His kinks and our plans

There are many ways in which we are on the same wavelength when it comes to kink. Being his owned slave is probably the main one. While I am naturally bratty and rebellious, I love the way that he takes control and keeps me within defined boundaries. I am at my happiest when the boundaries of our relationship are clearest to us both.

Pain as a way of him exerting control is important, but it is not the main thing. Control of our sex life, and the power it gives him is. He loves to catch me unawares and to suddenly tell me what to do – get on my knees, suck his cock, bend over, strip off. Whatever. He loves the gadgets of kink, the violet wand, the bindings and blindfolds. They have an amazing effect on me. I love the way in which he surprises me with new ideas, new toys. I love the control he has over me.

He loves tattoos and piercings.  He loves women to wear slutty clothes and to expose themselves in public. I have the piercings – nipples and clitoral hood. On occasion I wear something a bit slutty and am prepared to show myself to him in a public place.

Sometime over the past three years or so though we have settled into a comfortable place. We talk about more piercings, about tattoos. But they haven’t happened. In the main I don’t leave the house without underwear as I used to, and the times I expose myself in public has reduced in frequency.

Partly this is due to life – work, caring responsibilities, social life, being a middle aged couple (and any other excuse you might mention). In many ways, though it feels as though I have just become complacent and lazy. Also just a little tired as work and caring plus keeping up with our social life takes its toll.

A quick look at his Tumblr blog tells me however, that his kinky fantasies remain as they were. I have to admit they are mine too. I really do still want more piercings. I would love to walk around, knickerless with weights hanging from my labia. I would love to cut my hair as he really wants. I still want that tattoo. I want to be the slut he desires.

What I need to do is to take control of my life. Or to get into a position where he truly can take control of my life. We are still waiting for my ex to sort himself out. For he and his lady love to be ready to buy my house. We are close, but not quite there.

Meanwhile I really am planning my exit from work. Preparing myself, those around me and the work itself for that day. I have given myself a deadline of early March when I will hand in my notice. By then, my mum should be living nearer to my brother and be less of a burden to me. And I should be preparing to give myself to Master properly. If the ex isn’t ready by then, well something different will have to happen.

I want his kinks to be my kinks, but I need to make some changes here for that to happen. I have a plan, a real plan.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Blogging A-Z Challenge: G

G is for Girl

This girl’s given name is girl. Just 2 weeks after Master and I met, I wrote this post. At that time I was sceptical that referring to myself in the third person was something I could get used to. Let alone that doing so would have an influence on my submission. But I was a novice back then, not that I knew it since I thought I knew everything about D/s. The learning curve was steep but I was an eager student.

In those early days, to get used to referring to myself as ‘this girl’ I began to write my posts in the third person. It is only recently that I have reverted, though in many ways prefer writing as this girl. When we have sex, or when we are playing I don’t just refer to myself as this girl, I am she. It is my name, my identity, my slave persona. The rest of the time it is an undercurrent to my life. Master rarely uses my real name, and has admitted that sometimes he has to think about what it is. I usually call him Master, since that is who he is to me. Unless I am speaking to someone else about him, and even then I have sometimes let slip.

Illeism – the act of referring to oneself in the third person

Much more common in literature than in real life, illeism is I think an interesting concept. It distances you from your own individual self and places you in  secondary place to the other. In a power exchange relationship, being required to refer to myself in that way makes me consider each sentence I utter. It makes me think about my place as his slave, my role and function.

Of course, I don’t go around speaking in the third person all the time, for example at work or with family. That would be considered a bit on the weird side. Nor do I do so all of the time Master and I are together. But there are times when I would never refer to myself as I with him. We both know when they are and that is a rule I tend not to break.

Controlled

His control over this girl is often subtle rather than overt. This girl reads the blogs and fetlife posts of other submissives and slaves and can see that often their lives involve more in the way of overt discipline and rules. The power and control Master exerts over this girl feels a little different.

Make no mistake though, He really does have total control. What is more, looking back this girl can see that just how much she has changed since she came into Master’s control. She can see how she has become the calmer person He wanted her to be, that she is no longer someone who seeks control in any part of her life in the way that she did. Work becomes a new experience when you are committed while you are there but generally you leave the office and have no desire to worry about things till the next day. Letting go to perceived responsibilities around family can be more difficult, but generally this girl can say that she is better at that part of her life these days.

This girl has however been wondering about some of the decisions she makes away from her relationship with Master and whether she is still a little too inclined to make decisions without discussion. Also whether she should be asking for permission to make some of those decisions. It is easier to know what is right and wrong when we are together, generally there are no decisions to be made then. But where Master is not involved, then what? No doubt, when Master reads this, we will have that conversation.

When we are together though, there is no doubt. He totally gets off on the power He has over this girl. But His style is pretty low key. This girl does as she knows He wants mostly without being told. Expressing her own opinion is often described as brattiness, which of course it is. Mostly though the brattiness is not serious, since there is an understanding of what the rules of engagement are. He starts conversations with words like “do you want to”, but of course they are not intended to be a question, they are a statement. The fact that this girl understands this and feels no need to challenge any part of it is an important difference from what went before.

Sometimes though instructions do not come as a question. This morning He told this girl to put in her butt plug before we had sex. Made it clear that she was to face the mirrored wardrobes when she was on top. Told her how her submission gives Him the power and control He needs.

Next week this girl if off to France with her mum who needs to have some time away from home as we approach the first anniversary of dad’s death. Time without the overt control that Master gives when we are together and a time when His control from afar will  be needed. But control all the same and this girl will know it is there.

 

slave thoughts

It has been more than a week since this girl last wrote on her blog. It is funny how the urge to write comes in fits and starts; it kind of ebbs and flows. Or more likely stops and starts.

To be honest, there is an element of writers block going on here right now, so this slave is going to try to just go with the flow and to see what emerges.
The feel of the collar is ever present around this slave’s neck. Not just the feeling of the cool titanium, of the heaviness of it as she wakes in the morning, or sits at her desk in the day, but also the reality when she catches sight of herself in the mirror. The commitment though is more than a piece of jewellery (or two, since there is also the cuff). It is also about agreeing to be the slave that He expects, wants and needs. What is more, it is an admission on this slaves side that she is the person He needs. She really has given Him control of herself – her body, her mind, her limits. All of this takes time to come to terms with, it takes time to adjust to how she needs to be.
Slavehood is definitely something that has been a gradual process and it still evolves. This girl speaks to Him of her need to feel His control, just as she knows He needs to be in control. But at the same time, she realises she must comply with the agreements that were made a year ago, before more rules are set in place. In the main, these are foremost in her mind as she goes through each day, but of course, this slave is a human being and so forgets her place and role at times. That is where the metal helps – the collar, the cuff and also the plug. Last weekend Master and slave agreed that a next step would be some daytime plug wear perhaps on the journey to or from work. This girl is ready for that.
Next will be Master’s preferences over this girl’s hair style. He prefers His slave to have her head shaved, but this slave is not ready yet for that step. Master is not pushing hard, but gently towards His goal. Last time she had her hair short, with the sides up to the ears and next time will be the next stage. This girl is not sure what she fears about going to where Master wants her to be. However she does know that eventually she will comply, she will embrace His wishes without Him forcing the issue.
This slave has no idea why she needs to be the slave she is for her Master, or why she needs to move further towards the girl she knows He wants her to be. She just knows that she does.

Used

This girl, this slave, was used by her Master this morning.

The past couple of weeks, since this girl was collared have been quiet. Last weekend this girl felt quite unwell – one of those non specific problems that never quite materialises into an actual illness, but none the less you don’t feel well. Sex occured, but this girl wasn’t really an active participant. So much so, that the absence of orgasms on her part didn’t feel like any kind of issue.

This weekend has been different. Master and this girl spent the weekend at her place so she could get some chores done. It has been a pleasant and quiet time, but she has been used; in all three holes.
Master reminded this girl of the need to start each sentence with ‘this girl’.
This girl knows how Master gets off on the power and control elements of their relationship and it is perhaps the biggest area that she needs to work on. It is just too easy to slip into ordinary life and then failing to remember this girl’s place in the order of things.
Anyway, back to this morning.
Master spent time bringing this girl to orgasm through stimulation of the nipples that He owns; tweaking, pinching and then sucking. Then He mounted her, thrusting His wonderful cock inside the first of her slutty holes. The tight cunt was temporarily resistant, but after a few moments this girl felt Him slide into His property. At that point she felt the familiar relief to feel Him inside her, to know that she was about to be used. The most amazing thing is the way He is able to stroke His cock against the piercing as He moves in and out of her, those first few strokes are almost enough to bring her to orgasm.
Then came the instruction to get on top of Master, something this girl did with pleasure. This girl has said it before, but a position that on the face of things seems so dominant is just such a submissive place for a slave to be. Master has such control over so much of His slave’s body while she is the one who does all of the work. At some point during that part of proceedings, this girl’s mind emptied and she felt herself sink (or maybe rise), into her slave space.
Master proclaimed that it had been months since this girl’s arse had been properly used, and so He proceeded to throughly use her. If this girl was already submitting to her Master, and if she was already in subspace, then this act took her to another place entirely. It took her to a place where she was unable to move her body and then to a place where she brought herself to orgasm while He pounded inside her.
Then, just as if an alarm clock went off. This girl’s mum phoned. Master gave her permission for her to pick up the phone (there was a few minutes gap in proceedings and there is only one person who would ring before midday on a Sunday).
But, not to be outdone by either this girl or her mother, Master had kept things going with His cock during the interlude. So, this girl was able to claim her reward. Leaning down to take Master’s cock into her mouth, He was able to use this girl’s third whole. This girl is proud to say that Master came into her mouth.
Yes, it has been a while. But this morning, this girl was used.

All about the gold

You can thank tori for this post. Like her, I have been short of ideas for blog posts, but unlike her, the whole kink of the week thing is new to me. But having read tori’s post today and then finding where kink of the week lives, I find this week’s kink is a topic I should blog about, so here goes.
As a nurse, I have been covered in a number of bodily fluids – many times before we wore gloves for everything and afterwards since to be honest, blood, poo and piss doesn’t always trickle out of a person. Often it shoots or spurts. So to be honest, I have no particular fear of bodily fluids of any kind. Of course being at work is different from being covered for any kind of pleasure, even when you are kinky. Certainly blood and poo or scat are substances I am happy not to be covered with. But I have no fear of urine and definitely none of spunk, intact the feel of being covered with something hot and sticky, or hot, wet and with that tell tale smell of uric acid is a positive turn on.
It could have been the first time that Master and I played (or if not, it was soon after), that He watched me pee into the toilet. He told me He preferred me not to close the door; intact that might have been one of the first rules. But it was some time after, when He had studied my kinks on Fetlife in detail that any kind of piss play took place. Even now, though we both share this kink, we have not indulged all that much. But I do know that this is a major thing for Him. He loves to watch and He loves to feel me pee over Him. He loves even more to cover me with that hot, yellow liquid. So far, I haven’t gone as far as to let it fall on my face, or into my mouth, but I would, if He asked told me to.
As a young nurse, I did get squirted in the face, and as a mum with a baby boy too. It wasn’t about kink it was about life, something to laugh about and say ‘oh yuk’.
Now Master is the boss and if He decides to pee on my face, well i might still say yuk and laugh. But I will relish the power He is exerting over me. Plus, to be honest, I do love Him watching me and enjoying that rush of gold as it gushes forth, onto the ground, into the bath, the toilet or onto Him.

Play it again Sir

One of the nicest parts of a day (or night) with Sir is the ability to prolong the effect by discussing the events online. Last night we spent some time doing just that; exploring how each of us felt when we were doing different things and replaying our reactions to those feelings. This is one of the ways that this relationship is very different to any other i have had before, another is the extent to which Sir examines my expressions as he applies different stimuli to me. He is also open to discussing the effect that then has on him, and the pleasure that gives him.

One of the main things we talked about last night was the relationship between what he does to my nipples and the effect that has on my clitoris and pussy. He told me he loves to watch the expression on my face as first prepared my nipples for the clamps, then applied them. He is not really into giving pain, but is loving the wonderful effect just the right amount of pain has on me and my submission. As i become more aroused i spread my legs that bit wider, i am just that bit more his submissive slut and that for him is the biggest turn on. This was most evident for me when he tied me to the tree. i was then unable to move my hands or arms, but as he applied more stimulation to my nipples i was inclined to open my legs wider for him as i felt the orgasm begin to build inside me. This morning i have found this article which confirms what i have always believed about the link between a woman’s nipples and her genital organs.

One of the other things we discussed (again) was how i am progressing in my ability to take his cock in my mouth. I think he is pleased with my progress because he was able to get pretty deep without me gagging which is real progress. We talked about maybe another day and another tree, where he might tie me in a good sub position where i am at the correct level to take him so that he can perhaps complete this area of my training. I am definitely up for this.

Of course the other big thing we discussed was the disused picnic table. The fact that it put me at just the right height for Sir. The fact that i needed to lie right at the edge (though he was impressed that i thought his cock was longer than it is). The fact that for the first time i was able to lie on my back for anal; a first time for me and actually the best position so far. I think from Sir’s comments it was pretty good for him too!

We talked about meeting at this place again – Sir lives 2 hours away in good traffic and currently doesn’t have a car – during the summer. I like this idea very much!