TMI Tuesday – 19 September 2017

1. Why would you go to a therapist?
a. You need support
b. You want to take responsibility for your life’s outcomes?
c. You need guidance and to be told what to do

I am not sure that I would go to a therapist for any kind of relationship support. I tried it when my marriage was ending and I was struggling to get him to accept the inevitable. I discovered that I had everything I wanted worked out in my head. What I also discovered was that me having counselling wouldn’t make him cope any better. He was the one needing the help and that couldn’t happen unless he pitched up. Having said that, if I needed therapy for a mental health problem I would take it if I felt it would help. Can’t see it happening right now though.

2. Thinking of the main male lover in your life, what is sex for him:
a. stress relief, tension reliever
b. a way to show love
c. something exciting he likes to do

I suspect that at different times, sex can be any of the above for him. He likes to have sex with me, he says I turn him on. He finds me exciting! But there are times when sex is a great relief for stress and tension. There’s no doubt it is also a way to show love, though sex for us is usually a bit more raunchy than that.

3. Do you feel a partner is being invasive for wanting to know your plans and inner thoughts?

We have the kind of relationship where we tell each other everything. 3 years ago, I agreed to be his slave and so being open comes with the territory. Anyway I want to tell him. Keeping secrets was part of the reason my relationship with hubby failed and I don’t intend that to happen again. We are open with each other, so it’s a two way street.

4. In your opinion, what is intimate sharing?

For us it is about being willing and able to speak about our feelings for each other including deeper emotions. Also it is about being able to tell the other about your fantasies and fears too. I can’t say this is always easy, but generally we both know when the other has something they need to say to the other.

5. Would you enjoy a weekend by yourself, without the company of your partner? Where would you go? What would you do?

I don’t really want weekends to myself anymore. Weekends are when we spend time together. I guess if I had to I would and if I did, perhaps I would do something we wouldn’t do together. Maybe a spa weekend or a trip to somewhere hot where I could sun bathe. But I know that it wouldn’t be the same doing anything without him there.

Bonus: Would you buy an outfit that you love, knowing that your partner will hate it? Then would you wear it as well?

I don’t think there is any chance I would want to buy something he would hate. Since I don’t think I would like it either. I buy things I like, but tend to wonder if he would like them too.

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Happy TMI Tuesday!

This drought

It is a ridiculous amount of time since I last blogged. The last time the blog drought was a month was, well I can’t remember.

On 16th June we went on holiday to France. A much needed break after a crazy past few months at work. I have been carrying a project while also doing my normal work for 6 months. In that time I have had a change in manager, dealt with the politics of a wider work regime change and generally got on with things.

But it isn’t just work. I have spoken before about my lack of libido. A busy work life and lack of time to recharge certainly hasn’t helped. Master has a bad shoulder (for the second time in as many years) and so our play time is also curtailed. The M/s part of our life is there, but it is implicit rather than explicit. Even to us.

I have had few ideas for blog posts and so over recent month kept to posting memes. But this isn’t what I want my blog to be about, really I don’t.

The holiday

We travelled to the Alsace-Lorraine area of France, passing through the battlefields of the Somme and Champagne region on the way. 16 days of time together, exploring new places, seeing new things and trying new food and wine. I found the experience of the Somme, most of which we covered in a day, extremely moving. The remnants of a war fought a 100 years ago. Then onto towns and cities where wars have been fought over a much longer time period. Castles and fortifications, churches and cathedrals. Places where we felt like we were in Germany, but the people were speaking France.

We were busy, packing lots of activity into each day. The feeling of tiredness subsided and the thoughts of work in the main left me. We often don’t have much sex when we are away. Not because we don’t want to, but because our preferred time for sex is in the mornings. And the mornings are often busy with getting ready to move to the next place, or else trying to fit breakfast in. Lame excuses but not really important. Things are good between us, so it doesn’t matter.

Or does it?

Home again

Back into work on Tuesday last week and I seemed to pick up the momentum just where I left off. By Friday afternoon I felt completely exhausted again. Perhaps not quite in the same way as I had when I left for France. My head was and is still clear, but I just feel weary. The hot weather this last week has added to it. So this last weekend has been one of pottering around, eating and drinking. Pleasantly reliving our holiday, discussing the highs and few small lows.

There has been no sex and no overt kink. I haven’t initiated anything and neither has he. I don’t think there is any thing wrong, but perhaps we need to discuss this? Perhaps as usual we will find our mojo and get back to it.

The blog

This blog is not about memes. I love to participate and to look to see what other sex and kink bloggers are writing and posting. But I don’t want this blog to be just about memes. This is meant to be a place I go to write about myself and my relationship. When nothing much is happening in my life other than work and drifting through a weekend, there is little to say.

But maybe there is a bit of chicken and egg to this. Perhaps I need to write and express my feelings about the lack of sex and play. Maybe I need to write some fun and sexy stuff to help us get in the mood. Maybe I need to write. Maybe by writing then the energy and zest for my slave life will return.

This has to be a start

Still learning

This week I realised I am still learning about how to write for a blog. I recently offered to help Marie from Rebel’s Notes with the roundup and judging of Wicked Wednesday. She took me up on the offer and this week it was my turn; Marie will publish my top 3 today. The Wicked Wednesday prompt for the following week is posted on Saturday, along with the roundup and top 3 from the previous week.

I have taken part in a number of the regular memes that circulate the sex and kink related blog world, including Wicked Wednesday. They are a great way to focus on a topic, to share with a wider audience and to find new blogs to read. My own preference is posts about real lived experience and also opinion about life, love, sex and kink. Probably because those are the kinds of blog posts I write. Fiction doesn’t come easily to me as a writer and although I read plenty of fictional books of all genres I tend not to do so on blogs. I am not sure why, but when I browse blogs and find short stories I often pass by. That however might change now.

2517 and all that

This week’s prompt was about life 500 years hence in 2517. I fully intended to write a post and wanted to try some fiction, I even started the post. My thoughts centred around the idea that maybe our lives would have become simpler. Technology has advanced beyond recognition in the past 100 years. We use it to communicate, to make life easier, as labour saving devices, and to fight wars. What if communication such as we know it had led to war on such a scale never before seen? What if a re-evaluation of our lives and existence had taken place. I planned to link this to the idea of greater tolerance and the idea that I should be able to live openly as a slave if I wish.

But events in Manchester on Monday kind of derailed my thoughts. Suddenly I found it almost impossible to write about what was really my own utopia. Death, injury, fear, hurt and suffering were at the forefront of my thoughts and so I abandoned my post. I am sorry I did, but not sorry that I still had to read everyone else’s blogs.

Reviewing and judging

There were 12 posts to review, but when I began the judging process I had already read 3 or 4. Of course I needed to go back and refresh my memory and then read the rest. I was impressed by the imagination and creativity that had gone into creating stories around the prompt. Not everyone’s writing was about life in 2517, but a significant number were.

There is such an amazing talent of sex bloggers who write fiction, and to think I had been skipping over their posts. There were also a number of off topic tales and personal reflective posts. The task of judging a top 3 was much harder than I imagined – I chose my top 7 and went to bed late on Thursday night. Friday morning I quickly re-read those and came up with my top 3, in no order. Went out to run a few errands and came back with a clear order.

These were my personal choice, no one else. I fully expect that if another person reviewed the same 12 posts they might come up with a different top 3 or in a different order. But I took my role in this seriously and stand by my own list.

Final thoughts

Most of us blog for fun, a few manage to make money doing it. But what I have learned is that we do take the business of writing seriously. Some of us find writing easier than others, but there are some seriously talented people out there. I feel privileged to have been invited to judge Wicked Wednesday. It took a whole evening and a little more from my life, but it was worth it.  I take my hat off (well would if I were wearing one) to people like Marie who run memes like this every week. They put an enormous amount of work into helping people like me blog. I encourage anyone reading this who blogs to take part.

One of those update posts

The strain of blogging every nearly every day for the Blogging A-Z challenge left me needing a break. I am so enthusiastic at the start of these memes but time, bad planning and the challenge of obscure words can get in the way.

But it’s time to move on and get back to reality. The February Photofest and Blogging A-Z Challenges are behind me. Time to move on through the year, develop some discipline and post spontaneously. It’s 2 months since Eroticon and I still haven’t got around to making the changes I said I would. No space so far for fiction, and generally my creative juices are struggling to emerge.

Life around here has been pretty full on, what with work, family and social stuff. Add a holiday into the mix and stir in Master’s new bathroom* and you get the picture. Not that any of this is an excuse, since over all I am pretty lazy when not doing any of the above. *N.B He has people in to fit the bathroom, though I helped out in choosing accessories. There are still towels, bathmats and a little cupboard to be considered.

We are very aware of the need to instil a bit more fun and play into our lives. Plus of course sex. The joy of spending more time together this past couple of weeks has included time discussing how to inject energy into our relationship. Plus to rediscover things like anal sex, which we haven’t done for a while.

This week he bought me a leather bra. Something I can wear under my clothing or else on its own around the house. The leather is beautifully soft and comfortable to wear. Master has a real fetish for leather gear, well he just has a real fetish in reality! Summer is on the way, though it isn’t too warm around these parts yet. But the opportunities to get out an about and to have some fun are emerging. Plus he has promised more dungeon time for my birthday in August.

Lots to look forward to and hopefully the opportunity for fun and games on top of normal life.

Summer here we come!

Blogging A-Z Challenge: R

R is for reflections

Still a day behind, but I will catch this up tomorrow, Sunday is usually a no post day. It is a shame I didn’t get chance to write this yesterday, because that was the 5th anniversary of my first blog post. Actually that is not strictly true, for about 5 or 6 years before that I blogged. But about my job and experiences of working in the UK health system. That blog continued for a while after starting World of joolz, but looming redundancy and fear that the two blogs might somehow get mixed up caused me take it down.

When I started that work related blog there was no choice but to do so anonymously. A dim view was taken of people who wrote about their life as a nurse, or health service manager as I was doing. People were disciplined and sacked at that time. I was always careful to be discrete and to make it difficult for people to identify who I really was. My words were my own opinion, and they were about me and the challenges I faced. I tended not to assassinate the characters of others, that really isn’t my way anyway. It prepared me in any case for writing a sex / kink blog.

That first post on World of joolz occured just after my first full sexual encounter with a man who wasn’t my husband. It is full of hope for the future, but already acknowledges the  potential difficulties ahead. Challenging as it is to read about my hopes for that new relationship, I am glad I wrote. I can see how I have developed and grown as a person. How my sex life has changed and how I have learned about this lifestyle. And how it prepared me for the future.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: P

P is for porn

I am not a massive consumer of porn and generally feed my desires through books, blogs, twitter and tumblr. For me the written word is as much as a turn on as pictures and videos. I don’t always need to see a visual image to be aroused by it. I love good erotic fiction, short stories on blogs or longer ones I can read on my kindle app.

Books and novelettes

There are so many wonderful erotic books around, thanks perhaps to kindle and other e-readers. Also, dare I say it to the mainstreaming of kink through 50 shades of Grey, though I only managed part of the first book myself. I particularly like BDSM related books, and prefer they are at least a couple of hundred pages in length. Fiction needs to be more than rich man meets young skinny girl and leads her into kinky ways. A kind of naughty Mills and Boone romance. More substance and realism is required. This means that finding a good read that is also kinky is a challenge, though not one that is insurmountable.

Blogs and twitter

Blogs were the medium through which I learned about BDSM, M/s relationships and kink in general. Kink related blogs led me to start my own almost exactly 5 years ago. I particularly like to read factual encounters and experiences, but also admire the great fiction bloggers write. Erotic photography is something I am quite new to, and have to admit that I enjoy looking at and taking some more pornographic photos. Master loves to both take and look at them too, and this is something we can do together. Participation in Sinful Sunday and February Photofest has certainly helped.

As I grow my twitter community, both in terms of who I follow and those that follow me, I enjoy it more and more. I love that I can find new blogs and websites through posted links.  Most of this is pretty soft porn though and is really what I prefer.

Tumblr

Some porn pictures can be quite a turn off, especially the really fake stuff on Tumblr. Women pretending they are tied up and gagged. Men in suits with some blond bit of stuff, naked between their legs. But with a bit of perseverance you can find some extremely raunchy and real stuff to view. Again I keep my porn reasonably soft, though towards the BDSM end. Restraint, control, impact play and submissive acts turn me on.

Sadly I don’t know how much longer I will be able to participate in this kind of pornography, since moves are afoot to make some of the things I like to read and view illegal. But till then I will continue to get my thrills the way I do.

Blogging A-Z Challenge: I

I is for inspiration

Preparations are underway for our holiday on Thursday, so I am juggling finishing off work with ironing and the like. I have enjoyed using the A-Z challenge to share some of the events of our stay in the Secret Dungeon. But I was struck by a post from Sunday and the comments added over the weekend. The post itself was about writing for the joy of receiving views and comments, rather than for writing for itself. @BibulousOne who writes Pain as Pleasure describes the ebb and flow of relationships and sex with in them. Then the process of writing about events that have happened. In the comments there is a suggestion that a post might be planned even while in the throws of sex or play.

Why does this inspire me?

Well because dammit, I have done that very thing. Not while tied to the St George cross mind, I was more interested in the torture befalling me. But I can’t deny playing out a post in my head when I should be concentrating on other things. Not only that, but I do look at  my stats too often, partly because I have moved my blog 3 times now. I slightly mourn the lost of traffic caused by those moves. We both think about Sinful Sunday and Master enjoys taking photos we might use for Molly’s Meme. But that is just one post a week and there is no harm in sharing a photo knowing it will increase traffic. The rest of the time this blog is where I explore a side of myself that cannot be expressed elsewhere. It is a place I let him know how I feel. Explore my kinks and my thoughts about them.

Blogging for the sake of it

There are whole months when I blog because I am taking part in a meme – February Photofest or this months challenge. But at other times, when I consider nothing has happened, I might only blog a few times. Striking up more of a balance is perhaps the challenge and something I will think about. But it is important to keep an eye on why and for whom you do this. The post on Pain as Pleasure has inspired me to remember that.

Styled by Master

Photo from Loveherhair

In the 3 years since she had been seeing Mark she was aware that their relationship may not have been as it seemed. At first she had felt in control, she paid him to cut and style her hair, meet her requirements. This was to incrementally shorten her hair while maintaining a ‘feminine’ style (her words). As she told him, an older woman looks and feels better that way. He agreed with her that this was the best way to achieve that end result. Unless, as he joked, you were prepared for the shears on day one.

Their meetings which took place every 6 weeks were a little more frequent than she would have preferred. But since his schedule was even more busy than hers she booked ahead and stuck to the appointments.   Master seemed happy with her progress, she knew his preference was a closely cropped, almost bald style. But she knew what He wanted from her. She wanted to please him but needed to get there in easy stages. Master in turn preferred a slave who complied at her own volition.

Mark wasn’t the kind of stylist that she would have chosen. She adored him as a person, for his outgoing nature and personality but worried about his approach. He loved to flirt with her and at the same time to offer fantastic celebrity gossip. But all of the time he pushed her towards a shorter hair cut. It was almost as if Master was giving him instructions.

At the same time this seemed unlikely, what top end stylist would push for an ever shorter cut so that eventually his skills would become redundant?

For each appointment she negotiated an outcome  which took her closer to Master’s goal and each time Mark pushed her further. He would accidentally cut it shorter at the back, at the sides or on top. Then one day he took clippers to the left side of her head without discussion.

Exclaiming how wonderful it looked he asked what he should do next. Running her fingers over what remained of her hair, she had to agree it looked and felt great. She considered whether to even things out of to keep her hair long on the other side. She knew that was what many people did; short on one side while long on the other.

Symmetry was something she loved, taking a deep breath she instructed Mark to shave the right side. The hair was then short on both sides, but still held the layers she treasured on top.

Clarity of her situation suddenly surfaced, and she looked Mark in the eye, seeing his image reflected in the mirror. He cupped his hands around her head and stroked the stubble on each side of her head.

“Master asked you to do this” she stated with sudden clarity.

Observing her in the mirror, he nodded briefly.

“Then you should complete the task”  she said. His nod was much more pronounced. He picked up his scissors and began to cut. Within minutes he had removed the remaining hair to little more than stubble.

At the cash desk she paid for today’s cut and booked her next appointment for 6 weeks time. “I think next time will be a number 2, all over” she told him clearly.

“Maybe even a number 1?” he asked.

“Maybe, if that is what Master wishes” she agreed.

As she pulled her coat on and walked out into the street she stroked her head, on one hand missing the hair that had gone, but also loving the feel of the stubble. They both knew that the next visit in 6 weeks time would be the start of a new chapter. One of maintenance but also one where both could fulfil their Master’s requirements.

In this element of their slavery at least.

Elust 92

Elust 92 Header
Photo courtesy of Steeled Snake

Welcome to Elust 92

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #93 Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Feeling Forced

NEEDY – a black obsession

Monogamish

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

“One Man Is Not Enough For You.”
blink

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Anatomy Lesson
Town whore

Erotic Non-Fiction

The good girl pledge
Good Boy
From Headache to Clit Ache
Daytime: A married Valentines fantasy
Unlocking the Man…with Pieces of Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Three’s Company
I hate the “One Size Fits All” approach
Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction
How great would it be if…

Poetry

Roadside Stand: A Lusty Limerick

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Dirty Money

Events

Looking back at our Eroticon Weekend

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Waiting and waiting and waiting

 

 

Elust 88

Erotica and me – getting over the mental block


One of the reasons I wanted to go to Eroticon was to explore the possibility of writing erotic fiction. In the main, my blog has always been about me and my relationships. For much of the past 5 years, there has been plenty of experiences to recount. I am sure that this will continue, but since my relationship with Master is for the longterm real life there is unlikely to be kinky excitement all of the time. Last weekend I struggled to complete the exercises set us by Ashley Lister. I couldn’t think of a 6 word story, kinky or otherwise. Generally my creative brain felt somewhat numb. But it wasn’t always like this.


The teenage years

There was a time when I wrote stories, in longhand in a notebook. My friend  and I wrote about the boys from school, the ones we had a crush on. These were tales of innocent romance, about being noticed and kissed. In our dreamworld we were attractive, we became their girlfriends. There was, as far as I can remember, no actual sex  involved. We were 15 or 16 and pretty naive.

Real life overtook us, real boyfriends were found, Wendy left school and started work, she went out with a number of boys including a very odd distant cousin of mine. Her next boyfriend was older and much more mature. She grew bored with our stories, indeed we grew apart. Her life was more interesting than the fiction we had created.

I also had a boy friend, but for me the exploration of my sexuality and his body meant I wanted to write more. I began to fantasise about what sex could and should be about, without even knowing why. Without even recognising that I wasn’t fulfilled in the way I could have been.

I started my nurse training and my writings became essays about nursing care, anatomy and psychology. Hell, there was no time to think about erotic stories, much less write them. Anyway I was having proper, actual sex. In a single bed, in a nurses home, in London. Boys weren’t allowed in our room after midnight, so I was living on the edge here.


Marriage

At some point soon after I became a married woman I picked up my pen and paper again. Marriage wasn’t quite as I had imagined it to be. I worked shifts at a local hospital, often we saw little of each other. At some point in those first years my hubby strayed with someone at work. He pretended to work late, go out with mates and left me on my own for long periods of time.

Looking back, the stories I created in my A4 notepads were pretty raunchy. There was a lot of sex, often involving more than two people. I explored the idea of lesbian sex, even though I knew that I wasn’t turned on by other women in real life. I brought back the men (previously boys)  that I had a crush on as a teenager. These were now hot-blooded men rather than boys. I had no knowledge of BDSM but did explore being controlled by a man. I guess this was a direct result of needing to exert quite so much control over my own life, back then.


Motherhood

Then I became pregnant, for a while I continued the fantasies. But then I was a mother. Juggling work, family, marriage with an unfaithful man (not that I knew) who was incredibly needy, I had neither the time or the imagination. I threw the books away and got on with life.

From time to time I tried to recreate the stories. In those early days I had been able to almost lose myself in the fantasy of the fiction I had created. But responsibility to work, motherhood and paying the mortgage mean that you need to centre yourself. Once I found the blogosphere I was more interested in describing the world I inhabited (mainly work related) that I forgot about any kind of fiction.


Now

Until this week, I had blocked from my mind that I ever wrote fiction, let alone that it might have involved erotica. But I did. Thinking back, there is no reason that I couldn’t get my brain around a kinky story right now. I have the time, the space and dammit the ability to make this happen. I just need to give myself the permission to do so.