather than explicit. Even to us.

I have had few ideas for blog posts and so over recent month kept to posting memes. But this isn’t what I want my blog to be about, really I don’t.

The holiday

We travelled to the Alsace-Lorraine area of France, passing through the battlefields of the Somme and Champagne region on the way. 16 days of time together, exploring new places, seeing new things and trying new food and wine. I found the experience of the Somme, most of which we covered in a day, extremely moving. The remnants of a war fought a 100 years ago. Then onto towns and cities where wars have been fought over a much longer time period. Castles and fortifications, churches and cathedrals. Places where we felt like we were in Germany, but the people were speaking France.

We were busy, packing lots of activity into each day. The feeling of tiredness subsided and the thoughts of work in the main left me. We often don’t have much sex when we are away. Not because we don’t want to, but because our preferred time for sex is in the mornings. And the mornings are often busy with getting ready to move to the next place, or else trying to fit breakfast in. Lame excuses but not really important. Things are good between us, so it doesn’t matter.

Or does it?

Home again

Back into work on Tuesday last week and I seemed to pick up the momentum just where I left off. By Friday afternoon I felt completely exhausted again. Perhaps not quite in the same way as I had when I left for France. My head was and is still clear, but I just feel weary. The hot weather this last week has added to it. So this last weekend has been one of pottering around, eating and drinking. Pleasantly reliving our holiday, discussing the highs and few small lows.

There has been no sex and no overt kink. I haven’t initiated anything and neither has he. I don’t think there is any thing wrong, but perhaps we need to discuss this? Perhaps as usual we will find our mojo and get back to it.

The blog

This blog is not about memes. I love to participate and to look to see what other sex and kink bloggers are writing and posting. But I don’t want this blog to be just about memes. This is meant to be a place I go to write about myself and my relationship. When nothing much is happening in my life other than work and drifting through a weekend, there is little to say.

But maybe there is a bit of chicken and egg to this. Perhaps I need to write and express my feelings about the lack of sex and play. Maybe I need to write some fun and sexy stuff to help us get in the mood. Maybe I need to write. Maybe by writing then the energy and zest for my slave life will return.

This has to be a start

Still learning

This week I realised I am still learning about how to write for a blog. I recently offered to help Marie from Rebel’s Notes with the roundup and judging of Wicked Wednesday. She took me up on the offer and this week it was my turn; Marie will publish my top 3 today. The Wicked Wednesday prompt for the following week is posted on Saturday, along with the roundup and top 3 from the previous week.

I have taken part in a number of the regular memes that circulate the sex and kink related blog world, including Wicked Wednesday. They are a great way to focus on a topic, to share with a wider audience and to find new blogs to read. My own preference is posts about real lived experience and also opinion about life, love, sex and kink. Probably because those are the kinds of blog posts I write. Fiction doesn’t come easily to me as a writer and although I read plenty of fictional books of all genres I tend not to do so on blogs. I am not sure why, but when I browse blogs and find short stories I often pass by. That however might change now.

2517 and all that

This week’s prompt was about life 500 years hence in 2517. I fully intended to write a post and wanted to try some fiction, I even started the post. My thoughts centred around the idea that maybe our lives would have become simpler. Technology has advanced beyond recognition in the past 100 years. We use it to communicate, to make life easier, as labour saving devices, and to fight wars. What if communication such as we know it had led to war on such a scale never before seen? What if a re-evaluation of our lives and existence had taken place. I planned to link this to the idea of greater tolerance and the idea that I should be able to live openly as a slave if I wish.

But events in Manchester on Monday kind of derailed my thoughts. Suddenly I found it almost impossible to write about what was really my own utopia. Death, injury, fear, hurt and suffering were at the forefront of my thoughts and so I abandoned my post. I am sorry I did, but not sorry that I still had to read everyone else’s blogs.

Reviewing and judging

There were 12 posts to review, but when I began the judging process I had already read 3 or 4. Of course I needed to go back and refresh my memory and then read the rest. I was impressed by the imagination and creativity that had gone into creating stories around the prompt. Not everyone’s writing was about life in 2517, but a significant number were.

There is such an amazing talent of sex bloggers who write fiction, and to think I had been skipping over their posts. There were also a number of off topic tales and personal reflective posts. The task of judging a top 3 was much harder than I imagined – I chose my top 7 and went to bed late on Thursday night. Friday morning I quickly re-read those and came up with my top 3, in no order. Went out to run a few errands and came back with a clear order.

These were my personal choice, no one else. I fully expect that if another person reviewed the same 12 posts they might come up with a different top 3 or in a different order. But I took my role in this seriously and stand by my own list.

Final thoughts

Most of us blog for fun, a few manage to make money doing it. But what I have learned is that we do take the business of writing seriously. Some of us find writing easier than others, but there are some seriously talented people out there. I feel privileged to have been invited to judge Wicked Wednesday. It took a whole evening and a little more from my life, but it was worth it.  I take my hat off (well would if I were wearing one) to people like Marie who run memes like this every week. They put an enormous amount of work into helping people like me blog. I encourage anyone reading this who blogs to take part.

One of those update posts

The strain of blogging every nearly every day for the Blogging A-Z challenge left me needing a break. I am so enthusiastic at the start of these memes but time, bad planning and the challenge of obscure words can get in the way.

But it’s time to move on and get back to reality. The February Photofest and Blogging A-Z Challenges are behind me. Time to move on through the year, develop some discipline and post spontaneously. It’s 2 months since Eroticon and I still haven’t got around to making the changes I said I would. No space so far for fiction, and generally my creative juices are struggling to emerge.

Life around here has been pretty full on, what with work, family and social stuff. Add a holiday into the mix and stir in Master’s new bathroom* and you get the picture. Not that any of this is an excuse, since over all I am pretty lazy when not doing any of the above. *N.B He has people in to fit the bathroom, though I helped out in choosing accessories. There are still towels, bathmats and a little cupboard to be considered.

We are very aware of the need to instil a bit more fun and play into our lives. Plus of course sex. The joy of spending more time together this past couple of weeks has included time discussing how to inject energy into our relationship. Plus to rediscover things like anal sex, which we haven’t done for a while.

This week he bought me a leather bra. Something I can wear under my clothing or else on its own around the house. The leather is beautifully soft and comfortable to wear. Master has a real fetish for leather gear, well he just has a real fetish in reality! Summer is on the way, though it isn’t too warm around these parts yet. But the opportunities to get out an about and to have some fun are emerging. Plus he has promised more dungeon time for my birthday in August.

Lots to look forward to and hopefully the opportunity for fun and games on top of normal life.

Summer here we come!